Confusion
by miss-cold
Summary: A potions accident leaves Harry in a dangerous position pretending to be someone he isn't & Severus is caught in visions he can't control on his way to summer with the Dursley's. SSHP & HGDM - EDITTED & UPDATED
1. Chapter 1

**Confusion**

Summary: Harry gets saved from the Dursleys the dreaded potions accident Confusion.

Is it Harry being saved from the Dursleys? And who is doing the saving? SSHP (Changes half way through OOTP)

Warning: Will be slash (malexmale, yaoi, guys getting it on), mentions of abuse, a tiny, tiny amount of self harm, and a lot of confusion as to who is who. (I have a beta now who is going over the chapters from chapter 1.)

Disclaimer: I own nothing, technically I don't even own the beginning of the plot as it's borrowed from a few favoured scenarios mushed together :P

Chapter 1 

It was a little less than two weeks before the end of Harry's fifth year. It had been a surprisingly quiet year, with only the incident with Dolores Umbridge and the formation of Dumbledore's Army to break things up. An increase in visions from Voldemort was the only indication of the new uprising of the Dark Lord. There had been a few close calls, such as the vision of Voldemort in the Department of Mysteries, but luckily, when Harry had foolishly run headlong into danger, everyone had reacted quickly enough to keep anything too terrible from happening.

In the end, Harry had found out about the prophesy, followed by an explanation and then a long rant from Snape about his incompetence, the danger of his actions and the importance of Occlumency. Surprisingly, Sirius had been right alongside the potion's master, for once united. Harry didn't stop to enjoy the irony that James Potter's son had been the one to bring the two together; he had been too hurt by Sirius's betrayal. Harry had only been trying to save his Godfather, after all.

That had given life to another long lecture on Harry's hero complex, and Harry had left Dumbledore's office feeling very small. He had been avoiding everyone for days, dwelling on just how much his hero complex had affected everyone.

He should have noticed it in the first year, when he had run off to save Hermione from the Troll. Sure, the adventure had ended with the three of them becoming fast friends, but one of them could have been injured, or even killed. The mere thought of going through the past five years of school without Hermione or Ron beside him sent shivers down his spine. Not only had he endangered them once in the first year, but he had repeatedly dragged them into danger, past the Cerberus and the other tests, and then directly to Voldemort himself.

The second year wasn't any better; he and his friend had almost been Obliviated by a halfwit, then later nearly digested by an overgrown snake.

Third year, his antics had almost gotten him killed again, this time by a werewolf and Dementors. Not only that, but his classmates had been in danger as well.

Fourth year. He'd tried to avoid broaching that subject, but it kept creeping back: the graveyard, the fear, the combined stench of boiling blood and burning skin as Pettigrew's hand joined his blood in the potion that would revive the Dark Lord. The image of Cedric Diggory on his side where he had fallen, having no time to scream before his life had been snatched from him. The silence of his death was what haunted him the most.

This year, his fifth, he'd almost gotten his classmates killed, and placed his mentor and his godfather in even greater danger.

Perhaps they'd been right in assuming his hero complex and bravery were dangerous, or what Snape enjoyed calling it: Gryffindor stupidity. Harry could see his point. Avidly searching for Voldemort, entering a Basilisk's lair on his own, confronting a werewolf during a full moon, letting a psychotic killer rat go free. He could see how they could all be considered very stupid moves on his part.

But just because he may have agreed with the potions master on those points didn't mean he couldn't hate the man's guts right at this moment.

"Are you incapable of reading and following simple instructions Mr Potter? I would have thought the term 'slowly' would not be too difficult for you to comprehend."

Harry twitched but slowed his stirring, simultaneously gripping the ladle so hard his knuckles turned white. He would not be pulled into an argument with this man. He had lost enough points in the last half an hour, Snape's revenge for having to watch over him as he prepared a potion that was meant to be completed over the summer school holidays.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for manhandling potion equipment." A sharp rap to Harry's knuckles had him almost drop the ladle into the bubbling potion. "Does a painter clench his brush in a tight fist when he paints? Does a conductor grip his baton with white knuckles as he conducts the orchestra? It may not occur to you, but this is an art form, Potter."

Harry caught himself before he could snort, but allowed himself to roll his eyes.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for that showy lack of respect, something you obviously inherited from you're dogfather." Harry bit his lip, stirring a little faster. He would not jump to the bait. He needed to finish this potion, it was his only chance. It wasn't his fault that Sirius hadn't been in contact with him, it was the fault of that Umbridge cow. If she wasn't keeping such a close eye on him, then maybe there'd be a chance to talk to Sirius. His musings were interrupted by Snape.

"Do not presume that I enjoy wasting my time with those obviously lacking in talent such as yourself, especially as you wish to only finish your _holiday _project in order to allow yourself more time to cause trouble. I have no idea how you convinced Professor Dumbledore you needed to have your project completed before the holidays."

"By telling the truth," Harry shot back before he could stop himself, although he had only told the headmaster half the truth. He had told the headmaster that he needed to finish the potion at school, since the Dursleys could not provide him with the proper environment for potion brewing, and he would not be able to leave the wards around the house. Of course, he didn't tell the old man that he wasn't even allowed out of his room, nor the fact that he wouldn't have been able to move, let alone concentrate through the haze of pain, well enough to brew a complex potion. There were some things the headmaster didn't need to know. Harry suspected he already did know, however, but turned a blind eye; just another test for his favourite little pawn.

"The truth?" The older man snorted, leaning over him menacingly with a dangerous smirk on his face. Harry couldn't help but flinch. "Are you sure it wasn't the golden glow surrounding the headmaster's golden boy that had him jumping to your command?"

Harry glared into his potion trying to ignore the man, noticing that it had turned a deep red instead of a light pink.

Damn it! He'd lost his concentration; it was all the stupid git's fault.

The tall man glanced at the ruined potion with a knowing smirk. "Merlin knows what was going through the empty heads of the examiners when they gave you a high enough grade to continue your potions studies. Probably too caught up and blinded by the glow of the Boy-Who-Lived to realise his potion had exploded."

"Do you see me glowing sir!" Harry snapped and couldn't help the growl that accompanied the words.

"Another ten points from Gryffindor." The Potion Master sneered and continued as if nothing had happened, however, Harry noticed the small twist of triumph across his lips. "Was your family pleased you managed to cheat, lie and swindle yourself through every one of your exams?"

"You make me sound like an honorary Slytherin, sir." The title 'sir' fell off his lips in a disrespectful hiss, and Harry smirked as he saw the rage flare in the older man's eyes. He had been noticing these odd little displays of emotion, the small hidden quirks that made up his Potion Master recently, but had pushed it off as him becoming more attentive. His smirked dropped, though, when he felt something catch his sleeve as he turned to clean up the cauldron to start again. No amount of quick Seeker reflexes could have caught the small bottle of black beetle eyes.

The rage in Severus Snape's eyes had frozen, as his mind tried to list ways to stop the reaction before it was too late.

Harry only had time to wonder how many points this mess was going to take from Gryffindor.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed that first chapter, I'm trying to create something original out of something that has been done to death, and these are my two favourite scenarios, I will however not have Harry abused within the last inch of his life, bleeding all over the place with numerous broken bones or raped.


	2. Chapter 2

-1**Confusion**

**A/N**: Thank you all for your wonderful reviews! Here's the next chapter and I hope it lives up to expectations.

**Warning**: See First Chapter (Slash, abuse, self harm)

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing

This chapter has been edited by jharad17

**Chapter 2**

Harry woke to the crisp silence that could only be found in one area of the whole school, the hospital wing.

He could feel the coarse blankets and sighed, reaching for his glasses, before he gingerly sat up and winced as his back twinged. Sliding the silver rimmed glasses on his nose - having gotten rid of the large, cumbersome black spectacles, and explained to the Dursleys that these new ones were a gift from his murderous Godfather, and not to be broken - he noticed they were a little too tight, pinching his temples, and that they actually blurred his vision.

He heard a pained groan from his right, and as he remembered the events which had led up to his hospitalization, the sound pushed away the thoughts about his eyesight. He echoed the groan; he was doomed. He didn't know what had happened, but Snape had looked pretty horrified before the world went dark.

They had been working on an Aging potion, so maybe… Harry winced again. No wonder he felt so old. But that would mean Professor Snape would have become ancient, but when he turned his head to look, the blur on the bed appeared smaller than the Potion Master's normal size. Maybe _he_ had grown younger.

_Or maybe they were both poisoned_, Harry mused, trying to feel the poison working inside him. He didn't feel sick, but there was something unfamiliar, a warmth sitting just above his chest. It felt like it attached him, as with a long string, to the blur at his right. He felt himself wince; from his research, he had learned that the Aging potion was related, in a sense, to a bonding potion, as the Ginseng oil was a base for both. He wasn't bonded to Snape was he? God he hoped not!

Panic rose in his throat, but he squashed it down. Snape would know what had happened. He'd only have to ask, and then face the wrath of the Potion Master at his inability to brew a simple Aging potion.

Harry swallowed and prepared himself mentally for a dressing down. "Professor, I…" The dark haired blur on the bed came into focus as he took the glasses off, and his mouth fell open in shock. "Merlin's balls!" Harry clamped his hands over his mouth at the sight before him and the sound of his own voice.

"Damn it, Potter, what the hell have you done? I can't see a thing! This better not be permanent." Snape, or what was suppose to be Snape, continued grumbling while trying to sit up. Harry merely gaped in horror, at himself! His shocked silence was met by the sudden arrival of Madame Pomfrey who clucked at the state of the two. She was followed smoothly by the headmaster, his eyes twinkling madly.

"It's the oddest thing, Albus," she muttered, poking and prodding Harry. "They're perfectly fine. They should have had at least a bruise or two, or even a burn. But here they are, perfectly intact."

Harry almost whimpered at the statement.

"Harry, Severus." The headmaster picked up the glasses from Harry's lap where he had dropped them and, to Harry's surprise, handed them to the man sitting in the other bed. Severus looked at them questioningly before putting them on. They fit perfectly. He took one look at Harry and his face went ashen before the mask was recovered.

"Shut your mouth, Potter. I do not look very attractive with it hanging open like that."

Madame Pomfrey looked shocked, before turning a questioning gaze to the headmaster, who merely sat beside Harry's bed and smiled. Harry's jaw snapped shut, gaping at the glare directed at him from his own green eyes. The fact that Snape could pull off that look -- even while currently residing in Harry's body -- helped to build the pressure in Harry's chest which bubbled out in a slightly hysterical laugh. The laugh swiftly turned into a pained moan as he buried his face in long fingered, elegant, but potion-stained hands, and his shoulder length, raven black hair fell in smooth strands across his face.

"Severus?" Madame Pomfrey tapped the famous thunderbolt scar with her index finger. The action was met with a stony silence and a glare. She turned to face the headmaster with a look of confusion. "They've switched bodies!"

The old man chuckled. "Or they've switched minds. Why don't you go see if any of your other patients need assistance, and I'll make sure these two won't drop dead before you come back."

Madame Pomfrey only rolled her eyes at the dismissal, giving both Harry and Severus severe looks which both understood from having often been in the matron's care: the look promised hours of mother-henning if either were to exert themselves unduly.

"This can't be happening," Severus' voice growled, and Harry couldn't help but cringe He's done a lot of wincing, so I changed this one to 'cringe'. at the voice that was now his. He jumped when he heard his voice answer in a clipped, harsh tone.

"Potter, snap out of it!" Harry looked up to see himself glaring at him. "It was a small error in a potion. I will be able to manage it and fix this mess you've created."

The headmaster cleared his throat, and Harry watched himself whip around to glare at the man. "There's a small problem, Severus." He looked apologetically at the emerald-eyed young man. "Your lab is ruined."

There was an icy silence before the apparent Gryffindor leapt out of his bed, arms outstretched for the Potion Master's neck. "I will KILL you, Potter!" Obsidian eyes widened in terror, and the older man half jumped, half fell out of the bed and promptly tripped over his own feet.

"Severus! Stop that at once! Harry, sit back down on the bed before you hurt yourself!" Harry's body stood still quivering with rage, fists clenching and unclenching.

"Why, Mr Potter," Harry's voice growled, "do you have no control over your body's response to emotions?"

"No one ever taught me. Besides, I have plenty of control; you just don't know my body. Sir." Harry didn't like the way the Potion Master was addressing his body. It wasn't perfect, but it was his, and he didn't like the fact the other man was insulting it.

"What do you think Occlumency was for, you simple minded brat?"

"Severus." The headmasters tone was firm, and it stopped Snape mid rant. Harry sighed in relief -- he hadn't realised he could look that scary.

"Sorry, Headmaster." A guilty look flashed across the boy's face which soon turned into a horrified look when Harry giggled.

"Mister Potter, if you EVER giggle in my body again, I will personally find a curse worse than the Avada Kedavra, string you up by your insides and then use it on you." Long raven hair swayed as Harry nodded quickly, and Snape cracked his knuckles threateningly.

"Boys…" Albus cleared his throat. "Gentlemen, please sit down and explain to me what happened."

The two men sat down hurriedly at the tone of the headmaster voice.

"I want him expelled!"

"It was an accident!" both said at the same time.

They glared at each other and Albus chuckled. "I didn't ask who's fault it was, I asked what happened."

"I was brewing the potion we were given for the holidays, and we were… er conversing." The headmaster chuckled, thinking, _'__beautiful choice of words, Harry: conversing, indeed.__'_ "And I accidentally knocked in a bottle of black beetle eyes and then… I woke up, in Snape's body."

"Professor Snape," the headmaster chided, before turning to face Snape in Harry's body. "That should be simple enough to correct, right, Severus?" Green eyes glared at the twinkling, blue eyed man.

"No." The one word seemed to deflate the air in the room.

Harry panicked. "What do you mean! You're a Potion Master!" he yelled.

"I said it wouldn't be simple, but I didn't say I wouldn't be able to do it. It will just take a few days."

"A few days?" Harry twitched, and Snape didn't seem too pleased at the motions Harry was putting his body through.

He sighed and rolled his eyes as if it pained him to have to explain. "The potion was at a crucial stage. It may have reacted only to the first few beetle eyes it came in contact with, or it may have reacted with them all. I must take a sample from the remaining potion to find out."

At this the headmaster cleared his throat. "Ah, well. You see, my boy… the House Elves cleaned up everything."

Harry could only stare in horror at the old man, before a solid _thunk_ to his right drew his attention. He watched as his own head came in contact with the headboard, the closest solid object available. "Hey! That's my body you're damaging!"

"Forgive me, Potter." The words dripped with sarcasm as Snape let his head drop back once more, just hard enough to make a reassuring _thunk_ sound. Harry winced.

"So, it isn't too hard to fix, is it?"

"A few weeks," was the despondent reply.

"What?! But it'll be the holidays! And… and…"

"You will have to stay in Severus' quarters."

Harry jumped as he heard himself groan from the other bed. He couldn't get used to hearing his own voice spoken by someone else. This was worse than his first year, and he'd definitely face the basilisk again instead of this, not to mention Umbridge and maybe a horde of Death Eater's.

"It won't be possible. My wards register only my magic signature, and Potter doesn't have the knowledge or control to change or de-activate them."

"Well then, the only other safe place for him to stay is with the Dursleys. That way he will also be in close contact with you."

"What!"

"No!" Harry winced at his outburst before continuing, a little calmer. "I just think it'd be best if we both stayed here, so Professor Snape could work on the potion, here, in his own lab."

"Don't want your family fawning over me, Potter?"

Harry paled at the thought of Snape being left to his own defences in the Dursley household. Would the Underaged Magic laws relate to him? A small hint of glee worked itself up in Harry's mind as he imagined the Dursleys facing Snape at his worst. It was pushed away quickly. He didn't want anyone to find out what happened during the summers, and definitely not Snape. He'd use the information to make Harry's life hell. He could just imagine it now: Snape would go to the papers, 'Potter pounded by Muggles'. It'd be broadcast over the whole wizarding world. He'd be laughed at, sneered at, but worst, he'd be pitied.

"No it's just… it'd be more convenient for you." Harry tried to sound sincere and pleading all at the same time.

"I'm sorry, Harry, but that won't be possible. The Ministry has very strict rules regarding students residing on the grounds during the summer holidays."

"So?" He couldn't let Snape go to the Dursleys. "Aren't there exceptions? I could do work for the Order, maybe some research in the school library. They wouldn't have to know."

"Think, Potter! The Ministry keeps a sharp eye on the school. One false move and not only would they be in here like a pack of wolves, but the Dark Lord would find out, resulting in both of us being better off dead." Harry watched as Snape worked his body into a rage, imagining the possible misfortunes awaiting them.

"Aren't you an Occlumency Master?" The mocking tone didn't help the slipping control the other man had on his anger.

The torches flickered, turning a ghastly green, and the jars in the hospital cabinets rattled. Harry bit his lip, wondering if he should try and ground the man. A vase exploded, and Harry drew a hand firmly but gently down his back. A comforting gesture he hoped would help Snape.

"Calm down." He watched as emerald eyes opened, the pupils just slits, and to his surprise Severus hissed at him angrily. However, the torches no longer held the green in their flames, and the walls had stopped shaking. Harry hissed back, the language feeling unfamiliar on the older man's tongue.

The exchange caused the emerald eyes to blink, confusion in their depths. "I understand Parseltongue?"

"You have Harry's gifts, as well as the ability to tap into the instinctive magic that our boy seems to possess in considerable amounts. It would be quiet natural for you to possess his Parseltongue gift. Harry would have kept it, too, as it is present in his mind."

"Does that mean he's connected to Voldemort instead of me?" Harry saw himself flinch.

"I would presume so," the Headmaster said, "as Voldemort is connected not to your mind but to you body and scar. He uses those to gain access to your mind."

"But what about Snape? He'll find out."

Snape made Harry's mouth sneer. "I, unlike you, have mastered Occlumency and am able to protect my mind."

"However, you two will have to act like each other until the holidays, so you don't alert Voldemort to your condition."

"But what if I get called?" Severus interrupted. "I'm presuming that Mr Potter is connected to the Dark Lord through the dark mark, working on the same principle as the famous scar."

Harry rubbed his forehead as he did whenever his scar was mentioned, but found smooth, unblemished skin. Only then did it occur to him, he wasn't Harry Potter anymore. He could go out unrecognised, no blatant stares, whispers behind his back, or attempts on his life. He could have a normal life for at least a few weeks, albeit a life as Severus Snape, but he could make it work. He couldn't help letting the grin slip onto his face, before turning it into a sneer. He'd have to play the part if he wanted this to work. And the first thing he had to try out was the Snape drawl.

"You're worried about me, how touching." Sarcasm dripped off the words, the drawl was there, but something was missing. However it seemed to have been efficient as both the headmaster and Snape were staring at him.

Snape recovered first with a cutting retort. "I just don't want you to be killed, leaving me in your body for the rest of my miserable life." A sneer, which was interrupted by the headmaster's tutting.

"Now, Severus, Harry is attempting to pick up your role, you should try and mirror his example."

"Merlin, I'm to play an adolescent Gryffindor, with an ego larger than his father's and dogfather's combined, an intelligence on par with theirs, and with a dismal ability to brew potions but a superior aptitude for getting himself into trouble."

"Don't forget the screaming fans and obsessive press." Harry was getting the feel of the sarcastic drawl.

"Oh, what ever will I do with the fans and the press?"

"Beat them off with a stick… if you can find one big enough. But back to the original question, I've seen enough Death Eater meetings to know how you act in them and what to expect." Harry grimaced, but the idea of only one or two Crucios instead of experiencing everyone's pain was rather appealing, and the fact he wouldn't have to worry about the man messing in his mind, or attempting to possess him, sent a flood of relief through him. He just hoped Snape truly was a master of the mind and could keep the snake faced bastard out.

He looked at Snape and sneered. "You know, I'm not that hot looking with my mouth hanging open either."

A/N: The characters are a little OOC at the moment, sorry about that, but I'll try and get them to behave in the next chapter.

If anyone has any ideas with the plot please help me!


	3. Chapter 3

**Confusion**

**Warning**: See First Chapter (Slash, abuse, self harm)

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing

This chapter has been edited by jharad17

**Chapter 3**

"Perhaps, Potter, if you explain to me how you know how I act during these meetings, as the whole reason we wear masks and cloaks is to hide our identity, I might be kind enough not to embarrass you further. However, may I remind you that you often have that dim-witted look on your face, particularly whenever you happen to walk into my classroom."

'Ouch,' Harry mentally winced. Just because the Professor was in his body didn't mean he couldn't use his acidic tongue on Harry. "It took me a while, but I eventually figured out who's who, their voices, the way they hold themselves and move and the actual hierarchy of the Death Eaters. It also helps being in the Dark Lord's head," he dead panned. He didn't want to bring up the fact that he first recognized Snape when his preoccupation with the man's hands began. Long, elegant, and with an evident strength and control behind their movements, Snape's hands were easy to recognize.

Harry didn't know he could pull off a mildly impressed, slightly annoyed-while-still-appearing-superior look. Though the Potions Master was in a different body, he still had the same small quirks, the slight lift of the eyebrows or the half curved lip drawn back into a sneer. Harry hadn't studied body language so much as he had been forced to pick it up, due to having such a volatile friend as Ron, who seemed to enjoy Harry's company one minute and despise him the next. But once he realized what he had been doing, Harry had looked up a few books on the subject. Eventually he'd learned to 'read' other people, and it had helped him through times such as the 'Slytherin Heir' episode, and when his name had been drawn out of the Goblet of Fire. It also helped to sort out the posers who were after the fame, from those who actually wanted to be his friend, as the posers were incredibly expressive through their actions.

Harry, of course, had transferred this talent into a game of sorts. Working his way through people who were easy to read before he started on the harder ones, he'd found out that many of his initial perceptions of people hadn't always been right. Other times, he was forced to remember that 'reading' people wasn't always entirely a correct way to learn about others, since people could also be 'read' wrong. However, he'd discovered that everyone held up a front to an extent, and the most fascinating of them all was Severus Snape.

Harry wanted to know what was behind the high walls the man had built up. It had become something of a personal goal, a principle of sorts, which had all been blown out the window with his Occlumency lessons and his untameable curiosity.

His curiosity, however, was a fair rival to his denial and his ability to repress and ignore. He'd been tiptoeing around the subject of his sexuality after he realized Cho Chang wasn't so much as beautiful as she had long, dark, straight hair which he admired, and she didn't do much for him otherwise. The idea of Ginny as a potential girlfriend made his back teeth ache; she'd always be his kid sister to an extent. Anything else would seem like incest.

Hermione, though attractive now that she'd grown and filled out, was more a source of answers to hard school problems, rather than a source of nighttime fantasizing. which had been rather sleepless when Ron had forgotten to put a silencing charm up. He hadn't lived that down for weeks after. ß Not sure to what this sentence and a half is referring. Whose nights were sleepless? And _who_ hadn't been able to live _what_ down?

Harry's fan girls, with their giggling, hair tossing, and pouting lips, their low tops and short skirts, made him want to run and hide. He knew he wasn't attractive, with his constantly messed hair, his glasses and lanky body, or the fact he was way too short, now that everyone in his year had shot up and now towered over him, so he just figured they were after the fame. Thus, he had to make very important decisions on his choice of 'partner'. He wanted someone who wasn't after his fame, and he wanted privacy, the knowledge that whoever he chose would not go to the papers, so that whatever they did together would not be splashed across the front page of the Daily Prophet.

This thinking brought him full circle, back to the man who definitely was not impressed with his fame, who was, in fact, repelled by it. A man who treated him no differently, or even worse than others, and who also happened to have a thing for secrecy. Neither did he giggle, hair toss, pout or wear low tops and short skirts, although the mental image provided hours of entertainment for Harry, followed by denial and repression. Harry, however, never forgot the silencing charms.

Shaking his head to get rid of these thoughts, Harry frowned.

He did not, in any way, fancy Hogwarts' resident Potions Master and teacher.

Its male teacher.

Its male teacher whom Harry seemed a little obsessed with… even his denial could only stretch so far, and the fact he wanted to 'get to know' what was behind the man's defences didn't help either. However, Harry, had been managing to ignore the subject very well.

Until the potion incident.

Tuning back into the conversation, he managed to catch the last of the headmaster's request: "…it would only be for a few weeks until you can return to your respective lives. What do you think, Harry?"

Harry blinked at the headmaster. "Um…" He tried to figure a way out of this without having to resort to asking for the man to repeat himself.

Snape snorted. "Obviously the brat doesn't find the next, most crucial days very important."

Harry winced under the jaded glare, and the amused blue eyes peering at him from over the half moon spectacles. "Sorry, sir." Harry ducked his head sheepishly, the veil of dark hair hiding his eyes. "I didn't hear what you said."

"That's fine, Harry. I was saying that, over these next few days, we will have to try and convince everyone that nothing has changed. It's crucial for the safety of both of you. I was also saying, if it were necessary, there is a second option for the holidays. I've had a small house set up where you would stay, and Severus could set up his potions in the basement, popping around every now and then."

"Every now and then?" The sneer in the voice was obvious.

"Of course. Now, Harry, I think it's time I let you two get some rest. Maybe you should get to know each other a little. Your friends will be coming around in the morning, and we want to see how well you can play your parts." With that he ignored the glare sent in his direction from Snape, and the shocked one from Harry and disappeared.

The silence that followed was fragile, and Harry didn't want to break it. Instead, he stared at his hands -- Snape's hands -- which were folded in his lap, and were stained lightly at the fingertips. They would never succeed at this. He didn't want to teach his professor how to act like himself. It would be too much like unveiling himself, and revealing the act he put on for others.

"Well, Mr Potter, what do you suggest?"

Harry swallowed, still staring at the hands in his lap. And, naturally, the other man would never even consider revealing anything about himself, let alone to Harry.

"Um."

"Articulate as ever."

"Maybe…maybe we should get some rest. Sir." A raised eyebrow was sent in his direction, and Harry shrugged. "You're the spy." The man winced, and Harry pretended to ignore it. "You'll be able to pick it up easily."

"I suppose it shouldn't be too hard to fool your imbecilic friends," the professor sneered, and Harry suddenly felt too tired to rise to the bait.

"We'll see in the morning, sir." He lay back, turning away from the other man sitting in his body. His head was starting to ache, and his eyes were slipping shut, but the burn in the back of his head, the sense of his own eyes watching him, kept his eyes open.

There was shuffling behind him, sheets ruffled, and he felt the pressure of that stare leave him. He slipped into the darkness that would hopefully make everything clearer in the morning.

A/N: Everything's finally catching up to poor Harry, and I think Snape's still in shock, so we'll leave them like that till the morning when the fun REALLY starts!

Please review and tell me what you think!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I know I said I wouldn't update for awhile, but I've managed to sit down and write this after all the lovely reviews I got and the fact I felt bad because I won't update for a while (i.e. two weeks)

So here is a nice long (longer than others) chapter, which is mostly in Snape's view (which by the way is hard to write). It has a little bit of interaction with other characters, but that will be more extensive later.

I hope you enjoy this!

* * *

The first thing Harry did when he woke was reach for his glasses.

The second was to open his eyes and search for them.

The third unfortunately for him was to come face to face with a very clear and sour looking Harry Potter.

"I hope you slept well?" The distained dripped from the voice. "You snore like a rhino." Harry blinked before he failed to keep control of the other mans lips and they spread into a smirk.

"Well Mister Potter," He enjoyed letting his own name roll of his tongue with distain. "As I have been asleep for the night I wouldn't know, nor control what this body does."

The emerald eyes narrowed.

"Are you insinuating I snore?"

"Not last night obviously." Before Snape could pin him down with a scathing retort, the hospital door was flung open and the headmaster drifted in with an air of important mischief about him. The twinkle in his eyes was so bright Harry was sure it had started the migraine that was slowly spreading through his skull.

"My boys! How are you feeling this glorious morning?" His hands were clasped in front of him, almost saintly, as he smiled at both of them.

"I would have been feeling better had I woken up as myself and as far away from the brat as possible." Severus sneered, and received a reproachful look from the headmaster.

"Now Severus, today is an important day for both of you, you will have to act the part. You are going to have to deal with both Harry's friends and Dolores." All of which were currently clamouring at the other side of the door, punctuated by Madame Pomfrey's calm instructions. "You will have to act like each other to keep this from falling through."

Snape winced and Harry rubbed the bridge of his nose, a little surprised at the different shape. He hadn't really explored this body yet, the sudden train of thought ambushing and dragging his mind down the gutter. He shook his head, the blush staining his cheeks.

"Um, sir do you really think it's wise?"

"Of course it isn't. The man has finally devoured too many of those lemon drops." The comment drew an unimpressed look from Dumbledore. **No one **insulted his sweets.

"What is your concern Harry?" He would get his small revenge on Severus later, there were plenty of opportunities.

"Um, well, it's… you see…"

"Spit it out boy!" Another look from the older man and Severus looked away to glare holes in his bed spread.

"I'm not entirely used to this body, shouldn't I… er, we, get used to it first?" Snape paled as what Harry was trying to say struck him.

"You stay away from my body Potter!" Harry blinked.

"er… with all due respect sir… how?" He gestured to his current form as Dumbledore chuckled.

"Now boys, all you have to do is lie still, answer a few questions, and after that you'll have the whole day to explore." The two stared at him in horror. "Madame Pomfrey has limited the visit, and as she is in charge of those who grace her halls, you'll be safe."

Harry doubted the headmasters sanity at that point in time. Perhaps too much sugar really did rot the brain.

"Besides you won't learn properly if you aren't thrown into the deep end. You retain much more knowledge by actual practical experience then by bickering between yourselves." He nodded as if his wisdom would somehow save the two from this predicament. "Now how about it?"

Before either could protest the door was pulled open and Hermione and Ron practically fell into the room, followed by the hulking form of Umbridge who cleared her throat in the way that made Harry want to throttle her.

"Harry!" Hermione launched herself at Snape and Harry blinked in surprise, everything finally falling into place, it felt awkward watching Severus play his part so well. He was mostly ignored letting him watch the others.

He watched as the other man smiled and nodded, looking a little sheepish, while sending half hidden glares at Harry. Harry sunk into the sheets, glowering at them, his potions professor made a better Harry Potter than he did. He saw the gleam in the emerald eyes directed at him and sneered.

So the competition was on.

Severus hadn't expected the heavy weight of the girl in his arms when Dumbledore had first opened the door. Nor had he expected the look of concern from the red head and the strong clasp of his hand on his shoulder.

"You alright mate?" Snape blinked before his mind kicked in. He spied for a living, or lived due to his excellent spying skills, it couldn't be that hard to pull off the brat's mannerisms. He'd been watching over the boy for the last few years now, trying to pay off the life debt that hung over him, so he had a few advantages.

"I'm fine." He grinned trying not to stretch the mask too far, not sure if he was to hug the bushy haired witch back. He felt a little awkward as his arms closed around her waist, it had been long years since he'd embraced someone, let alone female in a tender way.

He felt like throwing up.

"You didn't get in trouble did you Harry?" The young witch's tone reproachful and she threw glance at Snape's body.

"Yeah." Ron's voice lowered. "The greasy git didn't give you too hard a time did he?" Snape usually let the insult slide off him, he'd experienced it too many times to really give it any real meaning. But having had it said to his face was a little suprising, most often people were too afraid to even think anything near him.

He grumbled in his mind, he'd have to get used to the names that he was called behind his back, he was after all going to be spending the next few weeks in a Gryffindor rooms. Although, he fought to keep the smirk from his face, he could catch people red handed, and he'd punish them as soon as he got his body back.

"Nah, he was just being a prat." It felt awkward using Harry's voice to insult himself, but shrugged it off. Now that he had an objective, he could treat this like a mission. A quick glance in Potters direction, found the other watching him, a glare fixed onto his features, but the small nod of his head indicated he had accepted the unspoken challenge.

"A prat Mr Potter?" The voice held cold distain and Severus felt himself almost smirk as the red head jumped. Instead he glared at his own face. "I see your vocabulary hasn't surpassed first year standards. Ten points from Gryffindor for insulting a teacher, another ten for Mr Weasley's comment."

Severus gapped, the brat had just taken twenty points off from his own house.

"And a seven o-clock detention with myself Mr Potter, Weasley you may assist Filch on lavatory duty. And perhaps you would wish to explain the reasons for such disrespect to the headmaster or professor Umbridge."

Severus's eyes were wide as he regarded the boy in his body. This twist of events intrigued him. The woman standing beside the headmaster coughed to gain attention to herself and Severus felt like throttling her.

"You're injured. I will take Potter and deal out a fitting punishment." Her small pig eyes seemed to gleam and Severus bit his tongue hoping he wouldn't get stuck with her. Merlin knew what kind of punishment the depraved woman would deal out.

"Madam." The dark haired man purred, shooting a glance over to the emerald eye boy. Severus looked up, hating the fact that Harry's eyes could be read so easily, and the fact that Harry had read his apprehension easily. "Although it may seem as though I have the incapacity to deal with the situation at the moment, I assure you I am more than well enough to deal out a punishment that I see fit."

Severus hadn't realised Potter had even known what half those words were, let alone use them. He had insulted the boy more than once on his vocabulary, which was where the previous sneer had come from.

"This is unreasonable." She demanded, and Severus watched as Harry stared her down, causing her to lose her steam and splutter instead.

"As the insult was directed at my person I believe I have the right of judgement." The sneer was directed at him and Severus stared back in retaliation before looking away quickly, playing the fearful student.

"As you just said Madam." Albus interrupted. "Severus is injured, as is Mr Potter, it would be best for them both if we were to leave them to rest." Both Hermione and Ron looked about to protest, but Umbridge beat them to it.

"This is illegal! It must be! You can't force me from these rooms and I want questions answered. How were they injured? How badly? Potter looks to be in fine health."

"I see nothing illegal, but I do see something I will not tolerate. I will not have you forcing a patient in my ward to answer questions. They are both exhausted from the healing they have been going through, I will not have you excite them and endanger their health. Now out. All of you." Madame Pomfrey's tone was final and Ron and Hermione scurried out. Snape caught the smirk before it spread on his lips. They had probably been caught in Poppy's wrath before, knowing the amount of time Potter seemed to spend in the hospital ward.

He waved at them before disappearing out the door and they sent him looks of comfort. It felt odd having people care for him, after the years of trying to remove anyone close to him he had been dumped into a situation where everyone seemed to dote on him. He wasn't sure if he should push them away, making Potter's life a living hell, or if he should sit back, relax and enjoy this so called ride.

He rubbed his forehead, feeling the uneven skin, tracing his finger along the thunderbolt shape. His sleeve fell away to reveal an unscarred forearm, no dark form branded his skin and he ran his fingertips over the smooth unblemished skin. Only then did it occur to him, he was no longer Severus Snape, he could go out unrecognised, he wouldn't be branded by his dark mark, no dark stares, whispers behind his back, attempts on his life. He could have a normal life, an untarnished life.

He looked at his arm and decided he would keep the boy as innocent as he could while he resided in this body. Hadn't that been his mission since the boy had entered school, keep him away from the death that haunted his step, etched into his forehead. Keep him safe.

He shot a look at his body currently being prodded and poked by Poppy.

"Are you feeling alright Harry?" Severus watched as his body twitched when she prodded his ribs.

"I'm fine, mmph." Damn it, now the boy knew he was ticklish. "But I'd like to go to the bathroom." Severus growled in protest and dark eyes turned to regard him.

"Mr Potter, I advise you to keep your eyes and hands to yourself."

"But sir." Severus noticed his voice came out in a whine and he glared at the boy in his body for abusing his vocal cords. "I really really need to go. I haven't been this morning."

Severus winced, he had tried to push the need away as well, but he knew he'd have to give into it. Gnawing his bottom lip he regarded himself, could almost see the pleading in the obsidian eyes.

"Fine." He humped, crossing his arms to glare at the far wall as Poppy moved to him and started pocking around, fussing over him. Out of the corner of his eyes he watched as the boy practically leapt out of the bed, and not being used to such height promptly tripped over his own feet.

"This is weird." Severus merely rolled his eyes at the boys statement, it took him this long to figure it out? He didn't say anything as he only wanted the boy to hurry, so he could go next.

Poppy tutted as he moved away from her cold prodding fingers.

"I'm fine Poppy."

"Now Mr Potter, Severus, don't use that tone of voice with me." but her hands disappeared,

"Whoa!" Was heard from the bathroom before a deathly silence. There was a long pause and Severus's voice floated again through the door "Er, I mean, you've done an excellent job with cleaning the toilet Madame Pomfrey… very shiny."

Severus could almost here the boy mentally cursing himself. Poppy merely chuckled as she let herself out to tend to her other patients.

"Have fun boys." She crooned, and Severus resisted the urge to throw a pillow at her. She was one of the only people in this castle that had gained what little was left of his trust. She had become in an essence an older sister, well what he had believed an older sister should have been like.

Potter exited the bathroom a little while later, long straight hair hung in front of his face, but Severus managed to catch the curious look he was shot from behind the curtain.

"Um." Harry had started to say something, but paused.

"Eloquent as ever Mr Potter." Severus couldn't resist drawling, annoyed that the untrained voice of the boy's couldn't hold its shape. He didn't even want to try a sneer, and quiet evidently the voice wouldn't be able to shape the low dangerous purr he was notorious for. He took great pride in his voice and the trained malevolence he could produce with only a single word dropped from his lips.

He threw off the covers and stepped onto the cold floor, almost stumbling at the height he dropped. Merlin the boy was short. Shuffling over to the bathroom he noticed Harry's apprehensive look, which travelled to his crotch. Severus couldn't resist smirking.

"Intimidated Potter?" The obsidian eyes jerked up to meet his own, before a blush covered the normally pale cheeks.

"Would it lower what you thought of me if I told you yes."

"I don't think you can sink any lower in my eyes Potter." He smirked as he entered the bathroom, the boys embarrassed look still in his mind. This was going to be awkward, he'd have to touch himself, touch Potter. See more than he wished to see, although the voice in the back of his mind congratulated him on getting a feel of someone as good looking as Potter, it sadly lacked the snark of sarcasm and Snape winced at the perverted thought.

It had been years since he'd allowed himself to stray. He'd had plenty of partners during his early years in the Dark Lords service as he moved steadily up the ranks. The night of his first kill he stopped bedding anyone. When he had gone to Dumbledor for salvation, he had kept himself away from the others. Once the monster had been destroyed by the Potter brat, he had hidden in the shadows away from the accusations, away from the light that was spreading back over Britain, hadn't wanted to stain it with his impurities.

Now he was in the body of the pure boy, the boy of light, thinking about things he should have kept far from the innocent body he had been thrust into.

"Hey you aren't doing… improper things in there with my body are you?" The voice sounded worried, disgusted and humorous at the same time. Severus shuddered, he was disgusting, the boy had every right to worry.

"Or maybe you're having stage fright." Potter added and Snape snarled.

"I didn't realise this was a performance, or do you make a habit of listening to people in the bathroom Potter?" There was silence and Snap grit his teeth as he went to the toilet, finishing as fast as he could. Washing his hands thoroughly, as if the soap could scrub away his thoughts.

He hadn't known the boy would grow from the gangly boy into the gorgeous creature he was now. Severus had first watched him to keep him safe, even after the years of pulling the boy out of trouble, when he had believed the life debt was payed. He still kept a watch over the boy. He had seen him change from the young eleven year old, into a resemblance of his father, but with the grace and hidden strength of his mother, her smooth skin and delicate features. And most importantly her eyes.

The eyes that stared back at him from the mirror. Lips pouting as he thought. He stepped out of the bathroom, fingers running along his cheek bone.

"Has anyone ever told you, you look like your mother?"

Severus noticed he had caught the boy off guard and he blinked owlishly.

"Really? I thought I looked a lot like you right now." Severus noticed the flicker in the dark eyes before the quick jibe had been blurted out, masking the emotion he couldn't quiet identify.

"Very observant Potter."

There was an awkward silence, before his own voice caught him off guard.

"So what do we do now? I don't think I can teach." Severus snorted.

"There isn't that much too it. Although I can see with you limited capacity and ability to understand potions may cause a few problems."

"So what am I suppose to do?"

"It's quiet simple Potter. You put up the instructions, look intimidating, reward or deduct points and hope nothing blows up."

"But…"

"Potter." Severus rubbed his forehead, his fingers running over the scar, it was starting to ache a little. "It's simple enough for you to understand. You will be there just to make sure they don't skip class. "

"I guess sir."

"And all I have to do is pretend I don't have two brain cells to rub together, a hero complex, and an ego that competes with your fathers."

"Um, there's a few things you might need to know if Hermione gets suspicious."

"Suspicious?" Severus sneered, the female of the golden trio was going to be meddlesome.

"Well, you know just in case." The boy shrugged in the man's body.

"I don't need to know any details, we only have to survive a few days before the holidays start."

"But sir…"

"Harry!" Severus felt the wind knocked out of him as two large arms wrapped around his waist and he was pulled against a firm chest. "I heard something had happened and I had to come and see you right away. I hope Snivellus didn't give you too much trouble."

He tensed with the urge to escape the arms or to go down kicking and screaming.

"Have the fleas addled your brain mutt!" The voice was a furious hiss. "The ministry is practically crawling over the whole place and you bring your flea covered behind here, into the this room which is being watched by Dolores herself."

"Shut your beak Snivellus. You wouldn't know what it's like to care for someone." Severus tried to escape the arms as they squeezed him tighter to the man's chest. His scent enveloped him and Severus had the largest urge to throw up.

"He's right." He managed to gasp out and was almost dropped.

"Harry?"

"I don't want to get you into trouble." He tried to look worried, only wanting the man to leave, he could taste the bile building in his throat. "Please… Sirius." He managed to gag out the name without too much hate behind it.

"Why don't you follow the brats command. Home." Severus watched as his body gave a small dismissive wave with his hand. "Go on you mangy mutt. Or are you too stupid to follow even the simplest command?"

The man growled, but Severus directed the pleading emerald eyes at the man and he huffed before placing a kiss on Severus' forehead, just below the lightening scar before changing back into the four legged flea bag and slinking from the room with a goodbye bark.

Severus rushed to the bathroom and threw up. The feel of the lips on his forehead burning, as was the touch the man had granted him. He hated the dog so much. He re-entered the room to find Harry curled, shaking, whispering apologies.

"You seemed to enjoy tormenting your dogfather." He watched the boy unfold, surprised to see there were tears welling in his eyes.

"I hate you!" Severus watched in shock, he didn't think his comment had warranted that kind of reaction. "I love him, his the only family I have left and I had to say all those things to him! Just because he was cruel to you! That's no reason to hate anyone."

"And don't you hate me?" Severus smirked, it wasn't the only reason for his hatred but he ignored that for now. The boy really was innocent, he could see it in the way his eyes widened in realization.

"No."

Severus's smirk fell from his lips.

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A/N: I hope you enjoyed that. No update again for a while! But reviews make me write longer chapters! grin 


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I've had a little change in my writing style, and the layout, I hope it clears up some confusion as to who is who and what they're doing. And if it doesn't… well I'm screw .

If it helps, I try refer to them by their names (that's who they actually are) and then their physical attributes (i.e Emerald eyes narrowed into a glare - Snape stuck in Harry's body).

I'm sorry if that confused you even more.

ONWARDS!

Warnings/Disclaimer: See first chapter, and no I'm not making any money from this.

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**Chapter 5**

Harry POV

"No?" Snape stared at the him as if he'd swallowed something unpleasant. Harry looked away, nervously clearing his throat.

"Yeah." The admission, almost a whisper.

Harry shrunk as emerald eyes narrowed to glare at him.

"Don't be difficult Potter. Must you always refute what I say?"

"But sir-" An eyebrow rose as Harry tried to defend himself.

"I think it is rather obvious our dislike for each other, Mr Potter." Harry's stomach dropped. The man really hated him. For some reason there was a sting in the back of his throat, he knew the man hadn't been exactly pleasant, but he hadn't expected to be _hated_.

"I don't hate you." Harry tried one more time, it wasn't an exclamation so much as a simple statement. He stared hard at his bed spread, knowing if he looked up he'd be ridiculed. "I think hate is a really strong word." He only really hated the reptile that attempted to parade around as a man, and that repulsive rat.

Harry knew the difference between hate and dislike, between a childish grudge and a loathing and resentment that could consume a person. He'd had plenty of time to mull over his emotions during his summer weeks in the small padlocked room that smelled foul and held little if any light. He'd escape into his mind trying to sort through what had happened the year before, categorise, or at least identify what he had felt and why, if it had been justified. Most often he found himself cringing when he remembered a certain event where he had reacted without thinking. A typical Gryffindor trait.

He'd tried to apologise for his actions, but found that he couldn't word it properly, the Harry beneath the saviour front didn't know how to make himself heard, had trouble expressing himself through words, so instead he apologised through small actions. There had been a time when Ron had been riled up by Zabini, it had resulted into an exchange of fists instead of curses. The smaller Slytherin had been beaten, but had managed to land a few hard fists, one which had even reached, and broke Ron's nose. Harry had come upon them, instantly stunning Zabini, who at the time had been leaning against a wall breathing heavily and helping Ron to the hospital ward.

Later he realised his hot tempered friend had in fact started a pointless fight, by taunting the smaller Slytherin about his parentage, and their links to the Dark Lord, all of which were unfounded. Harry knew many Slytherin's had parents who had been drawn into the promise of power when the Dark Lord had first risen, later realising that this was a life and death pact they had signed not only themselves to, but also their family and most likely any children they raised. Their services were no longer of loyalty but of fear, the Dark Lord knew this, even promoted it with his frequent torturing, only the very inner ring of his most faithful followers had any kind of safe guard. They were known for war mongering and their hunger for power or for knowledge.

Harry sighed, he hated the stereotypical thought that every slytherin was a Death Eater. It made him susceptible to the theory, hadn't he been almost sorted into Slytherin? Also he knew for a fact most of the Slytherin parents, loyal to their brood, tried to keep them out of the Dark Lords fold, while many other students from different houses who thought the deranged men could help them with their little problems had no one to actually give them the raw facts to dissuade them.

In fact the most vile Death Eater he knew, was a Gryffindor.

Of course Zabini had risen to Ron's challenge, commenting on the status of the Weasley clan, their poverty and the fact they amounted to nothing.

Harry knew Ron was touchy about his family and their 'lower' status and the fact that the red head hadn't the fame and fortune his bespectacled 'best friend' had. But Harry had to admit his friend had been in the wrong.

The next week he had subtly apologised to Zabini, after spending a sleepless night turning the event over in his head. He'd anonymously brought Zabini sweets while the boy was in the hospital, getting his bruises and fractured rib healed. It had also resulted in him pausing only for a few seconds, as if he was merely reading himself to enter a room, but was in actual fact holding open doors for the other boy. That week found him absently finding and leaving books the boy might need at the library table, or near the one he often studied at, talking to the house elves and convincing them to add a few extra sweet desserts on the boys plate.

There was a clearing of the throat that broke Harry from his thoughts and brought him back into the small hospital room, into Snapes body. How would he apologise for this?

Harry realised he'd been brooding during a cold silence. Looking up he was caught in a stare that swept through him.

"Would you care to explain your previous statement Mister Potter? Or are you too busy sweeping out the dust out of the vast empty expanse between your ears?"

Harry blinked, trying to skim back over his thought process to what he had said.

" Oh." A glare in his direction. "Hate. It's a strong word, I just don't think it should be used hastily sir." Harry wasn't sure how he was suppose to word this to his potions professor, the man was intimidating enough, but to have to try and explain Harry's inner thoughts, not the false emotions and thoughts of 'the saviour'. And the raised eyebrow, and the piercing eyes regarding him didn't help. "I… er…"

"Your argument had a tolerable start, but if you plan on degrading it to monosyllabic nonsense, please do not continue."

Harry bit his lip, feeling the frustration build in him.

"Not to offend sir, but take your hatred of my Godfather." He didn't meet the man's eyes knowing if he did they'd be locked in a silent competition, one in which he would come out the loser. "It's childish."

"Mr Potter." The man was livid, Harry could tell by the way his name was growled, barely audible. "You should not speak of things you do not understand." It came out as a snarl and Harry leant back away from the enraged man.

"But sir I do understand!" It drew a quick stop as the man regarded him with narrow eyes. Harry hurried on quickly, so the other man couldn't interrupt. "We all need childhood rivals, but your rivalry never ended because Sirius was sent to Azkaban on no interference of your own. You needed closure that the imprisonment didn't give and now that he's out, you've picked up your rivalry, except now you use it as a safety, or escape mechanism. You both need something to remind you of your younger days. The war that's looming closer is taking its toll on both of you and you need something childish to indulge in so you continue this farce."

Silence. The lack of points taken or death inducing glares, was a sure sign Snape was busy thinking it over.

"I believe Potter." The man started slowly as if testing the words. "You don't understand something as simple as hate. I do not need that mutt, nor do I particularly want to remember my 'younger days', I especially do not need the mutt to bring back these _fond _memories. " The man regarded him with almost suspicion. Harry was sure that was the reason between Snape and his Godfather's rivalry. He knew that revealing something like that about someone could make them uncomfortable as sometimes they didn't know that they were doing it.

Harry was about to debate the idea that hate was simple but the door creaked open, and a brown head popped through. Harry was about to exclaim his best friends name but stopped himself just in time.

"Ms Granger." He glared in her direction and she blushed looking down.

"I was just bringing Harry his homework, I heard he was going to be in here for a few more days and I don't want him missing out." She shuffled in towards the bed where Snape sat in Harry's body. They had a whispered conversation which Harry couldn't make out before he saw the girl hand a few parchments over.

"See you Harry." She smiled as she slipped out of the room, a backwards glance at Harry who sat glaring out from the potions masters body.

"See you Hermie." He watched the smile disappear from the Gryffindor boys face as soon as the door closed. Green eyes turned to him.

"She wished me good luck in dealing with 'Professor Snape'." Harry noticed the older man seemed slightly surprised that she hadn't used an insult, or a offending term in regards to his features. "Now what would she mean by that? I don't bite do I?"

Harry swallowed. Hermione was the only one who knew he was… well… attracted to men. He almost cringed at having to admit it, he still wasn't comfortable, mostly because he didn't like the idea that if revealed to the wizarding population it would be splashed across the whole of Britain. Although he did like the fact that it was secret, something private he could indulge in, not known by people who had prophesised and planned out his whole life.

However that had been an embarrassing afternoon with Hermione. They had been by the lake, Hermione had been sitting under a tree re-reading through Harry's assignment, while he had been skimming stones on the mirrored surface of the lake. This was where they spent a lot of their afternoons. During their 4th year while Harry had been struggling with the Goblet of Fire and Ron's insecurities, he'd grown a lot closer to Hermione, even finding comfort in the study and books she always raved about and forced on him. That was also the year of the ball and Ron finding out that girls weren't all about books and study and some quite liked using the library for other things, especially the hidden corners which over the years must have seen quite a lot of action.

Fifth year had turned out interesting with Ron coming back both taller and more attractive, catching the interest of a few girls both in Gryffindor and other houses, although the red head never touched a slytherin. Harry had come back years older, having stared death in the face and seeing it slide past him to take another. Which to him was even worse.

They'd grown apart, and only Hermione held the Golden Trio together, and even she didn't try to force her two best friends together, she knew that they were growing up, both in different ways, and she accepted the different people they had become.

However her friendship with Harry had grown stronger as Ron withdrew from them into the hormone driven world of male teenagers. The two spent a lot of time together, studying, reading, talking or just sitting in silence. He knew more things about her than anyone else and she knew everything about him. He knew he loved her.

And that's why this was going to be difficult. He didn't know if he could lie to her. As for Professor Snape's question. Why had she wished him good luck? Well she sometimes gave him cryptic advice that he never knew he needed, or what it actually was for until the time came.

"I wouldn't know sir. But there's um… something you should know." Harry bit his lip, not wanting to meet his potions professors gaze. The venom revealed beneath the emerald green.

If this plan was to go off without a hitch, if they were to trick Hermione, then Snape would need to know everything. And that would mean Harry would not only have to admit his sexuality to his potions professor, but to himself as well. He would have to risk the possibility that the man would 'come out' to the press, that the only true secret he had would be spread across the tabloids.

"I'm…" Harry swallowed, trying to get the words past the lump in his throat, no pun intended. He grimaced at his lame thought. "I'm…" How could he put this?

"You're what Potter? Incompetent in the use of the English language?"

"When you're checking out the girls." Harry started quickly, trying not to trip over his words. "Umm, Hermione will kinda notice a few things. You've gotta um, kinda, look at… guys… as well… you know… not to get her suspicious." He kept staring at his hands, long fingers playing with the bed spread.

"You're trying to tell me in the ever eloquent butchering of our language, that you are bisexual?" Harry glanced up quickly, regretting it as soon as his eyes met the others.

"Um." A raised eyebrow and a non-impressed look in his direction. "No. Gay."

"I see. I suppose this is relevant information, is there any other small things you wish to mention? An aversion for pumpkin tarts? A love for striped socks?"

Harry stared at the man in his body, not quite comprehending the ease at which the man accepted the news.

"You did just hear me right?" Harry asked and the man glared at him.

"You may believe me ancient Mr Potter, but I am not deaf. And if you believe this mention of your sexuality was to drag a reaction out of me, or to have me throw myself at the feet of the golden saviour then you are most sorely mistaken."

"But you don't find it… wrong?" Harry shut his mouth with a quick snap. He was not having this talk with Snape. The man on the other bed stared at Harry as if trying to figure something out.

"Who on earth gave you that idea?" Snape paused as if remembering something. "Muggles." He sneered. "Often narrow minded and frightened of anything different. No scope for growth or change."

Harry wondered how Snape was going to survive the summer. He guessed not long.

There was scuffling outside the door, followed by the annoying cough that Harry cringed to. Dumbledore's raised voice could be heard over the commotion.

"Now now Dolores. I believe both Mr Potter and Master Severus are sleeping off their injuries, you have already hindered their healing process today, tomorrow would present a better opportunity to speak with them. Isn't that right Madame Pomfrey?"

Harry glanced at Severus who was glaring moodily at the door. Obvious dislike on his face. Harry studied the face of Harry Potter sitting opposite him, he'd never truly let that side of him show. He'd never shown true dislike to another person, he'd always hidden behind polite smiles, even with Draco it was more a look of annoyance and anger. With Voldemort and the rat it was outright hate and rage. But never dislike, even Snape had been more a mixture of fear, grudging respect and getting riled up by the acid tongue.

"It's called narcissistic behaviour."

Harry stared at him blankly and the other man glowered, absently rubbing his forehead. Harry wondered if the scar ached.

"The golden boy hasn't found any one worthy of himself so he has fallen in love with his own image." Harry blinked, before he felt the first fire of a blush sweep across his face. He had been in fact watching the way Snape changed his body just by being in it. There was a certain sharpness and a jaded quality in the weary way Snape held himself, as if he wasn't used to such energy and youth that the body the older man now resided in had.

Harry quickly changing the topic. He knew if he rebutted the man, they'd have a long argument in which he would somehow get roped into a confusing word play that would end with him unwittingly confessing he loved himself.

"What do you think Umbridge wanted?" Snape made no move to correct Harry's slip of respectful title.

"I do not presume to know the inner workings of that…" There was a pause in which Harry was sure he was going to add a derogatory term. "woman's mind. But I believe the headmaster, once he has driven her away will come into inform us."

Right on cue, as if he had been waiting for his next line in a play the headmaster walked in looking a little ruffled. He took of his hat, scratched his beard, and gave them a brilliant smile. Harry noticed it lacked the sparkle.

"Harry." The old man turned to regard the long dark haired man that sat hunched, but perked up at the name. "I'm sorry, but you have to resume Severus's classes tomorrow."

"What?"

"Most certainly not!"

The two voices combined were silenced by 'the look' from the headmaster.

"Madame Umbridge." His beard twitched with a smile as he saw the two grimace. "Has passed through another law, if the school can not find a replacement teacher the ministry will allocate one of their own choosing, until _they_ deem the original teacher fit." The headmaster gave Severus a look. He received a glare in return.

"In which case if Harry does not teach my class and a replacement is found. I will never teach again, as the ministry will see to it that the ex-death eater is not seen fit enough to teach again."

"They have found a replacement." The headmaster murmured, and Harry watched the raised eyebrow, arch over the emerald eye, giving the old man a critical look.

"Who?" There was venom in that voice and Harry noticed an odd tone, which he put down as protective. Whoever this person was, would be taking over Snape's territory.

"Alinka Overcrane." The emerald eyes narrowed and Harry wondered who this person was.

"I will not have some complete dunderhead, with no knowledge of potions or of controlling students in my laboratories. The man is a disaster, he can't see past his own ego inflated cranium, to have time to teach, let alone a complicated subject such as potions."

"Um, sir?" Harry thought the man sounded much like a description Snape would give of 'the golden boy'.

"What?" The man grouched at the distraction, the anger was not directed at him but at the idea of this Alinka taking over the class. Harry winced as the other rubbed the lightening bolt scar a little harder. Snape was going to have nightmares tonight. Riddle was getting frisky this afternoon.

"Do you think I should really teach?" Severus glared at him, before connecting what he had said, with Harry's question.

"Believe me Potter." He sneered. "The man could give you a run for your money."

"So it's settled." Dumbledore clapped his hands joyously, the twinkle back in his eyes. "Harry you will start teaching Severus's classes tomorrow, and Severus you will be attending Harry's classes. I do hope you enjoy your next few days, I'll have the house elves bring you the appropriate items of clothing, and anything else you shall need for tomorrow. We'll discuss living arrangements tomorrow afternoon after classes." He beamed at them. "You'll have no more visitors today." He was just about to sweep out of the door before Harry stopped him.

"Headmaster?"

"Yes my boy?" He hovered near the door.

"Could you please make sure Sirius doesn't come back." Harry bit his lip. "I don't want him to get hurt, and it's dangerous here."

The old man gave Harry a calculating look.

"Sirius is suppose to be minding Grimmauld place." He stroked his beard. "Dear me, news does travel fast." He nodded to himself, before his eyes focused on Harry's. "I'll make sure he doesn't return here. I'm glad you have realised the dangers for your godfather." He smiled kindly and Harry felt himself blush as he remembered his immature temper tantrum when he had wanted to see Sirius. It really was too dangerous, he had almost lost his Godfather before he realised it. And he had sworn he wouldn't put him in danger again, he was the only family left.

"Harry, Severus." He left the room, seeming almost a float. Harry often wondered if the old man had in fact charmed the air beneath his feet to allow him to do just that.

"Mister Potter." The man was rubbing the famous scar, although Harry preferred to call it infamous. "Tomorrow's class-"

"Ice helps." The man stared at him as if Harry had lost his mind. "The scar." Harry tapped his own unblemished forehead. "Ice helps the aching burn. But you'll probably have nightmares tonight."

The man regarded him suspiciously as Harry conjured up a small specialty ice pack he had researched. It didn't warm, didn't melt or drip, and it adjusted to the right temperature to numb the aching, it was also soft and you could charm it to stay in the one spot. He floated it over to Snape who stared at it.

"I believe Mister Potter I am capable of helping myself. I am also, if you care to recall a master in Occlumency, so these nightmares should not pose a problem."

Harry merely shrugged, eyes catching on the parchments that sat on the other mans bedside table.

"Could I have my parchments please, sir?"

A raised eyebrow, but the papers were tossed in his direction.

That's how Harry spent the next few hours, trying to ignore the emerald gaze boring into him, or the heavy silence which was only made louder by contrast to the occasional scribbling of his quill on parchment. He could have kissed Hermione for bringing him something to do, as opposed to spending the last hours of the day arguing and losing to his potions professor.

He was half way through the question of whether it was more difficult to transform a living thing into an inanimate object or visa versa when it started. First he noticed shifting in the bed beside him, which he ignored, staring harder at the words which had trailed off. He had re-read the last sentence seven times before he heard a choked gasp.

He looked up quickly to see his small body tensed, clutching at his forehead.

"Professor?" He stumbled off his bed, parchments rolling under his feet. Rushing over, he jumped back as the small body arched violently. Casting a silencing spell, and a few others to stop the man from hurting himself too badly, Harry tried to creep a little closer.

Then the broken screaming started. Harry could feel tears burning in the back of his eyes. God this was horrible, he'd never seen himself during his particularly violent visions, no wonder Hermione was so worried about him, she'd only been there for one of his worst ones. He'd woken up to find her hysterical, surrounded by teachers. He'd always remembered to fall asleep under as many silencing and notice-me-not charms as possible, he didn't want to be seen as weak.

"Professor. It's alright. I'm here." His stumbling comfort was silenced by a cry that pierced straight through him. That was his own voice, but he could hear a touch of Snape in it, and that was what made it worse. He wished he could take this back, wished he was the one in his body, writhing under the ghosts of mulitple Crucios.

He crept even closer, his hand grasping a wrist. The convulsing stopped suddenly and everything was quiet.

A thick silence as if the room was holding its breath waiting.

"You have failed me Lucius." Harry looked up into ruby red eyes that were staring unseeingly at him. Fear spiked through him but he didn't let go of the wrist. He hoped Riddle wouldn't sense his presence so near. "You were to bring me your brat, you promised great things from that boy. Instead I find out that he is in fact contemplating on aligning himself with the meddlesome old fool. This betrayal shall not be over looked." The convulsing started again, but this time their was no screaming, as if the victim believed they deserved what they received. Or perhaps Snape had found hidden restraint that Harry was never able to find. He always woke up with a raw throat, and tears in his eyes, he never tried to restrain his screams. Finding release from the torment, he needed to voice the pain of others, as if it would somehow help them as well.

It was hard fast and brutal. Harry knew Riddle was at an end, so before he could regain strength to attack again, or to bring someone else into be tortured Harry started to shake the man, lying unconscious in his body.

"Professor! Wake up." This was a critical stage. Harry knew that if he would wake up before the insane man started torturing again he would save his potions professor from another round of torture. He also knew that it was during this time that he would try and wake himself, often being unable to, dooming himself to hours more of unbearable pain.

"Potter." The hoarse voice murmured, as eyes pulled themselves slowly open. No venom was held in them, just pure exhaustion. Harry noticed his grip from the wrist had moved up to interlace fingers with the other. He stared at the clasped hands and imagined for a moment that he was back in his body, holding hands with his potions master, after a vision. But soon the hands started shaking in his grasp destroying the image. The after effects of a Crucio.

He stared down at his own pale face, from which the potions master stared out of. He tightened his hold on the now violently shaking hand, hoping the man wouldn't react too badly, instead the gesture seemed to be ignored as the man looked away as if embarrassed by his lack of control over his tortured body.

Harry wasn't going to say anything, he knew what it felt like straight after visions. The shocking feeling of another entering and parading through your mind, or being tossed into another's. The pain that flooded through your body, the shaking and the exhaustion.

"Dobby?" Harry called out softly into the room followed by a pop.

"Mr Harry Potter sir?" Dobby gazed up at the obsidian eyed man. "How can Dobby be of service?"

"I'd like the blue potion from the second layer of my truck, fifth compartment."

"Of course sir." The small creature bowed and disappeared. Green eyes turned to regard him, curiosity and suspicion unable to be formed into words.

"Hermione saw me during one of the visions." Harry stared at the tossed bedspread, that had been disturbed during the torture. "She spent the rest of the month researching and brewing a potion for the after effects of the Crucio. It doesn't really prevent pain, and it doesn't really heal, but it's more of a bandaid effect, numbing the pain."

A glare in his direction and a broken voice still with the power to sting lashed him.

"I am a Potions Master, Potter, simple potions such as that are common knowledge." Harry winced at the raw quality of the voice and decided not to bring up the fact that this 'simple' potion was in fact one of the more complex in the book. Then again, it would most definitely be simple to the potions professor.

A third pop and the glass vile was presented to Harry with an exaggerated bow.

"Is there anything else Dobby can do for you sir?"

"Two bowls of Chicken soup would be lovely Dobby." The elf bowed and disappeared with an excited squeak. It wasn't often that Harry asked for his favourite meal.

"Chicken Soup?" The voice croaked, eyes almost shut from exhaustion, but the man managed to pull himself into a sitting position, almost puffing from exertion. Visions and torture sessions always drained Harry of vast amounts of energy, it seemed it effected Severus just as badly.

"It helps your throat." Harry pulled his hand away from the man who stared at where their hands had been joined as if the skin was contaminated. Harry pretended to ignore the look, a little hurt by it, but instead he pulled out the stopper on the vile, conjured up a spoon, and prepared to ladle the medicine to the man.

"What do you think your doing Potter?" The voice broke mid growl. The head turned away from the offered spoon.

"Oh." He hadn't even been thinking, preparing to coddle the man for putting him in that position to begin with. It hadn't actually occurred to him that Snape would definitely not want to be coddled, especially by Harry Potter. "Sorry sir." He blushed handing the spoon over to the man as well as the bottle. He was about to retreat back to his bed before he realised the man couldn't lift the spoon without shaking so much that the medicine almost spilt.

"Here." He took hold of Snapes hand which was halfway to the mans mouth, and held it firmly. The potions master didn't even have time to think before a spoonful was poured into his mouth. He coughed and spluttered and glared at Harry at the same time, the man was a master at multi-tasking.

"Magic Mister Potter." He glared, took his wand out and Harry panicked. The man was going to hex him not only for touching him but spoon feeding him. Instead the wand was pointed at the spoon and a small stream of Latin flowed out from the older man's lips.

The spoon floated steadily in the air dipping into the vile to draw out another spoonful. It floated before swerving upside down, the liquid staying perfectly on the spoon, as if gravity did not exist. Harry felt himself blush, he still wasn't used to the idea that magic could solve a lot of things. Perhaps it was his muggle upbringing, or the fact that most of his problems couldn't be solved with a flick of a wand.

He sighed and retreated back to his bed, only looking up when the spoon clattered to the floor on the way back to the bedside table. Harry's body looked exhausted, he guessed Severus was also magically drained, probably from trying to fight the visions, the magic curses were also draining on energy, both magical and non-magical.

Severus wouldn't be able to go to class tomorrow, especially as his muscles as well as his magic would be protesting tonight's bashing. He'd feel worse tomorrow than the sharp intense pain of today. Harry kept his mouth shut as the man forced his eyes to stay open, he wouldn't say anything as the man looked readily to kill.

Harry turned back to his transfiguration questions, just in time to get interrupted by the soup he had asked for. Dobby, used to serving Harry in the hospital wing, had already charmed and set up Severus' soup so that the all the man had to do was sit there, and it would dish itself to him. Harry thanked the house elf, grateful for the creatures consideration.

The rest of the evening was spent with Harry re-reading his question, unable to concentrate, worrying about tomorrow and how everything was going to work out, worrying about Riddle, Snapes inability to use Occlumency to stop them from happening, and what was going to happen to Draco. He wasn't sure how he was going to take the news of Draco's supposed quest to become light, but then he had dropped many of his preconceived notions of Slytherins a while ago.

He fell asleep, propped with his parchments on his lap, an uncomfortable kink in his neck, a whirl wind of confusion, questions and doubts spinning through his mind and half shut eyes watching him.

Examining.

* * *

A/N: So so sorry for the long delay. It will have to be every second week updates from now on. I'm sorry this chapter isn't as long as it's suppose to be, I'm not yet used to 12 hour shifts for 6 days a week (plus living 45 minute drive from home). Hopefully next update will be longer (however it will be two weeks away, sorry!)

I will reply to reviews, if I haven't replied, I'll reply the following weekend.

Thanks everyone for your patience!


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Yay finally another update! Sorry folks!

Anyway, hopefully it'll make up for it in the length, I'm also trying to get the story to move along so that the end of school gets closer and Snape can finally meet the family (evil laughter), and Harry can do some rescuing. WOOOT!

And then we shall see where it goes with evil psychotic men, blonde boys, smart girls and the all around fun loving potions master. O.o

* * *

**Chapter 6**

Severus woke up, early morning light spilt under the curtains, steadily creeping closer to where he lay. His joints were stiff, his muscles protesting when he made to sit up and his head aching like he'd had a too wild night out at town. It seemed no matter how old or young the body, a night in the presence of the Dark Lord had the same effects.

Instead of a pleasantly alcohol hazed memory of the night before he was slapped in the face by the memory of the vision, the feel of the snake faced bastard worming its way into his mind, the screaming and the pain.

A small part of his mind reminded him of Harry's worry and the larger, calloused hand holding his own smaller, while another part registered what he had seen, and Lucius' punishment. His mind being practical and not one for flights of fancy latched onto something he could work over and would provide a suitable enough distraction from the thought of Harry.

Draco.

Severus had been working on the boy and his mother for years. He'd decided with Narissa that Draco would not join the Death Eaters, but they had never spoken on pledging the boy to the light side. Severus had made it clear to the boy that a master was still a master, no matter how sweet the candy he offered was, or how bright the twinkle in his eyes.

Lucius of course had agreed, but had kept out of the decision, knowing that if he was to confront his wife about it he'd be put back into line. The man sitting in the boy-who-lived's body smiled to himself, many people saw Lucius as the man in power and his wife a trophy wife. No one, except close friends, knew the true dynamics of the household. Former Ms Black, coming from an extremely powerful aristocratic family knew how to sway those around her, she had set her sights on Lucius since their early school days and ensnared him before they had left school.

He had always been good friends with her. In fact at school Narissa and Lily had almost been like sisters to him, and the two very different girls had formed a friendship which they had kept secret for fear of being ridiculed and broken apart. It had been an odd trio, but it had surprisingly worked.

He glanced at the boy who slept curled up. Severus could see the way the hands, potion stained hands were cupped as if to catch the slow deep breaths of sleep, an innocent gesture which he hadn't displayed since he was a boy. It was odd how the boy seemed to bring a feather light quality to his aged body, he could see himself almost glowing, the limited range of emotions which he controlled with deadly precision were lost as the boy moved swiftly from one emotion to the next, volatile, unpredictable.

Severus mused over the last few days. He had agreed to extra potion lessons not because he was a masochist and enjoyed torturing himself with addle brained students wasting his spare time. But because it annoyed and frustrated him that Potter, the supposed saviour of the wizarding world, was dismal in Potions, mediocre in most other subjects and only partially adequate in the Defence Against the Dark Arts. He didn't know what the headmasters plans were, if the vacant man even had any other plan then to throw the teenage boy into a situation and see how he handled it.

Harry Potter needed help, otherwise Severus would be caught in the grasp of two dictators walking a very thin line which he had almost stumbled off a few times. He was not going to allow his only chance at escaping the two maniacal men simply go off without a living chance in hell, because no one had seen it proper to inform the boy that his golden glow wouldn't help an ounce in defeating the most feared and powerful Dark Lord in history.

He had decided, after the ministry of magic incident almost leaving Black for dead and quiet a few injured, that it would be up to him to bring the boy off his pedestal. It would start with him agreeing to the extra potion lessons, during which he would be able to work on the boy and get him to show a little initiative for his own survival as well as the survival of Britains wizarding population.

The night he had final decided that the voices in the back of his mind had cheered. He would at least shove the boy in the right direction, keeping a few paces behind him in case the trouble that he seemed attracted crept up. He'd pay off James' debt and keep his promise to Lily. He smiled at the memory of the two joking, one afternoon when James had been on an Aruor mission and she had come over with the baby Harry. He had promised to take care of the small baby boy whose small fingers had curled around his thumb when the young one had fallen asleep on his lap.

"Sir?" His thoughts were interrupted and the small smile slipped off his lips as he turned to glare at the boy who inhabited his body. Nostalgia washed through him.

This would all be different if not for that night.

"What is it Potter?" The boy looked away under the glare.

"Nothing."

"Then why open your mouth?" A wave of exhaustion swept through Severus, and he swayed wear he sat.

"I think sir, that you should stay here for the day." Harry was playing with the blanket not looking at him. "I usually…" he paused not daring to look up, which gave Severus a sense of satisfaction. He may be stuck in the childs' body, a small voice protested to the description but he ignored it, yet he still had the touch to produce the fear in others. "You're probably exhausted after last night, especially having to fight him off with Occlumency."

Severus shook his head. The boy was daft.

"I fought no such mind mastering battle with the Dark Lord." Harry looked up at him, shock flashing in Severus' onyx eyes. The older man simply rolled the emerald in return. "The Dark Lord knows about his connection to you, which was how he knew to send the false vision to you which almost resulted in the death of you dogfather." The boy blanched, and Severus continued, what was he to care about the mutt and the boys relationship. "He also consequently knows I have been teaching you Occlumency." The boy blinked as if pieces were falling together.

"Oh… that night." Severus had no idea what the boy was talking about, but he kept the puzzlement for later, instead pulling up a sneer to cover his thoughts.

"Indeed." He was about to continue when the boy let slip a small smile.

"I mean the night about three weeks ago, you were… punished." He shook his head almost in distress. "I would have thought you would have been punished more severely."

Severus felt his eyebrow raise in questioning, but he fought against the body's ease of showing emotions and instead twisted it into a glare. "When one works for two masters spying on each you learn to think on your feet. The punishment was for not informing him about the arrangement, however it was only short due to the fact I wasn't teaching you anything." He'd had a headache by the end of each lesson due to the idiocy of the boy and his inability to grasp or even attempt to grasp the subject matter. "However that was not due to any failing on my part. He seemed pleased that I had 'volunteered' to teach you, as opposed to some other such as Dumbledore. This allowed him some level of control over your ability to control your mind." Harry stared at him blankly.

"Why are you telling me this?" Severus frowned, he could feel the remnants of the mornings headache building. He hated even thinking about Potter and Occlumency in the same instance, the brat was not only hopeless in the art but had the gall to look specifically into the memories he had taken out.

"To explain to you that I can not simply fight off the Dark Lord with Occlumency and win, especially with his knowledge that you possess none of the skill. Not only would that endanger myself but it could endanger you if you were called, leaving me stuck in this body."

"Oh."

"You're unbelievably articulate this morning Mr Potter." The boy ignored him.

"But couldn't you tell the truth. You stopped teaching me…" He paused and Severus was surprised to see a flash of guilt sweep across his features. "and then maybe add a small lie about the headmaster teaching me."

Severus was a little taken back by the guile the boy was presenting, and the quick wit he seemed to possess. The small voice in the back of his mind which sounded a lot like Lily when she got into one of those moods, pointed out that he should have figured out that the boy must be quick to have survived the ordeals he had been forced through, dumb luck and Gryffindor stupidity could only stretch so far.

"It would still not seem plausible if you suddenly gained the experience and strength of a master occlumencist in a matter of days, no matter how good the teacher is." He watched Harry squirm at the way he had twisted the boys words and the concealed threat that lay in it.

"I didn't say you were a bad teacher sir." The boy wouldn't look at him so he couldn't see the incredulous look Snape was giving him, but he did hear the snort, which brought a flush to his cheeks. The boy seemed to be working up to something. "I…" He glanced up, meeting Severus's eyes before looking down and rushing through his words. "I'm sorry I looked into your pensive, and I'm sorry for what Sirius did and I'm sorry for what you went through and I'm sorry no one stopped it, I'm sorry-"

"Potter." Severus was glad he could at least manipulate this voice so far as to give it a sharp snap. "You can not change what happened in the past before you were even born, nor were you at fault for your dogfathers actions or that of his class mates." Harry watched him cautiously, what more did the boy want? "I suppose you want me to forgive you for your curiosity and the need to stick your nose into others private affairs?"

There was deathly silence after the stinging drawl.

Harry wouldn't look at him.

A less harsh voice as Snape mulled over what he was about to say.

"I don't believe I am capable of forgiving you for that just yet." The boy looked up, a small sliver of hope in his eyes. Severus hadn't seen hope flicker through those onyx depths for years, he hadn't held it within his grasp for so long. It surprised him that the boy wanted his forgiveness, that he had even apologised and hadn't told anyone about it. This was just another facet of the many sided boy he was beginning to see. He felt the smugness presented from the voice in the back of his mind, a small 'told you so'. He dismissed it as immature.

"I understand." The boy nodded as if he hadn't revealed anything. Severus simply shook his head.

"Mr Potter!" There was a squawk from the doorway and Severus turned to glare at the nurse who had barged in. "Do you know what time it is? You were to be at the Great Hall by eight! Classes start in fifteen minutes, you have to get ready, have breakfast and get to the dungeons, remembering Severus is never tardy." She turned her glare on the amused Severus. "And you! You should have been up, meeting with Ron and Hermione half an hour ago. Why I-"

"Madame Pomfrey." The boy cut her off before Severus could have his ears boxed. That woman could be a fright.

"Yes?" Her tone was that of one not impressed.

"I… well Professor Snape had a vision last night and I don't think he's well enough to be getting up." Svereus had just finished thanking Potter for his quick thinking so he wouldn't have to face Poppy's wrath before she turned on him with a critical eye taking her wand out.

"Well why didn't you say anything before hand? I put my trust in you that if anything was to occur during the night that you were to call me, and what reward do I get for this trust?" Snape cursed Potter under his breath. He watched the boy get up and attempt to sneak out as Poppy advanced on his still prone form.

"I would have informed you had I been conscious at the time or not screaming my lungs out, believe me Poppy, I would rather have you expert skills than those of an adolescent boys." He drawled and she merely rolled her eyes.

"And where do you think you're going Mr Potter?" She called out just as the boy was about to leave the room. He looked caught between running and facing something horrible.

"er…" Severus watched in amusement as Poppy rounded on the boy. "I'm going to be late?"

"Stand still." The boy looked up, eyes wide, caught as the mediwitch chanted a lengthy spell. "You initials are covered, and I've placed a small charm on you that allows me to monitor your health for the day. If it spikes it will alert me. Come back at the end of the day and I'll run another check on you, if I believe your well enough to be trusted I may remove it." Her threat and her glare sent Harry packing from the room. Severus hid his small smile of amusement when the mediwitch turned back to him.

"Rough night?" The older woman rubbed her eyes tiredly and nodded. Not many knew but she took it upon herself to work at St Mungo's when the hospital wing at Hogwarts was quiet and the assistant mediwitch, Anthony could handle everything by himself. Besides, she was only a Flu call away she reasoned, while her expertise could be used to help others, even save lives in a critical situation.

"Now tell me about this episode. Harry the poor dear doesn't go into much detail, but he has told me about the after effects." She took out a small vile placing it on the desk and another round tub of ointment. "The vile is for the headache and the ointment for the muscles, the boy applies it himself. Says he knows where to apply it and how much pressure to use, however if you would like assistance…" She trailed off as Severus simply gave her a look, before downing the first vile and leaving the ointment where it was. "No I didn't think so, but I would like to do a full check on you. I haven't been able to catch Harry lately. Off with the shirt." Severus stared at her blankly.

"Pardon?"

"Shirt off." She waved her hand impatiently. "I want a full check on Mr Potter." A sudden thought of asking the boys permission flashed through his mind before it was brushed off, this was his body at the moment, he didn't need Potters permission to do anything to it. The small voice snickered, yes it was definitely Lily, only her sense of humour ever sunk that low as he was bombarded with disturbing mental images. It didn't help when he pulled the shirt off over his head, his fingers brushing against his own smooth, hairless torso.

Snatching his hands away, he let them fall limp at his sides as Madame Pomfrey asked him to stand. Pulling himself up, swaying as the woman walked around him tutting, her wand sweeping up and down his chest he tried to stop the black creeping at the edges of his vision.

"Dear me, the boy definitely is malnutritioned, low body weight for his age, hmm that hasn't healed properly." She tapped his chest with the end of her wand. "Now breath in deeply." Severus took in a large breath wondering about the comments that the mediwitch was mumbling under her breath. "Yes, it definitely hasn't healed well."

"May I enquire as to what you are talking about."

"A cracked rib." She mumbled a reply, looking concerned caught in her work. A tap to his wrist. "Straighten your arm." He did as he was told and the wand swept the length of his unblemished exposed arm. "That has been dislocated, not set in place properly." She swept his abdomen and Severus felt the tendrils of magic sweep across the golden skin and he tried not to squirm. "Pants off."

Severus grimaced. This definitely felt wrong, not only was he using Potters body, but he was going to expose it to somebody else. Shrugging he undid the draw string, Madam Pomfrey had probably seen the boy naked on many accounts with the amount of time he spent in the hospital ward.

The pants fell to his ankles and the wand swept up and down his limbs. Snape stared at the ceiling trying to ignore the guilty and slightly embarrassed feeling for himself and for Harry broiling in his stomach as the woman tutted and muttered under her breath.

"Clothes back on and into bed. I'll send a healthy lunch up, the boy doesn't eat enough, and after that we'll see to getting that wrist and those ribs fixed."

Severus pulled up the pants, faster than he should have, the darkness creeping across his vision when he straightened. Grabbing his shirt he collapsed on the bed, crawling under the covers, not bothering to question Poppy about the old injuries, letting the exhaustion pull him under. He spared only a seconds thought for Harry and how the boy would be handling the classes before he was swept away.

Harry crept out of the hospital wing cursing under his breath. Hopefully the mediwitch wouldn't exam him too closely, he knew he wouldn't come off in the best of health, he didn't eat enough and he was sure his wrist hadn't been set properly, but it was hard to reset your own dislocated wrist. He did have a few stories up his sleeve though, just in case she did a check on his body while he wasn't there. Harry frowned stalking down the corridor, he hoped there was no way magic could pick up traces of past injuries.

He glared at a passing gaggle of students who fell silent making way for him, looking to see if anyone was around he tickled the pear and slipped into the kitchen.

"Is Mister Harry Potter wanting anything? Breakfast? Tea?" The house elf had appeared at his feet as soon as he had stepped into the warm room. He looked around quickly to make sure no one else was in the room before he drew in a deep breath of thick air that smelled of freshly made bread.

"Just some toast thanks Dobby. And please, it'd be best for you to call me Professor Snape." Harry smiled down at the house elf who seemed a little stunned for a moment. There was a pause in which the house elf just stared at him.

"Dobby?" Harry called the creatures name and he seemed to snap out of the small trance he had been in. "Are you alright?" The creature shook itself.

"Dobby has never seen sir smile." With those words the creature had disappeared and Harry cursed himself, he shouldn't have been smiling, he should be more cautious. But the kitchen was a small safe haven, which Harry sometimes escaped to when he couldn't sleep or he couldn't face going to the Great Hall, when he just wanted to be Harry. The house elves still doted on him but they were no longer in total awe of his presence. They were amazing creatures, picking up on what he needed as soon as he walked in the door, they understood his need to escape and let him use their home as the place where he could take a break from the outside world.

Before his thoughts could go on a piece of toast on a plate was presented to him, neatly buttered and cut into halves.

"Thanks Dobby." The house elf squeaked bowing low. "I'll have it on the run." He waved good bye to Dobby and the other house elves before slipping out a door behind the ovens and the flour sacks. This was another handy thing about befriending the house elves, they had shown him a few secret tunnels and tracks that led to hidden rooms or made excellent shortcuts.

These tunnels weren't on the marauders map as they had been intentionally kept off the blue prints. They had been created after Hogwarts had been built and the founders had found a need to move around quickly, some doors when opened led to the opposite side of the school, a few even led to the Chamber of Secrets, those doors had small snakes guarding the handles and needed to be talked into letting Harry through. The smell of decaying Basilisk however had driven him straight back out, he hadn't told Hermione about those doors.

He had however spent countless evenings and nights with her exploring the tunnels and doors, she didn't use them as much as she tended to be on time and overly organised, while Harry, although he had become more studious still had trouble organising himself and found himself running late to quite a few classes.

Which is what he found himself doing now, striding down a long hidden corridor he knew let out right beside the dungeons. The long legs carried him faster than his shorter ones so he didn't need to jog, however the closer he got to his destination the slower he seemed to get, he could feel his stomach rolling, his legs shaking and he clenched his fists.

"I can do this." He muttered under his breath swallowing, licking his dry lips as he slipped out the door into an empty room and stalked into the corridor that led to the class room. Turning the corner and stalking into the dungeon, he glared at them, second year Ravenclaws and Slytherins all seated, segregated from one another.

Holy shit, kept repeating, circling around his mind, it definitely didn't help him. What was he doing! He should have spoken to Snape, maybe had a look at some lesson plans. But no, instead he had to be such a Gryffindor and rush in without thinking.

Sure the man had said just put the instructions up on the board and sit back, but which instructions? For what potion?

The twenty odd students stared at him waiting as he glared back.

"Well what are you waiting for? A personal invitation? Open your books to where we left off." Harry could feel his heart beating rapidly in his chest as he gave the class a glare before moving to the desk. He opened a desk draw and fought to keep the grimace off his face at graded papers stained with red ink, he closed it a little too violently and a few students looked up, he merely glared at them until they averted their eyes.

The papers did however give him an idea that could get him through the whole day.

"Today you will have an open book Pop Quiz, in which you are to write a two foot essay on what you have been learnt during this last week." The students looked up from the books. "To be handed in by the end of the class." He received incredulous looks but no one dared to protest, or even let out a groan. Harry smirked, Snape certainly had them well trained.

"Well? Begin." The students scrabbled to get out parchment and ink. Harry spent the next fifteen minutes going through the desk draws looking for some clue as to what he should be teaching instead he found masses of marked and unmarked papers, a draw full of items, some of which were familiar and had been taken from students who had the nerve to bring them into Snapes class room. Dung beetle bombs, small scurrying insects which exploded when they hit their target, charmed quills, sweet ink, Harry dug a little deeper and fought down a blush when he almost pulled out porn magazine. Who on earth would bring that into Snapes class!

After he had exhausted his limited source of entertainment, he decided that perhaps he should stalk around the class a little, breathing down the necks of students. Getting up he slunk between the desks, stopping behind students, reading over their shoulder before moving on. He could feel them tense under his gaze, even the Slytherins, he wondered if it gave Snape a surge of power, almost an aphrodisiac, he could see how it could, but to Harry it just stung right through him, he was someone who was feared even hated, no one truly liked him.

Loneliness, that's what it enforced in him.

No longer able to handle the feeling, he strode back to his desk, sliding into the seat, only then noticing that it was probably one of the most comfortable uncomfortable looking chairs he had ever sat in. Glaring at the class he muttered a Tempus charm under his breath and the small glowing numbers told him that there was still half an hour to go. This was definitely a handy trick learnt from the house elves.

Most people didn't realise how incredibly powerful these creatures were. They were small power boxes of raw magic, Apparating within Hogwarts was said to be impossible, yet they did it many times a day, along with countless amounts of wandless magic.

He had asked them one day if they could teach him a few tricks. They hadn't spoken to him for a week after that, he wasn't sure if they had thought he had insulted them or what, but in the end they had agreed, however Dobby didn't participate in the activity, leaving him in the hands of others.

They had taught him just a few things, how raw energy, material and magic connected. How wands filtered the haphazard ebb and flow of raw magic, binding it into a certain constant strength that could be controlled.

After looking through a few books which discussed the topic and left Harry's head spinning with information that he wasn't sure he had understood, as well as weeks of after dinner or before breakfast theory he was allowed to try a simple Lumos without his wand.

Nothing happened.

He had tried, had focused himself, cleared his mind, ranted and raved, sat silent and still, pulled with in himself, prodded and poked trying to find this well of power that supposedly sat at the core of every being. Nothing had happened, so the house elves had given him a spoon and sent him on his way.

The small silver teaspoon had sat on his desk for a few days as he pondered its meaning, frustrated and annoyed at his inability to even create a spark. The third night he had a dream in which he had defeated Voldemort with the spoon, he had wielded it like a wand, afterwards he had eaten grape jelly and spoken to a giant frog, but what resulted from the dream was Harry waking to promise himself that he would never again eat hummus before bed, and the flashing realisation that he was to use the spoon to focus his magic and raw power. The spoon was a non-magical item that would be incredibly difficult to force magic through, but it would be easier to use as something to focus the raw magic on as opposed to going straight to wandless.

He had gone to ask the house elves the following morning if that was what the spoon was for, and they had simply sat him down with a large breakfast, one which contained all of his favourite foods. He had spent the following days trying to force his magic through the spoon, this caused the house elves however to seem disappointed but they wouldn't say what he was doing wrong.

They were the most frustrating teachers he had ever had, but he had to admit, their technique did make him work for the ability, made him go out and look up information on his own, helped him build his own initiative, only pushing him in the right direction every now and then.

It also made the victory sweeter.

He had taken off the day of spoon practicing to lounge around the Gryffindor common room. Seamus had brought in a DVD player which was one of the newest additions to the wizarding world. Some wizarding company, much to Arthur Weaslye's delight, had begun transferring muggle items into items that ran off magic globes, much like batteries except that they didn't have to be replaced and no wall socket was needed.

The DVD player was much like a projector, except it produced its own screen, depending on the distance and size that it was programmed to. Seamus had explained this all in a rushed excited manner as everyone had gathered around.

It wasn't too much longer before everyone had been seated and the lights were dimmed. Harry had decided at the beginning of the movie that the main character was incredibly hot, Neo. He also realised that if no knowledge of the muggle world or of computer technology was had the movie was a little odd to follow, but it was a good story none the less.

Until the small boy in the apartment held up the spoon.

Everything seemed to click, he had been concentrating so hard on the actual spoon itself, he should be letting the magic flow through it, not forcing it, not trying to make it into something it wasn't.

The rest of the movie was lost on Harry as he sat in the darkness concentrating on his own thoughts as they whirled around and fell into place.

He had run to the kitchen after the movie had finished, picked up the spoon and watched and waited as nothing happened. To say he was disappointed was an understatement, after months almost a year of working at it, when he had finally thought he had had the key to unlocking his wandless magic it had fallen down on him.

He had sat down hard, and stared unseeingly at the spoon and felt everything wash through him. Something snapped inside him and he felt his magic sing through every pore in his body trying to find a way out. A whispered Lumos lit up the whole kitchen and danced silver in the tears of frustration, happiness and relief that streamed down Harry's cheeks and on the grins of the house elves that had gathered, dancing and clapping in joy.

It had taken another few weeks to correct his technique, and refine his ability to call on the magic, then it had taken a month and a half to move from the spoon to complete wandless magic. It had been rather anti-climactic, he had gone through all this work to be able to cast a Lumos without a wand, and even then it was incredibly draining. But as he worked on it, it grew easier and he added a few very simple spells to his arsenal.

"Sir?" He was snapped out of his thoughts and he looked up to glare at a Ravenclaw who sat straight under his gaze.

"Yes?" He asked in a drawl.

"I'm finished sir." He blinked, what was he going to do now?

"Hand me the essay and start reading this weeks agenda." The dirty blonde haired boy looked a little uncomfortable coming up to the desk, escaping as soon as he could, before the parchment had even hit the desk.

Harry glanced at it, incredibly neat hand writing, neatly spaced, and a little longer than two feet. The boy could give Hermione a run for her money.

He drew out a red quill and started reading through the essay. It was good, better than he had ever done in his second year. A few red marks, spelling, at the end he made a few suggestions about small bits of information he didn't realise he had known. At the top he wrote an A.

Now that he had started he decided he'd read a few more unmarked essays that had been left in a large piles in the desk draws. He quite enjoyed reading through some of the parchments, but others were almost excruciating to read. No sentence structure, limited paragraph use, undetectable scrawl, words that looked made up, and this was now fourth year essays. Sentences taken directly out of text books, Harry had to smirk as he crossed out a large section and wrote the extent of the copyright fines the student, Geoffrey Hunt, had gathered under from his essay, it was a section of the same book he had copied out a year ago.

Harry wondered if sections of textbook were used more often then others and how many out of an odd thirty class would actually have that same copied section in their essay. No wonder Snape marked harshly, students didn't give him the credit so he most certainly didn't soften his harsh red scrawl.

Harry was quite enjoying himself writing biting sarcastic comments on his papers, as well as making a few suggestions or spelling corrections on the better essays. By the end of the class he had marked a few papers, and as the students filed out they handed him their papers, as he smirked at them. It was the same for every other class after that until lunch.

At lunch he almost ruined everything, walking towards the Gryffindor table and the empty seat beside Hermione. The cold looks he received from his friends stopped him in time, but as he was already making his way over to the table he couldn't abruptly stop and turn around.

"I see Mr Potter hasn't joined you for lunch. The boy better be in my class at the end of the day, I will have no sympathy for him, if he decides to draw out this farce any longer." With that he spun on his heel and stalked up to the teachers table sliding into the seat that Harry knew was Snapes. It was the seat where he could always feel the dark eyes watching him, boring holes into the back of his neck.

"How are you my dear boy?"

Harry turned to glare at the headmaster. "Much better had I not had to suffer the presence of Mr Potter for the past few days." The headmaster merely smiled and went back to eating his stuffed cabbage. Harry wondered what really went through that mans head sometimes.

After lunch he frightened a few more students, set longer Pop Quizzes and marked the ones he had set in the morning, towards the end of the day he was tempted to set fire to the remaining quizzes, he shouldn't have a allowed open book, as most essays were copied straight out of the texts. He was sure he would know the whole text book off the top of his head by the end of it.

As the second last class filed out Harry glowered at the desk top, he was starting to get a headache, and no matter how many times he stalked around the classroom every time he sat down pins and needles would creep up his left foot.

He had time just enough to let out a groan as he looked at his timetable before the first students started straggling in. Fifth year Gryffindors and Slytherins.

"Get out your quills and parchment, I want a five foot essay by the end of the day on what you have learned this last week." His low drawl filled the whole class room as he avoided looking at Hermione and Draco. Out of the corner of his eye he could see the boy looked tired, he wondered if the vision Snape had had was actually true. Sometimes the dark lord when he was over emotional, angry, ecstatic, upset, couldn't hold the control on his mind and would unintentionally send visions, other times he would send extremely violent painful ones just in spite, or fake visions to confuse the hell out of Harry.

Hermiones hand was raised.

"Yes Ms Granger?"

"But we did this just the other day. You still haven't returned them." He glared at her cursing Snape, what was he supposed to do now, no way was he going to tell them to brew a potion that had the potential of leaving them all in the hospital ward and Snape even more enraged by his lab being blow to pieces.

"I haven't returned them because I haven't bothered to mark them. I'm a busy man and I don't waste my time on such dismal excuses of writing." Harry sneered. He heard Ron in the background muttering to Pavarti.

"Busy licking you-know-who's boots."

"Mr Weasley!" Harry snapped. He was furious, not many people knew Snape was a Death Eater in the first war, and no one ever spoke of it now. And for Ron, who knew Snape was a spy for the Order, to be saying such things and to Pavarti as well, someone who knew nothing of the potion masters sacrifices set Harry's teeth on edge. "25 points from Gryffindor and the rest of the weeks detention until summer vacation with Filch I'm sure he will enjoy the company cleaning out your brothers mess. I would also appreciate it if you kept you liaisons outside of my class, and preferably outside of my hearing, I do not need to know of the breading habits of Weasley's, there is evidence enough."

He glared at the fuming Gryffindor students and smirked at the snickering Slytherins. "Well get on with it." He snapped when no one seemed to be getting out their writing utensils. The rest of the class was spent with him pretending to mark essays, as he tried to concentrate on the words that kept blurring. All he could think of was Ron's comment, and with Draco sitting only a few desks away he was forced to deal with another problem, the validity of the vision and what it would mean if it had been true.

It was a long time later, when Harry thought the class couldn't possibly drag any longer that the bell rang and the day was officially over. Students filed out dumping their essays on the desk until only two remained, Draco who was obviously waiting for Hermione to leave and Hermione who didn't want to say anything in front of Draco.

Harry glanced up at them, halfway through crossing out their and putting in there over the mistake.

"Yes?" Hermione shifted glancing at Draco who shrugged, gave a meaningful look to Harry, one which Harry was obviously supposed to understand if he had in fact been Snape, but now left him totally confused and gave a nod in Hermione's direction before brushing past her and out the door. Harry glared at her and his headache double when she produced a 9 foot essay.

"I specifically requested a five foot essay Ms Granger." She ignored his glare.

"Sir, I'd really appreciate it if you at least read Harry's essay from the other day, he worked hard on it and as he wasn't here today to write another one could you at least consider it."

"Whether Mr Potter was here or not is his business, not mine." He went back to marking the essay, guilty over the fact he had gotten Hermione to help work through the said essay with him. He had in fact worked really hard on it, but now it wouldn't matter anyway.

"He's still in the hospital ward sir, and I was wondering if you were feeling alright?" Harry's head snapped up.

"And what business is it of yours?" Panic swelled through him, maybe he hadn't been putting up the Snape act well enough. But he'd snapped and sneered and glared and glowered, stalked and stormed through the hallways frightening students, taking points, what else was he suppose to do?

"You just looked like you were limping or something sir. I just thought maybe last night you were called… Sorry sir." She trailed off backing away a little, she immediately knew she had overstepped the boundary. Harry glared at her, feeling a little upset by the fact that people were afraid to offer Snape comfort. It reinforced the idea that the man had a lonely life, but then Harry had never seen him outside school, perhaps he had plenty of friends and family, however Harry highly doubted it.

"I would appreciate it if you left the room Ms Granger." She was out the door before he could add anything to the low growl.

Pulling himself up he stalked to the headmaster office, taking points, glaring at students and scaring a group of first years. His headache pounding at his temples, the lack of password and the grinning gargoyle fuelled the urge to kick the stone creature, however he knew that he'd be much worse off if he gave into the urge.

"Chuppa Chups." A voice that sound like his own, but laden with exhaustion spat the password out. Harry turned to look down on himself, messy hair, green eyes, glasses and the lightning bolt scar peeking out from behind the bangs. The boy brushed past him, ignoring the glare that Harry sent him and proceeded up the winding stairs.

The door swung open before either could knock and they entered to find the old man sitting unsticking lemon drops from one another and lining them up. He looked up and smiled.

"Melted in my pocket. Now Severus I heard you had a vision last night." The mans twinkling eyes took in both of their visages and Harry wondered what the crazy old man was thinking. Harry tuned out when Snape recounted the vision, going into depth about the torture and the feel of it, the pain lacing through your body as dirty fingers probed your mind.

Harry watched Fawkes, ignoring the look from the headmaster, quiet content in trying not to recall any of the worse tortures where magic wasn't the worst thing that happened. He tried to drown Snape out by humming under his breath, he didn't need to hear the detail, didn't want to hear what happened to him every other night. No one really knew how bad it could get, but now Snape had experienced it, well not one of the worse visions, but now he knew that what Harry told everyone was only the half truth, that the visions were a violation of self, of body, mind, magic.

That nothing could be worse, not even death.

But Harry had kept that to himself, he wasn't one for dramatics, he kept the pain to himself, he needed it to keep him going, needed it to be able to grow stronger, strong enough to defeat the snake faced bastard. Needed it for his guilt, he hadn't been able to stop the attacks, he should have defeated the bastard long ago, people didn't need to suffer, he was the saviour but he wasn't saving them, he was only watching them.

Falling apart.

Falling apart under magic, under pain, under the dark lords; _his_ hands that were everywhere.

"Stop it." Just a whisper. He stared at Fawkes, concentrating on the way the dark red tips of feathers faded into orange, how they shimmered, like flickering flames. There was silence, his voice had stopped talking. It would have been so much easier to ignore if Snape hadn't had his voice, the voice of Harry Potter, only just broken, still a child's voice.

"Harry?" Harry tried to clear his mind like he had been taught, he couldn't look at the headmaster otherwise. Just a little longer, he watched Fawkes bury his head beneath a wing. Harry wish he could hide away as well.

"Yes?" He'd been taught that it was rude not to look at people you were talking to, but he needed to watch Fawkes, needed time, space, couldn't draw back from those memories without cleansing himself first, dislocating himself.

"Is there something you wish to tell me?" Harry turned to face the headmaster, a small smile on his face.

"No sir." The man frowned and Harry saw Snape frown from the corner of his eye, he wondered if he caught a look of concern, or if he was just trying to give himself some hope that maybe, just maybe Snape understood, could help him.

The rest of the meeting went by with Harry answering in monosyllables, he was going to share a place with Snape, because there was no way for them to get into Snapes rooms with Snape being in his body with no control over the extra magic that would be needed for unlocking and changing the numerous wards that even Dumbledore wouldn't want to try and shift.

Harry only truly came back to himself after they had left the headmasters office and he had been led down winding corridors and steep stairs that seemed to go further into an area of the school he had never been.

"Where are we going?" He walked easily beside Snape who had trouble with the shorter legs. The man gave him a quick glance.

"To our rooms , had you been listening you would have known that there is a room made especially for a inter house group or pair. It needs to be activated from here, however we won't be using this way to come and go." Harry frowned.

"What do you mean made especially for? Can't they just magically change the colour scheme?" He received a glare for that comment.

"It is a room, once activated that leads off to a number of separate bedrooms, two in our case, a kitchen, a study, thankfully a lab, and depending on who is opening the door and where they want to go they will either end up in a disused corridor in the dungeons near the Slytherin common room or near the Gryffindor tower."

"Oh." Harry nodded, so a little like the small tunnels and doors he had been exploring.

They came to a dead end, but Snape pulled out his wand and tapped a combination of bricks, the wall before them opened into a luscious living area, stepping in, the wall melted shut behind them. It was nice, deep brown leather armchairs in front of a roaring fire, a stained wooden table and chairs. Snape walked straight through without looking at anything into a room at the back. Harry stood where he had been left, wondering what he should do. He felt something shift in the air around him and heard low chanting. Two doors appeared on either side of the central door that Snape had disappeared into.

Stepping a little further into the room he jumped back in alarm as there was a pop and Dobby appeared in front of him.

"Dobby has come to fetch sirs for dinner or are sirs having dinner here?"

"Here will be excellent, thank you." Harry looked up to find Snape walking with quiet deliberation as if to stop himself from stumbling from exhaustion. He lowered himself gingerly into the chair. Dobby bowed and disappeared.

"Are you alright sir?" The man in the boys body glared at him.

"I'm fine. The rooms are safe to go in, yours is on the right. Do not under any circumstances go into the one on the left." Harry bounded into his room to find a nicely set up ensemble of stained wood, a deep red, his bed spread was less red or maroon then it was a deep wine colour with light gold trimmings, fancy and elegant not the gaudy bright Gryffindor colours that were in his dorm room. All of his belongings were in the draws and cupboards.

There was a bathroom that had another door leading off to it, but it was locked so Harry left it be for the moment. Stepping back into the common room he found Snape staring unseeingly into the fire. Harry had always found that fire had a hypnotic quality to it.

"Why didn't the headmaster magic the rooms?" Obviously the spell Snape had just done had exhausted the already limited magic reserve the man had.

"It has to be done by an occupant." The man didn't look away from the fire.

"Oh."

The rest of the evening was spent in silence apart from the quick appearance of Dobby and their dinner. Harry left the man sitting before the fire and crept back into his room, he decided on a quick shower before bed, tired from the first day of teaching.

He knew he should talk to Snape about this predicament, and the classes he would have to teach tomorrow, as well as Snapes first day as Harry Potter. He wanted to talk about the visions, warn him about them, but he didn't want to think about anything at the moment he was just trying to escape himself and what was happening for tonight. He'd deal with everything tomorrow.

He was halfway through his thoughts, already undressed too busy caught in his own mind when he stepped into the bathroom and saw Snape.

Naked.

The pale scared man in the mirror backed away as Harry backed away. It suddenly registered that the man was him and he almost laughed at his stupidity, but was caught by the light in the mans eyes. He hadn't really seen himself more than once and just before when he had been smiling, it took years off the man.

However his eyes didn't stay on the thin lips too long before trailing down the body, his fingers following the scars his eyes traced.

"Potter!" The voice called through the locked door which Harry had tried to open, he realised it must be joined to Snapes room before he jumped, caught. He felt a flush streak across his cheeks as he tried to keep his hands from touching the smooth pale skin. Letting them fall limply at his sides, he had just gotten to the scar that ran down the mans fat stomach and through the dark trail of hair that crept up from the mans crotch.

"er yes?"

"Hurry up."

"Sure." Harry stepped into the shower, turning on the water so it pelted down onto his back, warmth spearing through him. He quickly soaped up a maroon sponge, not touching the green one that was obviously for the other man. He stared at the soapy suds for a moment before swallowing and quickly and efficiently scrubbing himself clean. His whole body shape felt different and he couldn't help the hands that lingered in certain places, on the very top curve of the buttocks, the flat of his stomach, the three scars that ran parallel just below the mans left nipple, the jaw. Shaking himself, feeling like he was violating Snapes person he rinsed himself off before wet hair fell into his face.

He glanced at the shampoos that had been provided and picked out the least confusing looking one, apple scented. Quickly washing his hair, fingers working his scalp he wondered why Snape didn't wash his hair more often, it felt wonderful. A sudden absurd image flashed trough his mind of when they got their body's back, Harry asking to wash Snapes hair. He could just imagine the curses and hexes thrown his way.

Smiling he quickly got out of the shower, dried, followed through with toiletries and escaped to his room and his bed. He was tired, but couldn't seem to relax, his body tense. He tried shifting a few times, listening to Snape in the shower. The man took a lot longer than he had, and still by the end of it Harry couldn't sleep. Instead he stared at the ceiling in the darkness, trying not to think of anything.

It was morning and he wasn't sure if he'd slept or not.

Getting up in the early morning light coming through the magicked windows he dressed quickly, or as quickly as he could, battling with the many buttons of Severus's robe. He ducked into the bathroom, dragged a comb through his hair, watched how it shimmered in the light, it still looked greasy, but maybe the smoothness was mistaken for grease. He shrugged at himself in the mirror and went into the small kitchen for breakfast. He didn't want to risk the door just yet in case it needed to be magicked.

Grabbing a piece of toast he battled with his hair before find a small note from Snape explaining the use of the door. His hair fell into his eyes again and finally sick of the soft, smooth bangs it had become he rummaged through some of his things in his room searching for the black velvet ribbon Hermione had given him. He hadn't known why she gave it to him, but figured this was a good a purpose as any.

Tying his hair back he eyed himself off in the mirror. Snape certainly looked different with his hair back, a few strands falling over his eyes. Grinning he wondered what Snape would say and if this sudden change in hair style would be noticed by the student population.

He smirked to himself as he opened the door coming out near the Slytherin common rooms and stalked towards the Great Hall.

Of course it would.

* * *

A/N: he he hee, see you next update! (sorry it's in another two weeks) Please review, and feel free to ask any questions. 


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Well I had some time to write as I sliced open my finger and got five stitches and a few days off (slow typing though GAH!) Hope you enjoy the next chapter, it gets a little dark towards the end.

SO SORRY ABOUT THE WAIT! I haven't been able to get home and then the computer was screwed… evil little brothers and their virus attracting abilities.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything (In case people forgot that I don't own Harry Potter or any of his little friends or the world he lives in, and the fact that I don't get any money from this, just my joy of reviews.)

Warning: References to non-con, rape, dark materials (at the end)

I'd like to thank Dark-Lady-Devinity for the ideas about toads and rats which I have used liberally in the beginning of this chapter.

And all of my other reviewers, to whom I will reply to as soon as I can!

HP

Harry smirked as he re-exited the rooms he shared with the other man, he had decided to go back and change into something more comfortable, he remembered the constraining clothes he had been stuck in yesterday and had decided to see if the man owned anything else.

It had taken ages to find the clothes at the back of the wardrobe, but it was worth it. Smirking Harry almost preened.

He thought he looked quiet stunning.

SS

Snape decided that he despised Gryffindors more than he previously thought, their inane chatter was grating on his nerves, and the constant questions were fuelling the headache that was forming. He wasn't surprised if this small stint would reward him with a full blown migraine a little later.

"You alright Harry?" The red head that was part of the trio folded his gangly body up as he lowered himself into a seat next to Harry. Snape wondered why the boy even asked when he didn't wait for the reply stuffing his face with whatever was closest.

"Harry?" The voice was quieter, softer and accompanied by a hand on his arm, causing him to jump. He wasn't used to being touched. He turned to his other side to find the third member of the trio, the only student he thought might actually have a future, _if _the dark lord didn't rise to power. He wished her luck.

"Yeah?" He stared down at his breakfast and felt the hand leave his arm, the warmth that had spread from her touch made him curse the boy who had stolen his body, he didn't want to know what comfort was like, he didn't want something he couldn't have.

"You alright?" There was actual concern in her cinnamon brown eyes, not like the others who had gathered around and had started asking questions as soon as he had sat down. He forced a smile and she frowned as he replied.

"I'm fine." He heard a snort from his other side.

"I'm surprised you're still alive mate, the greasy git was in a bloody foul mood yesterday. Overgrown bat took off 25 points and gave me a weeks detention with Filch. Not only that but I have to clean up the twins farewell mess." The freckled boy looked sour into his breakfast and Snape tried to hide his surprise. Potter had taken 25 points off and given his best friend a week of detention with Filch?

"It probably served you right." The witch on his other side stated as if it was obvious. Snape could detect an undercurrent of something he couldn't quiet catch.

"What I'm saying is I'd rather be stuck in a room full of spiders than with that man."

"He's not that bad." A voice piped up from the other side of the table and Snape noticed it was Neville who had spoken up for him. Surprise was not the word Snape would have used to describe what he was feeling at the moment, floored however sounded more suitable to him. Everyone seemed just as shocked and Neville blushed prodding his breakfast.

"I mean, he's strict, but he has every right to be strict, potions are dangerous." He gave a self-ridiculing smile and a few gave a chuckle at the colourful history of Neville's potions splashed all over the walls of the lab. "Now Umbridge." He gave the small cough she was so infamous for. "She's scary." He received a few murmurs of agreement.

"I'd still rather be stuck in a room full of spiders and Umbridge than with Snape." The other boy retorted and Snape wondered why the boy detested him so much.

"Well you wouldn't have to worry about the spiders too long, she's such a toad she'd probably devour them all." Seamus, Snape recalled, grinned as he puffed out his cheeks.

"I'd love to see Snape and Umbridge locked in a room together." There were humorous disgusted groans from around the table as Ginny realised what she had said. She pulled a face. "Ew No! That's just wrong! I mean have you seen how much Snape hates her?"

"Snape hates everyone." Was the red haired boys reply as his younger sister rolled her eyes.

"No, I really think he doesn't like her, at all."

"Who does?" A snort came from Seamus and Ginny elbowed her boyfriend as she tried to make her point.

"But imagine a duel between them! Snape would kick her ass! It'd be so fun watch, seeing the toad get what was coming to her."

"The toad and the bat, imagine that!" Seamus crooned out of tune and Ginny shook her head. But froze as she stared at the doors of the Great Hall. Snape realised there was a huge drop in the sound of noise and turned to see what was going on. His mouth fell open as he watched himself stride steadily up towards the staff table. His first reaction was to jump up and start ripping into the insolent boy.

How Dare He!

The man shot a small sideways smirk at him as he strode passed, black leather boots that hugged his calves merged flawlessly with the dark material that clung to his legs and contrasted well with the white flowing lace up shirt, that Snape thankfully thought was laced up as opposed to sitting open. Over the top was thrown a half open black robe. But what pissed Snape off even more was the black velvet proposal ribbon that the boy had strung his hair up with.

He was NOT for sale!

As the man reached the table and sat himself down the Hall burst into chatter and Snape sunk into his seat staring at the cold plate of breakfast in front of him. The boy had just succeeded in destroying him, all the hard work he had put into making himself unapproachable, make himself distant, to keep himself away from everyone so he wouldn't endanger them, so they wouldn't try to put themselves into a position where they could possibly be hurt, killed, or worse.

"That… that was unexpected." Snape turned almost hysterically to the girl who was watching the new him sitting up there ignoring the students stares. She looked thoughtful and Snape hoped the girl, his brow furrowed, no, woman, wasn't thinking about asking for the ribbon. In fact where the hell had he gotten that ribbon? He knew the clothes were his, the ones he wore whenever he went out into the muggle world and just wanted to blend, minus robe.

"Harry?" She emphasised his name, still watching the potions master at the Staff table.

"Yeah?"

"Has Snuffles written back?" Snape tried to figure out what she was talking about.

"Er, no."

"How about Padfoot?"

"Nope." She finally turned to him.

"I thought you said you got a letter from both of them." Snape plastered on an innocent face.

"Oh, I thought you meant letters after that." The girl raised an eyebrow.

"We have potions now, and I have double runes next, but after that we'll go to our spot, there's a few things I'm worried about." Snape smiled, nodded and cursed under his breath. He'd have to ask Potter where the spot was, he suspected the hazelnut tree on the far side of the lake. It was a beautiful tree, too far to be a casual walk away which deterred most, it was also rather open which deterred those who met for private affairs. However not many knew about the small dell over the rise of roots which kept one out of sight, it had actually been a spot Severus had frequented when he had wanted to escape the Marauders and everyone else.

"Well we should get going." He pushed the full plate of food away, feeling his stomach roll at the sight of it. The boy obviously didn't eat a lot and it was effecting Severus's eating habits as well.

"Harry you promised me." The girl stared up at him and Severus tried to work out just what she was talking about. "At least three pieces of toast."

"But Hermi, I tried." He had managed to eat one and a half, and that had been a battle.

"Three pieces and I'll let you have a smaller lunch, but I'm not having you fall back to your one and a half, it's not healthy to survive on a piece of bread for the whole day." Snape blinked, they'd obviously had quiet a few discussions on this and it worried him that he hadn't noticed Harry's inability to eat more. A flash of pity and sympathy was washed away by annoyance, the boy was probably dieting, trying to get the perfect image to go with the Golden boy.

Snape decided he'd sabotage the boy's plan and eat as much as he could, so picking up the piece of toast he lathered it with butter and jam, placing a dollop of whipped cream on top. Feeling satisfied he took a mouthful, feeling a little ill at the utter sweetness that swept through his mouth. The look he was getting from the girl that sat beside him was one of surprise.

"I get it Harry, you don't have to try and prove your point." She frowned as he took another large mouthful, his throat convulsing as he tried to swallow. Forcing his body to obey him he forced the food down, before placing the piece of toast back down and feeling his stomach roll.

"I think you're right Hermione." He looked down at the piece of toast that was trying to make its way back up as he concentrated on calming himself. "I need to eat more."

"Harry, that's why I'm trying to help you, but you have to let me help. You only have a few more days to build up your strength." She almost whispered and he stared at his plate trying to figure out this new riddle.

"I know." He whispered back, not meeting her eyes in case she saw the confusion flickering in their depths.

"Come on." She seemed subdued when she stood and Snape followed her out of the Great Hall concentrating on the lump sitting right under his rib cage.

HP

Harry made his way down to the potions classroom, he'd spent the breakfast eating the things he had always wanted, the scones that his stomach couldn't handle in the morning, fresh bread rolls that he could always smell, bacon, eggs. He only had a very small portion of each, but it still felt like a feast, he hadn't ever eaten that much for breakfast without feeling ill, instead he felt satisfied. He had watched Snape struggle with the toast and Hermione worry over him, he had left half way through the argument, but knew his Hermi had won, she always did.

He wanted to get to the class early so he could set up, figure out what to do, he'd have to ask Snape what he should do. He did know that the end of the year was always about revision, and making sure the students really did know what they had learnt the year they had been sitting oblivious at their desks.

A cough to his side stopped him in his tracks as he slowly turned to regard the hulking woman trying to hide herself in shadows. He didn't outright glare, as he had never seen Snape utterly disregard Umbridge, she was dangerous as far as his position was concerned. Instead it was a look that held a hint of disregard, disrespect, but mostly boredom, as if her presence was not worthy of him.

"Dolores." He toned, waiting for her to step out of the barely concealing shadows, instead she stayed where she was and he had to resist the urge to roll his eyes.

"Professor." He could hear her attempt to sweeten her voice. "Perhaps you could assist me."

Harry stared at her waiting, he wasn't going to ask her how he could help her, it would mean he would fall straight into her little game by revealing his curiosity. He was a little curious, but he just wanted to get away from her as soon as possible.

She coughed uncomfortably, this obviously wasn't going the way she had planned, yet she still remained silent, waiting. Harry raised an eyebrow.

The silence dragged. Before Harry broke it with a low drawl.

"Perhaps I could assist you, but right this moment I have a class to teach." He turned on his heel intent on getting away from the woman.

"It will be worth your while." She simpered and Harry paused not turning to look at her. She hurried on. "It's about Potter, give him to me for your detention, I'll make it really worth your while. You want the Defence Against Dark Arts position, it's yours. You want to be deputy headmaster, yours. You want anyone out of this school, just say the name. Suspended, they're gone." Harry turned to stare at the woman but something collided with him and sent him to the ground. Staring up at surprised green eyes he growled, pushing the boy off him.

"Mr Potter." He drawled, standing and brushing himself off as the boy struggled to sit up.

"Mr Potter, thirty points from Gryffindor and detention for the remainder of the week, three hours a night. I will see you at eight tonight." The hulking woman stepped out of the shadows, glee glittering in the small pig eyes.

"Pardon me ma'am, but Mr Potter collided with my person, and it shall be I who punishes the brat." Harry stepped in quickly, he didn't want Snape finding out about the punishment he got from the toad like woman. The man might have seen the scars on his hand, but he wouldn't know where they were from.

"But Professor Snape." She simpered, obviously trying to remind him of the offer she had just made.

Harry glared at Snape who was getting up, trying to hide the obvious distaste as he glanced at the woman. "No exceptions, this boy has caused me enough grief to last a life time, and I intend on making sure he receives proper punishment."

"Yesss, that's perfect, have him expelled." She seemed almost to swell with excitement. But Harry snorted, placing a deadly smirk on his face as he turned back to regard the green eyed boy who was watching the exchange with a false fear in his eyes. Harry could see the curiosity and amusement flicker in the very depths.

"Oh no." Harry purred. He had only ever heard Snape use his voice like this when he was furious, and he had always wanted to try it, he couldn't do it with his voice, but now it fell like poisoned velvet from his lips. "To expel him would be too easy; a forgiving option. The boy needs to be taught a lesson."

The woman seemed both disappointed, but pleased at the same time.

"Surely you would need assistance. I could have him for the first night."

Harry pinned her with a stare.

"Ma'am, I mean no offence when I say that I want to make sure that this is executed in such away that I see fit. So that I can make sure he learns his lesson." Harry let his voice calm the woman down, making promises he wouldn't keep. "Come Mr Potter. You're punishment begins now." He glared at Snape just for good measure and strode down the hall towards the potions classroom, not waiting for the other man to respond.

They got to the potions class finding it empty.

"Are you alright sir?" Harry turned to look down at the small raven haired boy, who had had to run to catch up.

"I'm fine Mr Potter. However I need some information." Snape paused as if listening, he seemed satisfied and continued. "You have a place that you go to with Ms Granger?"

"Oh. Yeah you know the hazelnut tree? It's at the far end of the lake near-"

"I know where it is, I have been at this school for quiet a few years. She wishes to discuss some thing's she is worried about, do you know what she is referring to?" Harry couldn't think of anything, but he wondered if maybe his friend had figured out something was wrong.

"No sorry, but um, during this info exchange, Draco wanted something."

"I'm not-"

"Sir!" The classroom door was flung open and Harry had to try keep himself from jumping, instead he turned to Snape, sneering.

"And that Mr Potter is what you will be doing this evening. Don't Be Late." He turned to Draco who was watching the emerald eyed boy with something akin to contemplation. "Mr Malfoy?"

"May I speak with you privately sir?" The boy was interrupted as a few more students entered the classroom.

"Can it possibly wait until after class?" The boy frowned but nodded, reluctantly taking a seat. Harry turned to glare at Snape, a questioning glint in his eyes. The boy merely gave a miniscule shrug before slinking into a seat just as Hermione entered. Harry noticed she spent a few moments calculating the fact both her friend and Draco had arrived early. She didn't however give him much of a glance, which helped him ease his fears.

The rest of the student filed in and Harry began his lesson.

"The abysmal quality of your second attempt essays leaves me questioning whether you have learnt anything during this year at all. So today I will be verbally quizzing you. No reference material." His eyes swept the class, daring any of them to protest. "Perhaps this way it may actually linger in those vast amounts of empty space you have wasting away between your ears. Mr Finigan, the difference between the effects of aniseed and silver lung in the Anikar burns ointment."

The boy stared at him as if he had been caught in the headlights.

"Pardon sir, but what was the question." An obvious stall as he looked around at his housemates for help.

"Stop stalling, stand up, voice loud and clear and tell me the difference of effects between the two."

The boy swallowed, red rising on his cheeks. Harry could almost see the boy trembling, the silence overwhelming.

"No? 5 points from Gryffindor. Sit down. Longbottom?" The boy stood and stared at the blackboard, not looking at him as he stated clearly, if a little slow the exact right answer. The class seemed to hold their breath wondering if the answer was right or not.

"Correct Mr Longbottom, 5 points to Gryffindor. Freemark, what are the constituents found in cannibas that produce the commonly termed 'high', and why is it used in the Stalin potion?" The Slytherin he had call upon stood, mumbling a few elements and a half right answer, before quickly seating himself.

"Partially Correct. 10 points to Slytherin."

The rest of the class proceeded with Harry quizzing the students and watching as they fumbled through their memories for half formed answers, the only correct, detailed answers were the ones he received from Hermione and Draco. They almost seemed to be competing against each other as he quizzed them.

The last question was directed at 'The-boy-who-lived', whom he had yet to ask.

"Potter! What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"

SS

Severus stared at the man at the front of the room. The question had been asked with no real menace, as if it didn't hold a history of bitterness between them, but he could see the burn behind the dark eyes of the other. If he was fair with himself he could say this was where it had started, this was where he had made the boy hate him. Lilly's small son with green eyes that made his throat constrict, his heart heavy with regret and loss. This boy, the small child who survived a mad man was the symbol of everything he had lost.

"I don't know sir." He didn't raise his voice, didn't even stand as he met the others eyes, not to compete but to consent, he had been harsh that first day.

"That's not fair sir, we haven't even learnt that material yet." Hermione's voice rose in challenge and the man at the front simply frowned.

"He has had 5 years to find the answer Ms Granger. 10 points from Gryffindor for questioning my methods of teaching. Class dismissed." Severus ran a hand through his hair as the bell rang right on time. He was surprised that the boy could pull off the hated Potion's professor so well, and the ease with which he deducted points from his own house, drilled the students and scowled at the right time was enough to raise his curiosity. When had the boy learnt to act so well and so thoroughly?

They filed out and Severus watched as Hermione rushed off to ancient runes which was across the other side of the school, extracting a promise from him that he'd be at their spot. He had a double free period which he decided was going to be spent by the lake, there was no way he was going to do Potter's essays or homework, and he couldn't work on the potion to get them back into their own bodies until the labs were free. Something he would be stuck doing tonight no doubt, although the thought of getting back into his potions lab sent relief down his spine. He needed something of which he was in control of, he could work and shape.

It would be even more rewarding working on this new project, he'd have to experiment, calculate the different factors and ratios as to which ingredient would react with the others, the potency and the accuracy depending on the heat variations. He hummed under his breath as he made his way out towards the lake, the warm summer breeze tugged at the hem of his robes, and his mind was full of potions equations and possibilities of research which could eventually lead to further development on the body switching potion, as no previous example had been prepared.

He wished he could be young and free again.

HP

"What are you wearing and where were you last night?" The blonde boy asked concern lacing his voice as soon as the last student had left, the door closing behind them. Harry blinked, he hadn't realised Draco cared about the older man.

"The headmaster saw it fit to move me without warning, out of my dungeons and into temporary lodging." There was obvious annoyance in Harry's voice, which was to an extent a true sentiment. He was slightly annoyed at being ungraciously shoved into an unfamiliar setting with a certain snarky potions professor. He decided to pointedly ignore the other question and the blonde boy took the hint.

"Oh." There was slight relief in the voice, followed by an uncomfortable silence. The boy looked anywhere apart from Harry, there was obviously something on his mind. He had never seen Draco look this human, he was chewing his lip, brow furrowed. There was no sign of the arrogant rich boy in the way he held himself, instead there was a silent gathering of courage.

"I want to be like you." The boy looked up. "I want to be a spy, help out the Order." He shook his head as if dispelling something. "I know you and my lady don't want me to, but I think I could be useful, I'm just sitting around doing nothing, being kept in the dark. I want to help to get rid you-know-who." The boy was almost pleading, Harry frowned.

"And what would you do Draco if I said no?" His voice wasn't completely open, but it wasn't harsh, merely questioning. The boy chewed his lip and Harry felt for him, he knew what it was like feeling useless in such an important matter when he could be doing something useful. This boy that was asking for his help, his permission to risk his life for a higher cause, wasn't the boy Harry had fought against for the first few school years. This wasn't the boy Harry had suspected of being a death eater before he had learnt that certain stereotypes weren't true. Nor was he the boy Harry had stopped disliking when he had decided to grow up, and the uneasy truce to ignore each other had formed.

This was a young man that needed his help.

"I… I thought I'd go to Dumbledore." The boy mumbled, as if ashamed he would have betrayed Snape's trust. He wouldn't meet Harry's eyes. Harry ran a hand through his hair, trying to figure out what to do, he had been told Snape didn't want him to become a spy, and Harry supported the decision, he had seen too many meetings between the potions master and the dark lord to wish anything like that on anyone. It wasn't a life; it was a penance for a mistake that should have been paid off long ago.

"Draco." Harry started, he wasn't good at this sort of thing, he had never had to offer advice before. "I know you feel like your not doing enough, that playing the role you do at school isn't important." The boy nodded reluctantly in agreement. "But it is, people may stereotype you as destined to become a Deatheater because of your father and the fact you are in Slytherin. This maybe the reason you want to become a spy, to prove them wrong." Draco nodded his head a little more. "It isn't wrong to want to fight against what people have labelled you as, but people will always force you into categories they believe you fit. You just have to be strong enough to not let that affect your judgement too much."

"But that's not just it. I do want to prove them wrong but I also want to prove it to myself. Prove it that I'm not suppose to become a death eater, that I can be who I want to be." Harry watched the boy, he could feel the frustration radiating from him, could feel himself respond. He knew what the boy was going through, hadn't he always fought against himself, against the accusation of others, especially when he discovered that he was parselmouth, that he wasn't going to turn out to be just another dark lord.

"Yet if you were to become a spy you would be confirming all of their accusations and stereotypes." The blonde frowned. "To become a Deatheater, one must be willing, there can be no half hearted promises to the dark lord."

"But you did it." The boy tried desperately.

"That is the difference between you and me." Harry grimaced, deciding to violate Snape's trust in order to protect his Godson. "You aren't willing to sacrifice everything."

He pulled up his sleeve.

"To be branded..."

Memories of one last breath…

"A murderer."

Of Screams…

"A rapist."

Nightmares…

"A torturer."

Heavy silence.

"A toy."


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: AAAAAAAAAAH so so so sooooooo incredibly sorry for the long delay, I've had this chapter sitting around for so long but no chance to post it and then when I FINALLY get to the internet I find out this site is being worked on O.o and I can't post it!

Anyway here it is, sorry guys:winces and ducks flying objects:

And thanks so much for the kind reviews! They rock my socks! (and Albus's too)

Warning: Mention of non-con, malexmale, etc, oh yeah and torture… school room torture.

Hope you enjoy it and leave me a note!

* * *

SS

The hazelnut tree was a comforting presence behind his back as it had always been. It kept him grounded as his mind whisked him off on an endless maze of suggestions, of calculations and equations which was only broken by the sound of someone calling out to Potter.

"Harry!" Snape turned to tell the person to rack off as Potter was nowhere near the area, before the realisation that the bushy haired girl who appeared over a large root had been calling him.

"Sorry Hermione, got a little side tracked." He smiled apologetically, rubbing the back of his head.

"Side tracked? more like lost." She grinned before plunking herself down beside him, he felt an infectious grin spread across his face. It almost felt like old times, him and Lilly; she had always been able to make him grin or at least smile.

"Speaking of lost, where have you been? You haven't been coming back to the dorms."

Severus frowned, placing on an annoyed mask.

"The headmaster thinks I should have a temporary lodging elsewhere." Changing the tone of his voice as if to quote someone. "It's this big hushed up thing."

"Oh." The bushy haired girl looked curious but knew better than to ask questions. There was a small silence.

"So, what did you want to talk about?." Harry murmured, looking out over the lake. He turned back in time to see a frown form as the girls brows furrowed. She was picking at a small clover patch that grew under the shade.

"It's Draco." Severus's eyebrow rose. Since when were they on first name terms? She saw his look and misinterpreted it. "No, he isn't bothering me, I know you've been worried that what Ron's doing will nullify the… the thing you two have. He's… well he's actually been talking to me."

Severus felt surprise wash through him, as well as curiosity as to what Weasley could be doing and what this 'thing' was between Potter and Draco.

"Talking to you?" She flushed.

"He isn't the arrogant asshole he makes himself out to be and he has this amazing knowledge of potions. You see he asked me about my summer project and we kind got talking." Severus frowned, that summer project, that's what had started this mess. "Hey don't give me that look, you told me yourself that he wasn't that bad." Severus realised she had misinterpreted his frown.

"No, it's not that, I was just thinking about the project." He pulled a face. "Or it's failure." Hermione gave him a sympathetic smile.

"I know you wanted to impress Snape. It's a pity it literally blew up in your face, and you've been working so hard lately."

Severus merely shrugged, how was he suppose to answer that? "So… Draco, did he say anything important, or was it just about potions?" A sly smile tugged at the corners of the girls mouth.

"Is Mr Harry Potter trying to change the subject?" She grinned, looking as if some final puzzle piece had fallen into place, and she was giddy from the sudden revelation. "Is there something he wants to hide?" she looked a little superior as she regarded him. "You know you can't hide anything from me Harry, so just spit it out or do I have to draw conclusions myself from the way you've been trying to impress our beloved potions master, the looks you were giving him recently and especially this morning when he stepped out in that outfit, and the sly way you managed to get him" she coughed out of pretence, "to work one on one with you." A huge grin as she saw the pieces and the accusation fall into places by the horrified look on the the-boy-who-lived's face.

"You're crazy woman!" Severus couldn't help feeling a small possibility that she was right flood his system with something akin to satisfaction or smugness before it was crushed. Potter did not have any school girl crush on him, whether or not he was gay, or had wanted extra lessons with him.

"Maybe I just want to improve my potions skills." Severus felt ridiculous even as he suggested it. "And maybe I just wanted to get my project done, you know I can't do it at home." She winced at the comment and Severus wondered what it meant. "And this morning, well, everyone was staring at him!" She only smiled.

"Hmm, but would you agree he looked hot this morning?"

Severus spluttered, he took back everything he said about this girl, she had lost it. "Absolutely not!"

"Now, now Harry, I thought you knew better than to deny everything when it came to lying. A little truth goes a long way to strengthen a lie. You're usually at least a little better than this." Severus merely stared at her, this girl would have fit so well into Slytherin, he felt a little sad at the loss, but waved it off.

"But it's the truth Mione!" he tried whining instead, this was crazy, Potter didn't even look at him without loathing. A small voice in the back of his mind reminded him that the boy had said he hadn't hated him, and that he had been tolerable the last few days, he promptly stepped on it.

"Gee Harry, that surely did convince me and won me straight over to your side of the argument." She rolled her eyes and Severus frowned.

"I don't care, I don't like him in anyway, and there is no evidence you can find that will conclude any differently, you're just clutching at straws."

"Straws that have been handed to me very meticulously, numbered and labelled." She smiled, "but I guess I can let you off the hook for the time being." Severus merely frowned. "Oh come on, it isn't that bad!" Severus gave her a look and she smiled. "You could've chosen someone much worse, like Filch." She giggled and Severus suspected she may in fact be on something.

"You alright Hermi?" She just smiled and nodded.

"I'm fine." Her smile broke out into a grin. "I've just got a study date with Draco tonight." Severus stared at her, mouth gaping, he never would have thought Draco would finally admit to himself that he liked the girl.

"You what!" The blonde haired boy had first come complaining about the know it all a few years ago, and Severus had heard it all, from the small dramas and exchanges to the small victories in intellect over the muggle born. Draco had brushed it off as trying to prove that pure blood were better than muggle borns. Severus had only sat patiently, hoping the boy would come to his senses so he wouldn't have to listen to the boy complain anymore.

"So what do you think?" Severus tuned back in to stare blankly at the girl. "Harry! You weren't listening were you?" He merely shrugged apologetically and she huffed in mock exasperation.

"I was saying that I should watch him, you know, see if he wants to join the order, check him out, find out what he's really like. I think he could be real big help."

"If that's how you want to justify it." Severus smirked and the girl blushed.

"He doesn't even like me, he just wants to discuss some ideas for the project." Severus had to resist the urge to snort.

"Bt you're not denying you like him?"

"Harry! We've already had this discussion and now I know you're just trying to get me to admit it again to rub it my face that you were right."

"Much better pairing than Mr Weasley."

The girl laughed.

"Mr Weasley? You sounded so much like Snape just then! See you are obsessed with him."

"I believe Ms Granger that you have quiet lost the plot." Severus drawled in a cheap imitation of his original voice. The girl laughed and Severus smiled. "Come on Hermi, Transfiguration awaits." He stood, stretching before helping to pull the girl up. The sun warm on their backs as they headed back to the castle and Severus felt the soft warm happiness settle in his chest that he hadn't felt for years.

HP

Draco stared at him, horror in his eyes and Harry saw him try and swallow, turning away to hide the rapid blinking. They were so similar that it amazed Harry they had become enemies. He remembered choking on the acid welling in his throat, the burn of tears and horror in his eyes when he had learnt what had been done to his Godfather, everything Sirius had had to go through. But Harry guessed it would be worse to hear that it had been Severus's own choice, although foolish, and that Draco had wanted to follow in his footsteps.

"You have a choice Draco. I can't make it for you. But I can tell you, nothing will wash the blood from your hands, the screams and please will ring in your ears for years and their faces. Their faces will haunt your nightmares, lingering on the edges of your vision, waiting for you to fall."

"I'm sorry." The boy was shaking, staring at his hands. What Harry was telling him was too much, he was still a boy, where death was a word, pain a theory, rape a story that made you squirm. To have everything revealed in such a harsh light… Harry could tell by his voice that he was trying hard to keep the tears from falling and the sobs from wrenching from his throat. "I didn't know." Harry stood, walking quickly around the desk to gather the boy into an awkward comforting embrace.

"Your father has been spoken to by the Dark Lord and you are to be punished for betrayal to the side of light. If you wish it, I will speak with the Dark Lord, convince him you are trying to enter the side of light to spy for him, and you believed it would be easier for them to trust you if you had not had any previous dealings with you-know-who."

"I can't." The blonde's hand was fisted in the white shirt, but the voice was strong, no sound of weakness or tears in the tone. "I can't." The boy drew back. "But I still want to help, I want to be useful. I want to join the Order." Harry nodded, frowning.

"I know you want to join, but I think you should think it over, process what you've heard tonight, try and find out more about it before you sign yourself over to another master. Your too young to let your freedom be taken away so easily."

"But they're light." Harry merely smiled.

"It's only a name, a symbol. Your enemy isn't an enemy in his own eyes, he is fighting on the side he believes is right. It's a matter of perspective." Harry tapped his wand, glancing at the time it produced. "I think you'd better get to your next class." The boy who had been devastated only few moments ago appeared composed and as aloof as he ever had, as he nodded. Harry wondered how strong the mask he wore was.

"Can I come talk to you later tonight?" Harry nodded absently as the boy let himself out.

Glancing at the time again he cursed, he only had a few minutes before the next class would file in. Not only did he have to compose himself, pushing all the darkness he had brought to the fore of his mind, but he had to skim through the material that he would be verbally quizzing this group on. He hadn't marked any papers last night, but he knew that as he had set the pop quiz to be open book, most would be copied straight from the text. He hoped this new verbal way of quizzing would keep the students on their toes.

The rest of the day passed in a blur of half-hearted answers and guesses. It was surprising how this method seemed to weed out the exceptional students from the others, but Harry had to admit most students were probably too intimidated standing up in front of their classmates as well as their potions professor to even function correctly, let alone answer a complicated potions question.

SS

Severus had stopped listening to Mogonigal when she had first brought up the diagrams of a spell which would allow the caster to turn a small pot plant into postage owl, however it couldn't be a magical plant, which rendered the spell rather inpractical as most wizarding pot plants were magical. He couldn't remember the last time he had used the spell, probably when he had first learnt it.

The rest of the lessons passed in a blur of already gained knowledge, repeated in a similar format t hat had been taught years ago. In fact Binns probably used the exact wording he had years ago, Severus hadn't paid attention back then either. The only thing about class that interested him was the fact that in no class did he actually sit beside the red haired Weasley. In fact the boy made it a point to try and sit as far away from him as possible.

The only time he had been caught out by his inattention was in Defence Against Dark Arts. It had earned him a gleefully dealt out punishment which he was apprehensive about. He didn't trust the woman and her seemingly joyful disposition on getting the supposed boy-who-lived on his own. The class seemed to drag as they learnt nothing, and Severus tried to keep out from under the small beetle eyes that followed him everywhere as the woman watched him.

The bell rang in time to numerous sighs of relief as the students hurriedly filed out of the room.

"Mr Potter, you can start your detention now."

Severus was about to open his mouth to complain but shut it with a snap when he saw the glint in the woman's eyes just waiting for him to step out of line.

"Of course Professor Umbridge." He was handed a quill, a piece of parchment and a tissue. Severus didn't bother asking about it, fearing the woman would somehow believe he was being insolent and lengthen his time in her presence.

"Today's sentence is, I must pay attention in class or face the consequences of poor future prospects." She smirked. "And the more often I am forced to give you detention Mr Potter, the longer the sentences will become, as obviously you do not learn your lesson." Severus stared at her, what the hell was writing that sentence down going to do to help him learn his lesson? At least whenever he gave people detention it was either cleaning cauldrons, a useful skill to perfect as a dirty cauldron could lead to numerous dangerous and even fatal accidents, it was an essential skill drilled into any who wished to go for their masters, or sorting and labelling ingredients, which he hoped would later help students identify what they were working with. Although the students tended not to notice the subtle knowledge they gained.

"Well?" She glared at him. "Sit down and get started!" Severus took a seat and started to write the sentence, almost crying out in surprise and pain when the first letter carved itself into his hand. What was this! "Well Mr Potter, it seems you have already forgotten last weeks lesson." She gleefully enunciated the word lesson and Severus stared at her, feeling the disgust and horror well through him. Last weeks lesson? How long ago had this started? He stared at the rich red drying ink, blinking as he realised it was blood. This… this beast was repulsive!

The woman rumbled, and Severus realised she was chuckling. "You look almost as shocked as you did during the first detention. Come now, I haven't increased the pain factor or anything, continue! You have 500 lines to get through before you can go to dinner." Severus tore his eyes away from the woman and stared down at his parchment. His brows furrowed he restarted his scrawl, feeling the words carve into his hand.

He had seen the scars the boy had on his flesh, but hadn't wanted to ask about them. He'd thought it may have been some odd teenage pact thing, he'd seen weirder signs and symbols carved into peoples flesh. The black mark slipped across the back of his mind and he frowned.

A drop of blood obscured a word and Severus realised what the tissue were for. Wiping the excess blood the parchment and some from the hand he realised the scar had been cleared and had changed into the carved sentence he had written. He felt rage swell in his chest. How dare this woman put any child through this! Why hadn't anybody come forward? Did this only happen to Harry? Why hadn't the boy told the headmaster, in fact why hadn't the older man noticed any of this?

"I'm going to see the headmaster." Severus stood, he wasn't going to go through with this. This was ludicrous.

"Now Mr Potter." The woman's voice had drop into a low whisper and Severus glared at her. "I'm sure it can wait until after the detention."

"No. It can't." He turned to the door.

"We wouldn't want to you walking out and about in your current condition would we? And I can't escort you as I have other things to do. What if you were to have another attack, maybe do more harm to yourself or to another? The ministry regards the safety of students as their top priority and would be rather displeased if anything happened to anyone of our little darlings."

Severus almost gagged on the hatred that burnt in the back of his throat. This woman had manipulated the boy by playing on his fears of harming others.

"Not only would legal action have to be taken against you Mr Potter, but as it was common knowledge that you could present a danger to the student body it is also the responsibility of the professors and especially the headmaster. It would be a pity if he couldn't justify the reason of keeping you on the premises, he has potentially placed many students in danger. He does seem to have a long history of doing that."

Severus seethed. No wonder the boy didn't say anything, not only was he blackmailed on a legal and political basis but also emotionally and morally.

"So are you sure you don't want to wait until after the detention?" She asked sweetly and Severus sat back down. He knew she had power, and if he pulled any kind of stunts he could potentially trigger a major train reaction that would place Umbridge just were she wanted to be, enabling her to break the school down and replace it with a power hierarchy directly under the Ministry of Magic.

"Good." She glared. "And for interrupting and wasting my precious time I believe another 20 lines will have to be added." Severus glared at the paper, grit his teeth and started scrawling the sentence over and over. The burning pain mixed with the anger and frustration that stormed within him.

His mind was whirling with thoughts, ways he could out manoeuvre her, cheat the system, somehow undermine her and have her lose face in front of the ministry. He would have her job pulled out from under her feet, the power and prestige she had built up and pulled around herself rebel and work against her as the ministry took it all from her. He could see her fall, a slow decadence as her world crumbled and she was left with nothing but the knowledge that she would never have the power she had worked, manipulated, cheated and swindled for.

The burn in his hand had worked itself into a numb ache which he could ignore as the words now flowed instinctively out of his pen as he thought over how he would approach this. Looking back over all the had written he curse under his breath as he realised he had only written 115 lines.

And now having noticed the number of lines left and the numbness in his hand he also realised the cramp, and the way that very time he scratched a letter it would seem to dig deeper into his hand. This set up a new reaction of pain as he tried desperately not to concentrate on the new burn and the way it pierced through his hand sending a deep ache into his bones and up his arm. Each word seemed to drag as he tried not to think, not to concentrate as he cleared his mind.

Starting another line he leapt to save his work as he almost spilt the ink pot as the door was slammed open.

"Umbridge." The voice hissed and Severus looked up to see himself seething with rage. The woman looked shocked and Severus smirked at her reaction. It was wiped off as soon as the dark eyes turned to him, concern almost drowned in rage as the man in the doorway took in the ink, the bloodied parchment.

"What is this?" he asked as if seeing it all for the first time.

"It's just detention." The woman frowned standing, trying to use her extra bulk to intimidate the man.

"If you recall Mr Potter was due to have his detention with me for the remainder of the week."

"I didn't believe you'd mind if I had him just before dinner."

"He is on detention for the remainder of the week." The man repeated as if the woman was plainly an imbecile. Severus watched as the boy snarled in his direction. "Mr Potter is on detention in between classes, during his frees and meals. He is to report to me of his whereabouts at all times so that I may administer the proper punishment. This is not be interrupted by other engagements, as it is crucial the boy learns his lesson. Potter. With me."

Severus stood quickly, ignoring the head spin over the loss of blood as he gathered his things. He picked up the parchment of his bloodied writing, he hoped the boy hadn't left the parchments behind during his detentions. Blood could be used for so many things.

"What are you doing boy?" The woman's voice grated along Severus's nerves.

"But Professor Snape said-"

"Not that. The parchment, you know you are to leave it here," Severus's blood ran cold at the words, and the possessive look she was giving the piece of paper rolled up in his hands. Shooting a quick look at Harry he swallowed and opened his mouth.

"No." Severus jumped as the more powerful voice of his former self cut through the woman. "As this was done during my detention time the parchment is to come with me." He snatched it out of Severus's hands. "I will go over it and see if I wish for it to be continued, however I find this method of punishment a discredited method. It teaches nothing. But each to their own. Potter."

Severus raced out of the door as Harry slammed it shut behind them, noticing they had made their escape before the woman had time to retort or protest.

"To our rooms." Severus hissed and Harry nodded as they split up to go to their separate entry points to the room.

HP

Harry let his feet guide him to the dungeons and the hidden entrance to the rooms he shared with the potion's professor. His mind spun as it tried to make up excuses, lies to cover up the punishments and the detentions.

Snape knew too much.

He had experience so many of the things Harry had tried to keep hidden, he'd seen them first hand, had come to conclusions. Harry's stomach rolled as he thought about the man at the Dursley's, how the potion's master would survive the worst nightmares the Dark Lord could send. Disgust, fear, self-hatred, shame flicked down his spine as Harry braced himself and opened the door to their rooms.

"Explain Mr Potter."

He swallowed as the man stood in the centre of the living room, arms crossed glaring. Harry wondered if he had had time to clean the wound and bandage it.

"Er, it's just a kind of detention and I don't think it's that effective." He tried to joke but the man glared.

"I meant the outfit, and why on earth is _that _ribbon in _my_ hair?"

Harry blinked and stared at him. Why wasn't the man questioning him about the detention? A wave of pain and slight defeat swept through him. The man didn't care about Harry, he only cared for his reputation.

"I found it in your stuff, a lot more comfortable." He mumbled, not looking at the man. Why did he feel like he had been rejected? Why did he feel hurt? He should have expected something like this from the other man, why had he ever thought any differently. "The ribbons Hermione's."

He didn't see the brief shock and sudden loss that blossomed in the green depths before it was crushed.

"Congratulations Mr Potter, but keep your nuptials out of my hair."

Harry stared at him blankly. What on earth was the man going on about?

"Huh?"

The green eyes blinked at him, and Harry saw the disbelief they held in them.

"Do you understand the significance of that ribbon Potter?"

"I don't know, I thought it was just another of Hermione's mysteries. She gave it to me for my birthday."

Harry saw relief flicker in the eyes and other emotions that slipped away suddenly to be replaced by a calculating coldness.

"It's a proposal ribbon. She probably knew you had no idea about them. She has access to your parents vaults doesn't she?" Harry blinked in surprise. How did this all link? How did the man know that? He had first given her free access to the vaults when he had found Gringotts stored more than just his families money. The Potters, being an old wizarding family had vaults full of rare books, dark items, art, archaeological pieces, heirlooms and all other things. They had spent days exploring the vast vaults, and Hermione had fallen in love with the Potters family library, one of the reasons she had free access.

"Er, yes." The man nodded, stepping towards Harry.

"May I?" Harry frowned, but nodded, what was the man planning to do? He tensed as the green eyed boy stepped closer. It was his body but he could feel Snape's presence radiating from it, he didn't know how nobody hadn't found them out yet. Swallowing he almost jumped when the boys hands rose towards his face.

Merlin they were going to kiss!

Harry wasn't sure if he was going to pass out or not. He didn't even think twice of resisting, but when he felt Snape's hands tangle in his hair he forced himself to bite back a whimpered.

"There." A curtain of jet black hair fell forward to cover the flushed cheeks. Harry blinked as the other stepped back presenting the black ribbon that had been moments ago holding the strands back away from his face. Harry felt disappointment in every one of his skipping heart beats and shallow breaths. He tried to instantly deny what he had just felt, the intense suspense, that he had never felt with Cho, or with the thought of kissing anybody else.

"I don't understand." Snape was giving him a calculating look before it turned into a 'you are wasting my time' glare.

"This ribbon is a Potter heirloom, heaven forbid you didn't even know that. Imagine what your father would have thought had he seen Severus Snape wearing the Potters proposal ribbon put their by his son." A sneer, "If he wasn't already dead he would have had a heart attack right there and then."

Harry stared at him, and then at the ribbon.

"We're not married are we? I mean it's just a dumb ribbon, it doesn't even have any markings." Harry could tell he was on the verge of panicking.

"Merlin no!" Snape sounded outraged at the mere suggestion. "Not unless you had the full intention of marrying me when you trussed up my hair, although you would need my approval and acceptance before anything was final. And that would happen just as soon as I bed you dogfather, and I'd have to be dead and buried before I'd be forced into such an action."

Harry winced. Severus hated him that much? Was he really in par with his godfather?

"As for the markings, there are none at the moment as it is not active. Had you been wearing it in your body with the intention of finding a partner it would present your family crest as an eligible sign. It is also drenched in magic, so no it is not _just_ a ribbon."

Harry stared at the strip of velvet. Well… he most certainly hadn't expected that.

But it still was the only thing he had to tie back Snape's hair with.

Harry couldn't help the small grin that slipped onto his face.

* * *


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Thanks so much everyone for the wonderful reviews! They've really helped me get my butt into gear and writing… it's the guilt trip you all send me on ;P

But good news!

I'll update again next weekend, so no huge long waits for you guys! Yay!

Warning: Dark times lie ahead, I mean very dark, lights off dark. If you're scared or offended by the dark, please turn back. (This includes non-con, death, torture etc).

Warning: Short Chapter . :ducks moreflying objects:

* * *

SS

Severus had left the rooms he shared with the brat as soon as possible, having vowed that he would be extremely careful as to not run into the toad woman. He was already behind on researching the antidote for this mess. He cursed under his breath, and the fact he had just run into Hermione, would probably slow things down even more.

"Harry, you actually got away from the toad before midnight?" Severus blinked, Harry had been stuck with the woman for how long and how often! He felt the anger boil back up in his stomach.

"Yeah, have detention with Snape though." He pulled a face like he was suppose to.

"Out of the frying pan and into the fire." She smiled, before it slipped. "Ronald."

Severus turned to see the red head walking up towards them.

"Hermione, Harry." He nodded at them, before narrowing his eyes at the brown haired girl. Severus wasn't quite sure what was going on. He'd picked up that they weren't all obviously on the wonderful terms everyone, mainly the teachers, thought the golden trio were on.

"Ron." Severus intoned neutrally. The boy gave him a glance before turning back to the girl.

"I heard you've been getting friendly with that death eater." A few people stopped to listen in.

"He is not a death eater, and it's none of your business. So why don't you go off and find yourself another hussy to screw, clearly that's the only thing you're good for, as your brain cells have all obviously been obliterated by the lack of blood circulation to your head."

"Big words for a stuck up snob."

"Evidently they're too large for you to understand as you're still hanging around here. To simplify," there was a pause as students shifted out of the way. "please go away." The change in her tact didn't warn the red head, and Severus only smirked, not caring who saw the look on the Boy-who-lived's face.

"You think you're too good for me? That I'm stupid you bitch?"

"We can only draw conclusion from the evidence you provide us with Mr Weasley. 25 points from Gryffindor for language, loitering and repeat offences. I see you haven't learnt your lesson," The tall pale potions master who had walked up moments ago smirked. "perhaps a talk to the Headmaster about revoking your Quidditch privileges next year in exchange for other extra curricular activities of my suggestion would help you understand."

The red head had gone pale and Severus wondered if Potter was enjoying this role play a little too much.

"Filch is waiting for you in the trophy room, Go." The boy didn't need to be told twice. "And you Mr Potter, detention with me now." Severus hung his head and trailed after the taller man with a backwards wave to the girl. They reached an empty class room and Harry ushered him in.

"I… I need to talk to you sir."

Severus frowned, wondering what the boy was worried about. He knew however that he would have to confront the boy about everything he had been hiding, but for now he would let it slide.

"What is it Potter?" The boy looked worried.

"I'm meeting with Draco again."

Severus frowned.

"Again?"

"Yeah I was talking with him earlier this morning. He" The boy swallowed. "He wanted to become a Deatheater and spy for the order."

Severus frowned, he'd been waiting for the boy to build up enough courage to go against his mother and himself. He cursed the blondes timing.

"And what did you tell him?" The dark eyes didn't meet him as the boy in the mans body looked away guiltily.

"He won't become a deatheater, but he still wishes to join the Order." Severus felt the blood drain from his face, no one could change Draco's mind that easily.

"What did you tell him?" The boy flinched at his hiss.

"Nothing… umm, just a few personal things, I er, sort of based on what I've seen, kind of." The boy was mumbling in that confusing way of his.

"Potter." The snap lifted the raven black haired head.

"A vague reference to last month." He blurted out and Severus felt his stomach lurch. He ripped his eyes away from the boys and tried to calm his breathing.

"How vague?" A croak and Severus tried to clear his throat. Merlin, if Draco had found out… How had Potter known?

"Nothing detailed, just kind of generalised it. I'd never do that to you, but I had to get him to realise it isn't a game." The boy was pleading with him and Severus swallowed.

"How do you know Potter?"

The boys mouth shut with a snap.

"I… I saw it." Severus could feel the embarrassment, the horror and self disgust slip past the barriers and spread out across his face, easy to read. He looked away, glaring at the stone floor. "I'm s…" The boys whisper was cut through with Severus' growl.

"I don't need your pity boy." He had already spun on his heel intent on getting away from here as soon as possible.

"But you don't understand!" The boy cried out after him, receiving only a slammed door in his face as a reply.

HP

Harry stared at the door trying to fight the tears burning the back of his eyes, the guilt rising like bile in his throat.

"It was my fault."

Everyone thought Harry was a virgin, and technically he was.

Harry knew he wasn't a virgin, and the technicalities meant shit all.

Especially when you counted the times he had raped, killed and tortured people through the eyes of another man, felt their pain, their horror, self-loathing as they felt his hands on them, on himself, tearing them open, ripping through himself.

No, he wasn't a virgin, nor was he pure and light. And the disgust, the hatred of himself and of the other man who played with his mind made him weak at the knees as he stared at the closed door where the potions master had stormed through. He had hurt that man, perversely enjoyed his pleasure as the man in his mind pulled apart memories, drove him deeper, and played with the sliver of attraction he felt for the potions master.

Harry leant against the cool bricks in the corner and lost the fight to keep the memories and his stomach down. All he could remember was the blood, the smell of the other man, but worst of all the lack of fight he had put up against the man invading his mind.

The night had started normally, a few followers had received Crucio's, a muggle dragged in and killed. Harry knew the Dark Lord was paying extra attention to him, he could feel the man coaxing him further into his mind. He hadn't realised what was happening until the man had dismissed all but one of the death eaters. He remembered that this had happened a few times before and shivered, trying to pull away from the man's grasp on his mind.

"Severus." The hiss had shot right through Harry and he had cried out when the death eater removed his mask. The snake faced bastard had only laughed when he had felt Harry struggling trying to escape and warn the raven haired man at the same time.

"It has been so long." Harry was on the edge of hysteria and felt the man he was trapped within smirk in triumph. He stroked the head of the snake that had wrapped itself around his throne and Harry felt the cool scales under his fingers. He hissed in parsel tongue.

"I'm doing you a favour tonight Potter." The fingers ran along the snakes eye ridge and Harry listened to the content hiss of the mans pet, tyring to ignore the fact the man was addressing him. "It seems you've been in denial for quiet a while. I thought I would help you accept and consummate the attraction you have for our beloved Potion's master."

Harry had felt the panic burst behind his eyes as he had renewed his struggle. Merlin he hoped and prayed that this wasn't heading where he thought it was.

"Undress Severus." Harry froze and felt the amusement of the other man slide over him as he continued his hissing. "I no longer bother with Severus, but as I found that you have certain attractions to him I thought I would help you a long. I'm doing this for you." Harry felt the silken strands run through his fingers before he roughly pulled back the head to reveal a long pale throat. The skin was warm, throbbing under his fingertips. The potion masters eyes closed, waiting, offering, submitting.

He had kissed it.

Not the Dark Lord, not under the force of the man in his mind. He, Harry Potter, had not been able to fight it, had needed to taste the skin.

And that was where he had lost.

"You are doing this for you." Was the whispered hiss as Harry had cried out silently in disgust, anger, self-loathing and need, only Tom heard him.

The next morning he had woken in a sticky mess, and had thrown up over the edge of the bed as soon as he sat. He had spent the rest of the day curled in bed, sticky with cum, tears, sweat and a flush of guilt and pain. He was sick a few more times, but the house elves had cleaned that up, but had not dared to touch the mass of blankets pile over Harry as he wallowed in his own filth, in his defeat and disgust.

He had hurt someone else he had cared about.

And this time it was all his fault.

The potion's master was wrong.

It wasn't pity.

It was guilt.

* * *


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Hey guys! I had the largest freak out I thought I'd lost the second half of this chapter Oo, but it was in a copy on my desktop :cries tears of happiness over the fact she didn't have to try and write it again:

Sorry for that mass review but I really wanted to get this chapter up! Yay individual replies to reviews for everyone again! I'm so glad you all enjoyed the darker turn this fic is taking, if you have any complaints, ideas, suggestions or anything please just drop me a line and I'll get back to you!

Thanks again for your wonderful reviews! And if anyone can read French (sadly I can't) or knows anyone who can, I have an interesting sounding fic by Koredik. Good Luck with your exams!

Now let us continue our trek into darkness.

Warning and Disclaimer in first chapters.

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HP

He wasn't hiding.

Not from his memories.

Not from himself, from Snape, from everyone who saw only the pure being who was their supposed saviour.

Not from his failure.

Or so he tried to tell himself as he sat for the rest of the evening, his back against the cold stone wall, his knees drawn up, in the empty classroom.

Harry didn't move from his position as he stared blankly at a spot on the floor a few feet away. The only sign of life was the swollen bottom lip that was moving back and forth between his teeth.

He remembered he had spent a whole day after the actual incident trying to shove the memory, the experience into the back of his mind where he could forget it ever happened. He'd succeeded to a point where he could brush over the night, acknowledging that it had happened, but not involve himself in the actual memory.

Now, the images, the sounds and sensations flooded back through him, he was forced to face them again. Forced to face himself and his actions.

The numbness he'd created around himself melted away when warmth spilled over his tongue. Blood. He'd succeeded in gnawing through his lip, and with the taste came the stinging pain and awareness. Standing slowly he pulled the robe a little closer around him, he could feel the bones in his body protest at the movement after having sat in the cold in the same position for the last few hours.

But Harry knew he had to get moving again, he couldn't try to shove the memory into the far reaches of his mind. He would have to live with his actions and their consequences, even if it meant self-hatred and disgust. But then, he had become familiar with them over his past years.

He couldn't hide from those.

SS

Severus could feel the anger burning in the back of his throat.

How dare that brat take such liberties!

Did he have no idea of privacy?

Was he so selfish that he would reveal such a reckless piece of information to his godson?

To his Draco.

The thought slammed into the side of his head as Snape stalked towards the dungeons. Oh God, Draco knew that- Biting his lip Severus tried not to curse in every language he could think of as he almost stumbled. He could feel the young body he was in rebel against his control and the burn in the back of his eyes spilled over his barriers and slid down his cheeks in hot tears of anger and defeat.

Draco would hate him now, the boy would find him disgusting, used, nothing worthy of his time. The small blonde boy Severus had taken care of over the years of his life would never see the man he had once looked up to, the man he had offered comfort to, he would only see someone he would never want to become. Seveus could feel the pain in his chest throbbing in time with the pain in his hand.

He had tried so hard to hold onto the small gift the boy had given him. His Godson was the only one he had allowed close, and the comfort the boy offered with his mere presence was something that had kept Severus going. In the last year of the war when Severus had been caught between his two masters, the hatred and fear directed at him from those he once knew, the self-disgust and the need to be cleansed, to remove the dark stain his existence had become from the world, the newborn had held his finger in a tight little fist and smiled.

It was after the war when the accusations started flying and all his work as a spy was ground in to the dust by placid fools who had watched the war from behind locked windows, that he doted on the boy the most. He remembered Narissa complaining with that small smile of hers that her son wouldn't go to bed without a story from his Sevus. And he had clung onto the feeling of being wanted, needed. And he still was, he was the boys confidant of sorts… or had been until that damn Potter had said those things. Not that Draco didn't know about Death Eaters and their job description. He'd heard of the murders, he'd even been privy to the knowledge of the rape and torture of captives, but neither Lucius or Severus had told him of the way the Dark Lord toyed with his followers. Severus hadn't wanted to loose his Godson and Lucius hadn't wanted to loose his son, but he knew he was living on borrowed time, and now he would have to pay it back.

James would be proud of his son.

The Potters always succeed in ruining his life.

HP

Harry had retreated to the potions classroom, letting his mind wander as he read though the assignments, his red inked quill scrawling messages which he hoped were in a Snape like fashion. He had wanted to do it in the man's office but he didn't know the password and couldn't face the potions professor at the moment, afraid the man would see the truth in his eyes.

"Why are you marking those again sir?" Harry looked up to the boy who had managed to get all the way across the room without him noticing. He could usually detect people much easier, he really mustn't have been concentrating.

Harry noticed the boy was waiting for an answer, and he tried to rack his brain.

"I believe I will be forced to set it as a holiday essay alongside the project. Now what did you need Draco?" He answered looking down at the messy handwriting of the paper he was marking.

"Is something wrong sir?" The voice was soft and Harry had to swallow the need to break down and cry, but he had to be strong while he was in this body, had to show everyone that he was still Snape the greasy bastard.

"Nothing, now how can I help you?" Harry looked up and only then realised the boy was more dressed up then usual, there was something different about him. He looked nervous.

"I was wondering if you could tell me if I looked alright."

"And what would be the special occasion?" A rye smile and a lift of the eyebrow. The boy blushed.

"I have a study date with Granger."

"Really, you go to all the effort of trying to look casual yet smart and you call her Granger. Who exactly are you trying to fool?" Draco's mouth opened but closed again.

"So you think it's too much?"

"You aren't courting some socialite, I'm sure she would feel just as uncomfortable with you turning up as some dressed up mannequin, which is what you look like holding yourself like that, or worse she may believe you are turning up like that just to show her up, that you are a pure blood. Just wear your school robe so you are on equal footing." Harry could see the realisation slip across the boys face, before he muttered a grateful thank you and rushed out, probably to get changed.

So they had organised a study date. Harry couldn't help the grin that settled on his lips. About time. He'd watched them skirting around each other for so long, and now was actually a rather good time for this to happen, he could instruct Draco on all the things his best friend liked and Snape, if he played along, could help Hermione deal with the boy.

Harry frowned, crossing off a series of words. He'd been referring to Draco as a boy, in the sense that the blonde was younger. They were the same age but Harry felt so much older, maybe it was just this body he was in playing tricks on him. He brushed it off as he started another essay, he'd work himself into exhaustion and hopefully Snape would be in bed and asleep by then.

SS

He stalked through the dungeons, intent on loosing himself in cold stone and darkness. The tears were cooling on his face as he tried to hold the rest from falling, but he couldn't stop the pain that ached in his chest.

One small word had brought this upon him, had seen his life crumble around him, everything he held destroyed by that brat. He had agreed to help the boy with his holiday project.

All he had wanted to do was help the boy, make him realise that the world didn't revolve around him, that he didn't have the skills nor knowledge to even consider going up against the Dark Lord. Instead it had been the biggest mistake of his life. The small voice in the back of his mind disagreed with him, supplying a few other mistakes he had made which could be considered much worse. He ignored it, intent on letting the rage build in his chest.

He didn't notice the torches flicker as he made his way further into the maze beneath the school.

He had even begun to trust the boy as he found out more of the hidden facets the younger kept behind his mask. It wasn't that Severus had never noticed the mask, it was more the fact he had chosen to ignore it, had brushed it off as a thin layer of deception the boy put up to have others like him, much in the same hollow manner his father had constructed an image that everybody had worshipped.

He hadn't realised it was a whole life the boy had constructed to make others see what he wanted them too, and there was more to uncover from what he had heard. He had almost been tempted to explore the person he had found, but now…

He didn't notice the castle objecting as his hurried steps carried him down the long corridor.

Now he could only try and ignore the details of the pain. He didn't want to admit he had felt betrayed, he didn't want to admit that he may have found himself more than tolerating the boy, that he had somehow slipped into the small cracks of his defences with the quick wit and sharp tongue he surprisingly possessed. Severus didn't want acknowledge that he could almost see himself reflected in the boys mannerisms, didn't want to be connected with the boy in anyway.

He didn't notice the statues sway warily as he swept passed them

Especially now that he knew the boy knew, had known all along, had seen what he was. The degradation he put himself through, how he was stained, unclean and impure. And all along he was probably laughing behind his back, making fun of the dirty and lowly teacher who whored himself to the dark.

He didn't notice the hinges scream in protest as doors buckled when he passed.

Snivellus who would never amount to anything.

The stones beneath his feet groaned.

The weakling who was merely a waste of time.

The walls wavered.

The useless boy who couldn't save his brother.

HP

Harry felt the castle stir around him, the torches flickering violently, green in the depths of their flames.

He was on his feet and racing down the corridor as fast as he was able.

He could only hope he would get there in time.

* * *


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: First up I didn't like this chapter. It took ages to write, and it didn't convey the emotions or anything well, the words fought me every step of the way, which is why it may seem a little disjointed. > 

I'm trying to bring all these different aspects I've mentioned in the previous chapters into this, but it doesn't seem to want to work for me.

Hope its not too disappointing (I really really don't like this chpater)

Warnings/Disclaimer: I don't own, so please don't sue,

Don't read if mention of death and rape bother you.

Continue...

* * *

HP

Harry grit his teeth as he turned a corner at a run, his shoulder slamming into the stone wall before he had time to catch his balance. The passage beneath his feet was shaking as he raced down the corridor lit eerily with pure green flames.

"Professor Snape?" His voice though deeper, coming from the older man's body, still held a hitch of fear in it. Harry had only ever lost control this badly in a safe environment when he had destroyed the headmasters office, after he believed Sirius to have fallen behind the veil, never to return. That room had numerous charms and wards to safe guard it against childish outbursts of magic, but down here…

The man didn't know what he did, didn't know the possibilities, the consequences.

He could almost feel the magic crackling in the air around him. He was close.

He just hoped the rest of the school wasn't being effected by this magic overdoes. He had felt it because the potions labs were so close to the maze of corridors which Snape had obviously disappeared into. He prayed silently to whatever god was listening that the magic hadn't reached the upper levels of the school were professors or students could be caught unaware. Trying to push his body faster he broke into a sprint.

"Professor?" Harry tried not to sound too panicked, but his tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth and his ears pounded with his quickened heartbeat. What if he accidentally ran by the potions master? Merlin, if he didn't find the man in time…

A torch next to him burst simultaneously with a collapsing statue. Yelping Harry had only time to throw his hands up, scorching them before tripping over the stone rubble that had once stood proudly as a former headmaster. Scrambling, his hands stinging as he pulled himself up, his knees burning from where he had landed awkwardly on the broken stones, he tried to hurry on a little more cautiously.

Past this point the torches seemed to burn brighter, their luminous greens fed by the surrounding magic. Only the occasional statue had survived the magic that had flowed down the corridor and Harry found himself stumbling over the remains of poorly constructed statues, ducking into old rooms that had their doors hanging off hinges at awkward angles he continued his search.

He was definitely close.

And then he saw the painful reflection.

SS

Severus could feel the tears burning in the back of his eyes, the sobs caught in his throat. He knew if he kept them caged any longer they'd only tear at their constraints, crawling up to release themselves as howls.

He'd never allowed himself to remember his brother.

He had tried to forget the man had existed, that the hatred between himself and Black was one of his own making, that there was no link to the aforementioned.

That the failure, the absolute collapse of his whole being could not be connected to the smiling eyes and always waiting open arms. He had joined the Dark Lord not out of spite, revenge, anger, pain, but for knowledge. But knowledge was hollow and he had learned that lesson well, it could never hide his true intentions.

The mirror that sat before him showed a young untainted boy, no scar marred his forehead, the reflection was not of the boy who lived. It was of himself as a young child, hiding behind long dark hair, while an older man draped himself over him, arms around his waist, and his chin on the shorter boys shoulder.

Severus could remember their smiles even when he closed his eyes.

That was true happiness.

But he couldn't stop the tears.

HP

Harry stumbled backwards, wrenching his eyes from the mirror. He didn't notice the form of the young man kneeling before the glass as he staggered back into a wall just outside the room that housed the mirror. Fighting to keep himself balanced, he stepped forward again, struggling against his trembling knees as he moved slowly back into what he realised was a crypt.

Low stone walls fed off the light of the corridor, shadowed greens and pallid yellows cast eerie patterns as the torches outside danced with magic. But Harry could only see the pale curve of silver that encircled the flat pane of his reflected heart.

"It can't…" His voice broke through the thick silence that had gathered around the room like the eye of a storm while everything raged just beyond the stone doorway.

"What are you doing here Potter?" A snarl and a quick movement caught Harry's attention before his head snapped back, colliding with cold stone, a hand pressed to his chest, a wand to his throat.

Harry swallowed, he needed to do this carefully, he knew how easy it could be to set off the already unstable magic. He also knew that once the magic coursed through him he knew he was volatile, it didn't matter if Snape was a master of Occlumency or not, the fact he had reached this stage at all meant he was set on the very edge of a precipe, he had no control and one wrong word could not only push Snape over the edge but also bring the whole mountain down with him.

He was dangerous.

"I came to see if you were alright."

A snort as the wand was pushed a little harder into his throat.

"A likely story. You not only ruin my life but have the nerve to come and find me to twist the knife in a little deeper."

"Ruined your life sir?" Harry knew he had to tread carefully, try and draw the man back from the dangerous grounds he was walking on.

"You are not pleased with your perfect family life so you must go and ruin anothers."

Harry could only blink owlishly at the statement, as he tried not to breath too hard, holding himself hard against the stone wall. With the dangerous sliver of wood still held hard against his throat Harry tried not to think of the other man's past and his extensive knowledge of spells and hexes.

"Draco is my Godson."

Harry nodded confused.

"I know that sir."

The shorter boy hissed.

"Do not play games with me Potter. Do you feel accomplished now that you have succeeded in doing something the whole of Britain's wizarding population could not do?"

Harry found himself lost in the face of the other mans anger. How could he help if he didn't know what the man was talking about? What did Draco have to do with it? Was he angry he had saved the boy from the Dark Lord? Or maybe this was something else the other man had somehow come to a conclusion about, he being James Potters spawn after all. Although it could have been the potion's accident, Harry frowned, but hadn't they already gone over this?

"You have turned my Godson from me with a few choice words, and you tell me about it as if you wish to be rewarded."

"But-" Harry opened his mouth to protest. Now he had some idea of where this was going, but he'd have to set the man straight. If the man was consoled, if he wasn't distracted from the very dangerous path he was treading… Harry swallowed nervously feeling the first signs of fear creep through him. He should've gone for help, informed Dumbledore, asked for backup. How was he suppose to calm down Snape? This could all end badly.

"Don't you dare utter a pathetic, half-formed denial to excuse your behaviour." The hand pressed him harder against the wall, and Harry wandered why he didn't just push the smaller boy away. The pointed piece of wood at his throat reminded him. As did the green eyes that glowed with a rage and pain that Harry had only once seen when faced with his mentor Lupin, at a full moon, after Petigrew had escaped. It wasn't human.

This was going to end very badly.

"Professor, listen."

"Why should I brat? From what I've learned nothing that spills from your mouth holds anything but half truths."

Harry felt the words slice through him and the icy cold that they brought. He felt himself tense and had to fight the urge to push the other man away.

"No rebuttal? Where is the famed Gryffindor stupidity and sense of pride? Maybe I've wounded you with that last comment. Too close to home was it?"

Harry swallowed the sharp words that lined his tongue.

"You have to listen to me Professor. Draco still-" Harry paused, Draco still what? Cared for the bastard? Liked him? Loved him? Why was the man so willing to care for his blonde haired Godson but put up such a defence around himself against the rest of the world?

"I don't want to hear any lies of yours concerning Mr Malfoy. You've already wrought enough damage boy." The voice was sharp and snapping, icy compared to the magic flaring around the potions master. Harry could tell the magic had been drawn back from it's destructive wandering of the school corridors and had now found a target closer to home, he swallowed nervously.

SS

Severus could feel the tension running through the man he held up against the wall, his wand placed so carefully against one of the most sensitive places on the neck. His fingertips splayed on the chest that used to be his could feel the heart beat fluttering against the ribcage.

He couldn't help but let a small smirk draw his lips up. The power and control he had over this boy, the one who had been destroying his life from the inside out, flickered and snapped around him. He'd been sitting helpless in this body for too long.

He didn't notice the others eyes widen.

How dare the boy take his decision and privacy from him. This was his life he was messing with.

"But sir. He still loves you."

Severus felt the words stifle him, before the angry burst of magic flared around him. He could feel the magic pulsing through him, racing along his wand, crackling against the now frightened boys skin, before running back up the wand.

"How dare you mock me! Safe in you prefect family life, with people doting on you, worshipping the very ground you walk on. Perhaps some aren't lucky enough as you, but I love my Godson and will not have another such as you mock that."

HP

Harry felt the pain spread through him. Here was a man who had made himself unlovable to the world, who had flaunted the shadows that clung to him, hidden in his stone dungeons and had pushed away everyone, and yet he possessed something Harry would never have.

Someone who loved him. Nothing could ever change that.

And here Harry stood, a man who had been forced to love the world and have it love him back, who had fought shadows and been a poster boy for the light, stuck in the public light, wanting nothing more than a family, someone to love him and care for him, someone he could love back.

He would never have that. And he doubted that would ever change.

"I would never mock something so delicate and important. And he does still care for you, he cares for you to an even greater extent now he has some knowledge of what you have been through. He is willing to accept it and love you all the same, which makes him a stronger person than you believe him to be."

Harry couldn't hold the pain out of his voice. Was it so unfair that he had nobody? He was dangerous to be around. Hadn't he gotten others killed or almost killed just by having them near him? Hadn't he almost lost his only member left of his family because of his own stupidity?

The man holding him to the wall stepped back, and regarded him, the magic no longer flaring but simmering cautiously. Harry watched the magic, hoping he could calm the other man down. He didn't want Snape to die, didn't want anyone else hurt because of his stupidity.

"Tell me Potter what do you see in the mirror?" The question caught Harry off guard and before he could stop himself he'd looked to the other side of the room where the clear glass mocked him.

"It's just a mirror sir." He answered with false confusion, looking away quickly in case the man saw the truth in his eyes. The magic around the potion's master flared and Harry swallowed, that was probably not a good sign.

"You are so content with what you have Potter that you have no desires?" The voice was a low growl; dangerous. Harry had never used his voice like that and this unfamiliar quality scared him.

"I don't understand sir." He tried to back away from the man who still had a wand in his hand. He understood perfectly well, the mirror was one that haunted his dreams when the Dark Lord wasn't toying with him. He had had nightmares for weeks after he had sat in front of it, and again when he had been forced to look into it when faced with Quirrell.

The Mirror of Erised.

And what he saw tore at him.

The Mirror of Desire.

The reflection mocked him.

* * *

A/N: Thank you all for reading! Please review, dying for feedback on this chapter > 

And a quick reminder, anyone read French? please drop me a line!

Love you all!

(update will be Wed next week, asI will be catching a 23 hour flight to Finland on the weekend, updates may be fragmented and inconsistent for the following weeks > sorry guys, but i will try and update every second weekend! I'm going to be there for 4 months.)


	12. Chapter 12

**Confusion**

A/N: Eheheheheheee over one hundred reviews! I couldn't figure out which of you was the one hundredth, but I want to thank ALL of you! This story would probably have been much shorter, and not updated as often if it wasn't for you persistence and support.

Chapter 12! A chapter brimming with magic, confusion and torment for our favourite characters. We learn a little about our beloved boys and I throw in a few teasers which will have me running for my life as I won't be able to update for a few weeks, and I know you'll be out for my blood.

**Important**

**Updates will be sparse for the next four months.**

**If you wish to have a reply to your reviews please include an email address at the bottom of the review (even those of you who have signed in). Makes everything quicker and easier.**

**Thank You All So Much!**

**Important**

Warning/Disclaimer: See first chapter.

* * *

SS

Severus could feel anger, frustration and annoyance burn through him with the instinctive magic that flowed, searing in his veins. He let it flow, it gave him warmth, strength and he could feel the apathy it wove into his mind but he couldn't bring himself to care.

Instead he concentrated on the boy before him and the pain he could so easily draw out of him with a simple answer. Severus glared at the mirror reflected in the boys wide eyes.

He knew the mirror that leant oh-so-casually in the corner, beckoning with it's glinting silver curves, was the Mirror of Erised.

He knew that flat pane of glass could trap many mortals with its clear reflection, promising sweet, cold lies.

Knew he would never be able to grasp the world that lay just beyond the silver frame.

He had asked Potter what he had seen in it, wanted to see if the boy really felt the pain that had been woven so craftily into his voice when he denied mocking his bruised relationship with Draco. Instead he received an answer that confirmed his suspicions, the boy had a prefect life, content with the fame thrown at him, the screaming fans and obsessed press.

Only the man with no desires could use the mirror as any other reflective surface.

The boy was even confused by the question, not understanding the true purpose of the mirror, not comprehending that the reflection he saw was of a perfect being.

Perfect.

Severus's eyes narrowed, trained on the boys face. Humanity was not capable of producing such a paradox. To be human was anything but perfection, it was greed, pain, suffering. Desire.

Hadn't Potter faced the mirror before? Severus blinked, remembering suddenly. One could never forget such an object that gave a tangent quality to the deepest hearts desire.

"Tell me Potter." Severus could feel the magic pulsing around him, flowing through his voice, dripping with venom. "If you see nothing but your reflection now. What have you gained since you last saw the mirror?"

Severus couldn't help the smirk that slipped onto his lips as the boy tensed. He could see it in the way he held himself, the back had straightened a little, and the boy had instinctively let his hand fall to his belt where his wand was. The onyx eyes that once were his had widened considerably and he could see the fight in them as they tried to avoid looking at the mirror.

The tense silence sent shivers down Severus spine as he drank the tautness and the anxiety the boy seemed to produce. This was his revenge, he could feel the magic pulsing around him, driving him on. He wanted to lash out, let the magic do as it wanted, injure and hurt the boy, damage those that wounded him.

He could feel the slow slip of humanity but took comfort in the raw power that built in its place. He needed this, wanted this power, control.

"Or maybe I was right about you Potter, that the words you so butcher with your abysmal use of language, are just lies waiting to bolster your god-like image."

He saw the boy flinch, and couldn't help the small hitch in his power, yet a small voice in the back of his mind berated him before it was wiped away by a fresh wave of magic.

"Do you believe I would be fooled into thinking you have no desires? That you are immune to the follies of humanity? Why don't you look into the mirror again, tell me what you see." The last was almost a hiss as Severus let his lip curl, his eyes flashing as the boy made to move away from him, away from the mirror. Severus could see the fear in his eyes and it drew him. "Why Mr Potter, don't let me stand in your way, gaze to your hearts content." He stepped back with a dramatic wave of his arm.

"Please don't..." He could hear the pleading in the boys voice and the pain in his eyes as the silver frame, caught the dark gaze and the boy was drawn into gaze at the reflection as Severus stepped out of the way.

"What do you see Potter." Severus could feel his magic flickering angrily at him as he was drawn away from it and towards his curiosity.

Silence.

He had asked the boy what he could see in the mirror.

What was the-boy-who-lived's Hearts Desire?

"What do you see?"

The shadows grew as he let his magic simmer, the flaming torches outside the room dying a little as the magic drained from them. He could feel his control come back to him, and the self disgust of losing himself to the power, the emotions that coursed through him.

He had been possessed by power, but that didn't make him powerful nor did it make him in control.

"Boy."

The young man flinched from the name, wrenching his eyes from the mirror. Severus noticed he had sunk to his knees, a helpless look on his face.

"What do you see?" The question was reversed back at him, voice quiet, almost drowning in emotion.

"It is of none of your concern." Severus had to fight to keep his eyes from the tantalising reflection, instead training his sneer on the boy. He couldn't let the memory of his brother seep to the front of his mind, if he thought about it he'd be lost.

The boy seemed to snap back from the harsh voice as he looked up at him. Severus could see the pain, the loss of the boy-who-lived. He watched as boy let the emotions he had locked away spread so easily across his face. Severus had always avoided looking into mirrors, knowing unlike others that his eyes, though dark and hard onyx, held all his secrets, secrets he didn't want to know about, and now… now the boy was letting them all out.

Secrets he wanted to keep locked away.

Pain that he had tried to forget.

Severus could feel something slipping with in him.

HP

He had never seen such simple happiness.

But Harry knew he couldn't tell the truth, couldn't put into words what he saw in the mirror. How could he explain to the man that the dark figure in the mirror was what he desired, his deepest, darkest, most private desire. The one he hadn't known he had until it was reflected back at him so blatantly, mocking him in it's knowledge.

He had never seen Severus Snape smile.

And he had never seen himself look so happy.

Now he would have to lie. Again. Maybe he could cling to the first desire he ever saw in the mirror, when his innocence didn't trail behind him in tatters, when magic had been a gift and love and hope a possibility just within his grasp.

"I saw Sirius."

He had wanted a family.

Something so simple, yet so essential. Yet he had never found it, the Weasley's who had offered with open arms and kind smiles could never truly be substitutes for a family of his own, and now it was even more difficult with Ron creating a cold rift between them.

Blood was thicker than water after all.

The two remaining members of his family were strangers from before the war, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. He had tried to grasp on to them as they had grasped on to him, trying to live in the past, in borrowed memories and faded photographs. He loved them, but knew both were still caught in the pain of the past, a past he wasn't truly apart of.

He many not have been a part of it yet he stood as a symbol of the days when darkness had waited on the edges, while laughter still remained, now in their weariness they tried to project him onto their memories. Tried to hold him on the same pedestal his dead father had received in their minds. His father who he had never known, yet still dreamed about. His mother, her powerful eyes so like his own when he smiled.

But only Sirius remained, his God father.

"I saw Sirius." He repeated, trying to place conviction into his voice, as he stared at the floor, fighting the urge to raise his head once more to the glass, drown in the reflection, clear and cool like spring water, waiting for him to plunge, let go of the world he was holding so hard onto as it spun beneath his feet.

Maybe he could.

Just let go.

Pain burst from his scalp as his head was pulled back roughly, a hand tangled in his hair, fire racing down his spine.

Harry could feel the change in the other man, could feel the anger, the dangerous surge of power.

"You saw that despicable mutt!" The voice was so close Harry could feel the hiss against his neck, the rage hot against his skin. He could see the shadows cowering as the torches once more burst into a violent and sickly shade of green, flames crawling up the walls.

"I'll tell you what I saw." Harry could feel the man looming over him, and for the first time could sense why others feared the potions master, why others could fear the-boy-who-lived. Harry Potter, possessed an incredible amount of magic and it seemed to grown the less control Snape held over it. Harry could only concentrate on breathing and the voice against his ear as he tried to shrink back from the enraged magic.

He should've known not to bring up Sirius, but he had been so caught up in the reflection, had needed to avoid the actual topic. He should've been thinking, Snape was dangerous like this, hadn't he come down here with the intention of calming the man down?

Harry chocked on a hysterical laugh as he felt the magic crackle against his skin. He had definitely failed that objective. He just hoped now that Snape would burn out before he could cause too much destruction.

"I saw an untainted child." Harry flinched and almost whimpered when his head was pulled back even further, the burning in his scalp intensified by the contrasting cool fingers that now stroked his cheek. He was as confused as all hell and the hissing voice in his ear wasn't helping.

"A child with a loving brother." His mind was jumping from one thought to the next, trying to escape the pain, the ensnaring magic. Fingers ran along his cheek bone and Harry had to fight the urge to lean into the comforting gesture, the other hand still caught in his hair.

He didn't want to die like this and the scream building in his stomach kept him tense in the others grasp.

"A brother who loved the child, kept him safe, kept him pure, untainted by the shadows that lurked just out of sight."

Harry had wanted so much to see Severus smile like that, just once.

He tried to lessen the pressure on his scalp, but he received only a stilling of the hand on his cheek. He could feel tears starting to prick his eyes and he forced himself to concentrate on the words instead. He owed it to Snape, he had been foolish enough to get them into this situation. He hoped the other man would forgive him in the next life.

"The child loved the brother, he was a friend, a confident, brother, parent, a realm where he could be safe and loved. He trusted the older with his life, his secrets, lies, promises, dreams.." Harry could only squeeze his eyes shut as the reflection mirrored the mans words, the smile on the onyx eyed mans face was so pure, even in the flickering green light. He wanted it so much his chest ached and he couldn't breath.

The stroking had resumed and the pressure had eased a little. Harry tried to breath steadily. He tried to order his thoughts, he could drown in his needs, desires later, now he had to calm down the potions master. Maybe, just maybe the story would calm the other man.

"The man was the child's existence."

Maybe he had a chance…

"The man your Dog father murdered."

The words uttered triggered the final collapse of all barriers. Harry could see them fall in the emerald eyes.

The chance was lost.

"Sirius." The name mocking what Harry had claimed to be his greatest desire. A curse more deadly than any unforgivable. And Harry knew that was the end.

Dread fell on him like a thick silence.

He felt the panic in his throat catch the scream before he could release it. He could feel the change in the air, could feel the difference in Snape. Knew that if he didn't let the scream escape he would die with terror in his throat.

He swallowed hard and tried not to let the fear dance wildly in his eyes as he faced Snape.

He almost cried out when he was pulled up suddenly by the hair, his larger body which he wasn't used to was caught off balance and he was slammed into the stone wall awkwardly. Magic whipped around the smaller man and Harry cried out when it slammed into the walls surrounding him. He could feel the castle howling in protest as the wall of the crypt collapsed under the strain of so much magic.

He had never seen anything like it and it terrified him. He could feel the panic and fear running through him. He cursed his bad timing and stupidity. How could he be brainless enough to bring up Sirius? He knew Snape hated the other man, but he hadn't realised to what extent. And who was this brother? What had his godfather done! But this wasn't the time to be asking such questions. His mind flew through the dangers he was facing, he needed to get Snape back.

The boy in front of him smirked unseeingly, eyes glowing a dark green, so deep and fathomless they were almost black. Harry felt ill as he tried quickly to think of a solution. This wasn't Snape.

This wasn't human.

"Professor!" Harry screamed trying to be heard over the roaring magic. The man had let down all barriers and now the magic moved freely through him, beyond him, consuming, being consumed. He had to be brought back to his senses before he destroyed himself.

Harry knew what had happened, he had felt it himself, had felt the power he had unleashed only once in Dumbledore's office. This was raw power, instinctive magic, levels below the subconscious it connected all magical and sentient beings, it was what they all drew their lesser magicks from. He had learned through the Dark Lord that he was connected to it only because the other man possessed such a connection after a lifetime of research and rituals, the connection had been passed onto him so many years ago.

He had only touched it once, drawing back as soon as he had brushed with it, The Darkness that terrified him. He had felt the power, the need to consume all other magic, the need to let it consume him.

He had felt his humanity draining away from him.

But he had never embraced it like the potions master had. He had always had something stopping him, hadn't wanted to let himself go before he had finished what everyone had defined as his destiny, he owed it to everyone, all those he had killed, had hurt.

He knew the addictive presence of it, remembered what it felt like to have the magic flow through his veins, how it had urged him, pushed him to let go and let the magic escape through him. He needed to save his professor before he was lost.

He had to somehow call the other man back. Back from the tantalising torrent that had swept him up and refused to release him.

"Professor!" He was desperate as he backed away from the other man. "Snape!" His voice cracked in the thick air, and he felt his back hit something cold and hard.

"Professor Snape!" His eyes were tearing as the magic in the air stung them, it tasted coppery, almost like blood on his tongue and he screamed the other man's name one more time.

"Professor Snape!" The man turned to him and Harry had to bite down a scream as magic waves caught at him. He felt his knees buckle and he fell, his hands stinging more than they should and he remembered he had burnt them earlier on his way down the corridor.

He felt the air pause as if waiting for something and he looked up to see Snape standing there staring at a spot above his head, face expressionless, yet the magic around him had died a little.

Harry swallowed and looked over his shoulder. He had backed up against the Mirror of Erised, wrenching his eyes away he tried one more time.

"Professor. Professor Snape, you have to come back." He could hear the desperation choking its way past his parched throat. He felt as if the magic had leached the cool dampness from the dungeons and had instead replaced it with thick, dry dessert air.

"Professor?" The man wasn't moving and Harry decided to creep forward a little. "Please you have to listen to me." He inched closer to the man. "You have to come back, let the magic go, let it fall back." His hand touched the edge of the mans robe. A piercing keening behind him screeched through his body before he turned in time to see the mirror writhing with figures. Ghostly faces screamed, enraged, as a slow spider web of cracks crawled out from the centre spreading to the outer corners of the silver frame before it splintered, falling like a sheet of silver tears.

Harry choked on his own breath.

He didn't have time to react as he was pulled up roughly and pushed casually against a wall that had escaped much of the damage the others received. The magic seemed eager to constrict him, as if sensing he was the one who had tried to pull their vessel from their grasp.

"Professor." He managed to choke as he felt the magic around him compress what little air he could choke down, following the unspoken command of the shorter boy. It felt hot and humid and he could hardly breath as the thick magic worked its way around him, trapping him, holding him against his will as he tried to struggle.

So much magic needed somewhere to go, and he could feel it running along his skin, sinking into his flesh.

His head ached, throbbing where it had connected with the harsh stone, when he had been thrown back, his back arched against the stone wall and he could taste the magic on his tongue.

Panic wrapped itself around his mind, and all he could do was stare into the emerald eyes that danced with a green light that wasn't human. It was getting harder to breath as the hand, cool almost calming, pressed lightly against his chest, contrasting with the choking magic hot and burning as it wrapped around him, forced itself with in him.

White seared across the back of his eyes as Harry tried to blink, his mouth dry and open trying to gasp in air, thick and intense with magic.

He could feel everything within him constricting as if trying to collapse like the stone statues along the corridor had, too much magic. Trying to hide from the force being pushed upon it, like two similar charges, he had nowhere to go. Bile rose in his throat, tears in his eyes.

His whole body ached, he could feel his magic rebel within him, trying to pull everything into a central core, as small as it could go. His head felt full as if it would burst and the dull pounding had spread a thousand fold through out his entire skull, throbbing in one with his body.

Pain as his bones protested.

His skin felt on fire.

He couldn't even struggle.

And the magic.

The magic sang through his veins.

Tearing into him.

"Severus." A quiet hiss, desperate. Anything to make the pain stop.

Numbness.

Harry blinked, breathed and almost collapsed as the cool hand to his chest was removed and the shorter boy holding him up took a step back, eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Answer me Potter. What are you doing here?"

Harry tried to think, order and straighten out his mind after being so suddenly released from its ordeal, what was happening? What was the question?

Thoughts and answers slipped through his fingers as he tried desperately to grasp one that would be able to be spluttered out from between numb lips and constricted throat.

"You…" The word was like liquid pain spilling from his tortured self and he slid to the ground, the stones cold against his sweat drenched robes. Fingertips resting on the rough rock, glad to be able to feel anything apart from what had been broiling within him.

"Answer me Potter." The voice was a command and Harry looked up to see the man standing there as if nothing had happened.

Human.

He watched the emerald eyes cloud.

And he lunged forward just in time to catch the other as he fell.

-

--

---


	13. Chapter 13

FIRST A/N:

I'm so sorry that I haven't been able to update sooner, I've found out that my family is more technologically deficient than I first thought and being stuck in the (very beautiful) back end of a long dirt track in the middle of a forest doesn't help.

I'll try and update as soon as I can, but I can't promise anything. I've also realised that FF. net won't allow emails in reviews, so it'll take a while to reply to you guys (if at all). I'll try to get back to individual reviews, but lately it's been hectic moving around a lot without internet.

SECOND A/N:

AAAAAAAAAAAAH I'm SO SO SORRY! I had my files on a disk, and left my laptop behind for two weeks when I went into the city to where they have internet connection, only to find out the files on the disk were corrupt! Two weeks of stressing every time I saw the disk or a computer.

But I'd like to send out a HUGE THANK YOU, hugs, and of course Harry/Snape plushies and cookies to everyone who has reviewed the last few chapters. And who has stuck around during this dry spell cries

Yay extra long chapter with boring talk and explanations! This is how I reward you (so so sorry) it had to be done to round this off a bit so I could have a level playing field to take it forward.

Onwards to awareness!

SS

Severus felt himself crawl out of the darkness, his eyes slowly opening, to be shut quickly against the harsh light.

His whole body felt like it had been drained of energy, his muscles protesting when he tried to shift the uncomfortable position he was in.

Opening his mouth to ask what the hell was going on he felt his tongue thick and useless against the back of his teeth.

Fear spiked through him as he stopped to listen to unfamiliar sounds that ground into the already tender space at the back of his eyes. Where was he? What had happened?

Had there been a 'meeting', it felt worse than usual, maybe he had been found out. Maybe he had been attacked. His mind spat out different scenarios which could have ended with him lying here, wherever here was.

None of them were positive.

"…think, so I…"

A sudden voice, and Severus tried to sit up, open his eyes again, speak, but his body wouldn't obey him. Instead the words that reached his ears faded and the unfamiliar sounds returned. He lay there trying hard not to let the fear that was sending chills along his spine spread any further.

His mind supplied him with a number of times he had woken in unfamiliar places, it had always set his hair on end. His neurosis had saved him a few times but Poppy had numerous times been forced to calm him when he hadn't fully recognised the hospital wing, it was also the reason why the hospital wing no longer had curtains.

He tried listening out for the voice again but straining he could only hear that unfamiliar sound that he couldn't recognise.

"…once, that's when…" A different voice, he wanted to scream, get them to notice him, but his throat wouldn't work and his eyes would no longer open, no matter how hard he tried to pry them apart.

"…sure, be alright?…"

Severus thought he could recognise the voice, but it was hard catching only fragments, and he had to fight off his frustration when the clues fell away under him.

"….Harry…be fine…Severus….strong…"

That was the headmaster. The small victory sent a jolt through his body, he knew he was safe, he had to be in the hospital ward or somewhere. Probably something to do with the Potter brat, the headmaster had said his name. He couldn't remember anything clearly just yet and his mind didn't seem to be up for supplying any further information.

"…survivor…"

The voice was a quiet murmur and Severus wondered whose it was before he found himself sinking back into the darkness, he had no energy to try and crawl out of it.

HP

Harry watched the boy in the bed as he slept, unaware of the danger he had escaped. Long eyelashes fluttered on skin drained of life, it looked almost like paper stretched delicately and translucently over the sleeping features and Harry had to thank the gods that he could watch the simple rise and fall of the man's chest.

The room they had been brought into was one of many separate small rooms off the side of the hospital wing, used to house patients either with contagious diseases which could be easier contained with spells and wards in an enclosed area, or for those who needed their privacy and were in for a longer stay.

Harry had spoken to the headmaster as soon as he had woken, two days, having passed out after dragging himself and the half dead boy out of the bowels of the castle. He had been reassured that Severus would be alright, he didn't miss the twinkle in the older man's eyes when he had asked, but he had chosen to ignore it. Like the feather light touches of the other man in his mind, he didn't have the strength to even hinder, let alone stop the powerful wizard, and he knew his protests would fall on deaf ears. He merely guided the man in the right direction, showing what he wanted to be seen, leaving certain sections out.

It was his fault he hadn't learnt to protect his mind anyway, and he trusted Dumbledore to follow his directions and only take the information he needed, he didn't feel the need to explain what had happened during the night and this was so much easier. Maybe it was also the fact he had just sunk into a chair, his recovering body lending apathy and exhaustion to haze his mind.

He didn't even notice as the man let himself out, his eyes closing.

SS

Severus woke to the unfamiliar noise again, with enough strength to open his eyes and to shift the numbness out of his left shoulder. There was a figure slouched in a chair beside his bed, and he felt himself frown.

"Potter." It was more a croak than an actually word, but it managed to snap the man out of his sleep. Severus smirked as the boy jumped, but let the effort of holding his lips up slip.

"You're awake sir." Severus fought the wave of frustration as he bit off the comment about the boys inherit ability to state the obvious, his throat having had enough exercise with the simple name. He merely let his glare speak for him. The boy seemed to understand, if the flush that spread across his cheeks was any sign.

"Of course you are. It's been almost three days. Do you need a drink? A potion? Are you in pain? An extra pillow? Or maybe another blanket?" The questions bombarded in quick concession caught him off guard, as the mention of him sleeping for three days and the worry behind it all. He opened his mouth to snap at the boy, he didn't need this extra information to worry about, especially with his memory still half shot to pieces, instead his voice revolted and all he managed was a croak, which seemed to tear at his throat. He shifted again and the boy seemed to jump in to action.

"You want to sit up? It seems your voice doesn't want to work. That never happened to me, but I was never drawn so deep as you." Severus blinked as the boy stooped over him, hands slipping up and around him, pillows being pulled, clothing shifting, and suddenly he was sitting a little unsteadily, his head luckily propped on pillows as even that small movement had drained him of energy.

Drawn? The boy knew what had happened to him? What was going on?

"There you are. Do you need anything else?" The boy continued to blather on and Severus wondered where Poppy was, uncomfortable in the way the younger man had suddenly taken over the nurse maids role.

"Maybe you should have a drink." Severus blinked as the straw was shoved in his face. He thought of refusing it, but as Poppy seemed not to be wanting to rescue him for the moment and his parched throat was screaming out for liquid he accepted the straw with a quick glare at the boy. But for some reason he didn't seem to be in the mood to scorch the boy with his worst sneers, he was just so tired. As soon as the straw left his lips he felt his eyes closing, his body satisfied now that he had something to drink.

HP

Harry watched as his questions washed over the man sitting in his body, he knew he wasn't listening to them, but he also knew that they would drown out the humming in the back of the other man's head. It was residue of the magic he had possessed, the irresistible call to be consumed and to consume.

He'd resettled the man in the teenage boy's body back into a prone position, watching as he had turned onto his side, a fist clutched close under his chin. He couldn't help smiling as he sat back down.

Harry wasn't ready to move far from his seat, content to just let the calm silence of the hospital ward wash over him. He knew Poppy had given him the all clear after she had given him a few potions to help heal the burns on his hands and the few scrapes and bruises he had received. She had told him that all he needed was some more good rest and he could have that back at his rooms. But for some reason he wanted to stay, wanted to be there for Severus.

He told himself it was because it was his fault the man was in this mess, but another part of him flashed a quick image of what he had seen reflected back at him. Frowning, he ignored the small voice that told him he couldn't hide any more.

Licking his lips he sat back, the chair beside the hospital bed comfortably moulding itself to his back as if to encourage him to let sleep steal him away. He wouldn't have been surprised if Madam Pomfrey had charmed it that way.

Fighting sleep he watched the boy in the hospital bed. There were so many questions he was too afraid to ask, so many things he couldn't bring himself to confess. And they all revolved around this man who had been drawn deeper into his life by a simple mistake on his part or by his connection to a mad man.

Harry frowned, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees as he supported his chin. The silence of the room was so clear, not even the sound of a breath. It was noticeable to him as he was usually a quiet breather himself, and the first time he had shared a dorm room with his housemates, he had been surprised by the level that each boy made in their sleep. Sure he had snored when he had first slept in Snape's body, but the man must have trained himself not to sleep so loudly, Harry just hoped he had mastered the technique and that he didn't snore anymore.

Watching the man's chest rise and fall Harry let himself get lost in the pattern, his mind wandering, touching only lightly on topics. He was in no mood for heavy thinking, floating on a concoction of healing potions, fatigue, and magic residue. He smiled as his mind flittered over the subject of Hermione.

He had been surprised by the fact she hadn't figured out this little farce yet, maybe he had given her more credit than he had thought. But they hadn't been spending a lot of time together, as he had dragged Snape off every chance he could get, saving them from discovery as well as that toad of a woman, Umbridge.

Besides Hermione had been a little preoccupied lately, Harry's small smile spread, Hermione and Draco, it had a nice ring to it, both were passionate as well as loyal, he could see how they could compliment each other well. He really did wish the two of them good luck, even though he was a little jealous.

He wished he could have something so simple as a school yard crush, go through the dramas of a normal teenager. Fights with friends over stupid little things, worry about the fashions, who was taking who to the next ball, how she liked him, but he liked her and she was her cousin so it could never work. Harry paused, well maybe he didn't exactly want _that_ kind of teenage drama, but he would have liked to be normal.

Instead he had to contend with fights with friends over seriously fatal issues, worry about the conviction of his Godfather, who was going to kill him next and how and when the dark lord was going to take over his mind, send him visions and have him wake screaming with blood on his hands, because every person the dark lord killed was someone he hadn't saved in time.

Harry wanted to be normal.

He looked up from the rising falling chest, to the closed eyes that shielded the thorny presence of the potions master. Even though he would have given anything to be normal, Harry doubted he would have changed these circumstances. He knew he was being selfish by admitting it, but through his simple mistake he had grown closer to the sleeping man, he had found out things that drew him in, attracted him, fascinated him, frightened but intrigued him.

The more layers he was shown the more he wanted to explore.

And that scared him, he wanted so much to know more about the man, but knew if he followed through he would be leaving himself open as well. He didn't know if he could handle being so vulnerable with another person, he'd been alone for most of his life, having been burnt more than once.

The flame of a promised companionship, though alluring could burn badly. When he had been younger he had blindly reached out to Petunia, had seen the way mothers had treated their children, had wanted someone who would treat him the same. That was one lesson learnt well.

He wasn't wanted.

It was a lesson that was repeated often enough during his childhood. He didn't have parents, he didn't have friends and those who were curious about the quiet boy in the back, didn't dare look much further than the plump boy with the hard fists.

It was even harder seeing how everyone loved Dudley so much more, the contrast was harsh and painful, the point driven home harder with the small talk of children. He'd caught snatches of conversation about sleep overs, Christmas presents and playing in the park. It had always been hard for him to fit in, but when he knew nothing of these, but small chores, the books he escaped into, the inside of his cupboard walls, and the kitchen sink, he knew he was an outsider. The small spiders that lived with him, his only companions.

Then when he had found out he was a wizard, Harry Potter the anonymous boy had turned into a star over night. Of course he never related the two, Harry who lived with the Dursleys was different to Harry Potter the poster boy. And he kept it that way, sometimes struggling to keep up appearances, he didn't want people to find out about the real him, he wasn't sure if the real him ashamed him, or if he wanted to protect himself.

It had been difficult, the first time when someone had actually gone out of their way to speak to him, Draco Malfoy, he had been so scared, snapping back at him, to keep the boy at a distance, not trusting himself. When he had been stuck in the train with the Weasley's he had been forced to deal with the situation of people wanting to know him, the red haired freckle faced family had been his first step into life which included something other than himself and his eight legged friends.

Of course there had been Hagrid, but he hadn't been one of Harry's peers, and the man had gravitated to the position of a lovable uncle, if Harry had ever had one.

Thinking back over his first few years at Hogwarts, Harry smiled, he had learnt so much, not just in the ways of magic. But about people, about himself. He had gained friends, the first he had ever had apart from his books. He had always loved to read whenever he could, escaping into the library at school whenever he knew Dudley was after him.

The librarian had been a friendly lady, always ready with a good suggestion, she had helped him better his reading, and had travelled with him on his journeys through Narnia, Middle Earth, to India with Alexander the Great, across the Middle East with the Crusades, he had even remembered travelling across the cosmos and back in time, held hands with Winnie the Pooh, had solved mysteries with Ms Marple and Pierrot, ducking into dark alleys with Phillip Marlowe.

She had been someone he could talk to about the worlds they had both seen, the people they had both met, captured on the pages between hard covers. He had looked up to her, she read thick books which even he couldn't wade through, trapped in the world of a 10 year old child, he had of course developed a childish crush, bringing her small handfuls of flowers which she accepted with a soft smile. She had never said anything, and Harry knew he was grateful for that, he couldn't have faced another rejection.

It had always taken him extra long to read his books, either because his glasses had broken again or because the cupboard in which he was kept in had only the light from under the door and through the air vent. He tried to read whenever he was at school, getting caught out more than once by teachers.

He remembered the last day he ever went to the library, it had been raining and everyone had just been let out late for lunch, he had raced over to the low building, letting himself in, the smell of different worlds, infinitely better than his own greeted him.

He had just finished reading 'Through the Looking Glass' and now found himself hoping every time he touched the clear glass where his reflection peered at him he would fall through, into a world where he would never have to see Petunia's horse like face or the hulking whale like forms of the two male members of the family.

He had proudly memorised Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum's poem, and had recited it without fail to the smiling lady behind the desk, who stamped his new book, 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory', before he had stepped outside in search of a quiet place to read.

He hadn't gotten far before he had felt a hard shove to his back. He could only cry out in dismay as he had tried to protect the book from getting wet in the puddles as he fell. A sure kick to the stomach had him drop his precious possession as he gasped for breath, tears fogging up his already broken and taped glasses. Dudley and his friends had snatched the book up, tossing it around as he had tried to weakly reach for it, as all the while they had taunted him for reading 'girly' books, before tripping him over.

It hadn't dawned on him why those who circled him were laughing until the pale leaves fell around him rustling. They had left him, wet and muddy, breath hitching not because of his aching ribs but because of the tears that streamed down his face, ink catching the drops, words blurring and worlds collapsing into muddy puddles.

He hadn't returned the ruined book and hadn't stepped through the doors again, he had been too frightened, too ashamed. Even now Harry frowned, he hadn't read a book for pure enjoyment, hadn't wanted to step into a world which he couldn't share with anyone, didn't want to remember the utter wretched feeling he had when he had watched his escape disappear into a dark smudge. It was perhaps another reason why his studies weren't exactly what they could be.

"A Dementor hanging over you shoulder boy?" Harry glanced up from his musings, the man in the bed had woken and somehow moved himself into a sitting position without him even noticing. The voice was still raw, but it was no longer a croak. How long had he been here sitting and thinking?

Harry frowned at the expectant look the potions master was giving him, before stretching, his back cracking as it protested the bad position he had held himself in.

"Just thinking."

"No wonder you looked like you were in pain." Was the dry reply and Harry sighed, rubbing his eyes, muttering a quick Tempus charm under his breath. The time showed 11:24pm, he hadn't realised it was so late, but then again he had been sleeping all day.

"Wandless." Was the breathless whisper, and Harry looked up to meet the astounded eyes of the potions professor. It took a while for him to figure out what the man looked so shocked about, considering he had almost destroyed the whole dungeon with wandless magic.

"You don't remember." Harry stated.

"What are you blathering on about boy?"

"That's why you asked me why I was down in the dungeons again. You don't remember."

"I asked you a question." The raised eyebrow and unimpressed glare demanded answers.

"The other night." A minute pull of the lips and Harry knew the man was interested. Different body, same quirks.

Harry related as best as he could what he had felt that night, leaving out certain parts, what he had seen in the mirror, the mention of Sirius, and the almost fatal attack. He had swallowed heavily, feeling the phantom magic constrict around his throat as he skimmed over the uncontrolled power. By the end of the simplified version Snape did not look impressed.

"I want the full story later Potter." Harry winced, of course the man would have figured out that he wasn't telling the whole tale. "However I'm not surprised about wandless magic itself Potter, it is more common than you students are led to believe. I am more amazed that at your age and limited concentration, you were able to learn and prefect such an art. It has taken powerful wizards years to come to terms with the very concept and theory of wandless magic. It should not be possible until full maturity is reached, when the magic is stable enough to be moulded and realigned into a wandless form."

The man snorted and Harry cringed at the sound.

"However, with your connection to the Dark Lord, a known user of wandless magic, it should have been at least considered that you may have the gift as well, having his level of maturity inherit in your own abilities."

Harry tried not to pout, he hadn't toiled for months with the house elves to be told that his ability was merely another by-product of the mad man.

"But I had to learn it all on my own."

A raised eyebrow.

"Throwing temper tantrums is not a way of learning."

Harry winced, that one hurt.

"No, the…" The house elves taught him, he paused, he had given his word that he wouldn't speak of it to anyone. "I was taught. It took over a year, but I can do a few things."

Green eyes watched him, and Harry tried not to flinch under the scrutiny.

"You may have learnt to master the technique on your own, but it is not possible for those under full maturity to be able to wield it. Young magic is too wild, and during maturity a certain control and concrete foundation is based. Wandless magic needs this core to concentrate itself and pass through. You must be channelling your wandless magic through the Dark Lords already base foundation, through his magical core."

Harry didn't know if he should feel distressed that his magic was being filtered through such a stained base, or glad that he had at least this small gift which he could develop. If the Dark Lord was a known user of wandless magic then he would have to become an exceptionally skilled user if he had any chance of going up against the man and defeating him.

"This doesn't however explain my loss of control over your magic." Harry watched as the other man mused.

"It isn't my magic, it's…" Harry floundered looking for words. "It's a raw magic, it's the very essence from which all other magicks are formed. It's what allowed the Dark Lord to survive after being hit with The Death Curse," Harry hated the sound of the curse, the words always brought forward images of death, pain, the green reflected in his mothers eyes. Nobody noticed, but he called the curse by a different name.

Harry continued. "He has channelled his whole being into research and rituals which opens him to this magic, it's like we're all batteries with our own power, but his plugged himself into a socket." Harry paused. "Sorry. You wouldn't understand that reference." The dark haired man merely gave him a scathing look.

"I understand perfectly well Mr Potter. So you are saying that through your connection to the Dark Lord, you have also been transferred into a power outlet for this raw magic?"

"Yeah!" Harry had been worried that he wouldn't be able to explain it properly when needed. His enthusiasm that the other man understood him brought a scowl to the potion master's face.

"Eloquent as ever."

"Sorry sir. I've kind of thought about it a lot. I'm worried about it, the raw magic I mean." He added when the man merely glared at him. "I know I need it to defeat the Dark Lord, because no one can stand up to that and survive, but I need to control it. That's the main reason why the Dark Lord hasn't used this power. He possesses it, but he can't control it. He knows that if he uses it to achieve his goal, it'll consume him, leaving him incapable of the results he wants, he won't be himself anymore. The Dark Lord may be fanatical about power, but he is also possessed by his need for control."

"I'm quiet acquainted with the Dark Lord and his need for control, Mr Potter. As Mr Malfoy now knows as well."

Harry felt the colour run from his face, as the implications set in and a fresh wave of guilt sliced through him. He could see the man in bed was waiting for him to say something, maybe a badly concealed jibe, a sneering comment, Harry could see the tense way he was holding himself.

Only then did it occur to him, Snape had forgotten their conversation about Draco.

"Draco doesn't hate you." Harry drove on before Severus could reply. He had trouble saying all this last night, but he'd get through this and explain if it was the last thing he did. "We don't find you disgusting, stained, tainted, repulsive, used, or anything that you or anyone has ever labelled you as. You're strong to be able to face everyday, brave and courageous in the way you hold yourself, playing a dangerous game as a spy. You've done so much good for the wizarding community. Just because you have been forced into something like that doesn't mean we aren't willing to accept it and love you all the same, and now even to a greater extent as we tknow what you've been through." Harry finished the speech, he had tried to race through it as fast as he could before Severus could say anything and interrupt.

"Do you realise what you have just said?" Harry couldn't understand the incredulous look on the man's face, he had thought it rather simple.

"Draco still loves you. Isn't that what family is for? No matter what happens, they still love you."

"You obviously have never encountered a real family."

SS

Severus wondered why the boy winced at his comment, but passed it by, concentrating more on the boys' slip of tongue. Had the boy really placed himself plural with Draco? He had done it more than once, and it didn't seem he had realised, but he had been speaking rather fast.

If it had been a slip of a wrong word surely he wouldn't have slipped twice, or maybe he had accidentally revealed he had some sort of schoolyard crush on his potions master, or some perverted fascination brought about by all he had seen through the Dark Lord's eyes, a possibility Severus wasn't willing to look too closely at. The small voice in the back of his mind scowled, telling him, no one who had a perverted fascination spoke like that convincingly about love.

That was a option that Severus was definitely not going to even grant second glance. Shaking his head he tried to get those thoughts out of his mind.

However, Potter did seem convinced that Draco still cared about him. But how did he know?

"They must be in here." A whisper broke the silence that they had fallen into, Severus trying to figure out the meaning behind the slip and the boy sitting beside him obviously nursing his wounds brought about by the harsh words and unsuspectingly waiting for Severus to react to his speech, after his scathing comment.

"It's the last room." A deeper voice whispered back as the door creaked open.

Severus could feel the grain of his wand handle pressing into his fingertips.


	14. Chapter 14

-1A/N: Sorry for the long rant last chapter. A short note saying I can't get to the net so no individual replies. Thanks everyone for your feedback and support! (I've tried to write a plan for the next part of the fic and it's another few chapters till Snape finally gets to meet the Dursley's. It's going to be so anticlimactic sigh)

Forwards! (where it feels more like backwards as we get caught in more plot holes and odd twists).

HP

"Lumos"

Harry blinked in the sudden bright light, his eyes adjusting to the comic image of Draco and Hermione both petrified trying to sneak into their room. Snorting, he raised a questioning eyebrow at the potion's master sitting in bed, his wand pointed directly at the two, a nasty scowl on his face.

"Are we playing at role reversal Mr Potter?" He asked with a slow drawl, flicking his own wand in the direction of the two intruders, releasing them from the other's spell. He was relieved when the man in his body turned sheepishly to him, now playing the right role.

"I thought you said constant vigilance." There was a pause "sir."

"Had you been vigilant as you say you were Mr Potter, you would have already assessed these two presented no harm, and you would have been able to detect who they were by the sound of their voices. Attacking strangers in the dark gains you many enemy's Potter. And attacking students gains you a loss of points." Harry turned to give the other two an assessing glare. "As does sneaking out after hours. Ten points from Gryffindor and five from Slytherin."

"We came to see you sir." Draco rebelliously stepped forward. Harry narrowed his onyx eyes at the display, he didn't know what Snape would have done, it was his Godson, but he was also displaying such familiarity before 'The Golden Boy' and his lacky.

"The reason Mr Malfoy?" He placed an extra emphasis on the blondes title. He hoped the boy wouldn't over step any boundaries.

"We've been worried about both of you." Hermione interrupted, obviously trying to draw his attention away from Draco. "You've both been acting out of sorts lately, spending more time in the ward than usual, and you've both been moved from your rooms. And don't think I haven't noticed how you've changed Harry."

Harry cursed, he had been worried about Hermione figuring this out, but now she had teamed up with Draco, they'd be impossible to throw off the trail of a mystery like this.

"Voldemort." The name spoken in the flat, dead tone, sent a shudder through Harry and stopped any rampage or inquisition that the girl was about to put them through. He turned to look at Snape, who had lowered his lashes just so, slumped his shoulders and let his mouth fall into a tired frown. The boy sitting in the bed no longer looked like Harry Potter the boy who lived, but an exhausted boy plagued by sleepless nights and tortured scenes.

"Oh Harry." Harry didn't have time to blink before the girl had thrown herself at the boy in the bed. "Why didn't you say anything? I've been so worried I thought you were progressing backwards the closer the holidays were getting." Harry leant back avoiding the over consoling Hermione and bit his tongue hoping she wouldn't say anything too revealing. She knew of what happened at the Dursleys to some extent, and after having read every book she could find on what she called, domestic violence or child abuse, she had come up with her own assumption of what was happening.

Harry had only just persuaded her not to tell anyone and she had reluctantly kept the knowledge to herself, after extracting a promise that if anything happened over the summers that he would contact her and she would come and get him, or at least inform the right authorities. She had given him a list of numbers to call for help or counselling, and Harry had shoved it into the back of his trunk. He didn't need any help or counselling, he was doing just fine.

What he went through wasn't anyone else's problem and he didn't believe he was a 'victim of abuse'. He was only punished if he did something wrong, sure he thought the beatings were a little harsh, but with his body usually numb from it's nightly activities and the potions he took for the after affects, they weren't as painful as they could have been. It only affected him further if something lasting happened, like his dislocated wrist, or fractured ribs. But then, didn't he deserve it?

Besides, abuse and violence were terms he couldn't relate to his home life, they were too harsh labels to what he went through with the Dursley's, he had seen and dealt with so much more, being linked to the mad man.

Even the previous years before he knew of any such torture, taking comfort that he was being punished for his failure as the saviour, he had still seen his home as a safe place. Sure he had been punished if he did anything wrong, but he had learnt to keep his mouth shut, his head down, and work at a steady pace, it was at least better than living on the streets like he had seen some people, and within those walls Dudley never touched him.

He was used to his life and as it was the only place left for him to go he didn't want anyone taking it away from him on their assumptions and accusations of something they didn't understand, a life they didn't lead.

"Sir?" The voice was questioning and Harry turned to Draco, pushing the thoughts from his mind, the boy looked worried, anxious and searching all at once. He drew up small smile from the best of his acting reservoirs, to comfort and answer the unasked questions, the boy gave a small smile back, before shooting a look at the two on the bed, he sat cautiously on the end sending a careful glance at the emerald eyed 'boy who lived' still struggling with an armful of Hermione.

"I don't bite Malfoy."

"Luckily. I don't what I might catch from you." The jibe was accompanied by a good humoured smirk and Harry couldn't help the small smile slip past the hard exterior he was trying to hold up in front of the other three.

These were the slow, first, tentative steps for developing relationships.

He knew that he and Draco had an unsteady peace, brought about by his defence of the blonde boy when Ron and his Gryffindor groupies had ganged up on the Slytherin. That had been one of the last events which had led to Ron's dismissal of him.

Since then he and Draco had been almost cordial to each other, even starting small conversations, simple teasing or quick tests of wit, more than the painful and hurtful jibes of previous years. Those years couldn't easily be erased, but when he had found out that Hermione liked the boy, he knew he had to try and build a better connection with the touchy Slytherin.

He also recognized a strong ally when he saw one.

SS

Severus could feel the weight of the girl against his side, could feel the weight in the dip of the bed where his Godson sat, but the heaviest weight were the dark eyes that watched them.

He had seen the way his Godson had reacted when he had said the name of the Dark Lord, could see the sympathy, the worry as the blonde sent a glance at the boy who now possessed his body. All apprehension of what the young man thought of him, had died in that look. Potter had been right, Draco did still care for him, even with that stained knowledge hanging above their heads.

"So, how did the study date go?" Severus whispered into the bushy hair, trying to clear away the dark thoughts. He had expected childish giggling when he had asked the question, but the secretive and determined but soft smile that was his only answer sent a slice of jealousy through him. Those two would make a fine pair.

"I think Potter, that that is none of your business." The blonde replied to the question, the haughtiness in his voice mockingly self-indulgent. Severus fought to keep from rolling his eyes, but failed, sharing a look with the girl who grinned and shook her head.

"Any dealings with the Golden Trio is my business." Severus replied with exaggerated Gryffindor Bravado, he received a snort as his answer, and a quiet giggle from the girl at his side.

"I see only two." The boy in the potion masters body interjected and Severus frowned, how was he to reply that? The silence in the room had an awkward tinge to it and the girl beside him shifted.

"With all due respect sir, the 'Golden Trio' doesn't really exist anymore, it's more of an in joke. We try to hold up the front, not only for Harry's privacies sake, but so that Ron won't get painted the unfaithful friend, and I won't get portrayed as Harry's love interest. It's easier for everyone if there is three of us and we fit the mould people have created. Lately though…"

The girl trailed off, and Severus let his hand rest on her shoulder as she leant against him. So he had been right in sensing something there.

"You haven't been seen together." Severus almost jumped when the boy sitting in the chair watching them finished the girl's sentence. The dark eyes looked thoughtful and a little surprised; Severus was again taken aback at how well the boy could act, the boy had known all along yet he managed to play the suddenly enlightened.

"I'm surprised you noticed sir, people tend to see what they want to, which is the reason we still sit together at times in the Great Hall and in large public areas pretend. It seems to be enough to fool people who aren't paying attention, even though we've moved from ignoring each to out right avoidance outside the Great Hall walls." Severus watched the brunette girl pick at the blanket she was sitting on, she was right, he hadn't noticed to what extent they had been avoiding each other, only noticing the smaller details once he was trapped in this body, having to deal with the everyday events.

"I do notice more than students from who I can deduct points from." Was the rye reply, and Severus saw the girl blush sheepishly at the man's interpretation of her words. "However I have also noticed that Mr Weasley has become part of a select troublesome group of Gryffindors. I would appreciate it if the next time you are forced into close contact with him, to warn him to tread more carefully."

Severus heard the catch of the girls breath, and saw the worry in her eyes.

"You've noticed it too?"

"It is hard not to notice when it is my house that is most often targeted." Severus tried to find the meaning behind the words, what was the boy talking about? He had noticed a rise in the number of student pranks pulled on the Slytherins, even a few more cruel and unusual, but he had been unable to find the culprit.

"They're not all Gryffindors, though most of them are. They've called themselves the Crusaders, on a supposed quest for light, to wipe out the 'savages', the Death Eaters."

"I'm surprised they are intelligent enough to draw the comparison between themselves and the European Crusades of the 11th and 13th Centuries, however I'm not surprised that they didn't realise or understand the true nature of these Holy Wars. Taming of the 'savages' an excuse only to gain fame and fortune through bloodshed; the rape and pillage of innocents and their land."

Severus blinked, how on earth did Potter know all this? Since when did the boy have any other interest in learning than during defence against dark arts? A small voice in the back of his mind told him that he should give the boy a little more credit. He scoffed at the voice and concentrated on the topic at hand, why did no one know of this Gryffindor 'Crusade'?

"They might not see it, but they're the same. I know it's just school yard pranks but they've turned more brutal and cruel." The girl continued, and Severus wondered why she was telling her 'hated potions master' all this. Where was the Gryffindor loyalty to their own brood?

"They target mainly Slytherin's because they assume all Slytherin's or their families are followers of the Dark Lord." Severus frowned, since the war the mistakes of the parents hung over the children's heads, Slytherin's had been branded, from the very beginning, by the founder of their house and those who hadn't understood him. The girl seemed almost to reverberate, agitated in his lap as she surge forward to continue again.

"They think that in targeting these students they are getting revenge on all the death eater attacks, that by injuring these students, they are somehow inadvertently wounding the Dark Lord. They need to be stopped, we don't want anyone else hurt because of them."

"And you've come to me?" The seated man asked in a dangerously low voice.

The girl stopped short.

"It…" she stumbled. "It wasn't my intention, but we've talked." She glanced quickly at Severus as he sat in Harry's body and then at Draco before turning back to the piercing onyx eyes, that caught Severus's own, a knowing look skimming across them before they focused back onto the girl. Severus frowned, so the boy had played the girl along, had wanted him to know what was happening, it would have been easier just to out right tell him. Severus scoffed in his mind, but of course he had to go for Gryffindor melodramatics.

"This is difficult," the girl paused. "There's no actual evidence of 'the crusades'. They work from the Room of Requirement, it's given them a base which provides them with basic items that shield magic signature, potions that change the appearance, masks, cloaks." Severus resisted the urge to snort, why did every organisation have to fight behind a veil? Then the first section of what the girl had said occurred to him, if there was no evidence…

"How do you know all of this?" The question that was flung around Severus's mind was echoed by the boy sitting in his body, dark eyes narrowed. Why did the boy wanted him to know all of this? Did he want revenge on his ex-best friend? Severus frowned, he didn't want to be part of these games.

HP

Harry hoped the man was taking notes, this was important, this wasn't just a brainless group of Gryffindors' intent on student rivalry. He knew if he just told the man out right, the matter would have been dismissed.

But with this method, with no way for the potions master to interrupt without looking suspicious he was forced to listen to not only Harry's explanation, but also to thoughts and ideas backed not only by his intelligent Hermi but also by the man's Godson.

"Ron is the supposed second in command of this group, he recruits members."

Harry knew he had to think on his feet if he was to draw the full story with almost every aspect out of the girl, but he also had to pretend that he didn't know where this was heading, that he knew everything. Just another game and another mask, he thought grimly before stating an incorrect assumption, that could have been made by anyone.

"And the first people he asks is his best friends."

SS

Severus watched the exchange between the two, the craftily constructed questions, how the story was drawn from the girl with little prompting. He also noticing the way Draco was also sitting back as if he had heard it all. Severus supposed he had, it sent a sliver of betrayal through him that his Godson hadn't told him about this.

"No. He asks me. I was to be recruited at all costs but he was specifically told not to even mention the organisation to Harry."

Severus watched dark eyes narrow.

"By who?"

"No one knows, his named himself Anon." Severus almost snorted, cute reference to the abbreviated anonymous. "But he's clever, you can't keep secrets in this castle long, but he's managed to fool everyone, kept his identity and his organisation basically off student and teacher radar. Even the victims of his attacks can't say who has attacked them, except most hold the sign of the Crusades, untraceable, with no magic signature, I can't even tell what spell it is that causes it."

A mark.

So instead of the members being marked, their victims were. Severus frowned, kneading his now untarnished forearm.

"A small red cross." Draco spoke up with a frown.

Severus watched Draco shift as he sat forward, rolling the shirt sleeve up. He didn't notice it at first, but found what he was looking for, a small red cross sat just above the crook of the blondes elbow. The boy looked a little ashamed, sending a quick glance at Severus, before turning back to the boy in the older man's body.

Severus frowned. So they dared touch his Godson?

"I haven't told you what little I know of the Crusaders, mainly because of this, and mainly because I needed more information. After Potter," Severus watched as the boy frowned when the brown haired girl elbowed him. "After _Harry_ assisted me when the 'do-gooders' attacked a while back, we've been on talking terms. Only last night did I find out everything."

Severus listened intently. He had wondered at the uneasy truce, and now everything was beginning to fall into place. So Potter and Granger had been assessing his Godson for a while now, only recently deciding to test him. And now they were testing him, Severus Snape, with the knowledge of this student group.

"Yet you haven't explained why you've come to me." Severus, blinked, as onyx eyes watched him intently. How was this question important?

"We don't think it's run by students. We think it's somehow related to the Dark Lord, someone who isn't a member of the death eaters, but owes him allegiance. We need to know if you know anything about this, if you could help us."

Severus blinked in confusion, watching as Harry mirrored his reaction although he had known this was coming.

"I thought you said it was a mainly Gryffindor organisation?"

"It's an organisation with an anonymous leader, whose orders are followed loyally. All members believe they fight for the light, that no matter how badly they hurt others that it is for a just cause. Through this cause they may better themselves and the world, they gain people who understand them, who they can rely on, they gain power over the 'savages', control, even recognition, praise, a sort of fame as they climb the hierarchy of group."

"I see the comparison Ms Granger." Was the sardonic interruption that saved Severus from grinding his teeth to the gum. He had seen many similarities with the death eaters when they had first begun explaining this organisation, but now the girl had seen fit to drive the point even closer to home. The over emphasis on it made his teeth ache, but it still didn't have any evidence backing it as more than a fanatical student organisation.

"So you'll help us?" Came the hopeful reply. Severus frowned, he hope the boy wouldn't accept for him, he could still only see it as a school yard rivalry as well as a hint of revenge on Potter's side. His best friend hadn't offered him membership and their failing relationship would add salt to the wound.

"I'm sorry but you haven't convinced me. There is no found evidence that this is linked in anyway to the Dark Lord." It was almost dismissive, a refusal to help, but Severus noticed the ploy when he saw it. The boy wanted a full explanation.

HP

Harry sat back, waiting for Hermione to begin, but to his surprise Draco sat forward.

"The group may have characteristics similar to the Death Eaters, the drive for fame, power, control, recognition, student rivalries based on the idea they are fighting for the light, bringing many into their fold. But recruitment plays an important role. There have been so many strong friendships and relationships broken apart by this organisation. They attempted it on Potter and Hermione…" the blonde winced at the elbow in his side.

"Harry and Hermione for instance. They'd already gained Weasley to implement their plan. A few veiled suggestions that the-boy-who-lived, if allowed into the group, would somehow usurper the Weasels position and growing recognition, allows them to instruct the boy with little fuss, to only try and recruit Hermione." Draco paused and Hermione continued.

"In recruiting me and not even telling Harry, there would be a divide in our friendship. Harry would be left on his own devices, with no one to turn to, they'd also gain two of the three 'golden trio'. Something that would strengthen their aspect of the 'light'."

Draco ploughed on trying to convince his Godfather. "This characteristic of 'light' plays an even greater part. It's emphasised by the number of major Gryffindor recruits from families who have openly opposed the Dark Lord."

Harry marvelled at the way the two could follow on from what the other was saying, they seemed to fit perfectly. But he would still have to play the unimpressed potions master.

"Aren't you attempting to convince me that this is a dark organisation?" Harry let his voice fall dry off his lips, in the way that made everyone obvious to the fact he was far from impressed. He watched Severus from the corner of his eye, as he took all this in.

"What better ploy to confuse the enemy then to wear their colours?" Hermione asked. "But it isn't just that, members are somehow magically bonded to this group, not so much like the death eaters with a physical mark, but some sort of chant. I couldn't make it out, but it was defiantly an initiation, a sort of oath."

"You've entered the organisation?" Harry asked, fully aware that Snape would want to know this.

"One time under Ron's plan to recruit me, and other times to try and find more information. Once you know what it is and that it's in the Room of Requirement it's easy to slip in, especially if you _require _for the wards to be manipulated so they don't detect your presence."

"I thought the room was unable to be altered while there were people within it." Harry placed a scowl on his face, but let his eyes catch Snapes'. The man needed to know this next part.

"That's right, you can't alter the room, but you can allow it to alter yourself. Make you invisible, undetectable, you aren't altering anything, but your own consistency, and the wards slip around you. It's a good loophole." The girl seemed almost smug at knowing something about the school that was not written in Hogwarts; A History, or known by many others.

"But you didn't see the leader?"

Hermione shook her head. "He works from outside the organisation. I don't know if it's from within the school or outside, but the wards and other aspects point to someone who is no longer a student. They have too much power, a greater knowledge of spells and curses, even some that I haven't been able to find in the school library."

"So someone, most likely a braindead Gryffindor with a childhood grudge on Slytherins has organised a group of half-wit Gryffindors into attacking other students. This does not point to Death Eater organisations, nor does the chanting; many groups and organisations may have a chanting or initiation ceremony." Harry would not allow Snape to get away without the whole story.

Draco sighed exasperated, and Harry had to force down a smile, he knew how stubborn the potion's master could be. The blonde grumbled as he tried once more to convince the man sitting in the chair. Harry grinned, it was amusing that in fact he was already convinced and it was the boy by their side that they should have been directing all this at.

"They target only students who have 'suspicious' backgrounds, but in actual fact, have foresworn allegiance against the dark. No actual death eater, or student who has pledged allegiance to the Dark Lord has been harmed, and some present themselves as 'more suspicious' than others who have been attacked."

"Don't you see sir?" Hermione pleaded. "What better way to infiltrate the school, have the children of the most important figureheads pledge their allegiance to you, injure and mark the other children who you know will stand in your way, and break apart the infrastructure and loyalty of the students to each other."

There was a small silence after Hermione's spiel and Harry thought she had summed it up well. What better way to attack a person then through their loved ones, a lesson he had learnt well. And what better way to break down resistance than from the inside out, the Dark Lord was no fool.

Harry caught Snape's eye before frowning at the two who waited his reaction.

"You make too many assumptions with the limited amount of evidence you possess, but I will look into it." The two seemed surprised and gladdened at his sudden decision. "However, not until after the holidays. I do not like making an unnecessary drama with only a few days to go." That seemed to deflate them but they accepted his decision.

"Now I believe, Potter needs his rest and you should return to your _respective _dorms." At which Harry raised an eyebrow and the two blushed. "Before you are caught out after hours." Hermione looked surprised at his leniency, but Draco smiled knowingly.

"Goodnight." The blonde tugged at Hermione as she gave the boy in the bed one last hug and Harry felt a keening sense of loss as she merely threw him a glance before following the blonde out of the room with a backwards wave and soft goodnight.

"Those two have grown closer over these last two days worrying over the both of you." The disembodied voice spoke right beside him and Harry felt himself jump, almost crying out. Fumbling in his robes for his wand he turned to Severus but found only emerald eyes narrowed with silently laughter.

"If you had only seen your face Potter."

"Really Severus, taking pleasure out of another's sufferings." The voice tutted, with laughter in it as the flowing white beard of the headmaster appeared with a small smile. It reminded Harry of the Cheshire Cat from the last book he ever read, Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass. Soon the whole man stood beside him and Harry watched the tassel at the very end of his hat appear.

"Quiet an interesting proposal don't you think." The headmaster sat down on the end of the potion masters bed and Harry readjusted himself in his chair.

"How long were you there for sir?"

"Oh, I came into check on you boys a little before those two came in."

Harry felt himself prickle at the idea of the man sitting in the dark corner watching them. He didn't even want to think where else the headmaster hid himself, how he knew so much of what was going on around the school. But if he always knew what was going on then…

"Did you know about the Crusaders?" The older man looked contemplative for a while before he began fervently searching through his pockets, pulling out a small tray which floated just above the bed spread and on to which after rummaging through more pockets, and Harry watching avidly, wondering if this would explain how the headmaster watched over the school, placed a saucer and a number of tea cups.

"Tea?" Harry blinked at the question.

"Er yes please."

He saw the potions master nod his answer, before a cup was handed to him.

As soon as everyone was served the headmaster resettled himself.

"I have known of something growing in the last few weeks, but nothing to this amount of detail. You two certainly have been busy, it is such a pity that you and Ms Granger could not be. However Mr Malfoy does seem the perfect match for her."

Harry frowned, so the headmaster knew, but hadn't been worried enough to explore in further detail. It seemed the older man had a tendency to have his finger in every pie and spread himself out too much.

Wait. Had he just said what Harry thought he had said?

"And what do you propose to do about it?" Snape snapped before he had had the chance to quiz the headmaster.

"Oh, it's not my problem, you have kindly volunteered to look into this little mishap after the holidays, and I quite trust your skills and expertise."

Harry watched the green eyes narrow.

"Please, you're _too kind_."

"You should let a little more kindness into your life Severus." The older man smiled softly before turning to Harry. "Now boys, some of us have to get up in the morning, but you two enjoy the rest of the night and don't do anything I wouldn't do."

The man had swept out of the room before Harry had a chance to formulate a reply, mostly his mind was stuck in the rut of enjoying the rest of the night with Snape, and as soon as he had gotten his mind out of that gutter, it had fallen straight into wondering what exactly was meant by the last words of the headmaster. Turning to Snape to ask, he saw the disgruntled look.

"Don't ask."

There was an awkward silence, before Severus broke it, Harry thought he sounded like he wanted to move past the topic..

"Pray tell Mr Potter, why you have gotten me into another of your messes, wasn't this enough?"

"I thought you could help."

"Well it seems now I will be forced to."

Harry went to open his mouth to reply, but the glare sent in his direction and the hand running wearily through the messy locks stopped him. The boy in the bed looked exhausted, and Harry could see the potion masters presence looked a little faded. He had only just woken up from his recovery to be dealt a huge blow of information.

"I'll let you rest in peace. You don't need me here to interrupt your sleep." Harry stood, he'd return to their rooms, although all he wanted to do was sink back into the chair, and watch the man sleep. "Goodnight sir." His tone was almost dismissive as he tried to keep the tired craving out of his voice. He had so much to deal with and his mind wasn't in any disposition to play denial games at the moment, he'd have to try and ignore the presence of the potion's master and get to his rooms as soon as possible so he could sort through his mind in the morning when he woke.

Alone.

Rushing to the door he missed the shocked look at his departure which sunk into desolation, before it was quickly brushed away, as the boy remaining in the bed turned onto his side. Facing away from the door.

Harry looked back over his shoulder at the huddled form under the blankets. He knew the man wouldn't have asked him to stay, but he still felt a little hurt.

That's what came from unfounded hope.


	15. Chapter 15

SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY UPDATES WILL ONCE AGAIN BE MONTHLY!

A/N: I know you are all probably wondering how many more plot twists I can stick into this without making it into one big untidy knot, and I can tell you (with an evil laugh) that the title says it all.

I know our Harry/Severus relationship has suffered due to plot and explanations, the Dursley's have been kept waiting for so long while I've ranted and raved, and the Dark Lord hasn't had any fun for a while, but do not worry faithful readers, it will hopefully all move on a little faster from now on.

Disclaimer + Warnings: See first few chapters.

Short Version:

**THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING AND PATIENCE!**

Long Verions:

I want to thank **Echo of the Insane**, **mis-HD **and** Enemywithin7 **who understand the suckiness of RL and have experienced my plight of no technology.

Thanks **bewittching**! (and I hope you made it in time) And many thanks to my faithful **Dark-Lady-Devinity, Dea Puella **(yes godd is now the new good. Bwahahahahaa!), **DestinyEntwinements** (Oo o.O 0), **cdkobasiuk**, and** Iago96, **who have yet to abandon me.

And to new and old readers who reviewed the last few chapters. **um…,** **AnnF **(thank you for the spelling help, I always get stuck on those two words ), **Terrysfkungfu**, and if I missed you I probably didn't get to the net after you reviewed. Sorry! But thank you loads anyway!

I want to thank all those who have also read and haven't bothered to review don't worry, I totally understand, it doesn't matter, as long as you enjoy the fic.

wipes forehead No time for anything else. Any further rants can wait for the next chapter.

Let us continue forth!

A treasure trove of **explanations, revelations, relations **and **smut **awaits!

(you saw only the smut part didn't you)

HP

Harry didn't notice the way the corridors disappeared under his feet, the way the students skirted around him. Only when his bedroom door closed behind him did he notice how exhausted he felt. The past few days came crashing down on him, the potions accident, the strenuous acting he had forced himself through, all he had found out about himself, Severus and his friends, especially Draco, their differences, their similarities.

He'd been forced to confront much of what he'd hidden from himself, had been forced to watch while his secrets had revealed themselves to the potions master. Had been forced to watch the man go through some of the most painful experiences Harry wouldn't wish on anyone, but had accidentally roped the man into.

Unbuttoning the clothes he had dressed the man up in, the white shirt he hadn't had time to change, the black pants and clinging boots, he wandered into the bathroom. The potions professor stared back at him and Harry watched the man frown at him. His eyes held weariness, his body didn't hold itself up in the intimidating and towering way it usually did.

Hands hung lifelessly at his sides.

The fiery presence was diminished.

"Are you going to stand there all night love?" Harry jumped back, only to realise it had been the mirror that spoke to him. He had practically dozed off staring at the stranger in the reflection.

"Sorry."

"Don't apologise love, that's why I'm here after all, but you do look tired. I suggest some sleep to get that rosy complexion back on your cheeks." The mirror joked and Harry smiled, he'd need more than sleep to get a rosy complexion on Snapes cheeks. The thought of getting the man flushed took a turn as his mind sunk into the gutter, and he knelt to turn the bath taps on. The sweet smell of rose, and multicoloured bubbles spread out across the water that was slowly rising in the tub.

The water lapped lazily at his finger tips, the steam rose in clouds around him and Harry breathed in the scent. The cold tiles bit into his knees but he remained kneeling on the floor, leaning against the side of the tub for support.

He watched long fingers play in the water, the paleness reflecting with the porcelain tub, made rosey by the pink tinged water. Harry couldn't help the images that filled his mind, like the water slowly rising in the tub. He glanced over his shoulder at the reflection in the mirror, the man playing lazily with the bathwater sent a look over his pale, but strong shoulder back at him.

Harry swallowed, feeling guilty, looking quickly away from the mirror and rising, with his back to the reflection. Twisting the taps off, he stepped in to the tub, letting the water rise as he sunk into it, the warmth envelop him. The scent of rose clung to the air and he breathed it in as he sunk deeper.

Exhaustion played across his mind as his thoughts strayed, the taut pale skin of the mans stomach disappeared under his wandering fingers.

SS

Severus stared at the wall of the small room he was in, all that had been revealed flooded through his mind. Potter had control of raw magic, of wandless magic, there was an organization that could have been linked with the dark lord, manipulating and controlling students, Draco knew of what he went through but still cared, the blonde and Granger had obviously grown closer together in such a short time, relying on each other during this trying period, worrying about those they cared for, waiting for a war to start. And Potter… his mind skimmed over the last few days. Potter held so many secrets, so many puzzle pieces that didn't fit together.

The stone wall stood coldly, giving away nothing that could help him clear his mind. Turning over he let his eyes run over the chair that Potter had sat in, the presence that he didn't want to admit he had taken comfort from. No one had ever sat beside him, waiting for him to wake, no one had fallen asleep, uncomfortable as they watched over him. Only the headmaster had ever been there on occasion, but usually only to extract the information he needed, before he too returned to his busy schedule. Severus didn't blame him, didn't hold it against him, the man was busy and he didn't want to waste what little time the older man could spare.

But it still felt nice to have someone there.

The voice in his mind agreed with him before it fell silent as his eyes drifted shut on their own accord.

HP

Drops slid from the long raven hair, landing in uneven beats on the bathroom tiles. Harry let his head rest on the rim of the tub, his damp hair draped unceremoniously over the edge. His body relaxed in the warm water, one knee breaking the surface as the steam rose around it.

Water moved around his straying hand, helping the slide of skin on skin as he traced a strong thigh with stained finger tips, his other hand hanging over the edge, water gathering on the end of his fingertips to hang steadily before falling, to accompany the rhythm from his hair.

His mind was wonderfully blank, eyes half shut as he counted the pace of his breath, of the steady drip. A thrill shot through his body and his eyes shot open, his mind catching onto the feeling. The mirror like surface of the fragrant water was broken as he sat up quickly, his hands breaking the surface to grip the edges of the bathtub.

He could feel the heat in his face, the embarrassed flush and the dryness of his mouth. He hadn't been thinking properly.

He caught movement to his left and turned to stare at himself in the mirror, his reflection looked as horrified as he felt. He didn't want to look down, to his full lap, to his thoughtlessness. His reflection looked guilty, the man staring at him was definitely not Snape, but the tilt of the jaw, the damp dark hair so much longer than his own, caught under his chin, a strand almost touching his lips, the smooth skin highlighted by the water droplets running down the pale expanse made the breath catch in his throat.

Severus was defiantly unlike anyone he had ever seen, so different from himself, but so similar. Both were lithe, well muscled, well defined, both scarred. Their differences lay in height, and the golden tan he held from working summers in the garden, while the potions masters alabaster skin was protected by stone walls in damp dungeons. The presence that inhabited each body so different.

Harry tore his eyes away from the reflection, sinking back into the tub. His thoughts weren't helping his problem, and the fact that he couldn't stop his hands from wandering. The rise of the strong pale thighs from the rosey water made swallowing difficult and Harry watched pale fingers glide over escaping water drops, catching them from their descent.

"I shouldn't." Harry almost keened at the way the voice broke from his throat, shattering the silence that held the moment in it's surreal hold. The way the silky voice had dropped, husky tone, the gravel that grated the very base of his nerves.

God's he lusted after the man.

He bit hard into his hand at the admission and the way his other hand had slid beneath the surface at the sound of the voice.

He was very much awake now, aware of everything that was happening, the way his breath hitched in the warm rosey scented steam as he traced the man's inner thigh, the sensitive join of the crotch. The pain where his teeth bit into his palm pulsed in time with the rest of his body, as he gasped between short breaths.

His hand slid from the joint to his crotch, fingers sliding ghost like up the man's erect shaft. Teasing, torturing himself, as his teeth bit harder into his skin, his eyes closing, squeezed shut against the sensation.

He was still fighting himself, he could feel it in the way his chest constricted, the way his fingertips wouldn't commit themselves to more than feather like torturous touches. Skimming up and down the long shaft, behind, up and around, swirling over the tip as he gasped, letting his hips create waves as he tried to push himself into his unwilling hands.

His locked jaw released his abuse hand and he clutched at the rim of the bathtub, wet from the more violent waves as he squirmed.

"Gods I want him." He growled needily. Admitting to himself, letting the world hear his admission. Fingers strong on deprived flesh, and he let out the groan he had kept from spilling from his throat.

"I want him." Water lapped at his chest. His hands worked steadily on his abused flesh.

"Gods do I want him." He let the man's voice, the one he had lusted after for so long talk him into submitting to himself, giving him what he wanted.

"I need him." His voice changed pitch and he felt the admission sear through him. The need he felt was frightening, the feelings rushing through him caught hold of him and he tried to pull away from the confession, tried to pull away from the sensation, opening his eyes he half sat up. Catching the reflection in the mirror, the flushed cheeks, the clouded half closed eyes, the rising chest, panting.

Harry whimpered, letting gravity pull him back into the tub, hand gripping the flesh he had just tried to deny. Squeezing his eyes shut, the reflection playing across his eyelids, his teeth biting into his lip, he came hard into potion stained hands.

He couldn't stop the tears that spilled from his cheeks as he hung over the edge of the tub his breath slowly catching up with him.

He would never be allowed what he wanted, the man whose body he resided in, would never know the utter craving he had for him, the need that he had tried to hide from himself. He didn't deserve anything but the potion master's disgust and hate.

He'd betrayed Severus again.

SS

Severus woke the next morning feeling better than he had in years, the young body he was in was in the flush of full recovery, the lingering pain he had felt from the dark lords dreams had been wiped clean by the excess magic he had been forced through and now, his body having recovered, he could feel the energy literally racing through him. Harry Potter, was a powerful boy.

Severus frowned, what he felt was wasted potential, untrained surges. Flicking his wrist muttering a quick Tempus he was satisfied by the glowing red time he had called upon without his wand. A few quick simple charms without a wand and he had felt surprise as well as satisfaction worm it's way through his mind. The boy had mastered quite a few spells without a wand, and they came easily to Severus. Those the boy hadn't practiced held an untrained difficulty, as if the magic hadn't been shaped properly, as the potion's master tried a few spells he had been capable of in his own body.

So the boy had grasped this opportunity to learn, maybe he wasn't such a lost cause after all. Severus ignored the voice in the back of his mind that held a small amount of pride in it.

Shaking his head he tried one last spell.

"Expecto Potranous." A low command, not a shout of a frightened child, like he had first been when he had called upon the light being. He had perfected this spell, being able to call it into existance with his ability for limited wandless magic, it had taken months of draining practice, but he had forced himself to learn it.

It was his favourite spell.

People believed he had no happy memories, but the moments in his childhood, his memories of his brother were held firmly, tighter due to the darkness that surrounded them. His Potranous often glowed brighter, stronger than those around him, and it was something he always prided himself with.

The light spluttered, turning in on itself and Severus frowned, forcing shape into the light, it swirled into the unclear shape of a stag before twisting and withering to form the shape of another being. Potter's Potranus held the shape of his father, someone he associated strength with, from the stories he had always been told, the glow that had surrounded the deceased man. It had come forth from Severus's command, called by the familiar magic, but hadn't formed its true shape due to the wrong presence of mind. It had changed to form Severus's Potranous, the shape he always associated with his brother, a golden Lion, a true Gryffindor, strength, courage, love.

The lion shook it's mane, seeing it's master was in no danger, disappearing in a dust of gold. Severus smiled, it was only in those moments did he allow himself to remember his brother, he never let himself remember the pain, the betrayal, the last few days of waiting. It was better this way, to hold onto someone he knew, not the stranger the man had become.

"Practicing again?" Severus looked up at the man he treated as a father.

"Perfection can't be gained." The phrase was comfortingly familiar after the past few days, they had traded it back and forth between them for years. The headmaster sat on the edge of his bed, the mask of the eccentric man falling as the bed dipped.

"I'm sorry you have to go through this my boy." Here was the caring man who had almost adopted him when he had arrived at the school. A promise between the man and Severus's great aunt had gained him a position into the prestigious school where halfbloods were still a minority in the schools numbers, and where a bastard son like him, abandoned by his father, had no hope in gaining a place.

"I've been through worse situations." He shrugged. He felt the older man's frown on the top of his head as he picked at the blankets, not looking up. He knew there was something in the air between them that made him nervous, he didn't like surprises coming from this man, father-figure or not.

"You should stop putting yourself into positions where you get caught up in circumstances like this." The older man sighed and Severus smirked.

"Are you sure you aren't confused, you're not talking to Potter here, no matter how much I may look like him."

Albus Dumbledore snorted, raising a sardonic eyebrow.

"I'm not senile yet my boy. And you should know there are many similarities between you and our boy wonder."

Severus smiled. Nobody knew where he had inherited the quick wit and sarcastic demeanour, but he cherished the fractions he saw in the man everyone held on a pedestal, everyone turned to. To him this was the true Dumbledore, an uncanny mix of the senile old man he played, sharp eyes, quick wit, lashing tongue and a look that could send cold fever down your spine, a look Severus could only ever cheaply imitate.

"But there's many other differences."

The quick look sent his way at his words confused him.

"A lot less than you could ever guess. I made too many mistakes on his part as well." A hooded look and Severus could only wonder what was meant. "I came here to ask you about how your potion's going."

The sudden change in subject didn't allow Severus to dwell on what had been said.

"You know I haven't even been able to start looking at the mess the boy created." Severus didn't catch the tired sigh that escaped, and he brushed off the look from the headmaster, finally able to rant about his predicament, after the few hectic days he had been through. "Don't give me that look, you know the situation requires full research, how am I suppose to even get time to catalogue the different effects, the ingredients and their reactants while I'm running after Potter pretending to play the golden Gryffindor?"

"Now boy, calm down."

"Calm down?" Severus could feel the words start to build within him. "How am I suppose to calm down? Not only am I stuck in the boys body, but I have to be forced to play the part, do you know how closely everyone watches this boys movements, if Potter hadn't been there on the few occasions that he was I'd still be stuck in the toad's detention." He could feel everything that he had been through coming to the surface. This man was someone he could always talk to, who he had always unloaded his problems to, asked advice, asked for help. An ear to rant and rave to, and now he was definitely going to use it.

"You don't understand what this boy has to go through. If he didn't have Miss Granger I'm not sure he would be in any shape to even comprehend the meaning of light. Even with all of us looking out for him he somehow manages to slip into dangers hands. That toad was taking _blood_ from him!"

He didn't even pause in his rant at the shocked look the headmaster gave at the news. The man had it coming to him, he expected the boy to be able to work his way out of every small problem, given him the title of the boy-who-lived, yet hadn't seen it fit to set safe guards around such expectations.

Sometimes Severus wondered, no matter how quick and sharp the old man was, no matter how powerful, how he sometimes didn't see the most obvious things, overestimated and made mistakes. But he couldn't hold it against the man, hadn't he made the same mistakes? Overlooked the simple elements in favour of pouring over details. They were human after all.

"He suffers at school, we've all seen how his grades have dropped dramatically. The toad's detentions involve the use of a modified blood quill, not only does it take blood but it carves the words into the writers hand consisting of ludicrous lines, they last half the night until he has completed the ridiculous amount she orders. And his visions are a far cry from the dreams he tells us about."

A lift of the eyebrows, but the older man remained silent.

"You've suspected that he hasn't been telling the truth, but it's worse than that. With the help of Granger, they've kept the severity of his visions secret, it's not only possession by the dark lord but he has also been forced to learn how to produce a potion for the after effects of the Crucio. The boy undergoes almost half a dozen Crucio's during a night of visions, I'm not sure if he is forced to endure more if he doesn't wake, but he feels everything that the Dark Lord puts his victims through."

The man sitting at the end of his bed had paled. Exhaustion, defeat, crept across the old mans visage. Severus knew that look when he saw it, he hadn't witnessed it often but it made him cringe inside. Albus Dumbledore felt he had failed, had betrayed those he cared about. Even Severus felt it when he thought about all the boy had been forced to endure with the rise of the Dark Lord, with no one to help him. They had failed their saviour.

"Why hadn't he come to us for help?" It was a rhetorical question, both knew the answer, having experienced similar situations. Severus had his dark mark to prove it. The headmaster the deep lines around his eyes.

"The boy is strong." Severus found himself saying in order to comfort the man, but he felt the words as well. Potter was stronger than anyone, besides the dark lord, gave him credit for. It was ironic that only the man who wanted to exterminate the boy truly knew his potential.

"Severus," There was a request in the way the tired voice said his name and he knew he couldn't refuse it. "Look after him." Blue eyes pierced through him with the clearness only matched by emerald green. The same request, the promise he still tried to keep to this day.

"I'm trying." He felt exhausted, the conversation had dragged down the mood he had been in this morning. A comforting hand ran through his hair, like it had when he had landed himself in hospital more often than not as a child, and then later on, when the man had had time during the war to visit him after death eater meetings, or failed death eater attacks.

"Lilly would be proud of you."

Severus snorted. Feeling the air lighten as he joked.

"Of the mess I've managed to land myself in?"

The old man chuckled.

"I'm sure she wouldn't be surprised by it Severus. You do have many similarities with her son. You too keep too much to yourself. But now I want to talk to you about your holiday arrangements." The tired man had changed into the jovial personality familiar to most, halfway through his sentences.

"You know of course that you'll be going to spend the holidays with the Dursley's but Harry has brought up an excellent point, about the lack of amenities with which you can conduct your research. Harry also must have a place to stay while you work on the potion as it is impossible for him to stay here during the summer, and your grounds are another problem area. There is a small flat which I have acquired in London, it's muggle in every aspect, minimal magic is to be practiced with in it's walls, and it is 'decked out' in all the latest 'gear'." The old man smiled at the muggle terms, practically glowing with his ability to use them in their proper context.

"And you believe Potter will be safe there?" Severus felt a little apprehensive, especially with the choice of words the headmaster had used. 'Acquired' indeed.

"All wards and protections have been placed to safe guard it, there is no floo system or any means of contact besides muggle mail which is also warded and charmed. There are anti-tracing and anti-detection charms in place. It should be visible only to muggles and those programmed into the wards."

"Muggles?" Severus didn't feel the apprehension abate.

"Of course my dear boy." The man grinned, "It is as muggle as it can get, virtually untraceable their wonderful gadgets and lifestyle."

Severus felt the very idea grate against his being. Hadn't he worked his whole life to lift him from the rut his half blood had sunk him into?

"And what of my potions?" Severus felt his voice hold a trace of annoyance and frustration. He had never enjoyed the summer holidays, but he suspected this would be one of the worse yet.

"Once inside the house, there is a lower level, a basement where the wards of the house protect the wards that protect the magical signature, in doing so shielding magic with magic through muggle ingenious."

Severus let the sentence tangle together in his mind. He knew the man loved playing with words, and he didn't feel up to interpreting them this morning.

The man chuckled as he sensed defeat.

"Don't worry, I'll organise that you are to spend the first few weeks with the Durlsey's in order to create an illusion of your stay there, and then you will have the rest of the holidays free to work on this small problem."

"And of ingredients, library, research material?"

"As long as you take Mr Potter with you and are mindful of wandering eyes and wagging tongues you are free to go where you please. Just be careful." There was a serious edge to the mans voice to which Severus payed heed. These were no times to be liberal with freedoms.

"And what of Potter?" Severus found himself asking.

"The apartment provides most muggle facilities, the boy is quite familiar with them, and I'll check in on him every now and the-"

A burst of flame erupted above their heads to which neither man jumped, having grown used to the sudden comings and goings of the Phoenix. The bird trilled urgently and Severus watched the old man's face run through a number of changes in a matter of split moments.

"I've been called my boy, an urgent request, I'll be gone a few days, inform Harry of the arrangements, tell him that transport to the apartment is all arranged. I shall see you during the holidays." Distracted the man slid from the bed, disappearing without a good bye. Severus stared at the spot where the bird and the man had been.

It must have been serious if the headmaster wouldn't appear at the end of year feast in the next few days. It would be a critical moment to ease the rising fear of the Dark Lord's return, and if he didn't appear Severus didn't want to know of the repercussions.

It would be a dark start to the summer holidays.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N:Wooow, so I decided to update this second chapter at the same time as both have been sitting on my laptop (which has no internet) glaring holes into my forehead.

Warnings and Disclaimer: First few chapters.

HP

Harry woke to clean sheets and late morning sun. A slice of panic flickered through him as he glanced at the clock that pointed at morning tea. He was late!

Before he could even sit up properly Dobby appeared on his knees a sad look on his face.

"Mister Harry will be leaving Dobby tomorrow. Dobby will miss him very much. Mister Harry Potter has been taught so much, he is good at learning." The tight hug the sleep befuddled Harry got and the sniffling in his ear reminded him of previous years as the house elf gave one last squeeze and disappeared. It was the second last day of school.

And it meant no classes.

All teachers allowed these last two days before the end of school to be free from classes. Even Snape never held classes during the two days, instead he was avoided at all costs as those in his path were forced to clean the potions labs from top to bottom. This was a time Harry remembered he had dreaded the most, waiting while apprehension knotted his stomach, those around him joyful to be going home for the summer, nothing to take his mind off packing, of what was waiting for his return.

But now the knots in his stomach weren't from the coming holidays, they grew from the knowledge that he would have to face Snape. He knew the man would be able to read what he had done last night in his eyes, that the world would be able to see in the way he held himself, that he desired his potion's master. That the boy-who-lived lusted after a man twice his age.

He didn't know what made him shiver when he thought about it. Was it the fact he was attracted to a man? That he was a teacher? Older? That it was Snape?

He had been afraid to admit to himself that he felt attracted to men, he knew the Dursley's saw it as an abnormality, that he had heard Vernon curse under his breath about poofs and homos, but he had also seen the way people accepted the small differences of sexuality, but then Vernon also cursed under his breath about Goths, punk freaks, skin head bikers. But Harry had never heard him curse more than when it came to magic.

He knew the Dursley's were narrow minded, but it was hard to ignore when they were your only true contact with the outside muggle world.

He had read a little bit about wizarding views on homosexuality, but he didn't really know how people would react, everything was so different in books compared to reality. Sure Hermione had reacted well, encouraged him, but she knew him. Everyone else only saw what he put on show, and even though he enjoyed his secret, he still felt afraid that it would someday slip from his grasp to be printed in big bold letters and he would once again be labelled as abnormal, as a freak. He knew it was a stupid fear, but all he ever wanted was to be ordinary, average, common, and he didn't feel he would be treated like that if they caught wind that he was again a little different from the majority.

He was a little apprehensive about the fact he was gay, by the label people placed on the title, but not so much about the fact he found men attractive, if women didn't turn him on, how could he help that?

He wasn't sure if he found the idea of falling for a teacher so immoral, the man was human, it wasn't like being a teacher gave him any larger status in the balance of things. Hermione had poured over the textbooks when she had been captivated by Lockhart and it had become common knowledge to most of the school that student teacher relationships were allowed if the student was of a legal age and the relationship was conducted in a subtle manner, to the best interest of both parties. That hadn't stopped younger girls from throwing themselves at the older man's satin clad feet.

And there in lay the problem. The age difference. Butterflies swamped Harry's stomach as he tried not to replay last night, and the images it brought up. It wasn't so much that Severus was older, that's what attracted Harry to him even more, it was that Harry didn't feel he added up, that he was inadequate. He didn't have any experience in these matters, he'd only ever kissed Cho a limited handful of times, and he'd never even allowed himself to imagine kissing one of his dorm mates. And he didn't even want to think about his visions in this context, they didn't come under this topic, they came under the heading of torture.

Besides the older man oozed sex appeal, he could probably have any one he wanted with a select phrase with that voice of his. How could Harry ever even begin to compete with… well anyone who had progressed further than a quick kiss. He could just see the sneer and the scorn in the man's dark eyes if he found out.

What Harry feared most of all was rejection.

SS

Severus squirmed under Madam Pomfrey's cold hands. Oh, she was never Poppy when she poked and prodded him, she was all business, a thorough and efficient nurse.

"You're free to go." It sounded like the end of a jail sentence and Severus smiled as he pulled one of Potter's shirts over his head. Waiting for the follow up. "But be sure to take it easy, rest if you feel tired and don't strain yourself."

"Of course Poppy." He toned in the voice that he knew would aggravate her.

"Get out of here." She waved him off good naturedly, and he slipped out of the hospital wing. He was just in time for lunch, having spent the morning testing the extent of Potter's wandless magic and speaking with the headmaster. Getting closer to the Great Hall he noticed the steady rise of noise, the excitement reverberating in the air, he could feel it, the hum of students as they waited for the holidays to start.

Stepping into the Hall he couldn't help but smile, many held that same frantic air of last minute packers he had always had, while others sat calmly watching in superiority, those who were organized, had checked and double checked already that everything was ready.

He slid into the seat beside Hermione, who was watching Ginny with amusement as she fussed over her boyfriend.

"I told you to pack last night." The girl had the look of Molly Weasley, Snape knew that being on the receiving end of that glare was a frightening place to be.

"I know." The boy whined, not meeting his girlfriends eyes. He played with the hem of his shirt. "But the guys wanted to spend the last night together, you know. I didn't have time."

"Don't give me that. I thought we could spend these last days together, but you are going up to your dorm straight after lunch to pack. We might still be able to catch tomorrow together, if I'm not to busy spending the last day together with the girls" She snorted and Seamus took the beating with nothing more than a nod of his head. Nobody messed with a female Weasley.

"Feeling better?" The now familiar voice to his side asked and Severus nodded, picking at the food on his plate.

"Much." Nibbling on a piece of potato he felt the gaze of the bushy haired girl on him. He merely raised a questioning eyebrow.

"How do you think Snape took it?" Severus shrugged, unsure how to answer the question hidden behind the innocent simplicity. How had Snape taken the information he had received? He still wasn't sure what to make of this Crusader organisation.

"In trouble again Harry?" Seamus asked, sympathy in his voice, interpreting the question the way Hermione had purposefully phrased it. "We missed you last night."

"Was in the hospital wing." He answered around a mouthful of potato, that didn't seem to want to pass his throat. He forced himself to swallow, followed by half a cup of water. It sat uneasily in his stomach and the rest of lunch was passed by with him concentrating on eating, while others talked around him.

"I have to check a few things in the library, I'll catch up with you later." The girl whispered in his ear, apparently pleased with what he had eaten. He nodded, determined to eat the piece of toast he had picked up for himself, not noticing the glance the girl shot at him and the man who had just entered the Great Hall.

HP

Harry swallowed the sigh of boredom, trying to fight the urge to stretch the kink in his neck as he watched two students silently scrub the last of the cauldrons clean. He'd found them teasing a young girl behind the fawn fountain and had set them to work.

He had no idea what Snape usually did during these last two days of school, but if he spent them like this no wonder the man was always avoided at all costs just before the holidays. The boredom was just about to send Harry around the bend, and the chair he had thought comfortable two hours ago was definitely trying to remould his spine.

He couldn't let his mind wander because he knew it would stray to subjects he didn't want to examine too closely during the light of day. He'd ignored his thoughts as thoroughly as he avoided Snape and all mentions of the man. It was however practically an impossibility when he possessed the man's body and was forced to play the part. It also didn't help that every time he looked at his pale hands he saw the way the potion stained finger pads played along strong thighs.

He had been forced to shake himself out of those thoughts too often, glancing guiltily around him in case anyone had read the truth from his face. He was terrified that he'd reveal too much if he came face to face with the potion's master, and so he had stayed away from the hospital wing.

He had tried to distract his mind by marking essays, but he couldn't mark any more of them as only the older years were left, and he had had trouble just trying to work through the essays from his year. Those above his level had described potions and effects he had no idea about and when he had glanced at a potions book he had found in the man's desk, the explanations and diagrams meant less to him than pictures found in tea leaves.

In his desperation he had resorted to going through the man's pockets, finding nothing except the parchment of bloody handwriting he had confiscated from the Defence Against Dark Arts professor. He'd put it back into the deep folds of the robe with the intention of asking the man later about it, before his mind supplied him with the reminder that he was to avoid the man at all costs.

Sinking back into boredom he returned to watching the boys clean.

He was definitely going to find something else to do for the remainder of the day.

By the time the last of the cauldrons was cleaned and the boys had escaped with a few deducted points Harry rose gratefully from the chair, enjoyed the way the man's spine cracked as he stretched and headed toward the Great Hall for lunch.

SS

Halfway through the unappetizing piece of bread, Severus looked up, to find dark eyes watching him. As soon as their gaze met, the onyx eyes looked down, a troubled look flushing across pale features. Severus frowned as Potter pretended to ignore him, avoiding his gaze, tense and agitated. Had something happened that he didn't know about? Had the Dark Lord called? Had he been confronted by the toad? By the ministry? Maybe that was why the headmaster was absent.

HP

Harry stared at his plate, feeling the flush spread across his cheeks. He hoped no one noticed as he tried to swallow his food. He shouldn't have let his eyes wander over the Gryffindor table, he should've know that Madam Pomfrey would let the man out from the hospital wing today. And he definitely should've known not to watch the man in his body struggle with his food, hadn't Snape always know when he watched him? Hadn't the man always had that uncanny sense to look up exactly the same time that Harry lay eyes on him?

He escaped from the Great Hall as fast as he could without rasing suspicion.

It was too hard to even look at the man.

SS

Brushing off the boys reaction as just another of his new peculiarities, Severus swallowed the last of the toast with difficulty. He left his half eaten meal to be magically cleared away, a little worried about the amount of food the boy's body could handle. It couldn't have been healthy.

Setting a steady pace towards their rooms, he made a decision that he would confront Potter about everything the boy had been hiding, he had questions he needed answering if he was to be stuck in this body for the first few weeks of summer. And he needed to tell the boy about their summer living arrangements. He was sure the boy would be thrilled to know he would be forced to spend half his summer with his greasy potions master.

"I'm warning you Weasley." The growl was familiar, and Severus detected a sliver of fear that no one else would have recognised.

"What are you planning to do Death Eater?"

"Yeah, you think your so good." A second voice, nasally.

"You're nothing without your Bid Bad Daddy." A third laughed.

"Stay away from Granger, Death Eater scum." Weasley's threat was answered by a taunt.

"Is wittle Weasley jealous? Can't even live up to the standard of _scum_." Words twisted to fire back at the other boy. "You're nothing but a pawn to be used and thrown away. Don't believe you'll ever be anything else."

"You piece of-"

Severus was around the corner, wand out and ready by the time the first curse was aired. He didn't have time to be surprised by the fact there were seven against one, or that Draco was holding them off.

"Expelliramus!" His voice echoed off the walls and two of the boys flew backwards, hitting the walls as their wands flew in the opposite direction. They were all cloaked, and Severus was surprised by the efficiency and effectiveness of the outfit's they wore, he couldn't recognise any defining features, even their heights seemed to waver. The voices were the only defining feature, and even they weren't distinct, he only recognised Weasley's from the previous conversation.

He dodged a curse, felt the air leave his lungs as another curse hit him in the chest and he muttered the counter curse under his breath, feeling the burning that had started in his lungs ebb. These weren't school yard pranks.

"Khorde torquere." Flicking his wand, he muttered the charm just low enough so those battling wouldn't hear the ancient spell they would probably never happen to hear in their life times. The five still standing fell beside the other two, their movement constricted by the binding spell. This was only the mild version, where the magical binds would only sting slightly if they struggled.

It was ancient Greek and Latin, a magic deemed dark due to the verifying degrees it could be used. Each spells strength was controlled by the caster, it wasn't like the weaker magic taught these days where each spell cut the strength into layers. A stronger version of the same spell had a different pronunciation, a different wand movement, while this older magic needed only the intention and the will.

Khorde torquere was a simple binding spell at its most innocent stage, but being both the derivative of the English words for torture and torment, where the old words for entrails and gut was formed, this curse could work from the outside in, or from the inside out, tearing a person slowly into pieces by their own doing, their own struggle against the growing consuming agony, causing greater pain than a Crucio could ever begin to imitate.

Ancient magic was dark, if the intent was so.

Severus had always loved the charm of ancient words, the stories and histories behind language, behind curses and charms. His brother had been a great study of the ancients, and he had passed his love and knowledge of the subject onto Severus. Potions was a great example, a craft which had changed very little from past years, only with newer revelations, the basics were still the same, even many potions had remained unchanged.

"What do you think you were doing?" Severus felt the words slide out between his teeth, a dangerous low hiss. He could feel his jaw ache as he clenched his teeth. How dare they try and hurt his Godson.

The boys struggling on the floor didn't answer, and Severus nudged the one he thought was the red head, a little harder than he probably should've as the boy grunted in pain.

"You better watch yourself Potter, wouldn't want to ruin your image hanging around with Death Eater scum. But I guess you already have, traitor. Don't think your welcome back in the Gryffindor tower."

"Mature Weasley, do you think you can stop me from entering my own dorm room? Why don't you take heed of your own advice and watch yourself, then you might not trip over your own feet."

"You've changed for the worse Harry." The boy growled from the floor and Severus only smirked at the boy, nudging him again with his foot.

"It's Potter."

Severus uncurled his fists, as he turned away from the boy. His feet guiding him toward the headmasters office. This had to be dealt with now.

"Potter!" The voice called out from behind him. "Harry, wait."

Severus glanced over his shoulder at the blonde who had followed him.

"Are you just going to leave them there?" Draco motioned back over his shoulder where the five boys had been left still bound.

"Why not?" Severus snorted. "Their little minions will help them out." He could feel the tenseness from the attack still pinch his shoulders. He frowned, he really should've thought about it before using such magic, muttering a quick reversal under his breath he felt the magic flow from him, but the tenseness remained. He hated problems like this.

His Godson had been attacked, ganged up on by seven assailants, who he didn't even now if all were Gryffindors. He had used ancient magic which Potter shouldn't have even heard of, a mistake he shouldn't have let slip so casually, especially if this anonymous group leader looked more thoroughly into the boys failed attack. He could feel a steady ache grow behind his eyes.

"WhistlePop." He frowned at the Gargoyle, as it spun out of view.

"Are you feeling all right Potter?" The blonde at his elbow asked and Severus snorted.

"Just dandy thanks." The blonde didn't have time to reply to the sarcastic answer before the headmasters door swung open to an empty room.

"He isn't here."

"I can see that Dra- Malfoy." Severus spat as his eyes swept the room looking for clues as to where the old man could be.

The blonde glanced at him, an eyebrow raised.

"You are definitely spending too much time with Professor Snape."

Severus merely frowned, ignoring the boy. A burst of flame appeared above them and the blonde jumped.

"I need to see the headmaster. Now." He spoke to the bird and with a whistle and a pop the feathered creature had disappeared.

They had only to wait a few moments before the fire place burst into life and the old man stepped out of it, brushing down his immaculate robes, as if there was soot in the creases.

"You called for me Se-Harry." Severus saw the questioning glint in the blue eyes, as they twinkled at the blonde boy.

"I want Weasley expelled." Severus ignored the choke of the blonde beside him, as he tried to stare down the headmaster.

"You know I can't do that." The blue eyed man frowned at Severus and he felt frustration and agitation flow through him. Why was his wishes never granted? Here was a perfect reason, the boy had attacked his Godson using dangerous spells, he had been causing problems for a few months now. "You're being too hasty Harry." There was a greater emphasis on his name and Severus knew the older man was trying to stop him from revealing too much in front of the blonde.

"Then what's his punishment? He can't get off scott free."

"If I remember correctly Mr Weasley has a number of detentions with Mr Filch to carry out. I'm sure they will remain sufficient for now."

"What?" There was a dangerous low in his voice as he felt his eyes narrow. This was not fair, his Slytherin's always bore the brunt of house rivalry, and if this organisation was indeed called the 'Crusaders' and they had attacked many others, he finally had the proof that Weasley had been the one to instigate many of the attacks. The boy should be punished, should be stopped.

He rubbed his forehead, as the scar throbbed in time with his growing frustration.

"It's almost the holidays, why don't you boys go enjoy the rest of your days here."

"But sir-"

"I have _important _business to attend to, had I know it was only a small matter such as this _Harry_, I wouldn't have seen it fit to come, house rivalry will always be present in this school. Mr Malfoy is in perfect health thanks to you, and there has been no one injured, or property lost." Fawkes burst into the room and then burst back out again before Severus could protest. "I'm needed back. Try to stay out of trouble." Severus blinked and the man disappeared back into the flames.

"I can't believe it."

"Come on Potter, it's not like it hasn't happened before." Severus winced at the memories that flickered through his mind, yes it definitely had happened too often on previous occasions.

"But the Crusaders…"

"The old man doesn't know about them, and if he does, he isn't worried about it. Come one, let's get back, this place doesn't feel right without the crack pot." The term was said with abstract fondness.

Severus glanced at the previous Headmasters all watching them in eerie silence. Draco was right, this place did feel off without the man's presence.

They left the room and Severus frowned, so Draco had already given up on the headmasters help. He had been slighted so often that he no longer complained, but then the boy had been one to carp and whine when he had been younger. Severus had watched him grow into his Slytherin skin, he now hid his wounds without so much as a complaint, he had become self-sufficient and could help himself, he didn't ask for help. It was a flaw he knew many Slytherins possessed.

Severus couldn't help kicking the stone floor a little as he stalked from the headmasters office, the migraine that had started that morning protested to the swift walk, and he could hear Draco following him, but didn't slow down, even as he spun the corner and skilfully rounded the person who came from the opposite direction. He didn't even pause to see who it was.

A muffled cry stopped his swift walk.

"What are you doing in this part of the castle?" The low voice asked and Severus turned back to see Draco on the floor at the feet of the tall raven haired man he had once been. He hadn't even realised it had been Potter he had dodged, for some reason he felt he should've know who it was.

"Sorry sir."

"Answer the question."

"We were seeing the headmaster sir, about the Gryffindors." Draco had answered before Severus could say anything. He noticed Harry seemed to be paying most of his attention to Draco, avoiding looking at him, or maybe it was just his imagination.

The small voice in the back of his mind snickered. Maybe he was jealous.

"About the Crusaders." Severus added with a dry tone.

"Did I ask you Potter?" Dark eyes didn't hold his for long, and the glare withered away as the boy turned back to Draco, who had climbed to his feet. "What happened and what did the headmaster say?" Severus frowned as he was tuned from the conversation and the small voice popped up again. It wasn't his imagination, Potter was ignoring him. But why should it bother him?

"Is that so?" The rise in the voice cut through Severus' thoughts. "You have handle this incorrectly. Lion cubs are never disciplined by 'the King of the Jungle'. Follow." Black robes swept the stones as Severus watched the boy stalk the corridors, having perfected the walk, he, Severus Snape was most famous for.

An irritated twitch developed in the back of his mind. How did Potter think he could punish the boys when Severus had tried everything he could think of over the years. The loud knock on a familiar door answered his question.

"Minerva, may I come in?" The man had already pushed himself into the woman's office before she could answer.

"Sit." He command the two and Severus sat to see how this would all play out.

"You know I would not come to ask for your _assistance_ if I didn't believe this was serious." The woman had barely time to nod, glancing at Draco and Severus who sat watching the raven haired man, before he ploughed on. "But I have been having reoccurring problems with a select number of students from your house." The woman turned to Severus and he felt himself shrink under her piercing gaze.

"What has Mr Potter done this time?" Severus saw Harry blink, before he realised the woman had mistaken his intentions.

"Surprisingly the boy is not at fault, _this time_." Severus almost breathed a sigh of relief as the glare was shifted from him. He hadn't know his college could hold such an intense look, no wonder his Slytherin's never misbehaved in her classes. "However it is another group of students who have maliciously ganged up and attacked individual Slytherins on a number of occasions. I would not come to you if these were mere school yard pranks, but as the headmaster does not see fit to acknowledge the seriousness of these attacks, I believed you had the right to know of the behaviour of _your _students."

"I see." There was a hard edge to the woman's voice and Severus watched in amazement as the boy in his body wrought a punishment on his own housemates, that he couldn't help feel proud of. The boy definitely lived up to the standard of the body he possessed and the small voice in the back of his mind cheered.

"I do hope I can trust you to look into it. These are the details of the attacks." Severus watched the other hand the woman a small scrap of paper, that she unrolled and read. A frown forming on her features.

"I don't wish to deal out punishments on the last days of school, however, this I will investigate. I shall deal with it." It was a dismissal and Severus had already risen with Draco, neither wanting to face a woman on a the warpath. The raven haired potion's professor was half way through ushering both of them out the door before the woman called him back.

"I do hope we can speak of less serious matters the next time you come visit Severus."

Severus bit his tongue as the boy nodded, pushing him and Draco out the door, the boy in his body almost bouncing with nervous energy. Severus could sense the way the boy sent him hidden glances, and he noticed Draco sense something as well.

HP

"Why haven't you ever done that before?" The question caught him off guard and Harry glanced at the blonde who had aired his curiosity.

"I didn't believe I needed to. However it is an important lesson to learn, one must ask for assistance if one needs it. We can't always struggle through everything alone." Harry frowned, avoiding looking at Snape.

"Although some try to." The voice that had been his own, accused him with the simple statement. He noticed the blonde shoot a quick glance between them, an emotion passing across his face too fast for him to detect. Harry bit his tongue, his eyes quickly sweeping the shorter form, noticing the way the man held himself, the darker quality he lent the emerald eyes. He tore his gaze from the glare, his mind firing memories, images and past fantasies at him, faster than he could stop them.

He shouldn't have admitted anything to himself. As if admitting he wanted the potions professor cold change anything? How could he have been so stupid? The small voice in the back of his mind protested, it had in fact lifted a great weight off his shoulders, and he did feel a lot better, though the guilt and self-reproach hung over him.

The silence had drawn on too long for Harry to reply without making it awkward, and he saw the way the words had jarred between them, how Draco noticed the way Severus Snape had not snapped at the golden boys obvious disrespect.

They reached the Great Hall in a thick silence, Harry could almost hear the gears in Malfoy's mind working over something, while the short boy beside him with his shock of black hair and emerald eyes sent him searching looks which Harry tried desperately to ignore. The three splitting their ways but the silence followed all of them.

SS

Severus was struggling halfway through his evening meal when Minerva descended on the Gryffindor table, whisking away five boys and a girl from their meals. Watching them as they were dragged from the hall his gaze descended on Hermione and Draco, who stood casually at the doorway of the Great Hall, others had noticed them as well, and were staring as if they had never seen two people before.

To their credit neither were taking any notice of the stares, however Severus felt suspicion flood his system as the two sent a hooded glance at both himself and the man sitting at the Head table, before leaving the Great Hall deep in discussion.

Leaving the uneaten food to congeal Severus put his best spying skills to use and followed the two out of the hall, along a short but confusing path to an abandoned classroom somewhere on the second floor.

Severus frowned, if they had somehow figured out that he and Potter weren't exactly themselves at the moment he would have to stop the information from spreading, and that would mean either confronting the two, or being forced to use something a little more drastic, maybe even a memory altering spell.

"Didn't I tell you?" The girls voice seemed almost reverberate, as they stepped into the classroom, Severus could feel the silencing wards spring up around him. "Did you see the look they shared?"

"You only told me about Potter, you never mentioned anything about Professor Snape as well."

"But they're both so different. Isn't it obvious!" Severus felt panic slice through him. So they had figured it out.

"They've both been stressed lately, spending a lot of time together. So they've picked up a few of each others mannerisms, it doesn't mean anything." The blonde didn't seem convinced and Severus sighed in relief, so he would only have to alter the girls memory.

"Come on Draco! It isn't as if there aren't any signs, you can't ignore the evidence right before your eyes. You know both of them have been acting different, not just Harry."

"I still find it hard to believe. My Godfather wouldn't hide something like that from me." Severus felt guilt shift through him, he did feel like he was betraying his Godson playing this game with him. But he had told himself this act, this lie was just many he was forced into, to protect the boy.

"So I'm not so sure about Snape, but that's why I need you to try and wheedle it out of him."

"What makes you so sure about Potter?" The boy asked and Severus frowned, he was also a little curious about the girls confidence in that regard.

"He told me himself."

Severus felt his jaw drop. So the brat hadn't been able to keep this mess to himself! He felt irritation and a small sense of betrayal flicker through him. He was going to go have to deal with that boy. Didn't he realise how dangerous this situation was? How many people he could endanger by spreading the information. With each new revelation came the increased likely hood of being found out, of the dark lord figuring out this play.

He had spun and stalked off to go find the raven haired man before he could hear the way Draco's voice pitched and bounced in astonishment along the stone walls of the abandoned classroom.

"Potter Admitted He Fancies Snape!"

"Shhh. Not so loud."

The girl's tone cunning.

"Besides, you're going to help me get them together."

A/N: Beloved cliffhangers.

Severus and Harry are finally going to come face to face, confront some issues. We found out what Hermione's been suspicious about, Dumbledore is on important business, a student organisation has been thrown into the works and the holidays are looming ever closer.

A perfect place to leave this for a while.

Plus I've started a smaller, lighter fic, Sweet Tooth. A Harry Potter crossover. It won't come before this, and so won't be update as often. It's SS/HP if anyone is interested.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Yep next update sometime next month (not inculding ch 18)

Enjoy this little chapter.

SS

Severus slammed the door open, and he noticed with small satisfaction that he had startled the boy who had been reading a textbook, some parchment sprawled beside him.

"Are you as dim-witted and brain dead as I first thought you were! What were you thinking boy! And in _my _body!"

The confusion on the boys face was almost comical, before it sunk into panic as he jumped up. Severus felt pleased that he could still garner such a reaction in this body. Although the horrified look he was receiving was a little over dramatic even for Potter.

"I can explain!" Severus noticed the quiver in the voice, which only helped to lift the sharp eyebrow further up, into one of his famous glares.

"This had better be good Potter, if anyone finds out…" He trailed of menacingly, now a little uncertain of the utter alarm that played on the pale features.

"They wont! I didn't mean too. I just… it just happened, you weren't meant to find out."

"I wasn't meant to find out? What gives you the right to place both our lives in danger like that."

"I don't have any right but I-" The boy stopped mid sentence, confusion and wary relief replacing the panic in his eyes. "danger?"

"You think revealing such information about this mess to Draco and Ms Granger wouldn't place us in any danger? I overheard them, what makes you think others haven't heard them? The more the information spreads, the more likely the Dark Lord will find out." There was a dawning on the boys face and Severus frowned.

"I didn't tell Hermione or Malfoy anything. The only times I've spoken with them have been when you've been in the room with me."

Severus paused.

"The girl said you had told her about this." He indicated at himself and Harry.

"I haven't said anything." The renewed confusion in the boys voice trailed off. "Did she say exactly that?"

"She… no." Severus felt the prick of embarrassment, maybe he had misheard, and now he had dragged Potter into it. "She mentioned that we've been acting a little different, mainly you, and that we had picked up each other's mannerisms, that there was evidence for something…"

"Did she mention anything particular?"

"She's told Draco about your change in character in these last few weeks. The way we _looked_ at each other."

"Oh." The confusion had disappeared to be replaced by apprehension. "She's probably told Draco that I'm… attracted to the same sex, probably thinks that because we've been acting similar that you're… the same" The boy waved his hand as a way of explanation, not willing to say the words out loud.

"gay?" Severus smirked at the way the boy squirmed as he said the word in a slow drawl. "And for what purpose would she wish to find out if I too held an attraction for the same sex? Besides, Draco is well aware of my sexuality."

The words were purposefully vague, and he could see the way the boy had caught the vagueness. He smirked at his questioning look, and the obsidian eyes shifted from his emerald green, a flush painted on the pale cheeks, before the younger cleared his throat.

"We could always ask them."

"And here I always questioned your intelligence Potter." The sarcasm was clear. "What was your plan? Walk up and ask the girl why she's interested in her potion professors sexuality?"

"Well… why not? You could do it." Severus barely resisted rolling his eyes at the suggestion, instead he lifted an unimpressed eyebrow, drilling the boy with his stare.

"Think Potter, what else might she have been talking about?"

"I don't know." The boy wouldn't look at him, shifting agitatedly under his gaze. He wouldn't meet his eyes and Severus filed that under something to be regarded later, hadn't the boy always glare back just to spite him?

"I haven't exactly been _myself_ these past few days."

Severus blinked. Had _he_ revealed something to the know-it-all? Skimming quickly over the few times he had been with the girl, something sprung into his mind. That afternoon, folded in the roots of the tree, warmed by the sun reflecting off the lake.

"She thinks I like you." He mused out loud. "I mean, you are interested in me." He frowned. "Potter fancies Snape." The words jarred in the silence, and the horror that flashed across obsidian eyes pitched Severus's stomach into the bowels of the earth. He hadn't thought about the boys reaction when he had said the words out loud, hadn't recognised the small flicker of hope at the possibility, that was crushed with that single look. Wincing he let the sneer he was so famous for lift his lips.

"She has quite the imagination, an absurd notion." He couldn't believe he had even considered the outrageous idea that the boy may hold anything but disregard for him. The small voice protested but he strangled it harshly with his next words. "Perhaps she should look a little closer at the facts she is so fond of. Golden Gryffindor's don't fancy big bad death eaters." He mocked. "And what would I do with a small minded, narcissistic, little _boy_?" He saw pain flicker in the eyes of the other. It hurt to be belittled didn't it? Severus smirked, trying to feel the glow of victory, instead the crushed voice reminded him of the small hope that had been trampled.

He did _not_ feel anything for Lilly Evan's son.

So why was he trying to hurt the boy?

What was he afraid of?

HP

Harry reeled at the words.

His head felt full, his body numb and he tried to breath without gasping. Grinding his jaw together, trying hard not to let the stinging in his eyes show the man just how much those words had hurt.

All the small flickers of hope he had somehow allowed himself to kindle, the small fantasies that the mind had supplied, the thought that maybe they had grown at least a little closer together during this time, that maybe the man could feel anything but dislike for him were crushed.

In its place sat a cold numbness at the pit of his stomach, self-disgust that he had even let the small voice in the back of his mind fool himself, that there could be anything but that edginess and tenseness that there had always been between them.

He swallowed his pain.

"She's always been a romantic, probably thinks that being stuck with you these last few days has made me fall head over heels in love with you." Harry let out a sharp barking laugh. "As if anyone could think of anything else apart of how to avoid you and your miserly being, while forced to endure your presence." Harry felt the words like poison on his tongue as he spat them out. Not only did he see the pain flicker in the green eyes, before it was quickly pushed away, but he felt the words sting him as well, adding to the pain the other had caused.

But he couldn't take back what he had said, he hurt too much, wanted to see the other hurt as well, all the while wanting to apologise and beg for forgiveness. Stumbling from the room before the man could see the bitter tears that had escaped the corners of his eyes, he locked himself in his room, managing to gasp out a silencing charm on the door before his bed caught him, and the sobs that broke from his chest.

SS

Severus sat silent, holding his breath. The boys words echoed in the room around him, he had heard the pain behind the attack, had felt their stinging effect, but what dug into him more was his own conscience. He had really hurt the boy, he didn't see how the words could really have effected him that much, he had insulted the boy worse before, ranging from insolent Gryffindor to references to his father, getting him worked up during Occlumency lessons. His brow furrowed. The boys was suppose to be stronger than that.

But..

But, maybe there was some truth to the idea, maybe the boy did feel something for him, whispered the small voice in the back of his head.

He snorted, swatting it away. This needed to be looked at objectively, impartially, needed to be quelled before it grew into the drama it was becoming. If Potter felt anything for him it was nothing more than a school yard crush.

The boy _had_ revealed his sexuality to him, maybe he felt safe in the knowledge that Severus would never react to the crushing teen, that he was allowed his first crush to be conducted in safety. Not only that, they had been spending more time together, they even lived together, they had conversed, exchanged quick wit that he hadn't had the chance to with others except the headmaster. If he was forced to admit it he would even say that he had _enjoyed _the boy's company.

And that's where it had become a problem. He had managed to hurt someone else by letting them get close. It was a lesson he was doomed to keep repeating, one he had thought he had learned.

Frowning Severus rubbed his eyes, it would be easier for everyone if the boy didn't have a crush on him. It would complicate things to the extreme. He didn't let the small voice talk him into rebuilding the crushed hope, the small flicker of satisfaction that at least someone found him attractive. Whether or not the boy had a crush on him, Severus could not respond to it.

And that was his final decision.

Harry Potter was a fifteen year old teenager, and no matter how world weary, no matter how much he had seen, knowledge could not be compared to wisdom and experience. And the two only came with age. Severus let the voice of reason sooth over him. Besides, hormone driven boys were easily swayed from one crush to the next, he was only the flavour of the moment as he was paying the most attention to the boy. Hadn't he seen how emotionally driven the boy had just been?

The boy was confused that was all, and in his confusion he had clung to Severus.

Simple reasoning had cleared so much out of his mind, and it made him see that in his own desperation, his own denial he had hurt the boy. It hadn't been the boys fault he had reacted like that, although there was something about Potter that always tended to bring out the worst in him.

But what if Potter didn't have any sort of infatuation with him? How could he combat something if he wasn't sure of it's authenticity?

Slowly rising, pausing beside the boys bedroom, listening to the magic silence behind the wooden door, he moved on.

He would have to find out the truth.

Moving through the cleaning routine without thinking, crawling into bed, and sinking beneath the covers. It was a long time before sleep came to him, and he could image only soft sobs creeping from under his bathroom door.

The truth…

Maybe that's what he was afraid of.

HP

"Mister Harry Potter must wake! He has slept for much of the day, the Leaving Feast will soon begin. He must not be late for that." A voice squeaked desperately in his ear and Harry woke, his eyes aching from last night, his nose red and the clinging exhaustion of someone who has cried themselves to sleep hanging heavy over his head.

"Evening already?" He blinked at the unclear shape of the house elf that always accompanied the voice.

"Yes yes, Dobby tried to wake you earlier, but Mister Snape said let Mister Harry sleep. So Dobby did."

"Thank you Dobby." Harry frowned at the mention of Snape, but brushed it aside.

"It is a pleasure Mister Harry." The house elf disappeared with one last hug of the boy-who-lived.

Pulling himself slowly out of bed, Harry padded toward the bathroom, hearing sighing from behind the door.

Sudden panic ran through him as he realised he hadn't placed a silencing charm on the bathroom door, only on the other door. If Severus had been listening he would have heard him crying early into the morning. He hoped the man had been too caught up in his own world to have heard anything. The noises behind the door fell silent and Harry cautiously tried the handle.

It moved, and he let himself into the empty bathroom, there was no fog on the mirror, nothing looked like it had been used recently. So what had been making sounds?

"Good morning love." Harry jumped, but realised, a little annoyed, that it was only the mirror. "Why don't you give your face a quick cold wash, it'll make you feel a lot better, and it's good for the skin too. Did you know-" The mirror continued to talk as he ignored it, splashing cold water onto his face, running a comb through the silky hair.

"-pores. It's been medically approved and only-"

He closed the door on the still chattering mirror.

Stepping out into the living room, he realised he had tensed for a confrontation with the older man, but let his muscles relax as the room revealed no one there. Only the parchment he had left yesterday and the textbook which lay open at the page he had abandoned it at, showed any sign that the room was lived in.

Letting himself down into the chair he glanced at the parchment, it had been his potions essay that he had worked so hard on with Hermione, and now that he had had the limited experience and the knowledge he had gained from marking all those other essays, he had gone to work on it. Hermione had almost perfected it with him, but there had been a few sections he had wanted to change.

He hadn't reread it because he wanted to impress Snape, it had been because it was something familiar, something simple he could loose himself in as he waited for the last few days to drag by. Looking closer he realised there was red scribbling, different from his own handwriting, but still recognizable.

Blinking he unrolled the rest of the parchment, feeling bewilderment at the A- scrawled in red, the comment, _By far your best essay yet Potter_, _maybe you are not such a lost cause after all_ at the end.

Giddiness spiralled through him so suddenly he had to sit back.

He stared at the sentence, re-reading it hurriedly.

This was an apology!

Grinning Harry rolled up the parchment, the Snape he had known before this accident, would never have apologised to the Gryffindor brat. The man may have said those things, but he hadn't really meant them, or even if he had, he had _apologised!_

Harry couldn't help the smile that tried to stretch his thin lips, while his chest constricted and he had to fight the urge to hug himself.

Maybe there was hope.

Maybe this wasn't such a lost cause, he grinned mirroring the words written in red ink.

Pulling back the dark hair and tightening it with the ribbon Hermione had given him, he let himself believe in small miracles. And headed to the Great Hall for the last meal he would have at the head table, before the first summer holidays without the Dursley's.

-

--

---

Yes, after everything, things were looking up.

A/N: Thought I'd leave it here, on a happy note full of expectations.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: I know you'll all hate me but this is a really short chapter. (Especially Koredik, this is just for you)

grins sadistically Enjoy!

**Chapter 18**

SS

Severus sat silently beside the bushy haired girl, rubbing tiredly at his forehead. The whole hall had broken into chatter when it had been Professor McGonagall who had given the leaving speech, not the absent headmaster.

She had mentioned briefly the reason, but Severus couldn't concentrate, not only had he slept badly last night, but he had been forced to listen to a whole days worth of Gryffindor prattle as Hermione had thought it best to drag him along to the common room.

He blamed the girl and her foolish notions of companionship for the pounding headache that seemed to crawl up from the back of his skull spreading in throbbing waves to his temples, crashing together just behind his eyes.

He sighed and rubbed his eyes, staring unseeingly down at his plate.

"Are you alright Harry?" The girl whispered in his ear and he fought to bring a weak smile onto his face.

"Yeah. Just tired."

"Oh." Her eyebrows raised in a look of understanding. "Have you talked to the headmaster about it?"

Severus blinked. What was the girl talking about?

"You know the headmaster told you to see him whenever you had any dreams." She whispered and Severus frowned. This headache really was distracting him, he should have figured that out.

"It's not anything like _that_." He grimaced at the implications. "I just haven't been able to sleep."

"You're probably so worried about going back." She slipped a hand onto his knee, and Severus almost jumped at the touch. "It's understandable, but just remember I'm always here for you." She gave him a comforting squeeze which sent all questions straight from his mind. He just wanted her to stop touching him.

"Er." He coughed to clear his throat. "Thanks, Hermi." He shifted a little and she only gave him a comforting smile and removed her hand with a last pat.

"That's what friends are for."

He grimaced back at her, turning quickly to his plate when his eyes met the onyx pair at the head table, suddenly uncomfortable. There was something in that gaze, it was questioning, asking him things he didn't want to answer. Didn't have the strength to answer.

He was just so tired.

HP

Harry glanced out over the long tables of students. They were chattering about holiday plans, quidditch, the food, all the small mindless topics he wished he could engage in. Instead the heavy silence that spread from the absent presence of the headmaster seemed to accentuate even the smallest clink of cutlery, a nervous sniffle, the annoying cough of the Defence Against Dark Arts teacher.

He glanced back over the hall of noisy students.

They didn't know what the absence of the headmaster meant.

He wished for that same ignorance.

"Professor Snape." Harry cringed as the silence was broken.

"Madame Umbridge." He continued staring at his plate, unwilling to look up at the small piercing eyes, the smirking mouth. He was also trying to avoid the looks of the teachers around him, who, having been pulled out of silence, were now watching them with interest.

"I was wondering how your detention with Mr Potter is going." Her tone was conversational and Harry frowned. He sent a quick glare at those staring, and all averted their eyes.

"It is proceeding as well as any extended time in the boys presence can proceed." He answered with a quick frown, still not looking up, hoping the conversation would end there.

"Yet you didn't spend any time with him today, you informed me that the boy was to be in detention and at your side for the remainder of the time he was to be at school."

Harry frowned, worry now worming it's way through him. Had Snape been caught by the toad? Had he been forced to spend the day with her, when he had been sleeping? A quick glance at the man in his body showed nothing more than an exhausted boy, there was no tenseness he would expect if he had spent time with the toad.

"That is true. However my schedule today had no time for him, some of us have more important things to do than spend the last days at school punishing students." Harry still hadn't looked at the woman, his gaze caught on Snape. The man didn't just look exhausted, he looked like he was in pain.

"Be as that may Professor Snape, you could have-"

The ear splitting scream, cut through whatever the toad was about to say and Harry was on his feet before he could even comprehend what had happened. The sudden silence after the scream caught hold of everybody.

Harry stared in horror as his small body bended in on itself on the cold flag stones.

It only took a few seconds before he was the first in action, vaulting clean over the table, storming down the central aisle before scooping up the convulsing body with more than a little difficulty and clutching him to his chest. The way his robe flew around him, billowing like a dark thunderous cloud sent those in his way scuttling for cover.

He made it down the corridor toward the hospital wing before the screaming started again, the hands fisting in the fabric of the robe he wore. Pomfrey was already waiting for him, anxious and fearful at the same time, she took one look at his face and stepped out of the way, letting him place the scarred boy on the pale white sheets.

"We have to restrain him." Her voice didn't brake through the horror that still clung to his mind.

"Harry." Her hand on his arm and he jerked back, wild onyx eyes staring at her in confusion. He had forgotten she knew they had switched bodies.

"Harry." She repeated calmly. "Sit down, I have to restrain him." He nodded numbly.

Harry wasn't sure if he sat or if his legs gave out under him. "Oh Gods." Burying his face in potion stained hands he tried not to let the burning in the back his throat, the stinging in his eyes escape.

He'd betrayed Severus again.

That first scream. That very first scream.

And Harry knew. He knew that everything he had been trying to forget, everything he had been denying had come crashing down on him. He was a fool not to realise what the Dark Lord's silence over the past week or so had meant, Dumbledore's disappearance should have clued him in but no. He was dense enough to think that maybe Severus wouldn't be subjected to another vision, another session of torture.

No he hadn't been a fool, he had been selfish.

Hiding in the body of another, he hadn't wanted to think about the Dark Lord's affects on the older man, not since his first attack, had tried to deny the likely chance of another assault, another assault worse than the previous. Harry cringed, biting hard into his fist, guilt sliding through him, he couldn't even make the excuse of being so caught up in the last two weeks events, one didn't just forget the lingering presence of the snake faced bastard.

The now silent convulsing form before him strained under the restraining and silencing charms the medi witch had placed on the his young body. Mouth opened in a silent scream.

Pomfrey sighed in relief when the body collapsed under the torture, still, silent, no longer in the holds of a Crucio. But Harry tensed, his breath ragged, as if he could feel the curses burning into his being, he knew the meaning of the silence, of the stillness so early into the torture and he prayed he was wrong. Prayed for all he was that the Dark Lord would realise the man he was torturing was in fact the potions professor, that he would come after Harry instead.

Emerald eyes snapped open, unseeing as tears gathered, glistening. Welling, before escaping unchecked down now pale cheeks. Harry heard his breath hitch, could feel his chest constrict as he choked on a sob.

"He'll be alright Harry. We just have to wait." The med witches soft comforting voice cut through him and he shook his head, biting hard into his hand to stop the harsh loud sob in the silent room. She didn't understand. She didn't understand what it meant.

"No." She didn't hear his broken voice, having already moved from the room. He stared at the body, there was no Severus in that shell and Harry wondered where he had escaped.

"…no."

No curse or hex could break a soul the way the Dark Lord could with his hands.

"Fight it." He whispered to the prone form. Too scared to reach out and touch the clenched fist, ashamed to think that if he did, he too would be stained by what he knew Severus was going through. Stained more than he already was.

"I'm sorry." He knew he owed it to the man, knew he had to try something.

"It should have been me." He leant forward, knuckles white, a cold potion stained hand enveloping a smaller, hot to touch.

"It should have been me." His lips tasting the salt of the tears as he kissed the path they made down one cheek. A chaste touching of souls.

And then his forearm started burning.

-

--

--- to be con't


	19. Chapter 19

I'm SO sorry, i thought i had uploaded this chpater a few days ago! I came to check up on it... and realised I'd uploaded the document, but for soem reason hadn't chaptered it! Sorry!

A/N: This chapter is written in a different style, it hopefully is a little intense but not as intense as the last. It has been written, not to depict so much the mindless torture, pain and panic, but the confusion, and the disjointed aspect of the victim.

Note, it will get confusing with Severus as he's being once again split between two minds.

Warning: **Important**, this depicts rape, torture, minors, dark themes and malexmale situations.

Please don't read if the mention of those above offend you.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything and I'm not making any money from this.

_Dark Lord's Mind Speech _

_:Severus's Mind Speech:_

-

Chapter 19

HP

The burning cut through him, slicing through his thoughts as he stared at the dark mark on the pale skin.

He couldn't quite comprehend what the pain meant. Couldn't link the burn with his thoughts.

Then it clicked.

He was now a Death Eater.

And he was being called.

Teary eyes looked back at the body of the boy lying in the infirmary bed. It was a chance for him to help the man he had betrayed.

"I'm coming." Cold fingers, leaving the warmth of young skin as he stood and made his way out of the room, unseeing.

"Harry?" He heard the name, but couldn't answer. His mind was caught in his need to get the Dark Lord away from the other man, the need to protect what was his. The burning waves running up his arm, a pulse he had to respond to.

"Harry where are you going?" The voice firmer, as was the grip on his arm, pulling him away from his thoughts, out of the determination of his own mind.

"I have to go." He mumbled distractedly, feeling a little surprised when he was pulled back. "I'm being called." He added to answer the question in the medi witches eyes.

"What?" Dawning apprehension "You can't go!" The hand on his arm yanked at him. "You're not thinking properly. This has affected you deeply, you should be resting."

"No." He yanked at the restraint. Could feel the surprise at his outburst. "I have to go."

"You're not thinking straight Mr Potter. Now get back in that room and…"

"I can't." He pulled himself from the grip with a growl, pushing himself out the door. He didn't even register the shocked faces of students and teachers, all gathered outside waiting to hear the news about Harry Potter. Could only feel the stone beneath his feet as he ran through the castle, moving silently towards the edge of the wards.

He couldn't explain it, but he had to help the man who had pulled him out of trouble more times than he could count, sacrificing and forfeiting his life to play spy and protect not only him, but all the other ungrateful students. And now, once again he, Harry Potter, had placed the man in danger.

He couldn't explain it, but it was there. A need.

Harry grit his teeth, willing Severus to be safe, as he did something that came like second nature to him, though he had never consciously attempted it.

He Apparated.

SS

Severus couldn't quite comprehend what was happening. One minute he had been staring at his plate the next…

His mind blank with pain, a piercing light searing through his eyelids, so tangible he could almost taste it.

Who was screaming?

Then darkness.

And from darkness a laugh. A soft humourless laugh, that rang in his ears over the roar of his pounding heart and rushing blood. He'd heard that laugh before, that voice that slid over your skin, poisoned your mind and caught you.

_Harry my love._

His psyche was brushed by stained thoughts and Severus flinched back.

_I've missed your company dearly._

The Dark Lord's presence filled the empty blankness that had been torn into his mind with the pain.

_Missed your screams._

Everything was ripped away from him and Severus could feel his skin burn, his bones grind, his jaw crack as it stretched in an endless yowl. His mind couldn't grasp anything except the pure white burning into him, even the sounds of his own screaming lost.

He was drowning in it, in pure liquid pain, where feeling was forgotten, where the breathe caught in your throat, trapped by convulsing muscles. Time stood still in the silence of rushing blood and pounding heart.

He couldn't see, he couldn't smell or taste anything except pain, except the buckling of his mind under the pressure.

And then it all stopped.

And Severus found himself disjointed in a limbo of aching haze, gulping mouthfuls of air as he tried to order his thoughts. He was in a vision, though in the last, he had at least had the chance to place it in it's context, before the torture had begun. This time he wasn't thrown into the midst of a Death Eater meeting, no cold stone, or men grovelling at his feet as he looked through the Dark Lord's eyes. Instead it was just the endless darkness you found in deep sleep.

_What does it feel like Harry… to be trapped in your own mind?_

Severus shuddered.

_Don't worry, you won't be there for too long, I have a present for you._

And suddenly his vision filled with colour.

Dark shadows and blood.

The remains of a wizard or muggle being dragged from the room. The circle of Death Eaters closing on the smear of blood that led from the slowly seeping puddle in the centre.

His eyes caught the sound of faint struggle, of muffled screams and sobs. But the Dark Lord wouldn't allow him to turn his head, to see.

_I'm sure you'll enjoy this._

Severus shudder in response to the words, hiding somewhere in the corner of the mad man's mind, trying to shrink back on himself. He just hoped to whatever God that may hear him that this would end soon, that he'd wake with the feeling of a warm hand in his, someone trying to pull him back.

He knew he'd be lucky to even survive tonight, if the Dark Lord hadn't been so distracted, he'd had ravaged his mind, would have seen the differences, would have seen that the person he was torturing was that of his 'loyal potion's master'. One small slip, one small stumble, projected thought, and not only would he be killed but Harry as well.

_You do remember how this goes, don't you?_

A small boy, Severus guessed 13 or 14, was brought before them gagged, face dirty with blood and tears, the rag forced in the boys mouth tinged red around the edges. The thin body was wracked with shudders, the eyes wild with fear. Severus felt himself gag, he hated the sight of children at the Dark Lord's hands.

And then he was reaching out.

The boy flinched from his touch. And Severus could feel. He could feel the soft skin of the young boys cheek, the way his finger tips caught on the roughness of dry blood, the warm dampness of salty tears. So innocent.

_You do remember, it has been a while since we played this game._

He could feel the touch on himself, split between the boy and the other mind. It sent confusion flowing through him, torn in two personalities, fumbling for stable ground.

Then it occurred to him. Caught in the Dark Lord's mind, yet also the victim, hadn't Harry always told the headmaster he felt the phantom pains of Crucio cast on those that were tortured? Gritting his teeth, the innocence of the small boy's eyes burning into him, reminding him of the other. If he could feel the very touch of finger tips tracing skin… then what had Harry been through? These were no phantom feelings.

He had experienced the first vision and had been horrified, but he knew that a few Crucio's thrown his way was the least the Dark Lord could do.

HP

The burn in his arm had dulled as he landed awkwardly back into existence. The dark mansion he had seen once before in his visions seemed to tower over him, hunched like a beast waiting to pounce. The air tasted of magic and he realised he must have been close to the wards that surrounded the house.

"You're late Severus." A haughty voice called out, and Harry recognised the figure in the dark robe and mask.

"Lucius." He nodded in acknowledgement.

"Where is your uniform?"

Harry blinked at the question, cursing himself for his foolishness. He hadn't dressed for the occasion, hadn't even thought of the dark heavy robes or the mask. He had placed Severus in even greater danger with his stupidity, if he was recognised at this meeting by anyone, there could be disastrous consequences.

"I believed this was an individual calling, He seemed rather insistent."

"Of course. But remember, assumptions about our Lord leave one in a rather unpleasant state." The blonde flicked his wand and before Harry could tense, he was swamped in a thick robe, the mask clinging to his face. He had felt it before but it never ceased to amaze him, the sudden change from heavy and suffocating to lightness of both robe and mask. They looked both hefty and clumsy, but the robe flowed easily, almost magically, never getting in the way, nor hindering movement, while the mask, which at first felt suffocating before it ebbed to a slight tingle of magic on the skin, didn't hamper breathing, nor eye sight or hearing.

"My thanks." Harry bowed his head.

"Come. We have a different agenda tonight."

Harry frowned at the words. His purpose here tonight was to get the Dark Lord away from Severus, how could he do that if they threw this surprise at him.

"Be grateful." Lucius warned, hearing his unspoken frustration. "The Dark Lord is feeling particularly pleased tonight…"

There was a pause.

"Playful."

They both knew what that meant. One feared the Dark Lord when he was angered, but only when the mad man was pleased did he produce the most mind numbing terror in his subjects. When he was in high spirits, he toyed with his subjects, prisoners and victims.

To be a pawn in the Dark Lords game was worse than hell itself.

Physical pain a prayer.

SS

_Seduce the boy, and he'll have a painless death._

Severus felt the shock split him to the core. :_What:_

The Dark Lord must have heard him.

_I know it's been a while, we've been having fun playing other games. _A dark chuckle._ But I thought we could come back to this one. Only this time it's a little more involved._

Severus's mind was trying to understand what the soft hissing was trying to tell him.

_I know you've enjoyed plundering another's innocence, stealing what you have lost…_

The leer in the voice mocking him, and Severus felt ill. Harry had been forced to do what!

_but this time the goal is more difficult. Seduce the boy, and bring him to completion. I know he's a little young. But he'll thank you for his painless death, he's already begged for it._

He glanced up at the surrounding Death Eaters, silent on their knees, bowed heads not daring to look him in the eye. And then he was moving, long graceful strides, while someone dragged him clumsily behind the Dark Lord, the world twisting in two different slides.

Trying not to let dizziness catch up on him, he found himself in a small room, a simple double mattress in the centre. The two Death eaters dragging the boy, him, left the room in silence.

He made no move toward the boy, simply staring as the small body lurched from him, backing into a corner, curling in on itself.

_Or do you wish to spend the night torturing the little worm?_

He felt himself pull the wand from his sleeve, and before he could stop the small body was enveloped in a green light and a high pitched screaming, which cracked and broke as the curse flooded Severus's body.

Another dark chuckle.

_What do you say?_

Swallowing pain and fear Severus grit his teeth. Perhaps if he could somehow turn this into his own game.

_:I accept your challenge.: _He hissed in his mind, and felt the Dark Lord let him have control of his body.

HP

"This is it." Lucious led Harry to a small room. "The Dark Lord has requested you stay in this room for the time being. Your purpose here will be revealed in time."

Harry nodded, but didn't say anything else, looking warily around the room.

He wasn't surprised by the 'request', as the Dark Lord had a tendency to keep his followers on their toes by presenting set challenges, but he was worried about what he would have to face. These tests, or games would be directed at Severus, for his skill level, his expertise. How could Harry even compare to the fully grown wizard?

Holding his breath, trying to think of a solution, he decided to wait and see what was going to happen.

SS

Severus felt awkward stepping forward in this different body, lurching a little towards the shaking, moaning form in the corner.

"I won't hurt you." His voice held the unfamiliar hiss to it. The boy flinched as he came closer, almost animalistic in his reaction. Kneeling he tried not to seem so intimidating, wanting only to pick the small child up and get him to safety.

A small scream and a whimper as his hand came in contact with the bare shoulder sticking roughly out of the torn shirt.

"Shhh." Severus bit his lip, trying not to grit his teeth as he felt the very same touch on himself.

So the Dark Lord was playing more than one game.

"Let me take away your pain." He received no response from the boy. The short spell he'd learnt in his basic self training as a spy should heal the minor cuts and bruises.

"I don't want to hurt you." He kept repeating softly, trying to get through to the boy. Waving the unfamiliar wand, and reciting the words. A scared whimper.

If he could get the child's co-operation, it could be so much easier trying to find a way out.

But first, another spell and any larger damage would be momentarily stalled from becoming worse. If the boy did have internal bleeding, they would have to find a medi witch.

Next a quick cleansing spell, and the boy moaned in fear with the feeling of magic running over him, through him.

"Shhh, I just want to help you." Severus leant a little closer. "Let me help you little one." His hand coming slowly to rest on a dark haired head. The boy flinched, but Severus kept his hand still, fingers threaded lightly through locks.

"Shhh." He hummed, slowly letting his hand move through the strands, stroking the small boys head, calming the nervous shudders.

When the boy seemed to calm a little, though still curled up on himself, Severus paused.

"I'm going to take your gag off all right? I'm not going to let any one hurt you anymore." Severus just hoped he'd be able to keep that promise. The knot at the back of the boys head was too tight, he didn't wish to use any more magic on the boy, knowing it would terrify the child. But there was no other choice.

"I'm going to use a little bit of magic to cut the rag, so don't be frightened." A quick spell and the rag loosened, with difficulty, the boy still curled up, he pulled the material away slowly, knowing that if the boy's lips had cracked from the screaming, the blood could have dried the fabric to the sides of the mouth.

Another whimper, and he had it free.

"Shhh, see it's alright." His hand back in the dark hair, stroking gently. "Why don't you tell me your name?" The boy had uncurled a little.

"Sam." He whispered, uncurling a little more, teary eyes turning to look at him.

Severus felt answering tears burn his throat, his heart sting as he looked down at the small pale face. He could only flounder in confusion, wondering what the Dark Lord was trying to do. What this could mean.

"My name is…"

His whisper broken by the large dark eyes, almost the colour of charcoal, mirroring his own onyx. The raven black hair, long and straight, now no longer matted with blood, soft and silky under his fingertips.

A hiss in the back of his mind.

_Let the games begin_.

-

--

---


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: Sorry for the delay. This chapter was hard to write, and it switches view points way too many times U.U oh well, hope you enjoy!

Side note: I've started a **forum**, in which you can discuss this little fic, or anything else that happens to pop into your mind. I'm also offering to do small **requests**. To get there simply go to my author profile page, ignore everything and click on Forums then miss-colds asylum.

Warning: **Important**, this depicts rape, torture, minors, dark themes and malexmale situations.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

_Dark Lord's Mind Speech _

_::Severus's Mind Speech::_

-

Chapter 20

SS

Severus swallowed painfully, unable to take his eyes off the younger version of himself. The innocence still in the depths of those eyes. What was the Dark Lord trying to do?

"You're… you're scary." The small voice hitched and Severus blinked. He'd forgotten he no longer looked like Potter, nor himself, that he looked like the snake like creature, that set fear in even the hearts of worn Aurorers.

"I might look scary, but a _part_ of me is very nice."

_Amusing Harry._ A dry chuckle. _But time is slowly running out, I don__'t wish to waste too much of my time on this game._

Severus felt panic slice through him. He couldn't seduce this child, but it was obvious he could in no way rescue him. He was in the Dark Lord's body! He had control over it only because the Dark Lord allowed him too, he couldn't try and push him out, couldn't try and sieze the control from him with his mind, not only would his identity be revealed, placing Potter in jeopardy, but he knew he wasn't strong enough.

"Forgive me."

He would end this quickly and painlessly.

He grit his teeth pulling his wand out, before an iron grip caught his jaw, latched onto his body and pushed him into submission, into the back of the mad man's mind, before he could utter a single word.

_Don't try anything rash Potter, you may not like the consequences. _A growl._ I__'m not pleased with the way your playing, maybe we should have a re-run of the rules._

Severus frowned.

_They don't die until **I** say they do. If you don't play fair, your little charge as well as yourself get to experience just how much fun it can be to want to crawl out of your own skin. And we've felt that before haven't we love._

A soft brush against his mind.

_It wasn't much fun was it?_

A chuckle and Severus felt his insides twist at the words. If this had happened before, why hadn't Harry said anything? Told anyone? His heart clenched painfully in his chest and he wondered just what Harry had suffered at the Dark Lord's hands, just how much he, Severus Snape, hadn't been able or willing to see in the haunted emerald eyes.

HP

Harry stood impatiently waiting for something… anything. The stone walls giving nothing away.

He had started pacing not long before, after his legs had almost gone numb from sitting on them. How long had he been waiting? What was he waiting for? The longer he was stuck here the longer Severus would suffer at the mad man's hands.

"Disrobe." A voice called suddenly and Harry felt himself panic. Oh god, if the Dark Lord had somehow let it slip what Harry had done that other night…

"Disrobe." The voice almost hissed and Harry jumped at the command. Mask falling to nothing as he took it off.

What would he do? Would he go in there and beg the potion's master for forgiveness or… The robe slipped from his shoulders, the fabric falling to form dark shadows that rippled away from him. He still wore the plain white shirt and pants he had under the robe.

"Disrobe." Harry grit his teeth, fingers skilfully undoing the top button, before his mind jumped.

What if Severus wanted revenge?

His fingers faltered.

SS

Severus shook his head and tried not to let his mind wonder over the subject of one Harry Potter.

_Why don't you say something? You're starting to scare the boy, and really even with your inexperience I would say you know that isn't the best tactic in trying to seduce someone._

Severus looked down at the small boy, wand still pointed at the frightened eyes. Why had the Dark Lord chosen a child that looked so much like himself?

"Forgive me…" He repeated, without the desperation he had tried to keep hidden before. "I didn't introduce myself properly." He tried a weak smile, flicking his wrist to produce a small teddy bear, from the bloody gag, offering it to the child. "My name is Tom."

_I'm not amused Potter. _

"I was wondering, if you liked magic?" Severus ignored the man in his mind as he tried not to let the hiss into his voice.

The boy shook his head, clutching the teddy, as if it provided safety.

"It's evil."

Those two words said it all.

HP

He'd managed to kick off everything except his pants, he realised the fingers at the ties were shaking and he had to stop to take in a breath.

He had to just remain calm, if Severus wanted his revenge, then he would allow it.

Hadn't he betrayed the man enough?

Severus deserved to claim what was rightfully his.

So why was he still afraid?

His pants fell to the ground and as soon as all clothing was gone, magic swept over him.

Before a simple grey robe appeared before him.

Looking a little confused, he quickly slipt it on.

"Precautions complete. Severus Snape, unarmed, free to enter."

SS

"Magic isn't all bad." The bed beside him turned into a soft large elephant which blew feathers from it's trunk, and the young boy stared in wonder. Severus thanked Minerva for being the determined woman she was, he would have dropped transfiguration as soon as he would have been able to if it hadn't been for the animagus's insistence.

The elephant turned back into the double bed, earning a disappointed look from the boy.

Severus attempted to smile.

"Why don't you get sit on the bed Sam, and I'll perform a few more magic tricks."

_I'm not finding this very amusing at all. Wizards don't perform 'tricks' for muggle children._

::_I have to make him feel comfortable after what you__'ve done to him::_

Severus let the hiss cut through his mind.

_Hmph_.

His only answer and Severus ignored the man, flicking his wrist in a multiple of small tricks changing bedspreads to plants and leaves to bubbles, pillows to soft creatures, feathers to flowers, until the whole room was charged with magic and spells. Before everything disappeared before the awed look of the boy.

"It isn't so scary is it?" Severus smiled weakly. He'd seen too much death, pain and destruction come from magic, to ever believe those words.

_Well done Potter, you've made yourself look quite the fool, pandering to muggle stereotypes. Now get on with it._

Severus sighed, building himself up for what he was about to do. Courage. Gods forgive him.

"Why don't you lie down Sam?" The boy crawled up a little further in bed.

"Will you show me more magic?" The dark eyes seemed to have lost their pained and haunted look for the moment.

"Of course." Severus let his mind close off as he took a step towards the bed, forced himself to look the child in the eyes. The boy was only a year or two younger than Harry.

"This is the best magic trick of all." He whispered and let himself down on the bed, leaning a little over the boy, who now looked slightly worried.

"The best magic of all." Severus whispered, eyes sliding shut, his lips pressing on the boys forehead.

He felt the clothes, the weave of fabric, resist for a moment.

HP

Harry let himself silently into the room. It was small with only a double bed.

But what made his heart jump in his throat was the whisper in his mind.

_Severus, it seems you've joined us almost a little too late. Harry Potter almost started without you._

The humourless laugh shifted in his mind and Harry stared in horror as he watched the young boy, raven haired and dark eyed, disappear under the form of the larger man.

_It took me a while to find a child that resembled you. You are so unique my pet._

Severus had been forced to play the games Harry had on more than one occasion. The thought flashed through his mind, twisting his insides with guilt.

What had he done?

_I'm sure Potter appreciates my effort. _

He watched in despair as the larger body shuddered, above the smaller one.

He'd failed them both.

SS

"Peace."

He whispered.

The fabric tore.

And the boys heart gave way.

His eyes opened slowly, to the warmth of blood on his hands.

"Merlin…" Severus heard the sob behind him, and he turned over his shoulder, shielding the still warm body from view, surprised to see onyx eyes staring at him in pain.

_What have you done?_ The voice hissed angrily, suddenly aware of the blood, now that eyes were open.

Severus pulled the dagger out of the boys heart, watched the blood well up and flow from the wound, staining red the already soiled shirt.

In all the magic he had performed for the boy, he had let a small feather slip into the simple shape of dagger. There had been too many minute, insignificant spells for the Dark Lord to notice the slight change. He had managed to save the young boy.

From himself.

HP

Harry felt himself choke at the sight suddenly revealed before him, blood. The young boy had been saved from the Dark Lord's games, Severus hadn't played the part he had been forced to so often. Relief washed over him, sliced with despair, horror, guilt.

He couldn't help noticing the cheek bones, the raven locks, blood against pale skin.

Looking closer he realised the Dark Lord was right, the child had looked like Severus. Shuddering, he felt sick to his stomach, what little he had eaten at the Leaving Feast tryignt o force itself out of his throat.

This had been set up so perfectly, he could see how the Dark Lord's mind had played the game. Had he not been part of the nightly games? Part of the man's mind?

Severus Snape was to have walked in on Harry Potter defiling this young boy that looked so much like the potion's professor, his innocence. And Harry knew that this would've been the night he would have finally broken under the Dark Lord's hands.

He would have broken under the shocked and disgusted gaze of the man who would have walked in, he would have submitted to the silent accusations in those onyx eyes, and he would have known he deserved it.

Harry Potter the boy who lived, defeated by a look. And Severus Snape, spy and potion's master, finding the truth about the wizarding world's saviour…

The Dark Lord had set it up perfectly, yet the game had escaped from him.

-

--

--- to be con't


	21. Chapter 21

-1

Disclaimer: I neither own the characters, nor make a profit from this.

Warning: Dark themes (rape, torture, death), malexmale,

A/N: A LONG chapter, finally we're getting somewhere!

I'm sorry the last two or three chapters have been tedious (yes, they have been, don't deny it) but this chapter will hopefully be the last one of those as I'm finally getting back into the style I like. The Dark Lord's so deliciously evil.

(Is it too much to ask you my beloved readers to try and get to 222 reviews before Chapter 22? I don't usually beg but Pretty Please with Sev and Harry plushies on top?)

Hopefully you will enjoy this chapter.

Next update will be in three weeks! Sorry for the long wait Oo (just got a new job . pooh)

Journey on towards the Truth…

…Which is sometimes much harsher then lies.

**Chapter 21**

SS

Severus was shoved into the back of the mad man's mind, rage building, heaving past him, enveloping him, catching, tearing.

"What did you do?!" The small, lifeless body was pushed away, the limp limbs heavy under the assault. Severus felt the larger form he was in twist, could feel the way it drew itself up, off the bed, towering over the man who had walked in.

Harry.

His mind tried to quell the sudden panic, not wanting the Dark Lord to catch any stray thoughts. What was the boy doing here?! Didn't he know this was dangerous? This could result in death? The fall of the wizarding world? He may not have believed the boy was capable of taking on the Dark Lord, but he had still let some part at the back of his mind place his hope in the boy.

That, maybe there was, a way to defeat this creature he was now stuck in.

"Do you know what Potter just accomplished?" Words in the air, almost a hiss, quivering. "The half breed, dimwitted, little fucking cretin, whose feet are groveled at in misery and desperation." Severus could feel the rage of the other burn through him, only matched by the fear he felt for the young man caught before this mad man.

"No my Lord." Severus heard the hitch in the voice. Knew the Dark Lord had caught it as well.

"Crucio." A hiss which allowed only a brief second before Severus was writhing with the pain Harry too was suffering. Mind tearing itself apart, muscles screaming in protest, chest and lungs convulsing. He felt comforted by the pain, in the knowledge he was suffering alongside the other, that they weren't alone, trapped in the same body, living the same experience.

Before the green faded into darkness.

"Of course you don't my pet." Severus shuddered at the name, the tone. "Because you don't know the games I play with Potter." The huddled figure on the floor, collapsed under pain, flinched as the Dark Lord stroked the raven hair, Severus could feel the strands between his fingers.

Pain punctuated with soft touches, false reassurances.

HG

Hermione crept forward, the darkened hallways now empty of the crowd that had gathered earlier, before the hospital ward. Only shadows now guarded the prone form of her best friend.

No one had gone in or out of those thick wooden doors, after Professor Snape had thrown them wide, Madame Pomfrey following him, to give them a lecture many would never forget, especially Umbridge who had tried to use both her position and a number of threats to shoulder her way in.

"Watch out." She mumbled, eyes darting over the shadows in case anyone had heard her complaint.

"I can't help it if you're walking so slow." The drawl warmed the back of her neck as they shuffled unceremoniously under Harry's cloak.

"Really Draco, if I go much quicker, we'll trip over ourselves."

A smirk in the voice.

"I'm not disregarding your lack of balance, I'm just saying maybe we could go just a _little_ faster."

She huffed, elbowing him just hard enough for him to grunt in response. But she picked up her pace a little, feeling the taller blonde match her strides easily, falling into it as if it were a familiar pattern. She couldn't help feel the small blush on her cheeks, the warmth at her back.

How long had she been crushing on the blonde? Of course she hadn't admitted it, perfectly happy believing she was merely keeping an eye on him, that the close competition between their marks was nothing personal, the fact that his sharp mind and quicker tongue were the only things that got her flustered when they confronted each other.

Of course it was just a bonus that he was good looking too. Well, maybe a little more than a bonus, she smirked, her hand touching the cold bronze door handle of the hospital room, opening it slowly.

"And what do you two think you're doing?"

Hermione jumped, feeling Draco respond to her quick movement. The cloak was whipped off them, clutched in the hand of a very irritated mediwitch, her other hand on her hip as she glared at them.

"Good evening Madame Pomfrey." Hermione tried to hide the roll of her eyes as the blonde placed added charm to his voice. She noticed the Mediwitch hadn't been as successful as her.

"Mr Malfoy, it would prove to be an evening more suited to my liking if I didn't have to guard this door every moment."

"We're only here to see Harry." Hermione added, knowing the older witch had taken a liking to her as she was often in the hospital wing when Harry had been in whatever accident he'd managed to stumble into. She'd even learnt a few healing spells and helped out whenever she could.

"Only here to see Harry? Hnh, you and every other inhabitant of this castle." She moved out of their way. "Better get in before anyone sees you, I've had enough of a certain woman for tonight."

The door closed behind them, and before they could register anything in the dimly lit hospital wing they were brushed into a separate room.

A still, quiet room.

The silence was deafening and maybe that was worse than actual sound. The tight grip on her shoulder, the solid weight at her back held her up while everything inside her fell to her feet.

Heart leaping in her throat as she ducked her head.

She'd seen Harry before in visions, had heard his screams, his pleas, his orders and curses that sprung from his lips. But never had she seen him so deathly still, so pale.

The dark green robes she buried her face into didn't blur the face of her friend.

HP

Harry tried to bite back the hiss at the soft touch, expected the tearing pain, felt bewildered when it didn't come.

"Oh yes, we play fun little games which often revolve around you, Severus."

Harry blinked, words only just starting to form coherent links through the haze of pain.

"And as Potter ruined this game, the carefully set up board I created, we'll have to move onto something a little more interesting. Don't you agree my toy?"

"My Lord?"

"I was hoping to make a major break through Severus," the tone was getting annoyed. "But the boy proves to be tricky, you shall provide the breaking point."

"Crucio."

A scream, crashing into him, out of him, writhing on stone.

Words between the hammering of his heart.

"I've been too lax with you lately Severus." A dark chuckle. "I thought perhaps you would be little more grateful for the life I granted you after your _betrayal_."

SS

Severus felt himself freeze, the words slashing at him, the hiss weaving around him, stinging.

"Perchance, after tonight you will be more appreciative."

"My Lord?" The voice broken, croaked from the floor. And Severus yelled in his mind at the boy to shut his mouth. They were in danger, standing on the edge of a mad man's knife, waiting for him to pull it out from beneath them.

"My little spy." Severus felt the words slip from his mouth as he chuckled, fingers clenching in hair, pulling the face up. Onyx eyes matched his own, wincing. "You failed to deliver the correct information to that old fool. That Ministry of Magic incident was to have wiped out most of those pesky Aurors, we risked much on that raid."

"My Lord."

Severus felt himself scowl, throwing the other away from him, feeling strands of hair still caught in his fingers. He let them scatter in the billow of his robe.

"There is only one reason I am keeping you alive. For my enjoyment. Remember that Severus."

The curse that slipped from his lips, the green light and the pain that followed wrapped around him and he felt himself pulled violently into darkness. In the first vision he had had, this had been the point where he had felt something pull at him, begging him to come back, until he had escaped this nightmare, waking to the hospital wing.

But this time there was no one calling him, this time he wouldn't leave.

He needed to help Harry.

Save the boy from his mistakes.

HP

Harry felt nothing but the aching in his body, heard nothing but the blood raging in his ears, his muscles twitched, could tasted the copper on his tongue where he must have bitten through.

His breath came shakily at first, before his lungs constricted and he gasped, feeling magic flow through him again and let his body fall into the pattern of pain, repeating.

"Now that your both so pleasantly subdued, I can begin."

Harry would have screamed feeling the heel grind into his ribs, had his throat not been ripped raw.

"You both, I suppose, need an explanation, a confession of sorts." A low laugh, a hiss. "You see Potter, there's a small secret I've kept from you involving your beloved potions professor. Severus Snape…" punctuated with fingers threading through his raven hair again "Severus Snape is nothing more than a rag doll, something for me to play with. His allegiance with the light…" Harry felt shock seared through him, but kept it tightly hidden. "has him running to the beck and call of that old fool. But he is still a puppet on my strings"

Voldemort knew Severus was a spy for Dumbledore?

"You see, in exchange for his life Severus has become one of my favourite toys. The information he receives holds both false and true facets. I let him have charge of which information he tells the old fool."

Harry stared up at the blood red eyes, the pale skin, forked tongue that darted out to taste the air. Felt his whole being shudder.

"Imagine being given a puzzle. There is more than one way to solve it, and each conclusion holds a number of lives in its balance. If you solve it wrong friends, peers, co-workers, innocents will die, if you solve it right a number of them may be saved, depending if it is the right conclusion. But you have to think fast because time is of the essence."

Fangs flashing in a smirk.

"Lives hang on the information he gives. He may prevent a Death Eaters raid, though it may cost casualties, he may save muggles being attacked, he may lead his peers into an ambush, he may allow a Death Eater attack by believing the information given to him was false. It leaves all those he doesn't save, all those he has accidentally led to their deaths through false information, or even correct assumptions on his conscious."

Forked tongue flicking out to taste the air. Harry tried to process this information as the mad man continued.

"All those lives lost… are because of him."

Blood red eyes narrowing in delight, in self-satisfaction.

"The most effective way to break a man is let him pull himself apart."

SS

In the darkness only the words echoed and he could feel hurt, anger, pain, sweep through him. All he had tried to keep hidden from others, from himself, his desperation, his guilt, the screams of his colleagues, of muggles and children wrapped around him. Suffocating.

All his fault.

If only he had been quick enough, clever enough to figure out which was which, what was truth wrapped in lies, what lies were wrapped in truth… he could have saved them all.

HP

"It wasn't his fault." Harry felt the growl escape his throat, felt the anger at what this creature, this monster had done, spread through him. Severus Snape, was not a man to be toyed with, not a man to be tormented like this. He'd suffered enough.

Red eyes widened, before narrowing suspiciously.

"What was that?!"

"It wasn't Severus's fault, you rotting corpse of…" Horror flashed through him, felt his mind being assaulted and he slammed up walls he knew wouldn't save him from what he had revealed.

"Fuck." The small word escaped his lips before his eyes widened considerably.

"Who are you?" The words were almost a hiss, so low Harry flinched, drawing back from the sudden wave of panic. Eyes searching scattered for a way out, his breath caught in his throat.

Walls cracked and sticky fingers probed, thoughts brought to surface.

A deep dark laugh.

"Mr Potter. In the flesh… so to speak."

Red eyes flared.

"This _is _a pleasure."

SS

Severus felt something was wrong, forced himself out of the screams, broke the surface of guilt, pain and blood.

Those onyx eyes. He stared and felt fear ripple through him, could see the boy who lived so clearly in them, sensed he had missed something important.

"Really Severus, I should have known only you would pull a stunt like that, Potter could never kill an innocent so bloodily. Did you enjoy the warm blood of the small boy on your hands? What did you think when you saw a child so like yourself?" Severus could hear the words that his lips spoke to the open air and he felt himself shudder.

They'd been found out.

They were going to die.

And for some reason he didn't mind.

Maybe death would be peaceful.

"He saved that child. He did something I was never capable of doing." The silky voice, from the young man on the floor, still rough from the pain it had proclaimed. It caught Severus, pulled him away from the thought of the peaceful darkness in death.

"It shows just how wrong you are. He isn't your fucking puppet, he's a human being, something you wouldn't understand. It gives him compassion to save people, even though it means sacrifice, protect those who need it, look out for others. His kind, courageous, and…" Severus floundered confused, what was Potter going on about?

It had sounded so…

"His everything." A confident growl. "And you can't take that away from me."

So sincere.

Severus blinked at the young man's conviction. Tried to find a pattern to the words spoken, couldn't quite believe them. Everything? What did that mean?

A laugh.

"You are forgetting Potter, that your bias clouds your vision. Severus is nothing more than a traitor to the light and a _slave, _a_ toy_ to me. He is nothing."

"That's not true!" Severus saw a flash in the onyx eyes, a determination.

"Not true?" A small secretive smile. "It's as true as the fact you lust after pale scared thighs, raven dark hair, and that small hitch in his throat whenever you enter him. Again, and again and a-"

"Shut up!" A badly aimed kick to his legs and Severus stepped back easily, trying all the while to make sense of the words he had spoken in the mad man's hiss. It must be another game to get Harry riled up, show the boy-who-lived just how stained and broken his Potion's Professor was. It was a double edged blade, piercing into him as well, embarrassing, humiliating the toy that didn't want to play with his master.

Severus felt a chuckle escape his throat. Felt ill.

"Really Harry." He hissed the name out. "I always thought the famed boy-who-lived would have found someone more… substantial, than this broken toy, this nothing."

He felt the stones beneath him shudder.

"He isn't nothing! He's a powerful wizard, a master in the art of potion's making. Sharp, quick, not anyone could infiltrate back into your fold-"

"Potter, please, save your pep speech. He has little power that interests me, his potion's skill is more wasted potential than anything else." A frown. "And do you really believe that after you delayed my rise as the Dark Lord, that the public trial, and the acquittal and betrayal of Severus Snape would be overlooked so easily that he would be accepted back into my ranks? I am no fool like that headmaster of yours. Severus Snape became nothing the very day he denounced his services to me."

"No," There was power behind that one word. "Severus may have exchanged his life to serve under you, he may have willingly excepted your bribes of power and acceptance, but it was a mistake, something he is trying to correct." The young mans body shuddered.

"Realising and wanting to amend his mistakes makes him more of a man than anyone else I know!" Severus could hear the voice cracking as it rose. "It's not his fault if you're a sick prick playing on a man's conscience, he's saved more people then he would have if he hadn't returned to your fold, false information or not. He's a hero."

Severus could feel his lips twist into a smirk.

"A hero? No, my dear deluded child, he is a murderer, a torturer, a servant, a _toy-_"

Onyx eyes blinked and narrowed.

"No."

The sudden surge of anger in that single word slammed into him.

He staggered back under the force. He could feel the mad man's surprise entwined in his.

Magic.

The same wildness that had possessed him that night in the dungeons.

His mind spun and he tried to breath, choking on darkness, on warmth as it forced itself on him, in him.

Writhing.

Drowning in the familiar feeling, felt himself respond to the wild flow through his mind, but it pushed back forcing him.

Forcing him.

Pushing up he gasped for breath, sitting, shaking, staring.

The hospital wing.

-

--

--- to be cont'


	22. Chapter 22

-1

Disclaimer: I neither own the characters or their world, nor make a profit from this.

Warning: Dark themes (rape, torture, death), malexmale,

A/N: Yep, I know you'll all hate me, but this is a short chapter, but at least it's posted .O

Thanks to everyone who tried to get my reviews up to 222, almost there! It was in fact just to amuse me .O

and I would have updated whether or not I came close, I'm not one of those authors who threatens not to update if I don't get reviews

(if you go back to the previous chapter it was in fact a request not a threat)

I'd like to think you love me and my story enough to review anyway! (yes I am just a little egotistic, heh, just kidding)

Next update will either be in two or three weeks time.

Enjoy.

**Chapter 21**

HP

Harry felt the magic flow through him, wild uncontrollable, filling out the larger form he was in. It felt so familiar, but there was a different quality to it, the way it entwined with the magic, the form of Severus Snape.

He could feel the Dark Lord's resistance crack under his assault as he tried to force himself further into the man, could feel the way his grasp on Severus weakened before the others presence was ripped from the mind of the mad man.

He'd freed Severus from the monster's mind.

But it wasn't enough.

The wild magic wanted more, needed something more substantial. He could feel it burn through his veins, flood his mind as it ate at his anger, his desperation. What would it matter if he let it take hold of him? He was going to die tonight anyway, if not from this, then from the Dark Lord's anger.

"Potter." A hiss and he was pushed forcefully from the mans mind. Staring at flaring red eyes, thin lips pulled in a snarl, fangs glinting in the light reflected from his uncontrolled magic.

"Riddle." Harry smirked, could feel his magic flare. He was going to take on this bastard and make him pay.

Make him pay for killing his parents, the magic simmered beneath his skin.

Make him pay for killing Credric, anger and desperation fed the wild flow.

For all he'd done to Severus.

Smouldering.

For all Harry had done to Severus.

Searing.

He let the magic flow through him, cut into the Dark Mark etched into his skin, felt it burn through the direct link, catching at the others soul, tearing and shredding at it. Twisting in on itself, he felt it snap.

SS

"Harry!" His arm was grabbed and he flinched away from the touch, the too loud voice. Cringing.

"Mr Potter." A softer tone. He turned wild eyes to Madame Pomfrey, to thick brown hair and blonde. Granger and Draco.

"His still there." He managed to croak, throwing the thick hospital blanket from him, trying desperately to swing his legs off the side of the bed. His whole body shook, protesting the movement after having endured numerous Unforgivables.

"What are you doing S-Potter?" The tone was cutting and Severus almost hissed in desperation when he was shoved unceremoniously back into bed.

"He's still there! Don't you get it! He knows. He knowsss." The word came out in a hiss and Severus had to try and stop the shake in his voice, the tremors running through his muscles.

He'd left Harry behind to face the Dark Lord. Merlin, what had he done?

"Calm down." An order, but Severus ignored it, before he felt magic wash over him.

He struggled to sit up, fight the sudden heavy numbness in his muscles, the way he seemed to be drowning in senselessness, his hammering heart slowing as his breaths became even and he felt the darkness creep up on him, slowly sending him into a forced calming sleep, soothed by magic.

He tried to scream in protest but even his mind had shut down.

He felt himself lose to the pull.

HP

If Harry could have screamed he would've, but the pain was cutting into him and all he could do was stand there, legs almost buckling beneath him as his mouth opened in a breathless gasp.

The Dark Lord was just as silent, face to the cold stone floor, shimmering with a light dusting of magic playing so innocently over the robes.

He could feel the magic recede and gulped down air to his now working lungs. The pain let up only a fraction, enough for him to be able to think, for him to take control and force the magic back into himself, down into the core he was careful not to brush against.

He could feel the trembling in his limbs and thanked Merlin that the Dark Lord had broken the magical connection, otherwise they would have both died.

He winced.

He had thought he was ready to die, thought that if he fulfilled his purpose, if he killed this mad man, and if he died in the process he would be able to finally rest, finally see his parents again.

He'd been just a little naïve.

His whole body trembled, his knees almost collapsing as he caught himself against a wall.

Shaking his head Harry blinked at the man on the floor. He knew the monster wasn't dead, but he also knew that he had no energy, magic or weapon to take on the unconscious form. He'd have to return later to finish the job.

He swayed where he stood. Taking in a deep breath and forcing himself to stay conscious, he swore to himself as darkness pushed at the corners of his vision, he'd have to get out of here and soon.

Of course he only needed to get through a stronghold of death eaters standing in his way, a maze of a house and a giant snake before he'd be able to say he was on the downward slope, he tried to joke with himself.

He frowned, pinching the bridge of his nose to try and still his pounding head, humour didn't always work in tough situations.

He could still die tonight.

So with a determined, albeit slightly grim look on his face he forced his protesting muscles to move, stepping around the body, careful not to get too close, he opened the door to an empty corridor.

HG

Hermione watched.

She couldn't feel the stinging pain in her lip where teeth worried away at the bruised flesh.

Couldn't feel the rough cotton of hospital sheets where she gripped at it.

Not the warm tracks down her cheeks.

"It'll be ok." The mediwitch soothed the quiet room, neither Hermione or Draco replying.

Hermione knew it wouldn't be ok.

It couldn't be ok while Professor Snape was still out there, not while the Dark Lord lived and killed innocent people and tortured her friend. Not while the headmaster was gone and the ministry run by imbeciles. Where people weren't tolerated due to the purity of their blood, whether muggleborn, vampire or werecreature.

Draco hadn't told her it would be ok.

She believed his silence.

And in the shadows of the hospital ward he held her hand.

As they watched and waited.

HP

Harry knew that he was limping, knew that his breath was too rough too loud in the quiet corridor. He tried not to let the hoarse sound out from between his lips, but his lungs protested to the slower, quieter breathing. His whole body ached, muscles protesting, he should have passed out alongside the Dark Lord, from the overdose and wild use of the magic.

He felt light-headed, sick to the stomach while his left leg would cramp on occasion. His vision was blurry, almost as if he needed his glasses again, while his head pounded, his jaw clenched against all the other small aches and stinging pains shooting down his spine.

He was glad he hadn't passed out.

He kept the slow pace, trying to see ahead in the shadows, keeping both hands to the wall, bracing himself as he made his shuffling way down the hall, his heart racing in his ears. Every corner he turned he held his breath, knowing that if a single death eater was to find him, he wouldn't be able to fight back, wouldn't be able to even defend himself.

And as time dragged, he could almost imagine hearing the slide of scales on rock, of the soft hiss right behind him that would herald his death. He tried not to let his mind play tricks, but the exhaustion crowded in on him, his vision abandoned him and he tried to see throught the haze, his hands leading the pained limping.

"Gods." The voice was familiar, but Harry couldn't care less. He'd been found.

And with that information his knees gave out and the hard stone floor came up to meet them. Teeth clamped through his tongue at the jolt, letting the stinging explode down his throat as he collapsed against the wall. He couldn't go on.

"Severus…" The name jarred in his mind but the rest of the words were lost as he gave up the struggle to hold onto pained and exhausted consciousness. He didn't want to die, but he knew his parents would understand.

-

--

--- to be cont'

Any questions, comments or ideas would be appreciated, if you can't be bothered to write it in a review, you can always go to the forum, where I also do request.

Adios

S


	23. Chapter 23

-1Disclaimer: I neither own the characters, nor make a profit from this.

Warning: See Chapter 1-22 (Extra warnings will sometimes be added)

A/N 1: SORRY GUYS! I tried to upload this last weekend, but Fanfiction wouldn't let me O.o

A/N: Ok, this was longer than I was going to make it so count yourself lucky! (spent the whole day writing and re-writing, coz if you think the start of the chapter sucks now, you should've read it when I first wrote it O.o)

This is a nice easy chapter to take some pressure off, and I want Harry learning a little bit about his mum, coz I hate everyone always saying how much Harry is like James . 

He's Lilly's son too damn it!

And she sacrificed herself for him (sound like any scar faced boy we know?)

**Chapter 23**

HP

There was the familiar sound, the drone of magic, loud in the silence he had just woken from.

"Gods."

Harry frowned at the word, tried to piece it together before fingers suddenly trailed through his hair. He held his breath for a second as he felt magic hum over him. He could almost feel his whole body cringe at the substance, having been brimming with power only moments before.

Time was fragmented in the darkness behinds his eye lids.

He tried to open his eyes but knew the struggle would be useless, knew that even a small movement would sap him of his energy, but that didn't stop him from trying. He needed to know where he was, who had found him, why they were talking in soft voices with softer touches.

His mind revolted against the questions, the growing worry and collapsed back into darkness. He didn't have the energy to fight it.

SS

Severus woke to darkness, his eyes closed but his senses flaring. He shifted minutely and listened to the steady flow of breath, two people, one was sleeping.

Opening his eyes a fraction, allowing them to get used to the dim room he watched and waited. So the mediwitch had put Granger and Draco in charge as guards. He observed the situation, Draco was sleeping his head resting on the girls shoulder, while she read something occasionally jotting down notes.

What had happened? His mind shifting back, before he almost sprang out of bed.

Harry.

Harry was still there…

With the Dark Lord

And the Dark Lord knew.

He had to go back, had to go rescue the boy, the brat who always fell head first into trouble, the one with the annoying tendency to place others before himself. Stupid, foolish boy and his hero complex!

The anxiety and fear for the boy suddenly caught up with him and Severus frowned.

Of course he only wanted to save the boy to return the favour to the boy and to fulfil his dept to James Potter, as well as to stop the wizarding world from utter collapse and chaos, and he couldn't forget that he wanted to avoid Dumbledore's disappointed looks, especially if he got a student killed, and he definitely wanted his old body back, beside he'd promised to Lilly to look after the boy and if he didn't who would? And what on earth was he trying to deny with all these excuses?

Staring up at the ceiling he cursed quietly.

He didn't have the time or the energy to try and play this game with himself, he would dwell on this later, when urgent matters weren't as pressing. He was just about to spring out of bed when he heard the distinct pop of a house elf.

"Dobby has urgent news Master Draco."

"Wha?" The unintelligent noise of the suddenly woke boy. The blonde blinked a little trying to get his bearings and Severus couldn't help but wonder if perhaps all the training he had forced on the boy had been wasted. He should have woken up in an instant, wand ready.

Severus couldn't help but think that Potter would have done better. But then each boy's circumstances were different.

"Dobby has news from Mr Lucius for Master Draco, Dobby is to tell Mr Draco that Mr Harry is safe." The house elf bobbed and nodded looking quiet pleased.

"Harry?" The bushy haired girl asked, turning as Severus sat up suddenly, silently cursing the boy and his need for glasses as he slid them up his nose. He ignored the two and let his glare fall on the small bobbing creature.

"But Harry's woken from the visions, why would Father need to tell me that?" The blonde asked oblivious to Severus still stuck in Potter's body and the galre he was giving the house elf.

"Oh. Oh." Dobby bounced, before his head collided with the end of the bed with a painful sounding thud. "Dobby did wrong, Dobby should be punished." Another thud "Dobby didn't mean to say Mr Harry. Dobby is sorry."

"Dobby." the creatures name stopped the head banging. "What did you mean to say?"

"Dobby was to say Mr Snape is safe, he didn't mean to say Mr Harry, Dobby was told to keep it a secret, Dobby is bad."

"You know Dobby, that doesn't actually make sense." The girl pointed out, but Severus frowned, it made perfect sense if you knew what the small creature was going on about. The house elf had been sworn to secrecy as soon as he had pointed out that Harry was in fact in Snape's body and Snape in Harry's.

He had just revealed that secret.

"It's ok Dobby," Severus let the naturally soft quality of the boys voice emphasise his words, although he felt rather ridiculous comforting the house elf, so he quickly continued on. "So Lucius has P-Snape?" Severus had almost made the same mistake the house elf had. The house elf nodded and he felt relief flow through him.

Potter was safe.

Quickly followed by anger.

Why the hell hadn't Potter contacted him? He would've gone back to save the brats life if the house elf hadn't intervened. No thought for other's safety, a Potter through and through. He kept cursing the brat in his mind as he tried to ignore the overwhelming relief he felt.

"Harry are you alright?" The young woman sitting beside his bed watched him with concern.

He plastered on a fake smile.

"Fine, just fine."

The house elf vanished from under his distracted smile.

"I just need a little more sleep, that's all." His smile slipped into a grimace as he felt his muscles protest to his earlier action of sitting up.

Now that he didn't have to rescue the brat from another foolish act of heroism, he could feel the tension in his muscles release, could feel the pillows pressing back into him, and could feel himself drifting off under the gaze of the two students.

And for some reason, he felt safe enough to do so.

His mind didn't have time enough to contemplate on it before the darkness closed around him.

HP

The next time he woke he was aware of the sound of a low voice speaking rapidly, feminine, different from the previous one and this time it held a hint of urgency. There was the sound of a door being shut and Harry felt the person draw closer.

"Gods Severus, what have you done?" It was whispered to the room, the exhaustion and worry not meant to be heard by Harry. He felt the bed dip, the surprise of a hand taking his had him opening his eyes.

The sight made him jerk in shock. The man sitting on the edge of his bed, head bowed over the joined hands, staring off into space, focused looking back at him.

Worry and relief.

"Thank the Goddess you're awake."

Harry opened his mouth, but no sound came out. Thank the Goddess?

"The Dark Lord is looking for you, he's furious, but Lucius is attempting to calm him, I'm surprised the Dark Mark didn't wake you."

Harry blinked at his forearm, the dark brand carved in his skin didn't even tingle. There wasn't even the feel of another presence, nothing to connect him to the mad man.

He had broken the bond.

"I've sent word to Draco that you are safe, it seems Mr Potter was worried as well." The woman lifted a aristocratic brow. "You have some explaining to do about that boy, and don't try and wheedle out of it this time. I know there is something going on."

Harry felt himself go pale at the words.

"But not now love." She smiled and Harry realised he had never seen Narcissa Malfoy wear any other expression than well bred distain. "You need your rest."

The kiss to the forehead was unexpected as well, "I'll get you something to eat and drink." She gave his hand one last comforting squeeze before leaving.

Harry blinked as the door was shut. Had he woken in an alternate dimension?

Trying to get up, he felt every muscle in his body protest. He may have gained a little strength from his sleep, his body may not have been screaming in pain or exhaustion any more, but it still thrummed with a deep aching, his head felt full and the buzzing still occupied the back of his mind.

But there was an added ache to his bones, as if they weren't used to being saturated in magic, in the wild unpredictable force that swept through his at times when he lost control. Harry frowned, in fact they weren't. He was in Severus's body, and somehow… somehow he had accessed the power that he shouldn't have been able to. His body, the body of Harry Potter was able to access the magic through the link to Voldemort, but this body, the body of Severus Snape.

It shouldn't have been possible, and not only had he been able to access it, there had been something else hidden in it, something deeper, darker… ancient.

He fell back into the pillows, his head aching with the effort of trying to think. He'd have to ask Severus about that later, for now he had to think of how to get out of here.

"It isn't much, but you shouldn't be eat much after coming back from the Dark Lord." The blonde woman had closed the door with her foot, precariously balancing a tray as she turned to face him, a sympathetic half-smile on her face.

Harry blinked. Where were the house elves? Since when did Malfoy's do anything on their own? Especially for someone else?

"By Artemis you look exhausted, worse then usual." She tutted and Harry tried to place all of this together. Who was Artemis? He tried to remember where he had heard that name before, it had been mentioned once in some book.

Artemis had been a Greek Goddess of the moon, a hunter, a warrior.

Hermione had explained that once the wizards had worshipped the pagan gods. There was something about worshipping pagan gods, about how ancient wizarding tribes had possessed magic power, but it had been ancient, unpredictable, linked to pagan legends and gods.

That magic had been tamed, restricted, drained of most of its power, into the discipline that was taught these days.

Hermione had gone through a stage of trying to find out more about ancient magic, but almost every where she turned she was restricted, ancient magic had been classified as evil, dangerous, dark. There had been a few in Harry's family vault, but by the time they had found those she had moved onto a different interest, obsessed about the founders, and the large number of books on the subject that they had found along side the ancient volumes.

There had been a few articles on ancient magic and paganism in the newspaper, details were vague but all held the same gist, those that dabbled in the magic were locked up, erased from the known world, those that held pagan beliefs were ostracized from society and kept under a very close watch.

He would never had believed Mrs Malfoy to one of those believers.

"And I bet you aren't looking after yourself either." She had continued talking and Harry felt a little ill at ease when she helped to sit him up. "Here, drink this slowly."

She handed him a glass, but when she noticed he didn't even have the strength to hold the clear tumbler in his hands she slowly helped him sip at the water. Harry couldn't help the blush that crept across his cheeks as she leant over beside him, her pale hair, not up in its customary styled bun brushed against his bare neck, her scent washing over him.

He wasn't attracted to women, but he couldn't help shiver involuntarily at their proximity, maybe it was because he never let people this close to him, had never been quiet so vulnerable in front of a practical stranger.

Maybe it was because he had never had a mother.

That the half remembered love, super imposed on the stories of her sacrificing herself for him. The faded memory of being carefully cradled against a warm chest, caught in protective arms seen only in the presence of dementors, green flashes and the painful realization of death.

"Are you alright Severus?" Her voice had changed, held a hint of concern as she watched him. Harry couldn't help but avert his eyes from her piercing gaze, the gentle hand on his shoulder.

"I miss her." He hadn't realised his constricted throat had allowed the words through but he couldn't help the shocked look he sent the blonde woman. Her look was one of understanding.

Harry tried to open his mouth to take the words back, but the way the woman seemed to melt in beside him on the bed, lithe arms encircling him, a gentle kiss to his jaw, her blonde hair on his shoulder.

Comforting.

"I miss her too."

Harry tensed at the softly spoken words, and for some _absurd_ reason he as quite sure they weren't talking about the same person… his sarcasm didn't help the situation.

A hand came to rest just above his heart, fingers curled in a loose fist as a breath of warm air sighed across his collarbone and for some reason Harry felt himself relax into the warmth at his side, even though his mind screamed at him to get away.

"She was beautiful, our Lilly."

The name hit him like a blow to the stomach.

He couldn't breath.

SS

As he slept he dreamed.

Severus Snape couldn't remember the last time he had dreamt.

He had drifted in darkness or had nightmares for as long as he could remember, he had been faced with the visions Harry had been forced to deal with. But he hadn't dreamt.

Hadn't dreamt of Lilly.

The kind voice.

The bright eyes.

The mischievous smile.

So like her son.

It saddened him as he watched himself walk beside the young woman, no older than the last time he saw her, no less beautiful, as she talked animatedly about something. Harry would never know his mother, the talented, kind and calming woman who had never had the chance to watch her son grow up.

"Oi." She poked him hard on the forehead. "You're not listening to me are you?" She held the same look Severus had spent years perfecting, the you-better-not-be-wasting-my-time look. Severus looked around him at the snow, could feel the cold seeping into his skin, before his eyes met emerald green above rosy cheeks.

"Rissa said she found something…"

The scene changed and they were in an unused potions lab, an old tomb on the desk. He remembered this scene, like he had the previous one, it was almost a memory. He tried to grasp the exact scene in his mind but he couldn't quite catch it as he turned back to the people in the room.

The blonde Ms Black perched triumphantly on a chair while Lilly leant over her shoulder reading the text. Piercing green eyes turned to him.

"Really Severus, do I have to spell it out for you?"

The tone was mocking.

"You never see the most important things, especially when they're right in front of you."

The potions lab fell away from him and he choked on a surprised cry as he fell back and kept falling. The darkness kept dragging at him until he hit the ground, painfully jarring his back. He sat up cautiously, expecting a nightmare to start. Instead he was faced with a pair of luminous green eyes.

"By my Lady, are you alright Sev?" There was concern in the voice.

He looked around at the destroyed room.

"I don't remember."

He couldn't remember this scene, for all he knew he'd never been in this room before.

"Did it work?" She peered down at him. "You weren't suppose to pass out…"

He blinked and the woman kneeling beside him had aged in a second.

"Promise me. Promise me Sev, please."

As she pleaded the bright eyes gained dark shadows.

"Please."

Jaded, he noticed the thick red hair darkened, skin tanned, high cheek bones.

"Please…"

Plump lips spoke the word like a plea, hand on his, pleading eyes and Severus wrenched himself back from the figure of Harry Potter, and the boys soft touch.

"Please…"

The voice played havoc in his mind. And he shook his head.

"Promise me… look after him. Look after my Harry."

Voice spoken from the darkness he'd fallen back into, voice of both Harry and Lilly combined and he tried to squeeze his eyes shut, but they were already shut, tried to draw a breath but he was drowning and all he could see was feathers, rustic brown feathers falling like snow and just as cold.

He woke up with a start, the hospital room dark. His back icy cold, the blankets kicked off the edge of the bed, and he could make out an owl hooting off in the distance, probably back from an evening hunt.

His dream lingered on the edge of his mind and he couldn't quiet grasp it, remembered that it had something to do with Lilly.

There had been snow.

There had been a promise.

There had been a pleading Harry Potter.

Severus cursed inwardly.

-

--

--- to be cont'


	24. Chapter 24

-1A/N: Merry Christmas Eve Everyone! Sorry I didn't post this last weekend .

It wasn't finished and I couldn't get to the net, being the lazy person I am.

NOTE: This has NO Christmas cheer in it what so ever, so if you're into mentions of death, dark thoughts etc at Christmas time, keep reading, if not, wait until after Christmas, yay!

Warning+Disclaimer (See previous Chapters)

Thank you all for your wonderful reviews . You make me very very happy!

I've tried to explain a few things, but I think it's just become even more confusing u.u;

Hope you enjoy it!

* * *

HP

Narissa must have felt Harry tense beside her as she looked up, eyes half lidded.

"You see it too, don't you?" The woman sighed against him. "There is so much of her in that boy. Potter really is a beautiful young man. The Goddess has blessed and cursed that child."

Harry cleared his throat uncomfortably, the whole situation seeming surreal.

"But at least he has you to protect him." The grip on his arm tightened as she snuggled in against him, head still resting on his shoulder.

There was a long silence in which Harry wondered if he was suppose to say something in return, but the moment passed and he was left grasping at words which hadn't formed.

He wasn't sure if it was an uncomfortable silence or if he was suppose to take it as a comfortable one.

He shifted and it seemed to break the spell.

Beautiful clear eyes turned to him, "I've missed this." A small frown marred her perfectly formed mouth, her brows drawing close, furrowing the smooth skin. "Missed you. I know it's been hard these last few years with Potter starting school and the Dark Lord reappearing, but you could have come to visit once or twice, you only came when it was your duty, an obligation. I know you see Draco at school, but its still different."

Harry looked away from those eyes, he didn't know this part of Severus's life, how he was suppose to react. The way she was acting… was he suppose to kiss her? Had they been lovers back when they were at Hogwarts? Friends? Had they fought? Was that why Severus hadn't visited them often? Or was it because Narissa was now married? Had he had an affair with her?

For some reason Harry felt a pinch of jealousy, but it was comforted by the fact that he couldn't see Severus being a man to disregard his morals like that.

"Narissa?" Harry jumped as the name was called out, muffled by the thick door to the room, and he blinked owlishly at the woman who snuggled in closer to him.

The bedroom door was opened slowly and a gaze framed with loose strands of silver hair surveyed them from the doorway. Lucius stepped further in the room, silent, and seemingly emotionless to the image they presented.

Harry tried unsuccessfully to edge away from the woman curled up beside him on the bed, arms still loosely around him. Shooting a look at the other man, realising that he was shirtless and just how bad the scene looked. He opened his mouth to explain, but was silenced when the woman next to him sighed into his neck, not even glancing up at her husband.

He felt panic swell through him, trying hard to dislodge the woman.

He didn't even have the energy to stand, let alone fight a pissed off Malfoy, especially Malfoy Senior.

He had to explain before he was turned into something far worse then what could be found in Severus's potions labs. "I…" The words died in Harry's throat when the older man gave him a soft smile.

"I'm glad you are feeling better, by the Goddess you gave us a fright."

Harry bit his tongue to stop his jaw from dropping, especially when Lucius sat down on the other side of him, and brushed a few locks of raven hair behind his ear. He couldn't fight the blush though, and hoped it wouldn't give him away.

The older man chuckled.

"You haven't changed." He took Harry's hand and kissed the knuckles lightly. "But come dear," He spoke to his wife. "Severus needs his rest, it has been years since he has spent the night at the Manor, and we don't wish to seem inhospitable when he has finally returned."

There was a pause in which Narissa looked like she was going to argue, before nodding in acceptance, giving Harry a kiss on the forehead, before she shifted, fabric rustling.

"And the Dark Lord? You won't be leaving again tonight will you?" The worry in her voice was evident as she addressed her husband. "Severus is safe here isn't he?"

The blonde man nodded.

"It was an emergency call by the Rat," There was disgust in the voice as it spoke of Pettigrew. "An initial search of the stronghold was conducted and we've concluded both Potter and Severus have made it safely back to Hogwarts." A sneer. "We just have to wait for them to appear again."

"So Severus is safe?"

Lucius turned his gaze to Harry and it seemed to be searching for something.

"You're safe until you show your face again, I don't know what you and Potter did, and why you've decided to reveal your position as spy in this war by siding with him, but when the Dark Lord recovers…"

He shook his head minutely.

"Goddess be with you. Sleep well." He turned to go but not before his wife paused at the doorway.

"Call us if you need anything Sev, alright?" The blonde woman asked, almost worriedly.

Harry could only nod stupidly.

The woman sighed, her husband at her back.

"And I'm suppose to believe that?" Hands on hips, the voice more concerned then annoyed. "After all these years, have you _ever_ asked for help? Have you ever taken it when it was offered so willingly?"

There was a pause and Harry refused to fill it, he didn't want to ruin Severus's life any more then he may have already and he had no idea what this situation called for.

The pause stretched and he looked away, unable to meet their eyes.

He relented, he had to say something to fill this long pause.

"I'm sorry."

The silence that filled the space after his words was awkward.

A hiccuped sob.

And Harry froze, eyes suddenly lifted by the minute sound as the woman brought the back of her hand to her mouth, tears gathering at the corners of her eyes as she gazed at him, seeing someone who wasn't really there.

"Oh, Severus. I'm so sorry. I've tried so hard, tried so hard to regain your trust."

Harry swallowed in the suddenly full silence.

He watched her watch him, Lucius standing behind her, a hand on her shoulder.

"Perhaps this should wait for another day, when Severus is feeling better."

The woman shook her head, brushing stray droplets that had caught on her lashes.

"No." The voice wavered a little. "If I wait you'll just disappear into yourself again, pretend I'm just another pompous aristocrat someone you have a duty to be seen with, kiss my hand, comment on the weather, on how Draco's doing at school. No feeling."

Her voice broke.

"I never meant for it to happen,"

A whisper.

"I understand why you can't forgive me, but please, just please understand it was an accident." The woman drew in a shaky breath, brushing absently at her eyes again. "I never meant for Tiberius…" She shook her head not meeting his eyes.

"Your brother should still be alive."

Shock and Silence.

Harry felt numb, his mind frozen. He wasn't suppose to know about this.

Pieces fell into place, sharp memories from the night the Mirror of Erised broke, this was all too much for him, he felt guilty for prying into Severus's life, guilty for leading the blonde woman on like this, pretending to be someone he wasn't.

But what was he suppose to do?

He shook his head minutely, looked away from the couple. Unable to respond.

"I'm sorry." He spoke in a whisper, the deep voice carrying. "I need some rest."

He stared hard at his blanket, potion stained fingers interlaced. Not looking up, unable to face the shaking shoulders and the tear stained eyes.

"Come dear." He heard Lucius voice, followed by a strained and muffled sob before the door was opened and closed.

He tried to ignore the guilt that slithered through him.

He didn't fall asleep until the shadows had stretched halfway across the room.

And he dreamt of silver seas and dark storm clouds.

SS

Severus glanced around the dark room, feeling more awake then ever, it was similar to the feeling he had when his body had been flooded with the excess of wild magic the night the Mirror of Erised had shattered under the force of his power.

But it had been Harry who had been caught in the pull this time.

Not only did it raise questions as to how the residual magic had transferred itself to him, maybe as Harry had shoved him from the mans mind, but also how had Harry accessed the power himself? Didn't he, Severus, possess the core of the boy's power?

He shook his head in the darkness, aware, even though he hadn't noticed, that he was alone in the room, the two students having probably been ushered back to their rooms once Poppy had determined he only slept, and needed no direct assistance.

The silence calmed him, the darkness let him relax, half hidden in shadows.

He had always loved the darkness, it was a time he let himself dwell on thoughts that he couldn't face in the day of light. Thoughts, memories that he could let himself remember in the dead of night and pass it off as a waking dream in the morning.

He closed his eyes to a more complete dark, let his mind wander.

Lily.

That dungeon room in his dream.

Harry.

Memories in dreams.

He let his mind wander over the memories his mind had dredged up. Lily had always loved magic not for the power, not for the knowledge, but for the feel of it, the way it coiled up in your belly, sung along every nerve.

The feel that most people never noticed, too busy concentrating on the spell, the pronunciation, the flick of the wand. It had taken her weeks to teach Severus to feel the under current that most people didn't even notice.

That had been their first year, when they'd been partnered up in potions. They'd grown to be close friends. But it had been towards the end of the first year that the trio had formed, when Narissa had finally gotten over her jealousy that Severus, her childhood friend, spent most of his time with a Gryffindor.

It had been an accident that had caused it, a potions accident, Severus couldn't help but chuckle at the fact that his life changed so often through potions, and particular potions accidents, it obviously didn't matter if he was a supposed master of the art.

They'd been experimenting in third year potions, only in their first year, when Lily had tested it. Everything had gone wrong from there, her face swelled up, her fingers grew longer, spindly and she'd turned a peculiar shade of purple. Severus had panicked and run to the only person he thought he could trust.

Narissa had simply scoffed at him, but had come along. She hadn't even lifted an eyebrow when she saw the miserable state Lily had been in, having progressed to burping bubbles through her nose. She'd simply read through the instructions and fixed the potion with a pinch of this and that.

Narissa had always been a natural in potions, Severus had mourned the loss of her expertise when she had told him she hated the practice and would never consider a career in it.

But it hadn't been long after that incident that the three had gone everywhere they could together, and it had lead to their discovering of ancient magic at the end of year three. Ancient magic and the Goddess.

Severus grit his teeth at the memory.

If they hadn't discovered it.

If Lily hadn't studied it, hadn't researched everything she could find…

then she could still have been alive.

His fists clenched a little.

If Narissa hadn't been caught practicing it.

If they could have hid it better…

his brother… his brother would still have been alive.

He bit through his lip and tasted blood.

If he hadn't been the one to first mention it.

If he hadn't been the one to push all three of them to learn all they could…

If he'd been stronger.

If he could've been stronger…

HP

Harry woke to half light, early morning stretching itself lazily across his floor.

He'd woken to a sound, but blinking warily around the room there was nothing unusual about it.

"Good morning!" Harry jumped letting out a startled squawk, covering his mouth quickly. Severus would never have made a noise like that.

Dobby blinked at him with his large lamp like eyes.

"Is Mr Harry-Severus alright?"

Harry let out a breath of relief.

"I'm fine Dobby."

"Good good. Headmaster Dumbledore told Dobby to tell you he said he'd be here tomorrow. He said he couldn't come any sooner, no sir."

Harry nodded at the confusing rambling of the creature, feeling a little relieved that the headmaster would be coming to take him away from this confusing, hidden aspect of Severus Snape's life.

"Thank you Dobby."

The creature nodded, before the blank light disappeared from the eyes and they flickered around the room.

"Has Mr Harry Potter been practicing?"

Harry shook his head.

"No Dobby, I haven't had the time, everything's been a little…" A number of words flooded his mind before he chose the least complicated one, "busy. I've been a little busy."

The creature nodded.

"But Mr Harry Potter should keep practicing. Keep growing stronger, so he can defeat the evil man. The evil man using our Goddesses magic..." Dobby tilted his head, as if listening before giving Harry a hasty but still rather too tight hug before disappearing with a soft pop.

The Goddess? The Dark Lord was using the Goddesses magic? Ancient magic?

Harry shook his head as he heard footsteps pass by the door only seconds after Dobby had disappeared, and he held his breath hoping he wouldn't have to deal with anyone this early in the morning, but they continued by and Harry sighed.

All he wanted to do was hide from the world today and wait for the headmaster.

He pulled the covers up to his chin, closed his eyes and proceeded to do just that.

SS

Severus shook his head.

If he'd been stronger, then a lot of his life would have been different, he wouldn't be the person he was now, for better or for worse.

He sighed, his dream, the dungeon room he couldn't remember flashing through his mind again.

He knew what the dream had been about.

Narissa had been the one to finally find the tomb of ancient magic hidden deep in the shelves of the Black's family library. They had used an unused potions lab under the pretence of working on a potions project.

The girl's had embraced the concept of the Goddess, the ancient magic, they had performed some of the rituals, taken it on as an aspect of their lives, their religion.

Severus, he had always doubted the idea of religion, though he respected it, knew people needed to believe in something, needed faith. But of Gods and Goddesses watching over man?

He doubted their existence, they were alone in the universe, no one watched because if they did, that would mean they cared, and nobody cared about this race, just one of many who would come and go on the face of this planet.

But that didn't mean he couldn't understand the concept. He could feel the magic inside him, understood that everything held an essential core of magic, a life force within them and it was through this that ancient magic, the powerful wave of inner being could be moulded, shaped into something that could be controlled.

That was what the dream had been about, finding the ancient magic, but the destroyed room which he couldn't remember… that scene had held a familiar quality to it.

There had been a time when they had found out Lily was going to be a mother…

Lily had wanted to perform an ancient spell of protection. Both he and Narissa had been against it, they had dabble in the ancient magic, but they didn't have the control or will to be able to master something so powerful.

Instead they decided to perform a protection spell, similar to that which Lily had eventually cast on herself and her son, after they had mastered the technique. The spell was a simpler version, a temporary ancient magic that would protect the caster.

He had woken two days after in St Mungo's, with no recollection of that day or the two that followed. Both Narissa and Lily had been at his side, they had told him they had tried the spell, he being the caster, but they hadn't told him what had happened, they had just looked worried.

"Harry! I've found it." Severus's eyes narrowed as the door was thrown open and the light streamed in.

"The spell I've been looking for."

He blinked and the room was lit up with a small spell. Hermione closed the door behind her, looking exhausted and triumphant.

"What?" Severus couldn't help but stare at the girl who had just burst in for no reason proclaiming something he had no idea about in the middle of the night. Potter had strange friends.

"The spell I've been looking for!" She bounced were she stood. "I've been thinking about it since you had your attack, well, actually since you've been acting funny and I just woke up with it in my head and it's been right in front of me all along!" She dropped the heavy tomb on the bed and Severus recoiled.

It was the same tomb Lily had last used, the one with the spell that had protected Potter from the mad man that had killed his mother. He still regretted his decision in going along with that plan, but he knew it had been what she had wanted.

"I don't know what you're talking about 'mione."

"Why you've both been acting so funny." She looked annoyed. "It's right here, I can't believe you tried it without me. Do you know how dangerous it is? And don't you know you're not suppose to fold pages? It ruins them."

She flicked the tomb over to a folded page.

"_Tueri Caputa_"

Severus frowned. That was the spell, the one he had tried with Lily and Narissa, he hadn't realised it had been in the same tomb as the one Lily had used later.

"…"

"You've bound yourself to him!" Hermione grinned. "That's why you've both been acting so strange. Why Dobby's called Professor Snape, Harry by accident, he's mistake your magic signatures, because they're combined."

"That's not how the spell works." Severus glared at the page. They had folded that page when they had tried the spell on Severus.

"I know." She grinned triumphantly, "But I also know you. Weren't you flooed to Knockturn Alley because you didn't speak clearly?"

Severus raised an eyebrow in speculation.

"Servus sounds a lot like Severus when you mumble."

Snape blinked.

_Servus_ A bond.

_Tueri _ Protect.

_Caputa_ A persons soul.

"I know how worried you've been about Professor Snape lately, especially with your recent visions and everything you've seen. You've been wanting to do something to help him, but now you've bound yourself to him."

Severus couldn't help but shake his head.

Amazing.

This girl had a sharp mind, but with true Gryffindor style she raced ahead without looking at all the other options.

He frowned, staring at the page, fingers touching the dry parchment and old ink scrawl, should he tell her the truth, or let her believe her own assumptions. Was it his right to tell her? Hadn't he been berating Potter for exactly the same reason that if he told her she would be in more danger.

But they were already found out, the Dark Lord already knew their secret.

He hoped they could survive long enough to get themselves out of this mess.


	25. Chapter 25

Sorry for not replying individually to reviews, I've been fluctuating in moods lately x.x But thank you all for your support, I'll reply individually again from now on!

Author's Rant:

Well Confusion has survived 2006 and will continue strong into 2007, I'm sorry this has gotten rather boring with the explanations and things and I am trying to move this along, but I have so many loose ends I'm trying to tie up in this story and am stupidly creating more and more.

I've found it increasingly more difficult to write, it's not as fun as it used to be, I'm trying to bring that back into my writing style as well, so it doesn't seem like a chore to update, but bare with me please!

Thank you all for your support in 2006, your reviews, your faves, your increasing number of Author alerts, they've really helped to keep this story going!

Now on with the story!

Warning: malexmale, femalexmale, dark themes, rape, abuse

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and associated characters or the set universe, nor make any profit.

They are all © Rowling, I just play around with them.

SS

The Dark Lord knew. It hit Severus hard, he was no longer a spy, he could never redeem himself now.

He was a wanted man.

The girl before him watched him, waiting for a response and Severus shook his head slightly to dispel the thoughts, he would have to deal with them later, now he would have to deal with this girl.

He had two choices, agree with her assumptions, letting her believe they were bound, or he could tell her the truth. There was concern in that gaze directed at him, he remembered briefly the small touches, the hugs he had received.

They weren't for him.

"First, tell me where you found the tomb." Severus let his fingers trace over the thin parchment.

"What are you talking about Harry? It was in your family tomb, we found it in the corner remember, your mum had written notes in it… I didn't really want to say anything, but you've been acting strange since you bound yourself to Professor Snape." She blinked at him and Severus levelled her with a cold look bordering on boredom, one he had perfected.

"Your powers of assumption astound me Ms Granger." Severus let his finger trace over the spell. "But Potter has done no such thing, thank whatever deity is watching over us, for that. Being in the boys body is bad enough, being bound to him would most probably have been the death of me."

The girl had sprung back, shock replaced quickly by anger. Her wand was out and pointing at him.

"Who are you?"

"Put your wand away or I may be forced to remove points for such an ostentatious lack of respect towards a teacher. Especially a head of house." He drawled, having over the days worked the boys voice into a semblance of control.

"Professor Snape?" The girl blinked, her wands still pointed at him, but with a rather weak hold. "Is that you? How did this happen?"

"You would be surprised Ms Granger. Reality is often more bizarre then whatever your small Gryffindor mind can come up with."

HP

Harry had slept through the day and most of the afternoon, his body still feeling lethargic from the amount of energy he had released.

He had woken only once when the door had creaked open a fraction, and he had watched eyes half lidded as the blonde woman had snuck in, believing he was still asleep and sat beside his bed watching over him. He had fallen asleep under her gaze.

It was evening, Narissa was gone and he wasn't sure how late it was, the curtains having been drawn across the windows and no clock presenting itself to him. He didn't have the energy for a simple wandless Tempus charm, and he didn't have his wand.

He knew he should have felt more panicked about it, the lack of wand, Severus's wand to be exact, but he hadn't exactly looked anywhere for it and everything from the last few days was catching up to him, and before he could work himself into a state he had fallen asleep again.

He woke just before dawn when the air grew the coldest and the world seemed to hold its breath waiting for the sun to rise and herald the new day.

He waited in the lull, knew something had woken him up, but kept his eyes closed, his breathe silent.

"We don't have much time." The voice was soft, sounding out of place with the familiarity of the tone, just above him. "We have to hurry Mr Potter."

Harry opened his eyes, catching tired blue. He pushed himself up clumsily, taking in the exhausted looking man standing in front of him.

"Headmaster?"

The old man gave him a tired smile, his hat sitting crooked, not in the usual comical fashion, but in a dejected and miserable way. His robs were wrinkled as if he had slept in them for a number of days and hadn't had the time or energy to magic them.

"What happened?" Harry looked on, shocked to see this infallible man looking so… so old, so worn.

"We don't have much time Harry." He held his hand out and Harry tried not to notice the way it trembled. "He's coming."

Harry reached out, his hand enclosing the others, larger, stronger, wrapping over the fragile papery skin of the older man. Harry felt suddenly afraid, for Dumbledore, for himself, for the whole wizarding world. This man before him couldn't be the one that instilled the Dark Lord with fear, led the Order of the Phoenix, schooled the most prestigious wizarding school in England, and commanded attention, awe and respect in everyone he crossed.

This was just a man.

And the realisation was lost as his stomach fell away and the whole world disappeared.

He landed heavily on his left ankle, falling to his knees in time to retch what little he had left in his stomach. He hated Portkey's, the pull of them jarring his memory to the silence of the grave yard, the flash of green, and the silence of Credric's death.

He looked up wearily, and caught Dumbledore take a staggering step. The man sat down heavily on a nearby hospital bed and Harry realised they were back at Hogwarts in the hospital wing. That in itself should have been impossible, no one could Apparate or Portkey past the wards, but the ashen quality of Dumbledore's face concerned him more.

"Are you alright sir?"

The man turned to him, giving him a small, tired smile.

"I'll be fine my boy." He ran a hand through his beard. "But that was a close call."

Harry blinked, not sure what had just happened.

"The Dark Lord seems to have regained a little of his strength faster then you have. Not much, but enough to be able to over see a search for the both of you."

"But…" Harry frowned, picturing the last time he had seen the snake faced man, lying face down on the floor, barely breathing, the feel of his magic, his presence diminished to nothing.

He could've killed him.

"The Dark Lord has no qualms against killing such pure beasts as unicorns, and he doesn't have another to whom he is feeding his energy to. Both you and Riddle tap into an unending source of energy and magic, he is able to reach it better, to mould it and control it easier then you do, he has been able to draw on it to regain his health faster then you. You however have also been feeding your energy to Severus, consciously or subconsciously."

The man looked exhausted, his voice soft as if he had no energy to spare, even for something so simple.

"But that is something we must look into later. Now however we must discuss your holiday arrangements, Severus has already been sent early to the Dursley's he is on his way now." Harry felt his stomach drop and his heart lurch, his mouth opened but nothing came out. "You should be ready to leave for London by the time Remus comes to pick you up. Dobby has packed you trunk."

The man gave Harry a piercing look.

"Stay inside at all times, don't go wandering London, not now, this is a very dangerous time, a time in the balance. We can't lose you yet." He stood slowly, as if with great effort.

Harry could only nod, nothing made sense.

"And Ms Granger left you a letter." The older man pulled it out of his robes with a flourish, a small twinkle in his eyes and a smile tugging at his lips. Harry could only smile back at the gain of familiar essence of the headmaster. "Do try and enjoy your holiday."

And with that he was gone, not even in a puff of smoke, just vanished.

Harry stared at the spot the man had disappeared from, he had never seen the headmaster like that, never seen the exhaustion that seemed to hang over the man, the quite voice, the listless eyes and posture. It scared him to see the man he looked up to, the man everyone saw as a pillar of light, of power, so weary, drained.

He knew it was unfair to expect so much from the man, but he had defeated Grindewald, he had decades of experience, of knowledge, he was powerful. Albus Dumbledore had promoted the exact image of himself, saviour, protector, diplomat, he was someone to be trusted, and it was the image Harry had believed like everyone else.

Of course he had seen a little more to the man, the frightening aspect of the man, the manipulative side, the power, the cunning and cleverness that had strung Harry up in his game, as his pawn.

The paper crackled in his fist as he closed his fingers around it. He stared down at the parchment. Why would Hermione leave a message for Professor Snape? He frowned, but sat down on one of the nearby beds, cracking the seal on the letter.

_Dear Harry,_

Harry frowned, so it had been for him and not Snape.

_Professor Snape said to tell no one else._

_He told me everything._

Harry blinked, reading the lines twice. He scanned the rest of the letter, which mainly chided him for not in confiding in her, although she said she understood why he hadn't. It also told him she had left his homework with his suitcases and that he was to have it done by the time she came to visit, which would be around mid vacation.

Harry couldn't help smile at the letter, he'd missed his best friend, even though she had been right close by. It had been painful to see Snape comforted by her, the one person he would give anything to keep happy, to keep safe. He was glad he could share this with her.

He smiled, folding the letter up carefully, staring down at his hand suddenly.

There was still blood under his fingernails.

He grimaced, pain blossoming in his chest, regret and guilt and a mind numbing horror that floated just at the back of his mind. He'd killed an innocent, another one.

He closed his eyes tight, fingers kneading his temples as he caught the look on the boys face, the dark eyed child who had looked so like Severus. He tried not to remember the ease with which the blade had slid home, and looked down at his clothes. At least the Malfoy's had changed his clothing, loose dark pants and a white shirt which he hadn't taken the time to notice. He wasn't covered in blood, as he had been previously but he felt like he still was.

"Severus?" The voice called out, followed shortly by a rough man, shaggy brown hair and smiling amber eyes. Harry felt glad that someone at least smiled in Severus's direction. He however frowned, trying to play the part, but he was still so tired.

"What do you want?" His voice held only the smallest amount of venom and Remus smiled.

"Is that the best you can do Harry?" Harry blinked and Remus tapped his nose. "Advantages of being a werewolf." He chuckled. "I've come to give you a hand, I'm the only one who knows where this place is, and we have to arrive there muggle style, so as not to leave magical signatures." He tossed Harry a pair of jeans, a white t-shirt, a black jacket and a pair of runners. "It'll take about two hours, we have to Apparate to the spot first."

Harry stared at the clothing, before something clicked.

"What about… what about Snape?" He paused, how was he suppose to explain the situation at his home without revealing too much? He needed to talk to Snape, needed to get him out from the Dursley's household.

"Severus will be fine, and I'm sure he won't harm your relatives, he's under direct orders from Dumbledore."

"But…" Harry frowned, that wasn't what he was worried about.

"It's the safest place for him at the moment, with your mothers protection on the household, there's no way the Dark Lord can get in there."

Harry blanched, not only did they not realise it was probably worse inside the house then out but they also didn't know how often he had been kicked out of the household whenever the Dursley's had guests, in case he made some freakish noises, or cast magic, which had been their biggest fear since Dobby had ruined their dinner before his second year.

He had slept in gutters more than once because of overnight guests.

Other nights he had wished he had been allowed the safety of the gutter as opposed to the fear of the dark silent room.

But then on those nights he told himself he deserved it.

And he'd fall asleep believing it.

Because he did.

He was worthless.

SS

Severus sat on the train, it wasn't Hogwarts express, but a muggle train. He had been Apparated to a station near Oxford, his trunks and some of his possessions he had chosen to take. All his potions equipment would be taken to the small apartment in London, he had only taken a few odds and ends, parchment, ink, quills, nothing of much importance.

He didn't plan on staying there for long.

They said it would take about one and a half to two hours to get to London. An hour had already passed as he had stared out of the window, contemplating the decision to tell Ms Granger what exactly had happened. He had scoffed at her theory of being bound to Potter, but something had caught at him when she'd explained her theory.

That had been the spell they had been trying to practice, the one that had left him in hospital. He squinted at the landscape rushing past him, trying to remember, as the landscape flashed, a memory flashed, too fast for him to catch.

Narissa's concerned face.

Stone walls.

The tomb, the spell.

Lily's encouraging smile.

The way she held her hand lightly over her belly.

Flash.

It was gone, the fragments of memory replaced by flashes of scenery and he growled at the glass. He was alone in the train apartment, it had been magicked to keep people away and was empty. The magic didn't stop the uncomfortable seats from numbing half his body. He hoped it wouldn't take much longer.

He shifted.

Mind wandering.

He hoped Potters family weren't as insufferable as the brat. He scowled at the glass, at his own reflection, Harry Potter's reflection, unruly hair, soft to touch, he knew that now, plump lips that looked almost feminine, high cheek bones, eyes, deep eyes, he sat staring into them, not seeing, not searching, just content to watch.

Time stretched, snapped and gathered back on itself.

The train slowed and Severus shook his head lightly. He'd wasted an entire trip which he could have used to outline his research into this potion's accident, the possibilities and probabilities. The properties of the potion, how they could have changed so drastically.

He sighed, he felt suddenly tired as if all the energy had been drained from him, and he dragged his trunks down to the end of the carriage unable to use magic now that he was out of the school. He climbed out onto to platform and looked around for those matching the description of Potter's family.

He blinked.

When the family had been described as two whales and a horse by Ms Granger he had thought she was overreacting, the tone of her voice condemning them. She had told him to look out for them, to look after himself, as if he was going to a prison sentence, not to a household that doted on little boy wonder.

The description he received from Dumbledore had been a little more objective, but he believed Hermione had aptly described them. Although he would have pegged the boy as more of an overweight walrus than whale, and he looked cruel.

They saw him, but gave no indication of recognition, and they didn't look like they were going to offer him any assistance. Severus wondered if these were the right people, but when he got close enough the boy smirked, the stick in his hand, lost in the pudgy fist, cracked harshly against Severus's knee.

Neither of the two adults noticed as they'd already turned, heading back to the car, and Severus glared at the boy. The walrus must have been jealous of Harry's status in the family, taking his emotions out with violence.

He lifted the heavy trunks into the back of the car, the family already seated inside and he wondered why they didn't offer to help, perhaps they didn't want to attract attention to Harry Potter, the boy who lived by doting so openly in public. Pretend Potter was no one, so nobody would suspect anything. They were smarter muggles then he gave them credit for.

"Hurry up boy." Severus blinked at the command, just enough impatience to sound like a threat, these muggles were good.

He climbed into the car quickly, cringing away from the hulking form of the other boy who sat beside him. He glanced at him, Potter must have been dieting, he obviously was well fed at home if these other two were to go by, but obviously wanted to keep his trim figure for his adoring crowd.

It did clash a little with all he had found out about Potter recently, but he ignored it, like he ignored the tense silence of the car, the feeling of apprehension crawling up his spine.

He was sure that as soon as they got home they'd start their doting, he didn't look forward to it.


	26. Chapter 26

When will you learn? Don't fight back…

WARNING: This fanfiction contains swearing, malexmale, violence, child abuse

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and Characters ©

**Chapter 31**

-

Worthless.

Harry frowned, looking down at the potion stained hands.

Worthless because he couldn't save anyone.

Remus had sat down waiting for him to get changed. and Harry watched the man, did the amber eyed werewolf know that he, Harry Potter, saviour of the wizarding world, was a killer?

That it was his fault a small boy had died, his fault that Severus had been forced to kill an innocent child?

He shook his head slightly and Remus looked up at the movement.

"Don't worry so much, I'm sure it's not too bad, and Severus will find a cure for this soon enough." The werewolf had misinterpreted his self loathing and worry.

Harry gave a small smile that was more of a grimace. Would Remus abandon him if he knew? Never speak to him again except to insult or curse him. Would he hate him?

He should.

"I won't be long." Harry ducked away with the clothes under his arm. He drew in a deep breath, trying not to let his hand shake by curling it into a fist.

He changed quickly, trying not to let his thoughts run rampant, trying to reign in his tiredness, his worry, his fear, the way his stomach clenched as he recounted the last few days and what was in store for him and for Severus.

It didn't stop him from touching himself lightly, fingertips on pale skin.

Hating himself for it.

He couldn't even control his own impulses.

Worthless.

SS

The car pulled into a road where every lawn looked the same, every house had the same shape, same colour, same blank feel to it. They slowed down and Severus frowned up at the house, as identical to the next house as could be.

This was where he was going to be forced to spend his summer. Here, without a potions lab, without the comfort of his own walls or the promise of privacy, with muggles. Potter's family who would no doubt frustrate and annoy him, fawning over him for the next few weeks.

"Get out." It was an order and Severus blinked as he was hauled out of the car and pushed roughly and quickly up the stairs.

Of course, they didn't want their precious Potter to be targeted, he was safe only within these walls. It would make sense for them to get him into the house as soon as possible. He was surprised though when the large man kept pushing him roughly, up a flight of stairs and to a room which had a number of padlocks and a cat flap on it.

He unlocked them one by one and Severus had to resist the urge to comment on the fact that padlocks weren't going to protect him from the Dark Lord, and especially if they were on the outside of the door, before the walrus ran up the stairs.

"It won't burn dad." He shot a suspicious look at Severus, his grasp on his stick tightening. "The freaks put some kind of spell on it."

Severus didn't know what the boy was going on about, but he was pushed roughly into the room, tripping over his shorter legs, the door slamming shut behind him, the padlocks locking with an eerily loud snap and click.

"Have you tried the axe?" The man rumbled through the wood separating them, and Severus stared at the door in surprise as he heard the two descend heavily down the stairs. He glanced quickly around himself and blinked from his spot on the floor.

It stunk.

It was almost empty.

There were bars on the windows.

This wasn't a room.

It was a prison cell.

HP

Harry stepped out feeling a little self conscious under Remus's gaze, especially at the quirked eyebrow, when the man quickly looked him up and down.

"Well let's go then." He said with a false cheeriness, one that Harry had learnt to read and interpret. Remus had been an interesting man to try and read, he had so many unpredictable features due to his part werewolf nature. But Harry had worked hard and had eventually learnt to read some of the facets that the man possessed, both man and wolf.

Harry chose not to comment on the falseness, grateful that Remus hadn't commented on the obvious scent of muted arousal and self hatred on Harry.

Their walk to the edge of the grounds was silent, Harry kept up a stoic frown and Remus seemed lost in his own thoughts. It was only when Remus grabbed Harry around the waist, pressed himself hard up against the lithe form of the potions master did Harry give out a small surprised cry.

His eyes caught movement on the edge of the forest but the world fell away before he had time to register it.

He hit the ground hard and drew in a sharp breath when he felt the rock dig into his back, pressed in by the extra weight on top of him. Panic gripped him when he couldn't move, blinking rapidly at the sky, trying to shift the dead weight.

What had that been on the edge of the forest? Why wasn't Remus moving?

A muffled grunt, a warm breath in his ear, as the body above his shifted.

"Sorry about that Harry." Remus, rolled off him, getting up in one fluid movement. He rubbed the back of his head looking around, and Harry sat up doing the same. He drew in another quick breath… this wasn't the outskirts of Hogwarts.

They'd Apparated.

Apparating was nothing at all like Port keying, it didn't feeling like going through a flu either. He shook his hands a little, feeling the tingle of magic run through them. It felt different from when he had Apparated to the Death eater meeting, he was tingling with Remus's magic and his own magic sparked in displeasure.

"I saw Death Eaters. We didn't think they'd dare come so close to the school, should've guessed. You're not hurt are you?" Remus offered Harry a hand and he took it.

"No. I'm fine." He brushed himself off, his legs a little shaky. He looked around, surprised when before them stood a thick row of hedge, surrounding a small garden of a worn house.

"Usually Apparating is much more controlled, but I didn't have much time and Apparating two is more difficult." Remus was already walking towards the hedge, away from the house. He glanced back at Harry who had stumbled to catch up, still looking around.

"This is an Order protected area. Even if the Dark Lord traces us here, he can't trace the way we leave. Here." He handed what looked like a small bag of sweets to Harry, but before Harry could thank him his stomach dropped out to his feet and he felt the need to throw up.

A Port Key.

A flash of green.

Credric's fall to the ground lifeless.

Open , sightless eyes staring at him.

"_Take my body back."_

Harry choked as he slammed face first into dirt.

"Merlin, are you alright Harry?" Harry felt Remus pull him up, and brush him off. "Does it hurt badly?" The werewolf asked and Harry merely shrugged, trying to wipe the stray tears from his eyes, trying to find his own feet.

The impact had hurt, but not as much as the shock the Port Key had had on him, and the way Credric had looked at him, straight through him.

"I'm fine." Harry managed to choke, stumbling to keep himself upright.

He still felt like throwing up.

Nausea clawed at his insides.

"That's the lad." Remus clasped his shoulder gently. "We're almost at the station, it's just down in that small town." The amber eyed man pointed in the direction of a few brick red roofs that sat nestled in the rolling countryside.

Harry nodded and they both started down to the town in silence, Harry occasionally running his palms nervously on his thighs. He could feel the tension in the air between them and he didn't know if he wanted Remus to say what was on his mind, or to ignore it completely.

"Harry." They were almost at the small town, having found their way onto a thin road.

"Yeah." The answer was quiet, almost a whisper. Remus shot him a quick glance over his shoulder.

"I know you've been through a lot lately." The man drew in a deep breath and Harry tensed, waiting. "I just want you to know that we're always here for you."

Harry almost breathed a sigh of relief, it was just one of these talks. All he would have to do is nod and smile, assure them that he understood.

"I know this must be a confusing time for you. But we are always ready to help you, and even if you Godfather's a little rash sometimes and seems a little narrow minded and thoughtless, he really is a good man." The man took in a deep breath. "And I'm sure he'd accept your… sexual preference in partner's." Remus gave him a small smile and Harry felt like he wanted the earth to swallow him whole. How did _that_ talk turn into _this_ talk?

The man clapped him on the back. "And don't be embarrassed to talk about it, finding men attractive isn't something Sirius or I are unfamiliar with. I'm sure you've heard tales of Sirius's promiscuity when he was younger."

Harry pulled a face, trying hard not to imagine himself having a talk with Sirius right at this moment. In Snape's body, telling his Godfather that he liked men, potion's masters in particular, and could he please buy some wizarding condoms that go bang for him because technically Harry was still under age.

The small almost hysterical laugh didn't seem to go down too well with Remus, but they had entered the village and Harry rushed forward to what looked like the train station. He hoped there wouldn't be a continuation of this conversation on the train.

SS

"Hello?" Severus called out, listening intently to the footsteps down below. He could only make out a scuffling which he presumed was Petunia, as neither male would be able to lumber around so quietly. Standing up and brushing his hands on his jeans he walked cautiously over to the barred window. He was only just tall enough to see over the boarded up bottom half.

What he saw made his heart jump in his throat. The mad muggle man had taken an axe to his trunk, and the wood was splintering under the weight of the blade.

His trunk may have been spelled against fire, against being dropped, but against an axe? It was one of his lesser trunks, and luckily contained nothing of great importance, but to have it destroyed…

Severus clenched his fists. He could feel magic slowly winding itself through his veins as he tried to calm himself. It wouldn't do to release uncontrollable magic on these muggles, especially with the warning he had received just before he had left.

The Ministry had sent Dolores with a message, that if Mr Harry Potter performed any under-aged magic while on school holidays there would be certain consequences which could lead to the expulsion of said student. The toad of a woman had taken great pleasure in reading out the clause, and all the small fine print which defined just how easy it was to monitor him and to expel him without a second thought.

Of course she had continued with an explanation of just where he would end up, a ministry organisation for disciplining wayward wizards and witches, where not even Dumbledore could help him.

Severus scowled at the locked door cursing Potter under his breath.

There was only one explanation for this obvious disregard of his property, this focused attempt to destroy his belongings…

His fingers curled into a tight fist.

How _dare_ the boy tell the muggles that he was Professor Snape?!

And how dare the muggles think they could get away with treating him this way? Obviously they wanted to exact their revenge for all the horrible things and exaggerated lies Potter probably told them he did to the boy.

Why else would they be treating him in this fashion?

A small thought echoed through the back of his mind, that perhaps this was the way Potter was always treated. But he brushed it away roughly. No, Potter had told the Dursley's that the boy who they were boarding for the summer was one Professor Snape, that had to be it.

Severus glanced around the room, his thoughts a little unsure, it didn't look like this room had been set up recently. In fact the bars showed signs of ageing, the padlocks hadn't looked new, and the room smelt as if it had been left for years in this disgusting state.

"Boy!" The footsteps on the stairs, and Severus turned to face the opening locks. The hulking man strode in and knocked him down with a lazy backhand.

He stared up with an open mouth. It hadn't hurt, it just shocked him.

"What have I told you about standing in my presence? Here's the paper and the pen. Those people want letters to make sure you're alright. One for every three days. Hurry up, I don't have time to waste with you."

Severus stared up at the man in horror, then at the paper.

"Well what are you waiting for?" The man moved closer and Severus blinked, quickly picking the paper up, and the pen that had been thrown in his direction. "Write. To who it may concern, I'm fine, you don't need to worry about me. Signed Potter. Now write it."

Severus knelt, writing quickly, his mind in turmoil as he tried to sort this scenario through. What was happening? Was this really how Potter was treated at home?

"Good." The man snatched the letters up with one fat hand before he made his way back to the door. There was nothing else said, and Severus was left staring at the locked door as the light outside grew dimmer. Realising just what he had done. That was to be his only form of communication this summer, Hermione had taken Hedwig, saying it was where the owl always spent the holidays. He had no owl and any other way of contacting the wizarding world was out of the question, because not only would the Dark Lord be actively looking for him and Potter, but every other organisation seemed hell bent on keeping an eye on them as well.

He had been told that he was to limit all communications, that no magic use or magical means of contacting people was to be allowed. It would give off a signature that the Dark Lord could easily trace and hone in on.

It was too dangerous.

The only reason the wards held was through the weak link of Potter and Petunia, and even this would not stand against a direct assault by the Dark Lord. It was merely for hiding the boy, for disguising his magic and his location.

He turned from the window glaring at the locked door.

Severus was sure the spell did not include him, that he was under no such protection sitting in a house full of foolish muggles waiting for the Dark Lord to find him, unable to even get out of this room without alerting the authorities.

Severus glanced at the small pile of dirty blankets shoved into a corner, a bucket closer to the door.

There was very little else and Severus felt suddenly exhausted. He'd only just recovered from those strenuous few days, and this new place, this new setting, and new perspective sapped at his energy. He would work all of this out tomorrow, for now he would play along.

He curled up on the pile of rags, just small enough to fit.

HP

Harry boarded the train, Remus not far behind as they sat down in an empty compartment. The train lurched, starting up almost as if it had been waiting for them to arrive before it left.

"Harry." The voice was concerned and Harry stared determinedly out the window. "I know I shouldn't pry, but I _am_ worried about you."

There was a pause and a clearing of the throat.

"Sometimes, during adolescence, when you are in close contact with one person for great amounts of time… you become attached to them."

Harry stared a little harder at the green rolling paddocks.

"Not emotionally of course." Remus hurried on. "But perhaps you find yourself attracted to them, well, lusting after them."

Harry twitched, but refused to look at the other man.

"Harry, just be careful, you're just coming to accept your sexual preferences and finding yourself suddenly with the ability to explore another man's body-"

"Stop." Harry turned to his Godfather's best friend. "Please Remus." It was almost a plea and sounded odd coming out in Severus Snape's voice. "I don't want to talk about it."

Remus frowned.

"It is still Severus's body, Harry." A sigh. "Just be careful, and don't do anything foolish."

Harry shivered. Remus had read him so well, had seen all the small things he was struggling against, he wondered if the werewolf knew more about him then he let on.

The rest of the train ride was silent and Harry found himself nodding off, his head occasionally hitting the window, jolting him awake. He was shaken awake by Remus and found the train was slowing down.

Glancing outside he was surprised to find it had grown dark, small lights of a train tunnel flickering as they travelled past.

"We're almost there."

Harry nodded, stretching a kink from his neck.

His new home.

SS

Severus woke at the noise outside his door, quickly assessing where he was and why his back felt like he'd been sleeping on the floor. Frowning he shifted on the pile of rags that had served as his bedding, waiting for the noise again.

Another lock clicked open and Severus wondered who was trying to sneak in. He shifted ever so slightly, getting to his feet, moving swiftly and quietly across the room, waiting behind the door, ready to attack.

Click and Snap.

The door handle begun to turn slowly and Severus tensed waiting, his eyes already adjusted to the dark.

He hadn't expected the three boys that came in and they hadn't expected him to be ready. They stumbled into the dark room and Severus recognised the walrus cousin, behind him was tall and thin, another was a head shorter then the over weight boy.

"Oi, where's he gone?" The tall one spoke in a rough whisper.

"What do you want?" Severus stepped out from behind them and they spun as one to face him.

"Magic." the shortest gasped and Dudley stepped forward.

"You're not allowed to do that! The other freaks said so." The fat boy grinned evilly, though to Severus it was little more then a grimace and a squinting of the eyes. "Now we have to punish you."

There was glee in that voice and Severus felt the urge to stun the boy, but before he had even finished that thought and the following consequences, a blow connected with his stomach and he stumbled, gasping for air.

He looked up in disbelief at the grinning face of the three boys. He could smell alcohol on them and suppressed a shudder, both muggles and wizards had fallen to the power alcohol seemed to possess over the mind. Which was why he only ever took it in moderation, he didn't not wish to pass his control over to a mere concoction of hops and yeast.

He ducked another blow and staggered back from another. Regaining his breath and feet, stepping back and putting distance between him and the other three.

"I've missed a good game of hunt the freak." The shorter chortled quietly and Dudley grunted.

"Keep quiet, you idiot. Vernon and Mum went out, but we still have neighbours."

Severus could see them moving in closer, trying to trap him in the small room. His eye caught the door and he slowly shifted.

He didn't know what they were planning, but it probably didn't involve anything pleasant. He was not in the mood to get beaten into the ground, because he knew, even though he had the experience, the skill, this body could not stand up to three men bigger and stronger than he was, especially in this small room. And he knew he couldn't use magic, nto with the threats and warnings he had received.

If he didn't get expelled, the Dark Lord would find him, and what was a few muggles compared to the Dark Lord?

He frowned.

His only chance was to escape.

Slipping closer to the door, the three boys didn't realise what he had done until his hand had closed on the door knob and he had wrenched the unlocked door open. Spinning he felt the fresh air hit him before a large hand grabbed him roughly on the fore arm and dragged him back into the room, throwing him onto the floor.

The door was closed and he heard a click.

Locked.

Glancing at the three, he frowned weighing up his options.

They knew he was different, strange. Dudley knew he was a wizard and obviously hated him for it.

They were all drunk.

He couldn't perform magic.

He was physically smaller and weaker.

They could, if they were drunk enough beat him to death without knowing it. If he was injured badly enough it wouldn't matter if he was a wizard, he wouldn't be able to contact anyone to come and help him.

Not even a potion's master can create a potion from thin air.

They stepped closer to him, towering above him from his position on the floor.

He needed to alert someone, and if Petunia and Vernon were out, the closest would be the neighbours.

He opened his mouth to scream.

And felt a crushing weight on top of him, a hand crushing his throat.

"No, no dear cousin. You forget your lesson." The voice was a hard whisper. And Severus gasped, his vision going black.

"You'll just have to learn it again."

The chuckles echoed in his ears.

-

--

---

To be cont'


	27. Chapter 27

A/N: Hi everyone, I' m updating now because the next few weeks are going to be hectic for me and I didn't want to leave you all hanging on the edge of your seats. So a nice long chapter (because I promised mactunes).

Warning: malexmale, abuse, dark themes

Disclaimer: I don't own nor make money from these characters.

Onwards to more problems...

* * *

HP

Harry frowned as the train pulled into the station. It was King's Cross, and he felt a sudden jolt of panic that the Dursley's were here to meet him.

He frowned, brushing the feeling away. There was nothing to worry about, they wouldn't even recognise him now, if they walked past. He felt a little better getting off the train as he towered over the rest of the populace.

He was spending a summer without the Durley's.

He ran into a man rushing past with a brief case, and dark eyes scowled at him.

Harry blinked, the scowl pushing into his thoughts. Was Snape surviving the Durley's? He would have arrived there late this morning and Harry wondered what his reaction would have been to the small room with the bars on the windows.

Harry liked his room, it was better then the closet, where every step on the stairs had seemed like the roof was going to cave in, where every kick to the door could be felt through the whole cot.

No, his room had seemed perfect. He may not have had much furniture in there, but he had had a cupboard, and the small space beneath the floorboards. And a window! He had spent most of his summers staring out the window, not only did it offer a sense of hope, of something beyond those four walls, but it gave him light, it gave him fresh air when the air in the room grew too stale, too heavy.

But thinking about Snape entering his small domain…

Harry cringed. What would the man say? Harry could picture the room from Snape's perspective, a dark, dank hole in the wall. A dirty pile of rags in the corner, bare floorboards, barred windows.

Harry suddenly hoped it didn't smell too badly in there.

But surely Snape would be able to magic the room into a better shape. A flick of his wand and a comfortable arm chair, a roaring fire place and no bars on the windows. There would be a double bed and an ensuite, and maybe even a separate potion's lab.

The man would have a hundred different wards up, just to stop the Dursley's form suspecting anything. Maybe even a few mind altering spells and they'd forget he was even there.

Harry berated himself for his earlier worries. Snape would survive perfectly fine at the Dursley's.

"Hurry up Harry!" Remus called out, lost in the crowd before him, and Harry dodged a couple and an old woman, with an ease he wasn't used to. It still surprised him the way this body moved, how incredibly tall he felt.

He followed the pull of people, Remus still in sight as they made their way out from the tunnels and into the cool London evening.

SS

Severus tried to gasp for air, but the hand didn't loosen his grip, and he felt his vision waver, the edges fading to black.

Fighting the pull he twisted, bringing a knee into the others crotch, his fingers digging into a pressure point just above the elbow, wrenching his neck from the others grip. He squirmed out from beneath the grunting boy, springing to his feet before the other two could react.

He felt the back at his wall, but kept calm.

If he cried out for help, he doubted the neighbours would do anything, obviously Harry had been forced into this situation more than once. No one had obviously helped him then, Madame Pomfrey's words slipping through his mind, malnourished, badly healed wrist, ribs… and he doubted anyone would help him now.

Besides they might just be drunk enough for him to be able to deal with them.

Severus scowled at the three creatures before him, the one on the floor slowly getting to his feet. How dare they treat Potter in such a way. What they had obviously put Harry through, this room, this humiliation…

Wasn't it enough he boy suffered through the Dark Lord?

Cracking his knuckles Severus let his best smirk drift slowly to his face as the walrus turned to glare at him.

"Dad's going to get you for this! Wait until I tell him." The fat boy's voice wavered at the look in Severus's eyes, before the pig like eyes narrowed into a squint. "I'm going to tell him you did magic." The boy smiled triumphantly. "And you'll wish you were dead after his been through with you. But we still want our fun."

They stepped in closer, almost as one.

Severus noted their position and frowned. It was obvious they had done this before, retreating back to their primal stages to the hunt. They didn't have the skill, he could sense it in their movements, but they did have the experience that made them subconsciously block off their prey's exits.

It was amazing what pure instinct could do.

He lashed out, kicking the taller one's kneecap. And retreated watching him crumple into a pile with a startled yelp. The kick hadn't had the force behind it that he wished it had, but this smaller body didn't have the power he usually dealt with.

"I don't know Dudley. Didn't you say he went to a school for the criminally insane?" The middle boy seemed put off by the sudden attack and Severus frowned at the question.

"Shut up Freddy. I told you his no criminal. He's just a freak with magic. But he can't use his magic." The walrus smirked.

"I don't know, didn't you say he had a killer Godfather or something? The mad one from on the news."

"We got a letter from his freaky friends, the madman's not dangerous, he can't hurt us." Dudley chuckled.

Severus sneered, still watching the three boys. If Sirius knew how Harry had been treated here… They would be in a world of pain.

The taller boy struggled to stand.

"He hasn't done that before."

Severus frowned, wondering just how much Harry had had to go through. He felt a sudden twinge of guilt, realisation that he had been blind enough by his hatred for the boy's father, by his willingness to ignore the fact the boy was Lilly's son.

He should have seen the signs, the quiet nature, the way the boy withdrew into himself, small things that should have led him to the correct conclusion about the boy's home life. Hadn't he seen the symptoms often enough in some of his students?

Slytherin's tended to stick together, but he had come across some children who had been brought up in households were those ideals which kept Slytherin children safe, didn't apply.

Instead he had created a whole world of fabrication about the boy's home life. A lie the boy hadn't refuted.

And that's where it cut into him. Harry Potter, the boy who lived, hadn't asked for help, hadn't even told those close to him, just what he went through. And Severus could understand why, he hadn't been in a situation like this, but he could understand the way your mind could play tricks on you. How you could make yourself believe you deserved this, how you were at fault, that somehow, by taking this punishment you were absolving yourself from whatever you believed you had done wrong.

But Harry hadn't done anything wrong.

Severus scowled at the three youths.

Harry hadn't done anything wrong.

It wasn't the burning magic that coursed through him, it wasn't the darkness he had once been known for, nor the belief that he enjoyed torturing souls. It was his disgust, his self-loathing, his absolute desperation at not having seen, not having been there.

It was the moonlight that had bathed the small pile of rags he had kicked around during his sleep.

The hidden blood stains, revealed in the half light.

It was this growing feeling.

He would make them suffer for what Harry had been through.

HP

"It's not far now." Remus signalled for him to follow and Harry found himself walking in step with the werewolf. "Harry… What I said earlier."

He missed a beat.

"I don't want you to feel uncomfortable talking about it."

His step faltered.

Harry's mouth opened and the question came out suddenly as if from thin air.

"Did you and Sirius sleep together?"

Remus stared at him shocked.

Harry felt his mouth snap shut and horror settle into the pit of his stomach. He refused to meet Remus's eyes, even when the tension was cute by a quiet chuckle.

"If the knowledge will make you feel any better. Yes, once long ago."

Harry wondered at the half hidden sadness in the voice. He stared harder at the cement passing beneath their moving feet, his mind still trying to sort out why he had asked the question, what he was going to do with the answer and…

"He understands..."

Harry started, still staring at the ground. The cracks weren't giving him any answers to his own confusion.

Severus Snape.

He wasn't sure what he was doing, but he needed to give some form to his thoughts.

Remus didn't interrupt, didn't ask who.

"He's felt darkness, death, pain. He knows what its like to stand in front of the Dark Lord. He's felt fear, but he's so much stronger because of it. I know people hate him, fear him because of what he is, but to go back, to sacrifice himself like that..."

They walked side by side, still in step.

"Harry, people fear him because of what his done, becoming a spy may help others, but it doesn't omit the fact he has killed and tortured in the name of the Dark Lord."

Harry frowned at the concrete pavement, brow creased, not daring to look at Remus. He felt sick.

"You don't think I know what he's done." Harry's voice little more than a whisper. "What he's been through?"

There was silence at that confession.

"It's just…" Harry turned to Remus almost desperately. "Don't you think he has a chance at redemption?"

Remus blinked.

"Redemption? And who is to give that to him? Society? Wizards? Muggles? The families of those he as killed? His victims? The dead can't talk…" A sad frown. "And even if he received his 'redemption', do you think he would feel free from guilt, from pain, from the consequences he has suffered?"

Harry remained silent.

"Harry, a man is only worth his own forgiveness. People judge themselves a lot harsher than others, but it's this conscience that keeps us human."

The werewolf smiled.

"But yes. He has a chance at redemption… if he believes there is."

Harry dropped his eyes to the pavement again. His thoughts a mess. There had been a personal note to that, almost as if Remus was recounting from previous experiences.

"We're here." The other's voice was soft, and Harry turned in surprise to a simple muggle flat. Remus dug through his pockets. "I didn't give you the keys did I?"

"No." Harry frowned and pulled out his wand. "But why don't you just unlock…"

"No!" Remus snatched the wand from him before he could utter another word. "What did I tell you about magic?" Remus frowned and Harry blinked.

"You didn't tell me anything. I don't know what you're talking about." Harry frowned.

"I didn't tell you?"

Harry shook his head.

"You're underage. And all though this flat is heavily warded it is still tricky to try and dispel those tracking charms which have been in place for years, it wasn't this foolhardy ministry that created that detection spell. And if the ministry finds out anything about this place it could be leaked." Remus extracted the key from his inner jacket pocket triumphantly.

He unlocked the door and ushered Harry in and down the hall still talking.

"And it's not the ministry we're particularly worried about. Any small burst of magic could have the Death Eaters breathing down the back of your neck. The Dark Lord is no longer hiding the fact he has arisen, especially after that fiasco in the Ministry, and not only that. He is going to no lengths to find you. Both of you." Remus made his way further into the house, dumping his bag onto the kitchen table.

He didn't notice the way Harry's steps faltered.

"Both of us?"

Remus nodded. "He's sent out larger numbers of Death Eaters, but they're not attacking and killing, they're torturing and questioning. And the people who have survived say they're looking for both of you. We've manage to throw them of the trail, one of the reasons Dumbledore has been away from the school."

Harry blinked.

"But why tell me all of this now? Why not before?"

"You weren't safe before. Even Hogwarts is no longer safe for either of you."

Harry felt his stomach drop out and he had to clutch at the table to steady himself. Did that mean he couldn't go back? Until the Dark Lord was killed? What if that didn't happen? Did that mean he was trapped here? Without any magic…

"What about Severus?"

Remus frowned.

"Professor Snape?"

Harry blushed at his slip, embarrassed by the reminder that if Snape had been there he would have ripped Harry's tongue from his head for having uttered that name. But the blush quickly disappeared.

"Can Professor Snape do magic?"

Remus gave him an odd look.

"He is even less protected where he is. He's in your body and still under age, the ministry is keeping a closer eye on him. Of course he can't do magic, it would be too dangerous, not only would it alert the Ministry but the Dark Lord could track it without a problem."

Harry missed the last half of the sentence, his heart beating in his ears.

"Are you alright Harry?"

The hand on his shoulder jolted the panic settling in and Harry shook his head.

"We have to go get him."

"What?" Remus looked confused.

"We have to go get Snape." Harry stated a little desperately.

"But we can't Harry, you have to stay here. I'm sure Professor Snape can handle anything on his own."

"No." Harry gripped the man's arm suddenly. "You have to go get him. It's not safe there."

Remus tried to step back but Harry tightened his grip.

"You have to go get him." There was panic in his voice and Harry could feel his chest tightening,his breath getting shorter. What had he done? He thought Severus would be fine, that with a single flick of his wand, the Dursley's would have been taken care of.

But then when he had first entered the word of magic he had thought so himself.

"Harry calm down. Severus is fine."

"You don't understand. You can't let it happen to him."

"Harry. You're worrying me. Just calm down and tell me what's going on." Harry could see the way Remus nose quivered, he could probably smell the panic, the fear on Harry. He just hoped it was enough to mask his guilt, his embarrassment.

"We have to go get him. It's just… I don't want to leave him with the Dursley's." Harry didn't know how to explain it, how to get the hidden message across. It was bad enough that Snape was to find out about his home life. But to have Remus find out as well?

It was his life to deal with, he didn't want others to get involved in it.

"Harry you're not making sense. The Dursley's will be fine, Severus can't do anything to them."

"But you don't understand!" Frustration at his inability to say the words. Tears bit at the corners of his eyes and his mouth opened and closed. What had Severus suffered this last night?!

"Harry." The man's hand on his shoulder did anything but calm him as Harry pulled away violently.

"The Dursley's… the Dursley's aren't nice people. You have to go and get him before something bad happens. He doesn't deserve it, it's meant for me." His throat was raw and he had to try and get Remus to understand.

The man blinked at him, brow furrowing as his mouth slipped into a frown.

"What are you talking about Harry?"

Harry swallowed, trying to calm his thoughts. This was it, he'd have to tell Remus, and if he told Remus he knew the werewolf would tell Sirius, and then things would get out of hand. Harry loved his Godfather, but the man had no sense sometimes, and had a tendency to overreact.

If Sirius knew the headmaster would find out and the rest of the order would find out and eventually everyone would know that Harry Potter… Harry Potter was worthless, useless.

A freak.

"The…" He frowned, not meeting Remus's eyes. He had to gather courage, he took a deep breathe.

"Damn it." Harry glanced up at Remus's outburst. Saw him pull something out of his pocket. "I'll be with you in a moment Harry. Keep that thought, I just have to get this. Order business."

It was a small mirror and Harry thought he saw Tonks in it's reflection, before Remus had fled the room.

He stared at where the werewolf had left and breathed in slowly, letting it out as a sigh of relief. He noticed his hand was shaking, bringing it up to rub his eyes warily. He couldn't hear anything from the other room, but the clock ticked loudly over the kitchen sink. It pointed at Dinner Time.

Harry wasn't hungry. He wondered if Severus had gotten anything to eat tonight.

"Gods, I'm sorry Harry." Remus burst back into the room. "There's been an emergency, an attack and a few members were hit. There's some Death Eater movement going on, I've got to get out there in the field. I should be back in a day or two. There's plenty of food, make yourself at home. And if you need anything desperately you can only contact people through muggle mail, so don't expect an owl or anything." The man was half way out the door and Harry blinked.

"But what about Severus?" He called out a little desperately. They couldn't leave him there!

"I'll have someone check up on him if your so worried. I'm sorry Harry."

The man was gone before Harry could protest. That was the last thing he wanted. To have some stranger from the ministry, or some random order member to check in on Severus, to find him in a state Harry was often treated in.

It would be even worse if it was someone he knew. Molly Weasley. He paled.

But if it got Severus out of there, then he didn't care. He wrung his hands nervously, staring around the unfamiliar kitchen, feeling sick to the stomach and out of place.

Maybe he could go get Severus himself.


	28. Chapter 28

A/N: Sorry about the last chapter, I just re-read it and a lot of it doesn't actually make sense O.o It's really all over the place the structures really really off.

It's obvious I don't have a beta, and I don't really know how to get one. If anyone would like to beta this I would greatly greatly appreciate it! Otherwise we can all keep suffering my wonderful unbeta-ed writing (I do try and re-read over it most of the time)

Sorry for no individual replies for the last chapter but a HUGE thank you to you all! I love you guys so much +glomps+  
ElsaGemma, Yasmine Lupin, Helena, Tora88, RainSeaker, Kathleen LaCorneille, Dark-Lady-Devinity, StarAngel531, greypanther, Alexis8907, galyn, muhjaa-ness, Raclswt, Hoshi Tamamushiirono, lucifer0901, Kateri1, Lisea 18, Lady Lynn and mactunes.

**WARNING: physical abuse, mild swearing, male male, dark thoughts.**  
This Chapter is was very hard to write, I'm not sure if I portrayed the emotional torment of it well, but meh, plus I wanted the end to be happy (but not too happy), a nice lift from the last few angst ridden chapters.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, nor am I making money from this.

* * *

SS 

Severus watched the boys, taking notes on their movements, keeping his anger in check.

His eyes flickered to the pile of rags again and the dark brown stains which he knew were of old blood, a lot of old blood.

"I think I might break you nose again Freak." Dudley chuckled gleefully as he took a step forward. "Coach told me to keep practicing you see."

"I'd break your spine you insolent pig, but I doubt you have one. Choosing to use your strength on people weaker than you. It makes me sick." Severus knew he had to rile the boy up so he would stop thinking and just act.

The way the walrus's face turned a dark shade of purple in the moonlight made him think Severus had hit the target.

"Why you little…" The fat fist swung towards him but Severus could already see the boy was off balance and all he needed to do was duck under the sloppy hit. Rounding back and kicking the back of the boys knee had the boy on his face before he had finished his full swing.

A swift kick to the diaphragm had the boy gasping for breath.

Severus turned to the middle boy who was still standing, the taller boy now having climbed to his feet after the kick to the knee.

"You're going to pay freak." The taller boy swung his hand, the knuckles grazing Severus cheek bone, as he realised he had underestimated the boy's length in arm and over estimated the distance his short legs could jump back.

He also heard glass shatter, and the way everything blurred around the edges and the forms became loose shapes, made him realise he had lost his glasses.

He would have to fix the boy's eye sight as soon as they returned to school, he couldn't have such a disadvantage as this while fighting the Dark Lord.

Severus let his instincts guide him, his eyes only making out heavily shadowed blurs.

He dodged the next wild swing, and ducked under it, elbowing the boy hard in the side, before bringing his knee up into his crotch.

The boy was back on the ground and Severus let his elbow connect with the side of the boys head. The groaning boy suddenly silent and slumped unconscious on the floor.

Grinning a little he turned to where the third boy stood, cowering slightly.

"You're mad." The boy whispered into the dark and Severus merely smirked, stepping forward.

"Stay away from me." The boy took a step back and Severus took another step forward, his smirk falling when a grip on his ankle tightened and pulled his feet out from beneath. He landed awkwardly, his wrist jarring, as he tried to keep from hitting his head.

He was pulled back roughly by the ankle, the wood scrapping hard against his bare back as his shirt was bunched up from the movement.

He kicked with his free foot, twisting, before the tight grip turned crushing.

He gasped loudly and stopped resisting, waiting for the walrus who had attached himself to his foot, to take it as a sign of defeat and let his guard down.

The tight grip remained and Severus wondered if perhaps Harry had tried that tactic too many times.

"That's a good freak." The voice was mocking. "Now play nice."

Severus twisted suddenly, kicking where the voice had come from. His heel connecting with something soft that caved in under the force.

There was a squeal followed by a scream.

Severus felt a sense of self-satifaction, standing now his ankle was free.

But the scream kept going, getting louder and louder, before it drowned everything out, even the pounding in Severus's head and the fire in his wrist.

It was broken only by a muted pounding, a large crack of straining wood and a flood of light.

Severus blinked, the light blinding, before his head cracked against the wall.

HP

Harry stared at the counter top of the kitchen.

If he could get there before Remus's sent messenger than he could get Snape out of there with no one else knowing.

Of course there would be lots of awkward questions once someone figured out they were missing. The ministry would get involved, they'd blame Dumbledore for his lack of attention, like they had that third year when he had run off to London.

But wouldn't it be better for them to find an empty house then to find Harry Potter being punished by his muggle family?

That would raise even more awkward questions.

And beside he couldn't let someone find Severus in such a state.

Harry fervently prayed that Severus hadn't even been touched. But if he had been allowed no magic…

Besides, it was meant for him, this punishment, and if Severus received it on his behalf, then it was Harry's duty, his responsibility to go and get him out of that mess.

It was Harry's fault.

Frowning, he pulled himself to his full height.

He would go save Snape from a summer with the Dursley's.

Stalking to the front door, he jotted down a quick note on a torn piece of parchment.

_Gone to 4 Private Drive._

Leaving it on a small table in the hallway he slipped outside, stepping down off the small steps that led onto the street from his door. There was a small tingle of magic as if trying to catch on to him, trying to pul it back, but he brushed it off, pushing forward down and out into the street.

The evening air was cool and the street lights threw an orange pallor on everything. Harry pulled the dark coat around him a little tighter.

Now that he stood out in the open, he wasn't sure how he would go about his mission. He knew it was dangerous to even leave the house, but he had to do this.

Magic was out of the question, and that included the Night Bus. He had never caught a train to Little Whinging before, he wasn't sure if the trains even went near there, a normal bus would take too long. He couldn't drive…

But he had money.

The pouch in his pocket had been charmed to be light, so it didn't betray the amount of money he had on him. Conveniently changed from wizard to muggle.

He found himself back at King's Cross, asking a woman in the ticket booth to help him find his way to Whinging. She had directed him to the nearest town and the earliest train which left in little under ten minutes.

He thanked her and found his way to a train very similar to the one he had arrived on with Remus. It would take a while to get where he wanted to, and the silence of the carriage didn't help to calm his nerves or his imagination.

SS

Severus blinked to try and clear his head. Opening his eyes to a blur of movement and light, of screams and raised voices and confusion.

Severus had to close his eyes again, his head pounding.

"What the bloody hell is going on here?"

The continual scream almost drowned the roar out.

"Petunia, get Dudley to a hospital."

The scream receded and Severus slowly opened his eyes to see the middle boy trying to drag his unconscious friend out of the room. The door closing ominously behind them, leaving only moonlight.

Vernon Dursley stood menacingly over him from where he lay half propped up against the wall. The man looked like he was nearly fuming.

"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?!" The man roared and Severus ducked a wild backhanded swing. "You ungrateful little Freak!"

"We feed you! Clothe you! Offer you our home! And you pay us back with this!"

A kick to his side and Severus winced at the unexpected power behind it.

"You're lucky you're still alive you freak!" Another kick which Severus tried to dodge, feeling it connect sharply with his ribs. He felt a crack and a flame of pain envelop him. The man was out of control and Severus no matter how many fancy moves he had up his sleave would not be able to take him down.

"Your lucky we even let you stay you murderer!" Severus blinked as the face suddenly loomed close to his and he was dragged to his feet and tossed against a wall, his head hitting it hard. "You should be grateful we punish you. We're doing you a favour, reminding you of what you really are." The face was close, the breath hot and heavy on Severus's cheek and he tried to hold his breath.

"We see you for who you really are Freak."

Severus bit back a retort, feeling the anger well up inside him. How dare these people think that Potter needed punishment, that they treat him like this?

Just the presence of the man made Severus want to strike back, revenge the wrong he could feel seeping into his skin from this room. The pain and suffering hidden in the shadows of the dark corners.

No one, no child, no adult, no person should be put in a such a situation like this and made to deal with it on their own.

His heart clenched for Harry, and everything he had tried to hide. He could feel himself burning inside, the anger at these people, at Dumbledore for not looking out for the boy, at Sirius, at Remus, at the wizarding world. But mostly at himself.

He had broken his word.

The promise to both of the boy's parents.

James Potter's Wizarding debt.

Lilly's promise.

He would make it up to them ten fold.

Even if it meant sacrificing his existence to look after the boy.

"Do you hear me Freak?" Severus's teeth rattled as he was shaken violently, his head hitting the wall a few more times.

"You are going to wish you were drowned at birth, like they should have done to creatures like you." Severus hissed, into the older mans face, enjoying the varying reactions it caused.

The last ending in rage.

"How dare you! You little shit." The man's fist drew back and Severus's merely smirked at the man, feeding his rage. "I'm going to make sure no one recognises you back at that freak school of yours when I'm finished with you." The man huffed, before the doorbell rang.

The fat man looked up for a second, before turning to ignore it.

The doorbell rang a second time.

Eerie in the quiet that had descended on them, almost as if from another world, intruding in their own.

It rang almost desperately and the fat man pulled back roughly, pushing Severus away.

Severus winced as his ribs complained.

"Run, little man, run." Severus smirked.

Waiting for the man to turn back to him.

He didn't expect the belt that whipped hard and fast across his face, bitting into his cheek just below his left eye. The second one he was prepared for, hearing the whistle of leather through air, before it caught on his upraised arm, buckle digging into his wrist.

"You, Freak, are going to pay tonight."

The heavy step of the man was cut short by the already abused door being kicked open.

Severus blinked at the bright light flooding through the now open door.

"Such dramatic timing Potter." Was the first scathing comment that slipped from his lips, before Severus could stop it.

The look on Harry's face bit into him however, as the boy looked down on him, seeing the welt already form beneath his eye.

Severus looked away from the stare.

"Oh Gods, I'm so sorry." The voice was almost a sob from the doorway. Severus refused to look up at him, those should have been his first words.

Sorry he hadn't taken better care of him.

Sorry for ignoring the signs right in front of his eyes.

Sorry for betraying his mother's trust in him.

Sorry.

He doubted he would be forgiven.

HP

Harry didn't know what to do, the shock of seeing it. Actually seeing Vernon standing over the cowering form of Harry Potter hit him hard.

Everything he had told himself, that he was being punished, that he deserved it, that it was just something he lived through because he had no choice. That it was his life and he should be grateful for what he had…

It took on such a disturbing view, such a awkward, painful slant.

No one deserved to be treated like that.

He frowned stepping further into the room. His hand reaching out unconsciously, wanting to touch the small child, dwarfed by the man, wanting to comfort and take away the pain that he could see in those eyes, though they tried to hide it.

He blinked and Snape glared up at him from the floor. He couldn't mistake that look for a child's, couldn't ignore the pull of the lips or the furrowed brow for anything other than his potion's master.

The glare shot through him.

He wanted to protect.

"What the bloody hell is going on here?! And who the Fuck are you! Do you realise your violating the law? That you've just broken into my house and…" Something seemed to click behind those small eyes. "You're one of them! One of those Freaks!" The man turned back to the small form on the floor. The belt lashing out, catching the smaller boy's neck, before raining down in a number of small sharp blows.

"What have I told you about bringing Freaks here?!"

Harry was moving before he could even thing. His strong fingers grasping the fat wrist of the man, stopping the blows.

He was pushed violently away, stumbling the wall.

The fat man turned on him snarling.

"I saw you come in here! You weren't suppose to leave the house, you bastard! Make my life difficult for me, have to follow and watch after you. Pfft stupid order missions." The angry and annoyed voice from the hallway caught and froze the scene.

"Now what the Fuck are you doing in Harry's house you slimy git?!" A wild dark haired man burst into the room, fingers flipping the light switch and Harry blinked from his position by the wall.

"Sirius?!" Harry gaped at the man, who stood frozen in the doorway. His eyes quickly snapped from Harry to Vernon, to Snape still on the floor, now clutching his neck, where the belt had bit into it.

"What the hell is going on here? Who the hell are you?!" The voice was a low growl and Harry was surprised to see Sirius was still standing on two legs as opposed to four. It had sounded almost animalistic.

"And who are you?" The large man standing in the centre of the room, belt still in hand, roared. "What are you doing in _my _house?!"

"_Your_ house?" The voice came out even more dangerous. "Who the hell do you think you are?!"

"Vernon Dursley." Came the low drawl from where Snape sat on the floor. Harry wondered if Sirius would pick up on the drawl.

"_This_ is Vernon Dursley?!" Sirius's voice hitched. "The one they said my Godson would be safe with?!"

Vernon's eyes narrowed and Harry watched the realisation and panic settle in.

"You're that filthy murdering scum. Get out of my house you-"

There was a wand held directly eye level to the man.

"Petrifucus." Sirius stood over the fallen man. "I'm not a murderer but I might just become one for you sake."

"No Sirius!" Harry stepped forward before Sirius whipped around to face him.

"What and let this piece of Scum get away with hurting my Godson? You'd love that wouldn't you Snivellus." Harry realised his Godfather didn't recognise him, how could the he? He was still in Severus's body.

"No. I just don't want you to murder anyone." Harry tried to keep the pleading out of his voice.

"I agree with Sirius on this. The man needs to be dealt with." Severus had stood up from the corner, wincing slightly, supporting himself against the wall.

"Two against one Snivellus." Sirius grinned, adding teeth to it when he turned to Vernon.

"Look, I'm not saying that. Just don't kill him, please." Harry frowned. How could he make them see? If they killed the man, then either or both could be sent to Azkaban, both were already watched, suspected.

"You've suffered the most under him Potter. Yet you say he should live?" Severus stepped forward from where he clutched the wall. Sirius blinked at the small boy.

"What are you talking about Harry?"

"Shut up mutt, I'm speaking to Potter." Severus directed the emerald gaze at Harry.

Harry grimaced at his Godfather. "When we were in the Shrieking Shack, I told you not to kill Pettigrew." Sirius took a step back. "Everything would have been so much easier, but I couldn't have you become a criminal, a murderer. And I won't have you become one now, especially because of me."

"Harry?" Sirius stared at him as if he'd grown two heads and Harry gave the man a small smile.

The man looked even more shocked by the smile.

"Yeah."

"Now Potter." Harry turned to Snape's sharp tone. "What are we to do with this?" He motioned to the man who stood fuming in the centre of the room, but too frightened to move as Sirius still had his wand pointing in his direction.

Harry frowned, taking in the form that had threatened him for years.

"I… I don't know."

How could Harry just suddenly turn around and be expected to answer that? Though he had seen everything through different eyes, though he had seen the depravity of the situation, how could he forget everything that had happened.

How could he just erase the belief he was a freak. He may not be a freak because of magic, but he was a freak, hadn't that been proven almost every single year at school? Didn't he have a scar the shape of a lightning bolt on his forehead? Didn't he speak to snakes?

And he was a murderer, and he did deserve to be punished.

He could see that it was wrong, but…

"I don't know." He found himself frowning, staring not at his tormentor but at Snape. Would the man understand him?

There was a small nod of the head. So slight it was almost invisible.

"We will deal with him at a later date."

Harry gave him a grateful smile, while Sirius gave a grunt of disapproval.

"Tonight is not the night to deal with this Black."

Harry saw Sirius about to protest and decided to jump in.

"Not tonight. Let's just get back before anyone finds us. And we need to get Professor Snape a healing potion."

Sirius merely frowned but nodded. Reluctantly tossing a small vile in Snape's direction. The man caught it, although Harry could see the effort had pained him. He downed it quickly.

Harry gave the large man lying silently on the floor one last glimpse before heading for the door.

"Come on."

All Harry wanted to do was get out of there, get Severus some help and forget any of this ever happened. But he knew there would be questions. Questions he didn't want asked, questions he didn't want to answer.

He stood on the front porch of the house, coat pulled tight around him. His whole mind felt numb, as it tried to deal with the lies he had been trying to feed himself throughout his childhood. As it tried to deal with the possibilities of the future, what Snape would think, what Snape would say, how Sirius would react when this first shock wore off.

How he was going to be able to explain all of this.

"You don't have to explain anything to anyone."

The voice was soft and came from behind him. Harry frowned, watching as Severus struggled down the stairs, breathing sharply. He wanted to offer to help, but he had been in that position, had seen the look Snape had sent him when he had stepped forward a little.

"What that creature did…" Snape frowned and Harry caught the flicker of something in the emerald eyes. "You don't have to explain it away. His actions will be seen as they were, not as an explanation." The man wasn't looking at him and for that Harry felt grateful.

He hadn't told him that it wasn't Harry's fault, which made him even more grateful.

But those words had meant more, than anything.

"Are you alright sir?" Harry asked. He received a dismissive grunt from the other.

"Sleeping potion mixed with Healing…"

Harry caught Severus's elbow as he stumbled forward almost loosing his balance. Catching the smaller body against his own. Supporting it.

"You alright Harry?"

Harry looked over his shoulder at his Godfather.

The stars were bright above number 4 Private Drive, and the moonlight caught the three of them.

Harry felt the warmth of the smaller man against him, the returned smile of his Godfather.

"Yeah, yeah I think I'm alright."


	29. Chapter 29

The past and memories burying the present, small words lost on deaf ears…

WARNING: This fanfiction contains swearing, malexmale, violence, child abuse

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and Characters ©

**Chapter 29**

-

HP

The trip back was silent.

The worried look on Sirius's face had sunk back into a dark scowl.

Harry could feel the tension, the slow turning of his Godfather's mind.

This silence said more than anything Sirius could have done, it was thick and heavy and hung over them as they caught a taxi back to London. Harry wished they could have just Apparated, or maybe even caught the night bus where the only thought was to stay upright.

But no magic was to be used and travelling with an unconscious boy and wanted murderer hadn't given them much choice.

Luckily though, many of Snape's outward injuries inflicted by Vernon had healed, allowing them to hail a cab without too many questions.

Harry sat silent in the badly lit, confined space. The small figure on his right leant heavily against his shoulder and Harry wished for the same safety in unconciousness.

He heard Sirius crack his knuckles, but the man said nothing, staring out the window.

The taxi was getting too warm, but he didn't want to break the silence in case it triggered something, and the last person he wanted to involve in this, was the small hunched over taxi driver, who drove at a nerve wracking speed for someone who could hardly see over the steering wheel.

He bit the inside of his cheek, and stared out the window over the top of the messy raven haired head propped on his shoulder.

His arm was going numb, but he clutched the small body tighter to himself.

Panic slowly set in and he couldn't breathe properly.

Everything was going so wrong.

"Sn-Harry." A small shake of the shoulder and Harry blinked wearily out the window.

He was warm where he must have fallen asleep against the smaller boy, cheek resting on top of the messy hair. Caught half aware he tried to brush away the cold tone his Godfather had woken him with, the guilt that sat in his stomach.

"I'm sorry."

He should have told Sirius about the potions accident.

Then he wouldn't have had to lie to the only one left in his family, he could have gotten help, not have had to face this alone.

He should have warned Severus, should have arrived earlier.

It was his fault Severus had gone to the Dursley's without a warning, it was his fault the man had suffered _again_ because of Harry's stupidity. Wasn't he the one that always caused Severus into trouble? That made Severus risk his life again and again?

"It's not your fault." The tone was softer, Sirius's hand on his shoulder. But there was still a hard glint to his eyes.

Harry blinked out into the badly lit street, the pavement tinged an unnatural orange from the light spilling from the cab. The shadows seemed to be waiting for him as he shuffled forward. He had trouble getting out of the cab, trying to pick the small body up while Sirius paid.

Tears started to well in his eyes, Sirius probably hated him now, thought he was pathetic, weak.

He stumbled and almost dropped the weight in his arms and the glare Sirius shot towards him, burnt as he was shoved unceremoniously aside as Sirius snatched the injured boy from him.

Harry bit his lip, trying to tell himself that Sirius was reacting only to the image of Snape. That the man couldn't see that Harry was inside, and had obviously reacted to that without thinking. But what if that wasn't it?

Srius dumped the unconscious body onto the couch and turned to face him, before he could even walk a step into the room.

"Now you're going to explain this… this whole mess of the Dursley's to me, S-Harry." The voice was low, almost calm but with an edge to it.

The words bit into him.

He had hoped beyond reason that maybe the revelation that Harry was actually in Snape's body would distract the man, had hoped he would have more time to come up with an excuse, a story, something.

Anything.

Anything to make it all go away.

Instead he was forced to face this…

He had expected shouting, denial, threats, rage.

But this quiet, brooding, deadly voice weaved its way through the air, filling it with unpredictability, instability that shifted beneath Harry's feet.

He steadied himself, caught in the doorway. Wishing to step forward into the room, half wanting to run back out on to the streets.

Not able to meet Sirius eyes.

He couldn't say anything.

"How about we start from the beginning." Sirius took a deep breath and Harry saw that the man's hand shook ever so slightly. "How long have those fuckin-" there was a pause where the barely suppressed rage in the voice, that had caused Harry to flinch, was replaced by more appropriate words and a control Harry didn't know his Godfather possessed. "How long have the _Durleys_, treated you this way?"

Harry stared hard at the floor.

This was it.

This would be the confession that could leave him without a family, without friends.

With pity and disgust.

He could feel his strength ebbing, he didn't have the force to deal with this tonight, all he wanted to do was curl up and hide. Instead he lifted his eyes to meet Sirius's hard gaze. He felt unclean under that look and it tore into him, did his Godfather hate him? Did he think him weak? Unworthy?

"I don't know." He rubbed a hand over his face, trying to hide from Sirius, from himself. "Since I can remember, I guess."

The hard gaze fell at the words.

Anger, fear, guilt, sorrow, ran in quick succession across the older man's face, but ended with a sharp ferocity that lit up his Godfather's eyes.

"I'll kill them." The man stood slowly, deliberately taking the time to gather himself as he straightened, eyes gleaming. And Harry took an unconscious step back under the force of the almost cruel, cold emotion that swept from him. The voice cracked a low growl in his throat. "I will fucking tear their souls out of their throats and-"

The man took another step forward and Harry tried not to flinch, but this anger swept around them, contained in the small room and Harry knew it had to be released.

He knew his Godfather cared for him…

But the irrational panic that crippled his nerves, left him standing, eyes a little too wide, breath a little too shallow in his chest, told him to run.

His mind kept yelling at him that this wasn't Vernon Dursley, but every instinct told him to cringe away from the man.

He stood, caught frozen, by his mind, the anger. The inside of his cheek raw where he held it firmly between his teeth.

"Although it sounds like a rather appropriate punishment Black, I believe we should follow Potter's wishes for the time being." The tension snapped and Harry, taking in a quick grateful breath, turned to see Snape sitting, glaring at the convict. Harry thought he caught Severus's gaze soften as he was caught in emerald eyes, but it flickered and was gone.

There was a moment of tense silence, before Sirius shifted and turned to Harry.

He flinched.

And the man seemed to deflate right before Harry's eyes.

"I'm so sorry Harry."

Pain, desperation, self-loathing, and a range of other emotions clung to those words as the man hid behind his hair.

"All these years… I should have seen what they were doing to you. I should have had you move in with me in hiding. I should've…."

Eyes averted as he rubbed at his eyes.

"I've failed you."

Harry blinked, stepping forward tentatively, hand coming to rest on his Godfather's shoulder. He loved the man, knew it wasn't his fault that Harry had suffered under the Dursley's, no matter how many times he had pleaded to stay with the man and been refused.

"You didn't fail me." He offered the bent head a small smile. "You didn't know, I didn't want you to."

"But I've failed the trust James placed in me."

Harry flinched.

"My best friend's trust."

His Father.

"I'm so sorry."

James Potter.

"Then you've failed my father, not me."

The black haired man cringed at those words, as if they stung him, more than the idea of failing Harry's trust.

Harry felt tears bite at the corners of his eyes, was he only a faded reflection of his father?

SS

Severus had woken in the taxi to the tickling sensation of warm breath on his neck and an uncomfortable kink in his neck. But the warmth that radiated from the body next to him kept him still, and the steady, gentle, warm puffs had seemed to forgive him, though he knew their owner never would.

He held onto that feeling, until they were brought to a stop.

Harry's arms had given away to Sirius's, and he had forced himself to stay calm. The couch had felt cold through the thin clothes as the warmth Harry had given him was leeched away.

The conversation that broke the tense silence sliced the air. He had only ever heard Sirius use that voice in the most dire circumstances, it brought with it memories which Severus pushed back, concentrating on the present. He would deal with them later.

He had forced himself into the conversation, eyes narrowed, watching the darker side of Black come forth, the side he was more accustomed to. He had always wanted Harry to see the true nature of the mutt, but the badly concealed fear he saw on Harry's face made his heart clench.

The boy shouldn't fear the one person he looked up to as a father, no matter how much Severus hated the criminal.

But he had also interrupted, to give Harry a way out if he needed one. But the way the boy had reacted to the mutt's words looked like he wasn't going to ask for any help…

He was going to run.

Severus watched Harry flinch under the forced projection of his father, of the mutt's memories and expectations placed over the boy.

He would have to step in again. Obviously the man knew nothing.

"No, he failed you, not your father. If you may recall James Potter died over ten years ago, you can't fail a dead man." Severus smirked as the mutt whipped around to face him and Harry gave him a surprised, slightly apprehensive look.

Draw the mutt away from the boy.

"What would you know about loyalty and promises Snivellus! Obviously you haven't kept you wizarding debt for those ten years you stingy bastard. You'd probably be ecstatic if Harry was dead!"

"That's not true." Harry jumped in before Severus could open his mouth and slice into the man before him. "He's saved me more times than I can count."

The mutt turned in surprise to Harry, and Severus tried to remember if anyone had ever stood up for him before without the promise of personal gain. Even Dumbledore had had a hidden agenda.

"But he didn't save you from this." The low growl cut straight into Harry and Severus could see the way his knees almost buckled and his emotions splash quickly across his face. If he had had the time he would have marvelled at how easily he could read the boy.

"But he was the one that was sent back there. It should have been me…"

Severus ignored the boy's soft whisper.

"You are suggesting that if I had known, I would have left Potter in that hell hole?"

Sirius scowled.

"I wouldn't put it past you."

"Then you are more jaded in your opinion of me then I believed you to be." Severus frowned.

"Jaded?" The man whipped out his wand, pointing it directly at Severus's heart. "I see you for who you really are, worm."

Severus ground his teeth, those words had almost perfectly echoed the words of Vernon Dursley. His ribs still ached from where the healing potion hadn't finished its job.

"Sirius. Please don't." The soft plea caught the man.

"How can you be so calm?" Agitated. "Your in his disgusting body! You're trapped in a nightmare that he is pulling you down in. He's probably enjoying it." Sudden realisation, and accusing eyes returned to Severus. "You touch my Godson's body in anyway and I will rip your head right from your body…"

A menacing growl.

"I'll make you wish you died that night."

Dark eyes flashed as emerald eyes open ever so slightly.

A dark grin.

Severus repressed the shudder and the memories that clambered in the back of his mind.

But he let his hatred for the mutt simmer and seethe.

This wasn't the time and place.

"I would have thought considering the circumstances, your request is nigh impossible. I am in his body." He baited the man because he could do nothing else. He needed time to regain control. The way this body reacted to emotions almost amplified them, he had a hard time keeping them hidden as they threatened to swell up an consume him.

And although he would have loved to let his unbridled rage for the man go, he had more important things to deal with tonight.

Harry.

"You keep your filthy hands off him." The man stepped forward towards Severus menacingly. The wand was gripped with white knuckles.

"Sirius. Please, this is stupid." Severus's eyes left Sirius only for a second to glance at Harry, whose face was a little flushed. Embarrassment?

"Stupid?! What if he's been molesting you!"

The flush increased.

Yes, it was embarrassment.

"I'm sure that's the furthest thing from professor Snape's mind." Another emotion flicked across his face too fast for Severus to catch.

Sirius glared holes at him and Severus raised an eyebrow.

"You can never tell with this child molester."

Severus flinched at the sudden reminder of the small boy a few nights ago. The blood, the stench of fear, the Dark Lord.

Death.

His silence had been long enough to alert Sirius to something.

"You sicko." Was the low growl as the man stalked forward, only to be stopped by Harry.

"Please Sirius…."

"He's been using you!" Voice raised. "He probably set this up! Switched bodies so he could-"

"This was my fault!" Harry cut through the loud voice with his sharp one, and Severus smirked from his position on the couch.. "It was my fault. Severus was only trying to help me, and I screwed up a potion."

The potion's professor blinked. Harry had just called him Severus, almost as if he was used to calling his hated potion's professor by his given name. The boy didn't even notice the slip.

"And it's not like he's had the time to waltz around in my body, between the Dark Lord and the Dursley's…"

"Exactly! That's his fault as well!" The voice bounced off the walls as the man riled himself up, turning back to Severus. Accusing. "You've put Harry in even more danger!" Anger. "Because of you he went to a Death Eater meeting! You delivered James Potter's son straight to he-who-must-not-be-named you twisted son of a bitch!"

The man's fist still clutched at the wand.

"Your fault he had to stay at the Dursley's. You were suppose to check up on him every summer! You hated James! And now your taking it out on his son!"

"We all had a duty towards Harry Potter , Black, and you are just as responsible for checking up on him as I was. It was the Order's mistake for not looking closely at the situation, but not our fault. That fault rests with the whale we left back at Private Drive." Calmly spoken, though he seethed inside at the accusations. He couldn't help but feel the truth behind the words.

He should have seen what was happening at Harry's home.

He should have been more careful with Harry during the meeting with the Dark Lord, hadn't Harry gone to save him?

He should've kept a closer eye on him.

"Don't give me that bullshit! It's all your fault. Harry could have come to live with me, if you hadn't spoken against it. You just didn't want James's son to be happy! You couldn't stand the idea that even though James was gone there was someone to take his place. The memory of him would never die."

"Such is the pity." Severus scowled. He could see warring emotions dancing across Harry's face as he stood just behind the mutt. It was these memories and expectations that tied the boy down and Severus wished he could erase them.

Harry was not James Potter.

"But you've failed, because when I'm cleared James's son will come and live with me, and there's nothing you can do about it!" A triumphant smile. "Harry _has_ taken James's place, everyone can see the resemblance! He's exactly like his father, and that's why you hate him! Because James Potter's memory is still alive."

"James Potter is dead."

The words hung in the air with a sense of finality.

Broke only by a swift movement.

The man lunged at Severus.

"Stop." Harry's voice cut through the room, his hand gripping the back of Sirius's robe, stopping him from his forward stride toward Severus.

"Please Sirius!"

"He deserves to die! That filthy disgusting Freak!" A back handed swing, dislodged Harry from the man's robes and sent him sprawling on the floor.

Shock.

Silence.

"Oh Merlin! Harry I'm so-" Severus watched as Harry backed away from his Godfather, fear in his eyes.

"Out."

Severus, stood, seething as Black turned to him confused.

"Get out." A hand pointing toward the door.

Sirius looked back at Harry, who avoided his eyes.

"I-"

"Not tonight, Mutt."

Narrowing eyes and an almost animalistic growl as the man's attention came back into focus on Severus.

"This is all your fault. You've done this. You couldn't get your revenge on James, now your using his son."

"This is nothing to do with that man. _Harry_ needs rest for tonight. He needs-"

"He needs _me_."

"Please, Sirius." The soft voice from the floor and Severus winced, he had been trying so hard to keep the man's attention off the boy.

"I'm right here for you." The mutt's voice softened and the boy on the floor looked a little relieved. "I won't fail James like this snake has."

Pain.

"I'm not him." A whisper and Severus sighed.

"I think you should leave for tonight Black."

The man glanced up at the use of his name and seemed to snap out of the daze he was in. He took one look around the room and stepped back a little.

"Tomorrow would be a better time to deal with all this."

The man's shoulders slouched, and he bent to help Harry up.

The boy flinched and didn't take his offered hand.

Wouldn't look him in the eye.

"Ah, Tomorrow." The other stood with those words and Severus tried to hold the glare back.

"I-" Sirius started again, but stopped at the doorway, staring down at Harry's bowed head.

"I'm sorry."

He left a thick silence behind him. Almost as if the air had been sucked out of the room as soon as the front door had closed with a soft click.

Harry looked up, ebony eyes drifting around the room slowly, not meeting Severus's emerald gaze.

Looking so lost.

Sitting on the floor, knees tucked under him, arms hanging limp at his sides.

So lifeless.

"He'll come back."

Eyes turned to him.

"Will he?"

"Of course. He loves you." Severus tried not to wince at his own words. He hated how the mutt had a way of hurting everyone around him. Harry should never have had to deal with the convict.

"He loves James."

"Harry…"

"He loves my father."

"Harry, he-"

"Everyone loves my father."

Severus lowered himself gently to the ground, as the ebony eyes wandered around the room again. Tears had started to fall unchecked down the boys cheeks.

"Everyone thinks I'm him. But I'm not him."

Severus took the chin gently in his hands and forced the eyes to meet his own.

"I'm not James Potter…"

He stared straight into the ebony eyes.

Nodded slowly.

"I know."

-

--

---

To be cont'


	30. Chapter 30

Hatred is more than a feeling. It is soul devouring…

WARNING: This fanfiction contains swearing, malexmale, violence, child abuse

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and Characters ©

**Chapter 30**

-

HP

Everything slowly fell apart.

Harry could feel his thoughts breaking.

His façade splintering and cracking under the pressure.

Everything happened so fast but he could see it all slowing down to a crawling speed.

All had been a blur before, the room he had been staring at unseeingly swam out of focus, and all he could see were emerald eyes, sadness, pain, sympathy, understanding, so different from the ones he had looked into for years in the bathroom mirror. These held the soul of Severus Snape.

"I know." The words repeated softly.

And he felt himself fall forward, into lithe arms, and he buried his face into the robe he had thrown over Severus when they had rescued him from the Dursley's. He felt Severus's presence as he hid his face against the potion master's chest. Felt the warmth, the power, the magic and promise behind those words and he couldn't stop the tears as they fled down his cheeks.

A hand stroking his head and everything sped up again.

But he was only aware of the pounding in his ears, the warm wetness on his cheeks and the heart beat, steady against the flight of his own. He clutched the dark material of the man's robe.

Hid himself in the folds, closer to the warmth.

Held his breath, waiting.

Let this last.

Please.

SS

Severus jerked at the sudden intimacy, but swallowed the sudden instinct to lash out. Instead he slowly wrapped his arms around the huddled figure, which was leaning against him, almost borrowing into him. It was difficult, Harry was still in _his_ body, taller, older, and Severus still held the figure of a teenage boy, but somehow Harry had managed to shrink into himself, as if trying to shrink away from the world.

"What in Merlin's name is going on? Harry are you alright?" A voice from the door way and Severus turned to glare at the intruder. Remus Lupin stood in the doorway, eyes wide with shock, Sirius Black glancing guiltily from behind his back, but he had seemed to have calmed considerably.

"Lupin." Was his only reply, before the boy flinched and re-directed his attention. He soothed his charge with a soft touch to the top of the young man's head.

Sirius stared at them, not quite comprehending. Severus scowled. This was not the best time for either of them to be barging in here.

"What's wrong with him? What have you done to him?" Lupin took a step forward and the mutt sneered in his direction, but Severus didn't stop the slow weave of his fingers through the boy's hair. He vaguely remembered his mother doing the same to him once, when he'd been ill, it had been comforting.

"It was nothing _I_ did." He almost growled, as tightened his grip on the boy. "As for what is wrong with the young man." He paused, his tone falling. He frowned, Harry Potter had been failed by the very people and the very world he was destined to protect. Severus had failed him, in so many ways that it stung every time he thought of it. "He will tell you when he is ready. He needs some time to rest."

By this time he had moved to softly stroking the back of the boy's neck. The body against him no longer trembled with tears, but the grasp on his robe was still strong.

"Are you sure?" There was worry in that voice as Remus directed the next question at the boy in Severus's arms. "Harry, are you alright?"

HP

Harry tensed at the sound of Remus's voice, muffled by the robes he had buried himself in. Another person to join the party tonight, he grit his teeth and tried to concentrate on the slow rhythm of Severus's breathing.

He hoped he could hide a little longer. If he was forced to face the world, he was sure it would fall away from beneath him and he would crumble away to nothing.

He held on a little tighter.

No, he wasn't alright.

SS

"I think you should wait till the morning." Severus wound his fingers through the others hair.

"Perhaps it's best. It's been a long night." The werewolf stepped further into the room, a slight slump of the shoulders, a drag to the feet. The mutt was immediately at Lupin's side.

"What happened?" Sirius asked with a frown. "Did you find the kids?"

A shake of the head was the only answer and Severus frowned, what was this about? Feeling the body press into his, as if trying to escape the world outside, he tightened his grip and Remus noticed the shift. The werewolf's eyes narrowed.

"I think you should get Harry off to bed Severus, the boy's emotionally exhausted." A pause. "We need to talk."

There was no response from Harry, it was as if he hadn't heard he was being discussed. Severus frowned, shifting a little, the body moved with him.

"Harry." He whispered the name into the other's ear and felt a response. His thumb caught the boy's chin and brought the wounded eyes out from hiding. The tears had stopped, but they were red and a little puffy, the dark onyx glinted sharply with broken shards he hadn't seen before.

Severus wondered if it was too late to help the boy.

If he would only wound him further.

He pushed the thought from his mind.

"Come on." He didn't move until the boy nodded.

They moved in silence, slowly, Harry not letting go of the grasp he had on Severus's robes, and Severus letting his fingers brush against the other's skin, letting them linger, comfortingly on the back of his hand, guiding at his elbow, on the back of the boys neck.

Neither Remus nor Sirius said a word as they left the room, and they reached Harry's quarter's without interruption. Severus paused at the door, but Harry's grasp on him pulled him in and he followed the boy to the large double bed.

Harry kicked off his shoes and slid off his shirt.

And looked straight at him.

Severus swallowed.

"Harry." He started, his voice a soft whisper of warning. His smaller hand was grasped by a larger potion stained one.

"You'll come back?" It was a desperate plea as the hand was squeezed, and Severus wondered how the boy could make his face look so innocent, so young. "I don't want to sleep alone tonight. I know I shouldn't be asking and I'm not someone you'd ever dream of sleeping next to and I'm sure that-"

There was the awkward boy Severus had thought was lost under the tension of the last few weeks.

"I'll come back."

He left without glancing back.

HP

Harry felt the tension drain and exhaustion slam into him.

It had taken all of what was left of his courage to ask that one simple favour. To ask the dreaded potion's master to come back, to come and sleep by him.

He wasn't sure why he had needed to ask him. Why he suddenly needed the man by his side, especially tonight when Harry should be on his own working out all the problems his life had suddenly spewed on him. Tonight, the night he had rescued Severus from the Dursley's, and had found himself in the man's arms, grasping onto him like he was the only thing left in his life that made sense.

But Severus had said he'd come back.

Harry kicked his jeans off, and changed into a night shirt that was too large and fell to mid-thigh.

Why had he said he'd come back?

Harry crawled into bed and pulled the covers up to his ears, the dull murmuring from the living room barely reaching him.

Severus should have been disgusted with Harry. Furious for leaving him at the Dursley's, sickened by the weakness Harry had displayed, what Harry would have been put through for his whole life. He should be pitied and avoided.

But he had comforted Harry when his Godfather had left, had held him close and given him the strength to stop from falling over the edge. Even when he should have pushed Harry away, should have punished him for everything that Harry had put him through.

He deserved it after all.

He curled in on himself as he heard a sudden raised voice which he knew was Sirius's, it lasted only for a moment and Harry drew in a shuddering breath when it fell silent again. He shouldn't be afraid of Sirius.

He shouldn't be.

But he was.

He shouldn't be frightened of falling asleep. Of nightmares and dark-red darkness.

Of the Dursley's, of Riddle, of himself.

He shouldn't be frightened of tomorrow. Of accusations and painful drawn out truths.

Of the looks, the whispers, the pitying stares.

He shouldn't be frightened of waking up. Of the empty bed and the broken hope.

Of the cold sheets, the ignored promise, of being all by himself.

But he was.

SS

Severus closed the hallway door behind him, shutting off the main room.

"For _years_ Remus! _Years_!" The mutt was pacing and didn't even look up as Severus's returned. Remus sat on one of the lounge chairs looking pale and horrified. He glanced up at Severus and there was fresh pain in the amber eyes that masked the previous tiredness.

"Those creatures' have tortured and tormented him and we've been sending him back each summer for more! He wanted to stay with us remember! He had pleaded, and we all thought it was a funny little joke how desperate he was. We sent him back! He was suppose to be safe there!"

The man growled, venting his anger to the living room.

"It's all our fault. It's all my fault." The mutt growled, fist connecting with the wall. "My fault." A choked sob and Severus found himself hating the man even more. This man should never have been allowed to escape the walls of Azkaban.

"Do you cry for your failure in protecting the father's oath or of the son's life?" He spat at the pathetic scene.

"Harry means the world to me." The mutt growled with remorse. "I-" he ran a hand through his hair, "It's all my fault."

"It is no more your fault than it is mine." Severus frowned. "In fact it would be more my fault than yours. I was the one that convinced Dumbledore that the boy would be safer there. I was the one that persuaded him that you were still in too much danger of being found to have anyone living with you, let alone Harry. And I was the one-"

"You fucking bastard!"

The fist around his throat choked him and he stumbled back in surprise.

"I'm going to kill you!" The man roared before he was knocked back by Remus, landing head over heel, scattering some of the furniture. Severus gasped in a breath before glaring daggers at the mutt. He had thought the mutt had calmed down a little, but the anger had merely simmered beneath the surface.

"You're going to kill me?"

Severus drew himself up, the young body he was in protesting the movement as his still tender ribs twinged. He ignored it, embracing instead the magic that crackled and simmered in response to the hatred Sirius threw at him.

"Kill me?!" He chuckled darkly feeling the magic swell in him.

"Will it be painful?" He stalked forward in slow measure steps, felt it push him on.

"Will it be fast?" Felt it run across his skin, reaching out for the man in front of him.

"Will it be slow?" The man at his feet shuffled backwards, as the magic slowly wrapped itself around him.

"Or will it be silent…" The magic tightened around the man, crackling and snapping. Severus felt it surge, felt the pleasure of it coiling around his prey, choking his breath and his ability to cry out.

"Just like my brother?"

The magic danced with his hatred, before he snapped the connection and wrenched it back into himself. Burning and twisting with the sudden release, he gasped as it swept through him and he felt weak at the knees before he steadied himself.

Sirius slid to the ground watching him with wide eyes.

Remus stared at Severus horrified and he felt nauseous.

He had stopped himself.

But he had gone too far.

"Remus let's go." Sirius was on his feet, eyes not meeting Severus's and Remus looked surprised by the sudden change of tact.

"But-"

"You said if the bastard dies before they change back, Harry could be stuck in that hideous body for the rest of his life. Let's go." The tone was demanding.

"Sirius. I haven't finished telling Severus all there is."

"You have time to talk to him, but not to me? About me Godson?" The anger had found another target and Severus watched as Remus blinked in the face of Sirius' cold gaze.

"It was Dumbledore's idea, Sirius. I would have told you about the body swap, but he thought it was a delicate situation." Remus protested.

"You think I can't be trusted with delicate situations?" The voice was a growl. "I'm being very delicate about this situation. The Dursley's, this worm, they could all be dead, buried, gone. No one would know how, why, where…"

"Sirius. You don't mean that."

"Don't test me. I'll kill them." There was a certainty in that voice. "But for Harry's sake I'll wait. Something like this should be brought up to Albus, and Albus only. He'll know how to deal with it without it leaking to the press or the ministry. And if he can't handle it, then I'll show you just how _delicately _I can handle this situation."

Remus looked surprised and Sirius gave the man a malevolent smile, baring his fangs.

"Don't look so surprised, my dear. Delicacy is something you refine in Azkaban."

Severus wondered if Remus had ever seen this side of Sirius before. He may have but Severus could see by the slight widening of the eyes that the man had never given much significance to the time the mutt had spent in Azkaban prison. The mutt had after all returned almost as same as when he had left, a little worn, but still the same.

But he knew, no one was ever the same who went in and came out.

If they came out.

And ten years was a long time.

Severus had seen the lines that had developed, the silent shift in his walk and the quick flicker of the eyes, evaluating, calculating. No one understood why Severus beheld the man as such a danger, but he had seen parts of Black that no other had seen, and he wasn't going to be fooled by any large grin or poor joke.

Which was why the very idea of the man, cool, calm and collected, voice sharp and hard, sent shivers down his back. Lame retorts and barbed hatred thrown at each other was a way for Severus to keep those shifting eyes on him, that calculating mind on him, caught up in word games.

"Pity intelligence isn't developed there, you would have had ten years to rub those two brain cells together and maybe start a small fire." Severus baited the man, waiting for a reaction.

"You never change." The mutt's eyes narrowed.

"Well here I thought you couldn't change for the worse, but through sheer force of will, you keep proving me wrong, every time." The mutt glared at him.

"We should go." He muttered, half turning. Severus frowned.

He must have effected the man strongly, if he was backing away so easily. The magic he had thrown at Black was still sitting in the pit of his stomach, slowly dissolving away, it made him sick to think of it. He could've killed the man, as easily as a thought.

And he had thought often enough about it.

"I suppose you're right." Remus muttered, not sure where to stand in the rocky situation. "But first, this is for you." Severus was handed a thick looking letter. "And these can be sent anywhere, it's explained in the letter." He was gifted a small pile of postcards with sunny beaches, tropical rainforests and snowy mountains.

"I was to answer any questions the letter might bring, but it's probably best if we go." The amber eyed man shot a look at the Sirius. "I should be back in a few days with news from Dumbledore about the Dursley's. I think…" the man paused and looked troubled before he shook his head. "Take care."

They turned to leave but Sirius stopped.

Hatred fell from his eyes for a moment.

Desperate.

"Tell Harry, if he needs us…"

The man trailed off.

Severus hated him.

But he nodded.

"I'll tell him."

The house was left in silence, letter and blank postcards in his hand. His shoulders sank and he rubbed the bridge of his nose. He would deal with all of this in the morning. Placing the bundle on the kitchen table, he found himself in the darkness of Harry's room, changed into a simple cotton shirt and pants he crawled under the covers.

He fell asleep to the soft almost silent sound of the other's breath.

It was comforting.

-

--

---

To be cont'


	31. Chapter 31

A letter on the kitchen table, a cup of tea and a fluttering heart.

WARNING: This fanfiction contains swearing, malexmale, violence, child abuse

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and Characters ©

**Chapter 31**

-

Harry woke to the single ray of sunlight slowly crawling it's way across the covers. He bit his lip as disappointment welled in his chest. The bed was empty.

He had dreamt that someone had held him, that everytime he had shifted a hand had been there, lightly touching.

But Seveus had never returned.

He threw the covers off violently, disturbing the small ray of light, and struggled out of bed. He fought off the foolish need to cry, his head feeling heavy from tears spilt the night before.

He shouldn't have been stupid enough to believe that Severus would come back. Especially now that he knew the truth. Knew how dirty, how weak he was.

Harry ran a hand through his long hair, gazing wearily around the room. He paused, his clothes that he'd kicked off, were folded neatly over the chair, another set which were too small to be his, placed on the desk beside it. The house had no house elves.

Severus had come back. Maybe he hadn't dreamt it all.

He blinked, before a small smile forced itself on his lips. He stood there in the middle of his room, giddy with the sudden joy, the relief.

"I can't believe..." He moved forward a little, his hand reaching out to brush the folded clothes. He smiled, before heading toward the bathroom.

Performing his morning rituals brought the reminder of what the day could bring, and what yesterday had revealed. The smile faded and he bit his lip at the reminder and scrubbed his skin just a little harder.

Now in the light of day his reaction to Sirius had been mortifying, how could he have reacted like that? Sirius was his Godfather, he'd never harm Harry, even though Harry deserved it. Deserved to be punished for all the lies he'd told, all the truths he had kept hidden from him.

Hadn't Harry almost led his Godfather straight to the Ministry of Magic to be killed?

He squeezed his eyes shut.

What he suffered, he deserved.

The Dursley's were right to punish him.

He only ever brought pain and suffering.

They'd always told him that. He was a freak to be dealt with.

Now he'd let his freakish ways taint the life he had tried to keep separate. Everyone would know that he would need to be punished, that he was weak, that he was dirty, he was stained.

But Severus had come back.

He blinked at the thought, startled by the bright red his skin had turned from the hard scrubbing he hadn't realised he had been doing. The water had run cold.

It was a soft voice in the back of his mind.

But Severus had come back. Hadn't he?

He frowned slowly drying himself, noticing once again the scars that ran like small silvery ribbons across the pale skin. He trailed one up his abdomen.

It looked almost like the one left by Vernon's belt across his thigh. He hoped the potion's master hadn't noticed it.

Had Severus come back?

He shook his head, the long wet locks swaying. Maybe he hadn't, maybe Harry was just overreacting, seeing thins he wanted to see, assuming. And he knew that assumptions could lead to trouble.

Besides why would Severus have come back? It was because of Harry that the man had suffered so much. Not just the recent events, but in the past as well. Hadn't the dark haired potion's master always tried to protect him? He was always injured when he tried to pull Harry out of danger.

He had kept so much hidden from everyone and it had made the danger greater and greater. They needed to know. Needed to know that he wasn't worth saving.

Severus deserved the truth.

As did Sirius.

And Remus.

Taking a deep breath Harry finished dressing. Gathering what little shredded courage he still had he moved toward the kitchen. He would have to face them all today, have to see the expressions on their faces, deal with their disgust, their pity, their judgements.

But he would do it without a mask, without false stories.

They deserved the truth.

And he deserved whatever they gave back.

Gritting his teeth he stepped into the empty living room, before shuffling to the kitchen.

It was empty save the letter on the table, a few scattered postcards and the still steaming tea kettle beside it.

Sitting down he noticed a hastily scrawled note on top of the letter.

_Drink the tea Potter. You tossed and turned all night._

_Do not disturb me in the lab. The letter is important._

_SS_

Harry froze.

Severus _had_ come back!

His heart a little faster and he smiled as he poured himself a cup. Picking up the letter he skimmed it while sipping the warm brew.

The postcards were to be their only way of contacting the wizarding world except for the occasional visit. A muggle postal system that wouldn't attract any attention. The letter included instructions on how to post them.

Harry skimmed on, the tea calming his nerves, relaxing his fluttering heart, the tenseness that had been gathering between his shoulder blades, waiting for an attack on his already weak mental state. He noticed the calming drought and the bitter taste of sleeping potion, he would have enough time to read the letter before stumbling to bed.

He thanked Severus silently in his mind before he continued reading. It was probably better for him to face everything after a proper sleep. Look at everything calmly.

His heart fluttered a little and he tried to suppress it, and continued reading.

The word Crusade jumped out at him. It gave a detailed description of a group that was attacking families which had been in league with the Dark Lord before the war, though since then they had been found innocent.

It sounded nothing at all like the harmless pranks that had been occurring at the school. But this gave accounts of spilt blood, torture, and occasionally death. Harry felt his face paling as he read an account of a family he knew to be free of Voldemort's influence, targeted only because they were related through distant blood. Their six year old daughter had been tortured and killed.

The letter described the lack of action taken by the Ministry of Magic, the blind eye turned towards the

attacks. According to them the Crusades were a force of vigilante's; they were doing what the Ministry weren't legally able to, wiping out those labelled as dark.

Harry grit his teeth. Another case where the Ministry was useless. The less the Ministry had to do with anything tasteless the better for them, but meanwhile people suffered.

The letter then explained what the Order was doing to prevent this. Targeted families were given a secret haven at the school over the holidays, attacks were impeded, but they were gaining in number and menace. But they had little information to go on.

The letter was signed McGonagall.

Harry frowned, flipping the parchment over.

There was no news of Dumbledore.

He yawned tiredly. The tea had seeped into him, relaxing his muscles.

It was time to go before he fell asleep at the table.

Stumbling he only got as far as the lounge room before collapsing on a couch.

SS

Severus sat quietly, perched on a high lab stool, watching for the moment when the red liquid would begin to glow lightly around the edges. His hand was poised ready with two lacewings.

He had woken early, untangling himself quickly from the boy. In his sleep he had thrown his leg over the others thigh, his arms around the long pale neck. The morning had presented an embarrassing and potentially dangerous problem.

Cursing teenage hormones, and the body he was stuck in, he had escaped with only his own shame and mortification.

The shower had been quick and cold.

The letter skimmed with little thought to the contents, he had figured as much. The Crusades would not have been started by children, it was too organised, too calculating. Children acting out their parents wishes, before they too became involved.

He had slid down to his dungeons with the intention of ignoring Potter for the rest of the day. The thoughts of that morning were to be pushed out of his head, the closeness he was starting to enjoy with the boy straining his nerves. There was much that would need to be discussed.

But he would deal with that and Potter later. The name had felt out of place in his mind, and he tried to forget that he had been calling the boy, Harry and not Potter, for far too long now. He needed to try and forget for a while.

The lacewings fluttered before they were caught on the surface of the potion, dissolving almost as soon as they touched.

Severus held his breath.

It turned green, vibrant, almost the colour of Lily's eyes.

Harry's eyes.

He frowned, a quick flick of his wand and the potion disappeared, the cauldron clean once again.

He started again.

He took a deep breath trying to clear his mind.

This would take all of his concentration.

-

--

---

To be cont'


	32. Chapter 32

The repetitive dance, same steps to different music.

WARNING: This fanfiction contains swearing, malexmale, violence, child abuse

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and Characters ©

**Chapter 32**

-

HP

Harry woke slowly, his head felt heavy as it usually did after taking a sleeping draught. He had a pain in his arm where he'd slept on it all day but he felt refreshed and a little calmer then he had in the morning.

Wandering into the kitchen he noticed the clock on the wall, it pointed at eight pm, while an outer hand pointed at past dinnertime. Nothing looked like it had been disturbed, so that meant Severus hadn't been back to eat.

Rolling his sleeves up Harry smiled, he may be a failure, but at least he could cook a decent meal and if Severus had been down in the lab all day like Harry suspected, then he should be famished. And maybe... maybe they could talk over dinner, and he could finally tell someone the truth.

The idea made him cringe, but there was a sliver of determination that kept the thought in his head.

Severus had come back and stayed the night.

Harry needed to tell him.

Searching through the cupboards Harry began collecting his ingredients.

SS

Severus flicked his wrist and violently crossed another possibility off the list. He was getting through these faster than he had anticipated, he was already half way down the list, having chosen to be rid of the easier and more unlikely options before moving onto the harder combinations.

The next stage would be a difficult one and more dangerous as the reactions were highly unstable and very little was known about them.

He stretched and felt his back pop but it was not as painful as the cramps he used to get in his own body, however he had also noticed that hours of stirring strained his muscles, while in his old body he was able to go on for days. Not that Harry's body was unfit, the boy had obviously spent hours practicing Quidditch, the way the muscles moved and bunched under the skin...

Severus stopped that thought before it continued.

Harry was beautiful in a slender way.

He cursed.

However it was true, he couldn't deny it. Not that he needed to. Finding something beautiful was no crime, but the smaller, fleeting feelings that escaped when he thought of Potter in that sense would have been so much easier to hide away if he'd found Potter unbearable to look at.

Lily had been beautiful too.

But her sons beauty effected him so much more because he could see it was a broken beauty. And maybe that was the quality that drew him toward the boy.

He was broken.

But that didn't mean he couldn't be mended.

Severus dropped a few lacewings in and stirred.

He would have to concentrate on the potion.

Concentrate on the potion.

Severus shook his head.

The potion.

That was what had gotten them into this mess in the first place. He could have been brewing his potions in his lab in peace, still comfortable with the fact he hated Potter.

But he would have been wrong.

He would have still been under Voldemort's thumb, it wouldn't have been long before he slipped and made a mistake or Voldemort would have lost interest in him. He had been useless as a go between anyway, Voldemort had been playing with him since the beginning.

He wouldn't have been able to help the young man that reminded him so much of Lilly.

The potion turned a deep red.

He threw in a Snagert. Luckily the base for the potion was easy to brew, a little harder than standard fifth year potion, but nothing that posed a problem to him, it was just the end combination that puzzled him. The explosion had been almost simultaneous with the jar breaking the surface of the potion so that would have meant that only a few black beetle eyes should have reacted. But he had already experimented with over a quarter of a jar of beetle eyes.

He had tested different times and quantities. Now he worried that it was more complicated than that, perhaps the beetle eyes had been stored in a jar that had been used for something else. The violent reaction did hint to Boganda mucus, it was often used in potions as a fast reacting catalyst, however it held no other properties and would not have been able to create the body switch. It needed something to react with.

Severus watched the potion bubbling before him. They had been student ingredients.

Of course.

He frowned.

Sometimes shop keepers took advantage of the limited potion knowledge that students had, and gave them ingredients that weren't of the standard he, as a potions master, used. He had given the students a list of safe Apocrathys, but often they never listened, Potter especially. He mused; this potion could depend on where Harry had gotten his ingredients.

He stirred the potion in an anti-clockwise direction, just a little longer. Bottle of black beetle eyes held waiting over the bubbling liquid.

A startled cry made him jump and drop the bottle.

He was at the door before the series of loud crashes on the other side ended.

He pulled the door open.

And everything exploded.

HP

Harry woke feeling better than he thought he would, having just tripped and fallen head over heels down the stairs carrying a tray of food. He still felt out of place though, his back ached, and the muscles in his arms protested as he tried to sit up. It felt like he had been standing over a hot cauldron all day, stirring.

He must have hit his head hard, everything was blurred.

Pushing the dead weight off him he noticed that everything was covered in a horrid slime that smelt of a warm stewing swamp. Next thing he noticed made his heart stop and jump into his throat.

He thrust his glasses on his nose and stared.

The dead weight he had pushed off himself had been the body of Professor Severus Snape, long dark hair, crooked nose, the dark tattoo revealed from beneath a rolled up sleeve.

He looked down at his hands, they were strangely familiar and different at the same time. He had grown used to the long delicate fingers, but these were calloused Quidditch player hands. He squeezed them into a fist and opened them again.

He was back in his own body again!

"You did it Severus!" His own voice sounded strange to his own ears, but he couldn't help the grin that broke across his face as he moved closer to the Professor. Shaking the man's shoulder a little he bent over, listening for his breath.

It was there, strong and steady as the heart beat he felt on the long pale throat. The man had passed out, but seemed to be stable. Harry frowned, he was a little worried, but remembered that they had both fainted when this had first happened, Severus had woken earlier than him, perhaps it was something to do with the younger body.

He felt the magic he had lost sit in the pit of his stomach, it was wild, uncontrollable, but it was there. He had missed it, Severus's magic had felt different more restrained.

He bent down and touched the man's cheek lightly, still not quite believing he was back in his own body, and slightly saddened that he no longer had the advantage of feeling the smooth pale skin beneath his fingertips.

Onyx eyes snapped open with a fire that Harry had never been able to put in them.

"Get your hands off me Potter." The snarl broke, and the man blinked.

Harry couldn't help grinning as the man sat up, disorientated.

"I..." Harry threw himself at the man, laughing a little breathlessly as his arms came around the man's neck. "I feel great!"

The man stiffened in the embrace before Harry was roughly pushed away. However Harry caught the wonder and relief in the man's eyes, before he frowned.

"I feel like I've been tossed down the stairs." The man grimaced and Harry ducked his head.

"I was bringing you dinner-" but before he could finish the other had sprung to his feet.

"The potion!" Harry blinked as Severus rushed past him and into the destroyed lab. Harry followed slowly, getting use to his own legs again, he stopped at the doorway. The lab was a mess, and in the middle Severus was searching through it.

"Hn." Triumphantly the man held up a bottle. "It was the rubber stopper."

Harry blinked, and Severus chuckled at the silence.

"I don't know why I didn't think of it. The rubber stopper. Boganda mucus, Newt liver and glue. Animal bone, most likely dragon, as their bones are suppose to be impervious to magical manipulation, making it perfect for storage purposes." He seemed to pause, thinking. "but that doesn't mean their magic wouldn't react to a catalyst."

Harry smiled, trying to hide the grin. The man in the centre of the room stood tall and foreboding, a scowl on his face, his eyes hard as he thought. Harry felt a shiver up his spine at the sight, he wanted, no needed to touch, devour, feel, his body cried out for something, anything.

Adrenaline and excitement pulsed in Harry's blood, he had felt so tired when they had first been caught up in this accident, when he had been pulled into a foreign body, but this time around he felt full of life, felt his magic flaring at his presence, welcoming him back.

He took a lurching step forward without meaning to. The man in the centre turned to look at him.

"Harry?" Harry heard the uncertainty in the voice before it gained a hard edge as he lurched forward. "Potter what are you doing?"

Everything was hazy.

The world spun.

He could feel everything.

Wanted more.

Not enough.

Spinning.

Grey.

"It was too much for you."

The voice distant, soothed his splitting headache.

His mouth felt dry, his tongue thick and heavy.

"How-" His throat hurt.

He tried again.

"What happened?"

His eyelids were too heavy to open, though he tried.

"You fainted Potter. That much should be obvious to even someone as slow as you."

Harry cringed at the hard voice. It felt like they had fallen back into their old roles.

"You've been out for eight hours." The voice started again, softer this time, "I wasn't able to lift you, I couldn't touch you, you were covered in magic that repelled any spell I tried to cast so you're still in the lab. Your magic's as stubborn as you are boy."

There was a pause and Harry heard the other shift.

"The switch must have short circuited your magic, so to speak."

Harry smiled drawing in a ragged breath.

"How muggle of you."

"Don't test my patience, Harry, or you can spend the night here covered in this disgusting mess."

The use of his name brought a tired smile to his lips, things weren't going to be the same. Severus had used his name. A wave of exhaustion washed over him and though he tried to fight the oncoming darkness he drifted on the verge of consciousness. He almost let go before he heard a disgruntled sigh, followed by a grunt he felt more than heard as he was picked up.

He felt himself snuggle into the arms before he remembered nothing more.

SS

Severus grunted as the weight in his arms shifted. He could feel the bruises from the boy's clumsiness retaliate, but he ignored them. Another of his robes was ruined by the boy, he had changed a few hours ago when Harry had seemed stable, now he was covered in slime from the young man in his arms.

He frowned, he had felt the first twinges of fear when he had looked up and seen Harry lurch toward him. There had been power radiating off him, enticing, ensnaring. It hadn't been the magic the frightened him, but the boys eyes, predatory, demanding but pleading at the same time, and his reaction to it.

Severus had felt the same when he had woken, a little bruised, but elated, he could feel his magic realigning itself, could feel his whole body humming, brimming with something he couldn't quite define.

He'd felt the need as well.

He'd needed to connect with the magic he had left behind, the body that had been his for just a little while. Had needed to touch it, feel it, become whole with it, merging of magic, bodies and souls.

One.

Whole.

Complete.

He shuddered at the thought of what would have happened if Harry hadn't slipped into unconsciousness, the look in his eyes had drawn Severus closer than he should have been. The need had been so great, to want to complete himself, to complete the other, to fill that gap, that void that had always been there but never noticed.

He could feel it now pulling at the edge of his mind as he shifted the young man in his arms, placing him down on the bed. The sleeping face was so peaceful; it calmed what churned within him.

His fingers danced across the smooth skin with a will of their own, before he snatched his hand back and stalked out of the room slamming the door without a backwards glance. As soon as he had broken contact with the boys skin his fingertips had started to burn, the need surged.

Severus bowed his head breathing heavily. He wanted to throw the door open, go back in and...

Touch.

Connect.

He pinched the bridge of his nose.

This need was unnatural.

Brought on by the potion, the switching of bodies. Of course he would want to realign himself with the magic he had lost, the boy was powerful and the magic still drew him towards it. Untamed, wild, it played on his instincts, pulled at his subconscious.

Maybe if he just went to bed he'd wake up a little more in control of himself. By tomorrow it would have faded, he would be familiar once more with his own body, with himself. He wouldn't feel this keening need pulling him toward Hary.

He stumbled into his room.

Thought twice and locked the door.

And grimacing downed a strong sleeping draught.

Tomorrow then.

He sighed.

HP.

Harry again woke to darkness, but this time his eyes were open. His mind felt heavy and unordered.

He couldn't think properly.

A small Lumos charm under his breath brought his room into light, and revealed his sludge covered clothes. He sat up pulling a face at the way his fingers stuck together, staggering to the bathroom.

His movements seemed automatic, everything was like it was in slow motion, and all he could do was watch.

Finishing his shower in a daze he dried himself with the nearest towel, before he noticed a small crack that led to Severus's room. He blinked, feeling suddenly drawn to it. Stepping closer he opened the door letting the bathroom light spill in.

To feel.

Severus lay still on his side, back to Harry.

To touch.

Without thinking Harry turned off the light, padded over to the bed crawled under the covers and snuggled against the potions master's back.

To want.

He could feel the man breathing steadily.

To need.

-

--

---

To be cont'


	33. Chapter 33

Concentrate on anything else except this all consuming need. Concentrate.

WARNING: This fanfiction contains swearing, malexmale, violence, child abuse

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and Characters ©

**Chapter 33**

-

SS

He knew he dreamt.

It wasn't because he was back in his own body.

Nor was it because Harry Potter lay beside him half naked, barely covered by a damp towel. Those sorts of dreams he had shoved, half-remembered, to the back of his mind.

It may have been the fact that the loud noise that had startled him awake was Sirius Black as he slumped to the ground. He couldn't even count the number of times he had dreamt that, though through much more violent means.

The other reason he _knew_ it was a dream was because he had never seen the headmasters eyes twinkle that insanely bright before. That only happened in his nightmares.

"Good morning Severus. I see everything has worked out well, just as I imagined it would." Dumbledore, disgustingly chipper, turned to Remus, who stared fixedly at the wall beside Severus's head. "I think we should perhaps move Mr. Black to the living room so the two men can get dressed and ready for this wonderful new day!"

Severus didn't miss the extra twinkle in the man's eye or the way Remus almost choked on his tongue.

"Where have you been?" Severus snarled as his mood deteriorated. It was becoming clear that perhaps this wasn't a dream.

"All in good time my boy, now put a shirt on and wake Harry for us. We'll be in the kitchen. Don't take too long!" They left, Remus dragging the dead weight of Sirius.

Severus turned to the boy in his bed.

Harry had rolled onto his stomach, the towel slipping from his waist and revealing a single smooth globe of flesh, a few scars ran across the surface and Severus snatched his hand back before he traced one along the boy's buttocks.

He could suddenly smell the scent of the boy all over his skin, could hear the soft breath, could almost feel the steady beat of the boy's heart. He felt himself falling into the rhythm of the slow throbbing, sitting just below his ribs. It felt much like the need of the night before, but less frantic, less demanding, but stronger, more solid.

Throwing the covers off violently Severus stood, scowling at the boy in his had locked his door, he had taken a sleeping draught, and still the boy had managed to find a way to clamber into his bed.

The bathroom door was open.

Severus groaned.

"Potter, get up."

A swift swat to the boy's raven head.

"Get up boy."

Harry leapt to his feet, towel forgotten in the mess of sheets, before stumbling into standing position, eyes hardly open.

"Up, 'm up, Uncle. Sir. Sorry uncle." Severus blinked at the mumbled words and the cowering shoulders, and bent head.

"Harry." Severus frowned, fingers brushing the dark hair, guilt slicing through him as Harry flinched at the touch. "Harry..."

Emerald eyes glanced up before widening, suddenly become aware of the situation.

"Sorry." Severus watched as Harry ducked his head, cheeks flushed red, withdrawing as he stumbled a step back. "I just… I have to go." He fled from the room, the bathroom door shutting firmly behind him.

Severus picked up the towel the boy had been wearing.

The warm towel had already begun to cool.

The need in his chest pulsated.

HP

Harry backed away from the bathroom door that led to Severus's room, tripping on his own feet and landing hard on the cold tiles. The chill bit into his bare skin and almost brought tears to his eyes.

Why couldn't he do anything right?

The body language of the other man had screamed irritation and displeasure, and the way Harry had been woken, it had been too close to the times Vernon had started many of the early morning beatings when he had felt the need to punish him.

And now that they had their bodies back, why shouldn't everything return to normal. It wasn't like Severus had anything better to do with his time than baby-sit Harry, he probably wouldn't see the potions master until the next school year.

Harry took a deep breath.

Maybe it would be best if they pretended none of this had happened, that they still hated each other, that Harry was still the splitting image of his father, not some tainted freak.

But it was so hard to think when his head pounded violently, throbbing with a need that echoed through his whole being. He felt incomplete, like half of his magic had been left behind in the other body, like he needed to just connect, to become whole with the man in the next room.

His magic twisted into tight knots in his stomach.

It could feel it's other half on the other side of the door.

SS

Severus sat as his legs collapsed from under him. He needed to go out and see Dumbledore, fix this mess before Sirius woke, but all he could think of was Harry.

This need he felt, it wasn't natural, but it had invaded to his core, enticing him to follow the boy, to complete himself.

Only his weakening will kept him from getting up. These last few weeks had destroyed his views on Harry, the Golden Boy façade had crumpled to reveal a lost and broken child and a courageous and strong man. Severus wasn't sure which it was that attracted him more and more towards the teenager, but the way those emerald eyes had flashed with need the previous night…

And how they had flashed with fear and confusion this morning.

Severus cursed lightly under his breath, he had scared the young man without meaning to, re-enacting his Uncles behaviour. He would have to remember to be more careful around Harry, he couldn't afford to make mistakes if he was to claim the other as his own.

The thought sent a shiver of anticipation through him and he felt his control slip a little.

He should go see Dumbledore, before anything regrettable happened.

Pushing himself up from the bed, he stood.

HP

The need throbbed in him, his magic pounded against his weakening restraints, a whimper escaped into the tense silence.

Harry pulled himself into a corner where he curled up, clutching at his hammering skull, listening to his harsh breaths clash and echo off the bathroom tiles.

He counted silently, trying to calm his racing nerves, trying to clear his mind.

Concentrating on his breathing

Concentrating on his beating heart.

Concentrating.

He didn't notice the hitch in his magic, the calming of his need.

The opening of the bathroom door, the steady footsteps.

"Harry..."

The voice was accompanied with a touch that burnt straight through to Harry's core. A whine escaped his throat, the need raced against his temples.

"Look at me, Harry."

Severus knelt in front of him, his hand coaxing Harry's chin up.

He couldn't look at the other man, knew if he did he'd be lost. Knew he wouldn't be able to let go of the image that had planted itself in his head when he had been forced to look into the Mirror of Erised. He had looked so happy, Severus had been smiling. But everything now was so wrong.

Severus knew what a freak he was, he had seen his body, he had seen his family, his home, he had seen what Harry saw during his nightmares, what he felt. Knew just how tainted and disgusting he was.

"You're stronger than I am, boy." Fingertips fluttered against his cheek and Harry glanced up at the comment.

Severus's eyes, darker then Harry had seen them, were caught in some internal struggle.

Why couldn't anything be easy? Why couldn't Harry just lean in and capture a kiss?

Why couldn't he have what he desired?

His magic thrummed in agreement, shaping and moulding his need. He could have what he wanted if he gave up control, he could claim what was rightfully his, hadn't he claimed it before?

Harry flinched, a wave of self-disgust hit him. He didn't deserve anything he desired.

A memory forced into his mind, Severus beneath him, a scream on his lips.

Blood.

Broken shards of onyx staring back at him.

A choked gasp.

Silenced by a kiss.

Harry's magic surged, but he could feel it being met by another force, lips connecting, souls binding, a hand in his hair and Harry was drowning in memory and present and all around him there was the deafening noise of a heartbeat.

Grasping at the world around him he clung to the others shoulders.

Magic danced over his skin tingling, followed by fingers, lips, teeth biting, he found himself responding, biting, nipping, tearing at fabric.

Everything burned and Harry could only sense the need to be complete, his magic pulled him on, setting his nerves on fire. He could feel hands all over him, skin pushing up against skin.

Need.

Stinging pain.

He gasped, air rushing into his lungs as he tried to squirm from the intrusion.

A kiss. He couldn't breath but the magic swelled in him, through him, twisting pain in to pleasure, pleasure into pain. There was too much to hold on to, magic crackled in and around them, skin on skin, soul to soul, breath on breath, and everything was so silent, all Harry wanted to do was scream.

The burning engulfed him and it felt like he was falling into darkness on waves of fire before everything froze and he choked back a wail, biting hard down on the skin offered to him, tasting blood on his tongue.

Blinding light and gasping breath.

Bodies heaving in the following stillness.

Breathless silence.

Completeness.

-

--

---

To be cont'


	34. Chapter 34

A/N: Hello, sorry it's taken so long for me to update (I had to re-read everything, it took me hours!) - But I've editted Chapters 29-33, there aren't that many changes, but it flows a little better now I think. Have a great Summer break everyone!

WARNING: This fanfiction contains swearing, malexmale, violence, child abuse

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and Characters ©

Emptiness, the hollow feeling inside when there is nothing left…

**Chapter 34**

-

HG

"Aren't they coming?" Hermione glanced at the clock, before turning back to the headmaster calmly sipping his cup of tea.

"Be patient, my dear."

Hermione sat quietly ignoring her floral porcelain teacup, the comforting tone of voice did little to ease the tension in the air, and the brooding Remus didn't help either, especially how every now and then he would shiver, glaring in the direction of the bedroom door, nostrils flaring.

She was worried about Sirius, the man had been through too much these last few days, and this latest shock must have really taken it out of him. He had been out for the last twenty minutes.

"What happened in there? Will Sirius be alright?" She glanced at the unconscious man on the couch.

"He'll be fine in due time." The headmaster smiled cheerily, and Remus threw him a dark glare.

"It'll take more than time."

"Don't be so pessimistic boy, this is a cause of celebration. Now cheer up and smile, we don't need Harry coming out here and thinking someone's died."

Hermione blinked.

"What's a cause of celebration? What's wrong Professor Lupin?"

"My girl, Remus no longer teaches at Hogwarts, so no need for formalities. And I do believe-"

The air crackled violently, and Hermione let out a surprised squeak. Tea sloshed over the table as the tea cups rattled on their saucers, the walls trembled and there was a crash as a vase fell to the floor in the living room.

"What's going on?" Her question suddenly loud in the silence.

Dumbledore merely smiled and sipped at the tea still left in his cup.

HP

Harry stared at the ceiling, he couldn't breath.

Everything felt so cold.

So motionless.

So empty.

Dead.

Life seemed to have been brought to a stand still by the fire that had burnt straight through him. Everything within him had been reduce to ashes, razed to the ground and all he could do now was silently weep.

The magic inside him was spent, even the background hum cut off. He felt disconnected from everything, unsure he was even conscious, not caring if he was.

Tears ran down his cheeks, he could feel each individual one following the trail left by the one before it. The warmth that had been sitting just below his heart had withered and faded, leaving only a cold dull ache.

He felt shattered inside. No, that was too violent a word, he felt like everything had just vanished. Disappeared into thin air, leaving him with nothing. Grasping at something he didn't even know he had possessed, hadn't known he needed, but was gone none the less.

He waited.

The weight on top of him was heavy, still, almost as if it was also waiting for life to return.

Then.

A deep breath.

Chests heaving in unison.

And it crashed into them.

The pressure, magic forcing it's way back into every cell.

Screaming and howling as it tore them to pieces. Scattering fragile and delicate scraps of soul in it's wake. Harry felt tears splash on his cheeks, mingling with his own, as he clutched the man above him. Not daring to move, not daring to speak, as it spiraled and twisted within them both.

It was over.

-

Harry sobbed.

Severus held him.

-

HG

Hermione tensed as Remus stood suddenly, a look of uncertainty on his face.

The headmaster cocked his head a little, and Hermione caught the look of confusion on his face, before it was masked.

"What's going on?" She stood from her chair, facing away from the bedroom door that the two men were so intently staring at.

"Is Harry alright?" She knew she shouldn't be worried, but the way the Professors were acting scared her. "Lupin, please?"

The werewolf turned to her, almost as if surprised to see her there. "Perhaps Albus, Ms Granger should come back to visit Harry another day."

Hermione frowned in frustration, she had worked hard to cajole the Order into letting her see Harry and she wouldn't let this opportunity go to waste. Especially as they had mentioned the Dursley's in a hushed whisper.

"No, if Harry's upset, then it's best if he talks to me." Hands on her hips, "We're all worried about him. We need to know he's alright."

"Mr Potter, is… quite fine." The headmaster twinkled at her and she frowned. That old man had been playing the same tricks on her for years. However it wasn't just anyone who could convince him to hand a third year student a time turner. And she had had quite a few run-ins with him before, regarding Harry.

"I want to see him before I go back."

The old man sighed, setting his tea cup down. "Of course my dear. It would do no harm." He glanced tiredly at Remus who also relaxed from his tense position. "You are right Remus, today would not be the best day, but perhaps it is the only day."

Hermione frowned at the words, and glared out the window. There was a war brewing and Albus Dumbledore had just taken of his half moon spectacles and wearily rubbed his eyes.

The man looked tired.

He looked old.

HP

They had sat until the cold tiles had bit into their skin and Harry's heart had stopped aching. His teeth chattered, and his eyes still held tears, but he felt strong enough to stand.

They had dressed without touching or looking at each other.

All need and wanting had been spent.

Turning as one they made their way to the door.

A short pause and a brief brush of hands as they walked through.

SS

Severus paused as he took in the occupants of the room. Sirius was still unconscious on the couch, Remus shot him a wary stare and Albus gave him a tired smile.

"Mione." A whispered plea, from by his side and Harry was out of his reach before he had time to register the brunette standing by the werewolf.

"Harry." The girl caught Harry in a tight embrace and the boy was weeping into her shoulder, clutching at her like she could save him. Severus felt the pain slice through him, but ignored it, turning instead to face the headmaster.

The boy didn't need him, not any more. Nothing was left. Everything had ended and he didn't know why he felt so empty.

"Albus." He greeted the bearded man, taking a seat beside him. Remus sat down at the opposite end of the small rectangular table. "Lupin." The werewolf averted his eyes, a frown on his feature as he turned to regard Harry and Hermione. Severus shrugged off the dismissal.

"Severus, my dear boy." The old man magicked his spilt cup of tea away and Severus noticed a broken vase at the opposite side of the room, reform itself and place itself back on the shelf. He lifted an inquisitive eyebrow.

"I thought there was to be no magic within this household."

The headmaster coughed.

"Well, with your recent activities. One can say a little magical cleaning is the least of your worries. You two should really work on your magical restraint." The headmaster grinned, but had the decency to look away and not meet his eye.

Severus fought the blush and paled when the comment registered.

"We've been found?"

"Oh no, no dear boy." Albus smiled. "I thought something like this would happen, so I came by earlier to charm the house and strengthen the wards."

Severus blinked.

This was too much. He was emotionally exhausted, his magic drained, Black was in his house, he was going to loose Harry, he could feel it. The last two weeks were catching up to him, everything came crashing down.

His eyes narrowed.

"You _thought_ something like _this_ would happen." The hiss in his voice barely human. From the corner of his eye he saw Harry's head lift, wide, teary eyes watching him. He noticed Sirius stir, and Hermione and Remus watch him worriedly.

"My dear boy." A chuckle. Severus bit back a snarl, he hated being called that and Albus knew. He only did it to rile him, when he wanted something, this was Albus Dumbledore at his worse, when he was revealing exactly what he knew, exactly what he had manipulated you into doing, then using this knowledge, this anger to force your next move.

Severus sat still and silent, waiting.

"Severus." The soft voice called him, calming him and he turned his head slowly.

The boy blinked owlishly from behind his silver rimmed glasses.

Those clear emerald eyes, so much like his mothers.

They still seemed so innocent when he looked into them, like all the terror, the pain, the betrayal could be washed away with a few clean tears.

And when he looked deeper he saw the jaded shards that cut, and sliced the very soul he had promised to protect, and now knew he would try and protect for the rest of his days.

It didn't matter if this emptiness consumed him, that the connection he had felt with the boy was suddenly lost. He would always be there for him.

He felt himself deflate. Leaning against the table he covered his eyes tiredly with his hands.

"Will I never be rid of you, Harry Potter." Voice muffled, defeated.

HG

Hermione watched the exchange between the two, worried at first, then curious, until it all slipped away into a soft sad silence that covered the whole room.

Harry sat beside her, his eyes half lidded with an emptiness she hadn't seen in them before.

"What happened?" Her fingertips brushed his cheek and he turned to look at her, his eyes lifeless.

"I don't know." He leant into her touch and she felt tears swell in her eyes as he closed his. What was wrong with her friend? He looked so lost, so hurt.

"It is the aftereffects." The headmaster sat in his chair, staring intently at the small pouch and the drawstrings he fiddled with. "Severus has been bonded with Harry for so long now that there would bound to be some rather strong aftereffects once that bond was broken."

Hermione noticed everyone's attention had snapped to the bearded man.

"Whaa?" Hermione blinked as Sirius lifted himself groggily to sit swaying on the edge of the couch.

"Welcome back to the land of the living." The old man twinkled at the Animagus.

Sirius winced and shook his shaggy head. "Whose Bonded? Because I thought I heard you say Harry and the snake… but that's impossible." He glared at the Potion's master. "Right?!"

"Well, it so happens they are no longer bonded." The man smiled happily to himself, unsticking his lemon drops. "And with such convenient timing."

Hermione felt suddenly sorry for Severus as the man turned tiredly to regard the headmaster.

"Albus, please. No more riddles. What is going on?"

"You don't remember Severus?"

He received a half-hearted glare in response.

Harry shifted beside her, and she saw the same confused look that everyone was directing at the old man.

"Ms Granger." The twinkling blue eyes turned to her and she felt her face light up a brilliant red at the intensity of the gaze. She hadn't done anything wrong.

"The book you brought for Harry."

She jumped, suddenly remembering.

"Oh yes," Bending down she rummaged through her bag and pulled out the large tomb she had tried to show Severus a few days before. When she had been convinced that Harry had bonded himself to the potions master, not realizing instead, that they had swapped bodies.

She noticed Severus flinch as she handed it to Dumbledore.

"You've seen it before." The headmaster stated calmly to the shaken looking man, who merely frowned.

"It was your mothers', Harry."

Harry simply stared, almost as if he couldn't see the tomb held in the others hand. Hermione, pulled him closer to her, nestling him in her arms. He made no protest and she was shocked to feel that he was so cold to touch.

The headmaster flipped to the earmarked page.

"Your mother cherished the Goddess's magic. Ancient magic." He spoke to Harry as if he was the only one in the room. "but it is fickle and often uncontrollable. Maybe that was why it attracted her, you two were very much alike, with your fondness for trouble." He stroked the page that held the spell. "It was a similar spell she used to protect you from Voldemort all those years ago. That was to keep you safe from harm at the Dursley's."

A low growl from Sirius on the couch and everyone had tensed at the mention of the name. But Dumbledore kept telling the story.

"But then she always did put so much trust in others. That was why she asked you Severus. She trusted you to protect her child."

SS

He could only stare at his hands. His long, potion stained hands, cold and numb as the words washed over him. He could see her face, that secretive and determined soft smile that she gave him before making him promise, as she held his hand over her stomach.

And he'd failed.

"And you agreed. And you have." A old hand placed over his own, and he looked up into the encouraging eyes before his glanced flickered over to Harry, who sat staring at him vacantly. "But I remember when you woke up in the hospital wing. You had no recollection of the ritual, the days of preparation before it."

He frowned, the destroyed dungeon room from his dream.

Lilly's concerned eyes.

_By My Lady, are you alright Sev?_

He couldn't remember.

"There was a problem with the incantation, you didn't recite it wrong, but the simple protection spell that would have allowed Harry blood protection under your care turned into something much stronger. You weren't bound by blood but by the soul." A small chuckle. "Lily altered it a little, as well as adding both your names, believing it would be more poignant, more powerful. I do not know the details, but I suspect you would know less."

"I- I can't remember." Severus tried to recollect, Narissa had said something about this after he had woken, but it wasn't too long after, that, they had stopped speaking. "Narissa. She knows."

"The Malfoy's are in on this as well?!" Sirius had leapt from his seat

"Mr Black, calm yourself down." Dumbledore's authoritive tone of voice forced the mutt back onto the couch and Severus fought the urge to sneer.

"Yes, I had forgotten she was involved as well."

"I… I don't know what's happening." A lost voice and emerald eyes broke the conversation. Severus looked up and caught the searching eyes. "I don't know."

He felt his heart ache at the emptiness it now held within it. The place where Harry Potter had sat for longer than the fifteen years he had been alive, bonded before he head been born.

He could see the loss just as clearly in the other's eyes.

"You have forgotten your sixteenth birthday, my dear boy." The headmasters voice swept between them and pulled them away.

"My birthday?"

"It was yesterday." He turned to the long raven haired man. "Your bond was broken the day Harry turned sixteen, but you were also caught up in the exchange of bodies. Your magic's had trouble re-aligning, reconnecting after so much confusion."

"Confusion would not have been my choice of word." Severus pinched the bridge of his nose. So much information, so many answers to question he didn't even know he had asked. And the clearer everything became the more twisted and baffling it all turn out to be.

No, confusion, didn't give it justice.

-

--

---

To be cont'


End file.
